One of the most haunting quotes I've ever heard was by Francis Chan. He said, "Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding in things that don't really matter."
As a Christian parent, I have realized that a lot of what I do as a parent is to train my kids to succeed in things that don't matter. At least, things that won't matter for eternity. Things that won't matter in a hundred years. Things that won't matter in fifty years. Things that won't even matter in ten years, or even in five.
My three children are athletes. Good athletes. They excel in their sports. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a huge sports fan. I love sports. I continue to play sports to this day at age 39. Who I am as a man was largely crafted by sports- I learned how to push myself, how to win, how to lose, how to compete, how to work hard, how to work within a team- all lessons I continue to use today.
However, when I was a child, sports consumed my life. They consumed the life of my family. Faith was pushed to the back burner as the schedules of competitive soccer, track, baseball, and basketball consumed our weekends, making no time to participate in a faith community. Success on the soccer field became paramount to my identity. The commitments of my teams took precedence over all other commitments I had.
I am no longer a part of those teams. I am not a professional athlete. Nor will I ever be. Now, no one remembers that I scored the winning goal in the West Chester Lakota U-12 Consolation bracket championships in 1986. I had succeeded in something that didn't really matter.
How many of us, Christian parents, are seriously training our children to succeed in things that will matter for eternity?
Are we stressing the need to take the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20 seriously? The disciples you make in this world matter for eternity. That is succeeding in something that really matters.
Are we training our children to love Scripture? To commit to living the teachings of Jesus every day, rain or shine, in hard times and good times? That is succeeding in something that really matters.
Are we training our children to follow through with commitments? To be responsible and to be ready for adulthood? That is succeeding in something that really matters.
Are we training our sons to take manhood seriously? I have to say that we as American parents are failing in this category. Our sons are growing up having none of the same goals as previous generations of men. Previous generations of men have, usually by their mid-twenties, accomplished most of the goals that define manhood- self-sufficiency, the ability to provide, marriage, and fatherhood. Today's boys, on average, are growing up with the desire to linger in some kind of extended adolescence as long as possible. Video games, long associated with the teenage years, are increasingly consuming the time of young men who used to spend that time raising a family and working. Parents, train your sons to take manhood seriously. That will be something that really matters.
Are we training our daughters to take womanhood seriously? I hate the media portrayal of young women: brash, foul-mouthed, materialistic drama queens who pretty much sit around and complain all day. Parents, this is the vision that the media has for your daughters. Are you preparing them for true womanhood? Someone who works hard, sacrifices, loves her family, and "does everything without complaining and arguing (Philippians 2:14). Someone who understands that beauty is fleeting, but a woman who loves the Lord is to be prized above all else? Someone who exemplifies Proverbs 31? That would be succeeding in something that truly matters.
Are we training our children to be financially wise? Or are we training them to spend every penny of God's money (yes, it is God's money, not theirs) on things that will be in a yard sale in a year? Are we teaching them the beauty of giving, of generosity, of savings, and investing in things that God would approve of? That would be succeeding in something that really matters.
I hate to think that our sons and daughters will grow up succeeding in things that don't matter.
I hate to think that the thing our children will be best at is surfing the internet and getting to the next level of Black Ops.
I hate to think that our children will succeed in sports to the detriment of commitment to their faith family.
I hate to think that our children will succeed in making money, but will not know how to use that money wisely.
I hate to think that our children will be intellectual but not wise.
I hate to think that our children will be indifferent instead of loving.
Parents, what are you training your children to succeed in that really matters?
As a Christian parent, I have realized that a lot of what I do as a parent is to train my kids to succeed in things that don't matter. At least, things that won't matter for eternity. Things that won't matter in a hundred years. Things that won't matter in fifty years. Things that won't even matter in ten years, or even in five.
My three children are athletes. Good athletes. They excel in their sports. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a huge sports fan. I love sports. I continue to play sports to this day at age 39. Who I am as a man was largely crafted by sports- I learned how to push myself, how to win, how to lose, how to compete, how to work hard, how to work within a team- all lessons I continue to use today.
However, when I was a child, sports consumed my life. They consumed the life of my family. Faith was pushed to the back burner as the schedules of competitive soccer, track, baseball, and basketball consumed our weekends, making no time to participate in a faith community. Success on the soccer field became paramount to my identity. The commitments of my teams took precedence over all other commitments I had.
I am no longer a part of those teams. I am not a professional athlete. Nor will I ever be. Now, no one remembers that I scored the winning goal in the West Chester Lakota U-12 Consolation bracket championships in 1986. I had succeeded in something that didn't really matter.
How many of us, Christian parents, are seriously training our children to succeed in things that will matter for eternity?
Are we stressing the need to take the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20 seriously? The disciples you make in this world matter for eternity. That is succeeding in something that really matters.
Are we training our children to love Scripture? To commit to living the teachings of Jesus every day, rain or shine, in hard times and good times? That is succeeding in something that really matters.
Are we training our children to follow through with commitments? To be responsible and to be ready for adulthood? That is succeeding in something that really matters.
Are we training our sons to take manhood seriously? I have to say that we as American parents are failing in this category. Our sons are growing up having none of the same goals as previous generations of men. Previous generations of men have, usually by their mid-twenties, accomplished most of the goals that define manhood- self-sufficiency, the ability to provide, marriage, and fatherhood. Today's boys, on average, are growing up with the desire to linger in some kind of extended adolescence as long as possible. Video games, long associated with the teenage years, are increasingly consuming the time of young men who used to spend that time raising a family and working. Parents, train your sons to take manhood seriously. That will be something that really matters.
Are we training our daughters to take womanhood seriously? I hate the media portrayal of young women: brash, foul-mouthed, materialistic drama queens who pretty much sit around and complain all day. Parents, this is the vision that the media has for your daughters. Are you preparing them for true womanhood? Someone who works hard, sacrifices, loves her family, and "does everything without complaining and arguing (Philippians 2:14). Someone who understands that beauty is fleeting, but a woman who loves the Lord is to be prized above all else? Someone who exemplifies Proverbs 31? That would be succeeding in something that truly matters.
Are we training our children to be financially wise? Or are we training them to spend every penny of God's money (yes, it is God's money, not theirs) on things that will be in a yard sale in a year? Are we teaching them the beauty of giving, of generosity, of savings, and investing in things that God would approve of? That would be succeeding in something that really matters.
I hate to think that our sons and daughters will grow up succeeding in things that don't matter.
I hate to think that the thing our children will be best at is surfing the internet and getting to the next level of Black Ops.
I hate to think that our children will succeed in sports to the detriment of commitment to their faith family.
I hate to think that our children will succeed in making money, but will not know how to use that money wisely.
I hate to think that our children will be intellectual but not wise.
I hate to think that our children will be indifferent instead of loving.
Parents, what are you training your children to succeed in that really matters?
This is incredibly insightful and right on! Just today, we made the decision to pull our daughter from a select team that would have had her away from church for 8 of the next 16 weekends. You're right. Nobody will remember or care if she wins a regional 10U softball championship. And what we would sacrifice as a family is not worth the cost. It doesn't matter, from an eternal perspective. Thank you for your words. They were timely and necessary for us today!
ReplyDeleteScott, I'm very glad you all made that decision. We haven't gone that far, but we did tell my daughter's soccer team that we would not be there on Sunday mornings for games. Guess what? They rescheduled them. My daughter has missed maybe one or two tournament games on Sunday mornings, but nothing big. I don't know why so many Christian parents just accept the schedule as inevitable.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely made the right decision. I think our society is completely geared to succeed in things that don't matter. That's why there is so much regret when people come to the end of their lives- they realize that nothing they devoted their lives to was really real. By making this decision for you and your family, you have definitely chosen the better path.
This is so encouraging to hear! So many parents unwittingly "abandon" their children by over-scheduling them and contributing to students' already stressful workload. About the quote, which I love- it is actually by Tim Kizziar. Francis Chan quoted him in "Crazy Love".
ReplyDeleteI find this interesting b/c the point you seem to be making is that the faith community is the only place kids can learn to follow through with commitments, learn to cooperate and respect others? I don't disagree that faith should play a role in a child's life, but I disagree with shunning team sports or anything not related to the church as 'not important' to developing positive traits in our children. And, I think the wrong message is sent to a child when a parent pulls them out of something to which they committed b/c the parent didn't think about the commitment they were making when they allowed - or even encouraged their child to get involved with a sport. I think that's actually contrary to the point being made here, but that's just my interpretation of the article.
ReplyDeleteThanks for responding, Kristi. I want to ask you to extend the perspective a little. I believe that less than .000001% of our existence is spent here on earth, and the rest is spent in eternity one of two places. So, what truly matters for the entirety of our existence, 99.9999% of which will be spent in either heaven or hell, changes when you look at it that way. I am all for sports- I love sports. What I hate is the priority that sports takes when, for 99.9999% of our existence, they won't matter. I would imagine, unless you are different than the vast majority of parents here in America, that your kids spent far more time watching tv, playing video games, playing sports, etc than studying Scripture, making disciples, feeding the hungry and thirsty- you know, things that matter for eternity. Things that will count for 100% of our existence. I am still of the opinion that most of what passes for parenting today really is training our kids to succeed in things that don't matter. We are here for maybe 80 years. Maybe 90 if we make it that far. Yet we will spend billions and trillions of years in eternity. If what we do in this life determines our eternal location, and our eternal reward, shouldn't we be re-prioritizing our lives and our parenting styles to reflect what will matter for eternity?
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Good Blog By David Kible,Nice Posting about Training our kids to succeed in things.