My First Book Is Now Available!

 My new book is out!

If you have enjoyed the blog posts for the past twelve years, buy my first book! If you are wanting to do marriage better, or you are about to be married, or if you are dating someone and want to do the entire relationship thing better, this is the book for you.

You'll discover:

-the thing that causes all conflict in relationships, especially marriage

-why the ten o' clock hour is the most important one of the day

-the four types of parent you want to avoid

-how God heals through grief and loss

-why your spouse isn't hearing what you are actually saying and how to communicate effectively

-why winning an argument should never be the goal

-much, much more

It's available on Amazon at the link provided. Get it today and I hope you enjoy it! I truly hope it will be a tremendous blessing to you and your home. Thanks for purchasing!

https://www.amazon.com/Eight-Things-Wish-Knew-Before-ebook/dp/B0BRVTCM1F

Why I Worry When I Hear that Someone is "On Fire" For God

Most of us would admit that we are far better at STARTING things than we are at finishing things. 

Staying faithful to our commitments is one of the most difficult (it seems) things in life. Committing to marriage and staying married for fifty or sixty years, committing to a healthy lifestyle and STAYING with that healthy lifestyle, committing to a task and staying committed to that task- the people who do those things are the ones who will do well in this world.

We all know people who were committed to something but aren't anymore. People who were committed to their church or the Christian faith but aren't anymore, people who were committed to a job but aren't anymore, people who were committed in marriage but aren't anymore- the list goes on. 

We truly are a bipolar society- getting fired up about the new thing, boldly proclaiming our commitment to it, and then tiring of it quickly and moving on to the next thing. In fact, the louder and more passionate the proclamation a person makes about something, the more likely (I've observed) that it won't last.

As a pastor, I've seen tons of people "on fire for Christ." You hear people comment on it, "Oh, that person's just ON FIRE for Christ. He's just so ON FIRE for Christ. She's just so ON FIRE for Christ." Sounds good. Is it genuine? Sometimes. Most often, not. The people who are "on fire" for Christ are usually the ones who, in about two or three years, have walked away from the faith. The parable of the sower that Jesus told describes these folks as the "rocky soil"- that spring up quickly and quickly fade away. While in the beginning their faith looks amazing, in the end these people are of no use to God's kingdom and are in the same boat as the hard-packed soil which never produced a crop to begin with (in Jesus' parable).

Instead of celebrating the person who is apparently "on fire" for Jesus, we should celebrate the person who has been quietly faithful to God for a number of years. The person who makes no big public pronouncements, the person who does not boldly make all kinds of statements, but who day in and day out, month in and month out, year in and year out, continues to show up, continues to serve, continues to stay faithful- that's a person to be commended and looked up to. 

In life, it really only matters what we FINISH. What we start out to do, what we really WANT to do, doesn't matter. In life, it's only the things we stay faithful to and see through to the end that will matter. 

Can you be counted on? That's the big question.

"I Don't Even Know How To Start."

Something pretty amazing happened at the jail yesterday as I was teaching Inside/Out Dad. The topic we were presenting was “Working With Mom and Co-Parenting.” Needless to say, most of the men in the class have a lot of brokenness between the them and the (sometimes multiple) mothers of their children. Tough topic to teach. Always is. 

One of the younger guys, probably mid-20s, who rarely says much, all of a sudden commented how his ex keeps his son away from him, never allows him to see him, and can’t be reasoned with. “I haven’t seen him in three years,” he said. And then I saw him drop his head and he started sobbing. 

This doesn’t happen often in jail, needless to say. Then, one of the other guys said, “You keep going, man. This class has taught us that. He’s worth it. Keep fighting for him. You got this, man.”

As class was ending, I circled the guys up for prayer as always. I asked one of the guys to pray for the young man, and then I would close. The guy said he would, then looked at me and said, “I don’t even know how to start.” I said, “Just say, ‘Dear Lord’ and then say what you need to say.”

What followed was not a flowery speech, but rather a halting, unsure-of-what-to-say, but genuine prayer where he asked God to help the guy next to him. He asked that God would look out for other man’s son, that his ex would drop the hostility, and that he would make parole soon so he could get back in his kid’s life. 

Amazing. A prayer from a jail cell. 

I have a feeling that God loved it. In Jesus parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, two men went up to pray. The Pharisee prayed about himself and how great he was, but the tax collector just said, “Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.” That’s what pleases God. 

As I left the jail, I realized once again that people are people. The men in jail love their kids as much as I love mine. Dads are dads. Pretty amazing day yesterday.

Happiness

Happiness equals reality minus expectations.
Your amount of happiness in life will be determined by the difference between reality (what is actually happening) and your expectations (what you want to happen or what you think SHOULD happen).

For example, if you make $10/hour and you expect $20/hour, you are going to be unhappy. Your expectations are greater than reality, and your happiness is in negative numbers. If you are making $10/hour and you only expect $5/hour, you will be happy. Your happiness is in the positive. See how that works?

We have a limited ability to affect reality. We can change jobs, improve our lot in life, etc to a limited degree. However, we have total control over our expectations. Those are determined solely by ourselves.

The biggest cause of unhappiness in the world today isn't reality. The biggest cause of unhappiness is unrealistic expectations. Expectations that don't correspond to reality. Expectations that are not possible. That is the biggest cause of unhappiness in the world.

That's why a person making a $1 million per year can be unhappy. That's why a person who married way above their pay grade can be discontent. That's why Americans, who are the wealthiest people in the history of humanity and are in the top 10% of wealthiest people in the world, complain more and whine more than people far worse off. Expectations. Reality is to a large degree set. We can affect it some ways, but what we have total control over is expectations.

Today, take a hard look at your expectations. Take a hard look at what you are expecting from people. Take a hard look at what you are expecting in life. Are they realistic? Do they correspond to reality? Are you capable of changing reality to meet those expectations? Sometimes we are. A person who is miserable in his or her job can start a new business and bring reality up to expectations. Some of us can do that. Most of us can't.

Therefore, we need to adjust our expectations. This is why Abraham Lincoln said, "I have found that people are generally as happy as they make their minds up to be." That's very true. That's because happy people have controlled their expectations to the point that they are close to or actually less than reality.

The happiest marriages are the ones where both believe they got better than they deserved. The happiest people in the world are the ones who can't believe they have what they have. The happiest people I know are the ones who can't believe that God would send His Son to die for us, taking our place and taking our sin.

You are as happy as you make up your mind to be. Happiness is reality minus expectations. Take a hard look at your expectations- if you're unhappy, that's the cause of it. Either change reality or change your expectations if you want to change your level of happiness.

What A Penny Taught Me About Finishing Strong

Pastors are constantly falling, it seems. Every week or month there is a new story about a pastor or church leader who has significant moral failures, whether it is financial dishonesty, substance abuse, marital infidelity, etc.

As people, we all have responsibilities. We are all responsible for things that can get us into trouble. County clerks handle millions of dollars per year- the temptation to embezzle is very high. During my teenage years, several county clerks (in a row) in the city I grew up in were arrested for embezzlement. My youth minister left his wife and married the church secretary when I was in high school. Several years ago, there was a financial scandal at Bluegrass Airport where employees were caught misusing more than $200k of their expense accounts on personal things.

How does this happen? It's easy- we are human. Temptation is the norm. That's not the question to ask. The question to ask is- how do we keep from falling?

How do we avoid the horrific embarrassment to ourselves and our families? How do we avoid the destruction of our lives, our careers, our reputations, and ultimately our faith? Faced with such temptation, how do we walk the straight and narrow for the entirety of our lifetimes?

I was sitting in my office recording the offering from the past Sunday. We receive offerings online, through checks, and through cash. All of it goes into the weekly offering to support the church and the ministries we engage in. Several thousand dollars pass through the church every week. I was logging in checks and cash into our accounting software, and then something happened.

A penny fell on the floor.

Our children's ministry takes up an offering, giving the kids a chance to learn generosity and give to support their church. It's usually coins, and it's awesome. The kids are giving what they can. Beautiful thing.

My office has hardwood floors that closely resemble the color of a penny. It's dark in my office and to find a penny in a dark office on a penny-colored hardwood floor would be a pain. I'd have to get out of my chair, get down underneath my desk, and search for it.

Immediately the rationalization began in my mind. "It's just a penny." "It's not worth the effort." "Who needs a penny?"

Sound familiar?

"It's just a penny."
"It's just a friendly flirting text."
"It's just a one-time expense on my account. Nothing major."
"It's just dinner. It's not like it's a date. My wife wouldn't care."
"It's just a video. It's not like I'm committing adultery."

I realized something. Carelessness with one penny would become carelessness with one dollar. Carelessness with one penny, so insignificant to the overall financial picture, would breach the strong wall I've built against the temptation I face every day as a pastor.

I truly believe it's what we do with the pennies in life that determines whether or not we finish strong. Just like one dandelion in the yard will soon take over the entire yard, disregarding one penny can change my entire attitude towards accountability.

The penny showed me that temptation must be dealt with in the "it's not such a big deal" stage. It's much easier to defeat when it is in its infant stages. The book of James tells us that we are dragged away by sin and enticed when desire turns to temptation which turns to sin which leads to death. That process is much more difficult to overcome when it is full grown.

What are the "pennies" in your life?

I believe we must be vigilant for the beginnings of temptation. Each desire we have is like a single plague bacteria. If we allow even a single plague bacteria into our bodies, it won't be long before we have a full-blown septic infection. But we look at the bacteria, a microscopic organism, and say, "Eh. It's just one bacteria. Not a big deal."

Yes it is.

Instead of waiting until we are knee-deep in sin, we need to be vigilant about the pennies. If we handle the pennies, we'll never have to worry about the dollars. If we handle the one dandelion, we won't have to worry about it taking over the yard. If we handle the desires, we'll never have to worry about the sins.

Be vigilant about the pennies.

Don't allow even a crack in the wall of your integrity.

Otherwise, we will be like the many leaders who don't finish strong, taken down by something that started out as a penny. No big deal. It's just a penny. It's just a text. It's just a video. It's just a meeting, not like it's a date or anything. It's just for fun. It's no big deal. Those people are shell-shocked, wondering how they could have gotten in so deep so quickly.

Every addict I know wishes they would have dealt with the penny instead of the addiction. If they would have dealt with their drug use when it was still a penny, they wouldn't have had to deal with it when it became the hundred-dollar bill of full-blown addiction. Why don't we deal with things we perceive to be pennies?

Very simple- the penny wasn't worth getting out of the chair and searching for. It was just a penny, no need to deal with it.

Be ruthless with the pennies. With the little things. Be utterly ruthless in dealing with the small temptations. Take care of them when they are small, and you won't have to fix them when they are big and have caused catastrophic damage to your life, your faith, your marriage, your reputation, your financial situation, and your family.

Every one of us has things in our lives that we claim are no big deal. That we can handle it. That no one will ever know. Newsflash- yes they will. Everything will be revealed. How many times do we have to see a leader fall before we realize that's exactly what they were saying right before everyone found out?

Tackle them. Stop rationalizing them away. In "The Screwtape Letters," CS Lewis points out that Satan is just as pleased with a small little white lie as he is with murder, provided that both take us away from God. Satan is just as pleased with the pennies as he is with the hundred dollar bills, provided that we lapse in our integrity and we move away from God.

I truly believe that my attitude towards that penny says more about my integrity than my attitude towards a hundred dollar bill. The hundred dollar bill has consequences- everyone looks after that. The penny? It has little monetary value, and therefore not many people care. If I look at a hundred-dollar bill differently than a penny, it means that I have adopted the world's value system instead of living by the integrity that God calls me to live by. How I treat the pennies says more about me than anything else. We aren't called to value what the world values. We are called to live with integrity.

Your attitude towards the pennies, the insignificant things, the "no big deals" in life, say more about your value system than anything else. Take the pennies seriously, because God takes them seriously.

Go after the pennies. Go after them consistently. Refuse to compromise on the little things, and you'll never have to worry about the big things. Finish strong!

From 1789 to 2019, America just can't decide what a "person" is

In January 2019, on the 46th anniversary of Roe V Wade, New York passed a new abortion law that allowed abortions of up to full-term babies. I'm not going to state the specifics of the bill, because that's not the point of this blog. While everyone is focusing on the terms of the bill and the implications, the key to what is going on here is in a simple statement found within the bill.

Section 5, lines 19-20 state the following, ""Person," when referring to the victim of a homicide,  means  a (20) human being who has been born and is alive."

Person.

From the ratification of the Constitution, which originally stated that people could own other people (slaves counted as 3/5th of a person), we've been defining what a person is in order to justify whatever we want to do to them.

During the slave era, a slave fell outside the definition of a "person." Therefore, the nation could justify buying and selling them, keeping them in chains, forcing them to work, because, you see, they weren't "people." Deny people their humanity, and then do whatever you want to them.

Now, states like New York have decided that a "person" is someone who has already been born and is alive. Therefore, the unborn child (even at 39 weeks) is not a person. Therefore, we can justify doing whatever we want to them. Deny the unborn their humanity, and then do whatever you want to them.

I'm not the first person to draw the correlation between abortion and slavery. Many people have. However, the KEY to this bill, the KEY to this line of thinking, is in the definition of a person. New York HAD to make a statement about what the definition of a person is in order to justify this bill. They wanted full unrestricted abortion. They wanted the ability to do whatever they wanted with this life growing inside them.

They knew they couldn't just enable it. They knew that the vast majority of Americans wouldn't put up with a law saying that a full-term baby could be killed at any point. So they had to backtrack and define what a person was. Ah! Let's just state that a person's humanity, a person's real self, the person himself or herself, only happens when the person is outside the mother! Then, because the unborn is not a person, the unborn is not entitled to any protection or rights or even civility or mercy.

The Bible tells us something radically different. The Bible tells us that we are made in God's image. The Bible tells us that we were known by God as people BEFORE we were born, that we had a name, that God spent time "knitting us together" (quite the understatement when you consider God's creation, but I digress) and that we had dignity and personhood while in utero (Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 139:1-24).

Oh, the arrogance demonstrated by New York yesterday.

See, the biggest problem isn't the enabling of abortion. That's simply the symptom.

The biggest problem is that human beings, from the beginning of our nation, believe they have the right to decide who is a person and who isn't. Slave owners and New York legislators believe that they have the sovereign right to decide who is a human and who isn't, and therefore have the right to decide who has civil rights and who doesn't.

The arrogance.

The outright arrogance to look at another person and say, "You aren't a person."

The outright arrogance of slave owners to look at their slaves and say, "You aren't a person, therefore I can do whatever I want to you."

The outright arrogance of abortionists to look at the unborn and say, "You aren't a person, therefore I can do whatever I want to you."

Why? Why would a person be so arrogant as to do that? The answer to that is simple. It's the answer that's driven humanity from the beginning. It's the answer that drove slavery back in the day and drives abortion now- MONEY.

Slavery was an economic system. It was incredibly profitable. Therefore, in order to make money, people denied the slaves their humanity.

Abortion is an economic system. It is a multi-billion dollar racket. Planned Parenthood gets $500 million in taxpayer subsidies alone. There is so much money to be made in the abortion industry. So, in order to make money, we redefine who is a person and who isn't, and my my my does the money come rolling in.

To put the icing on the cake, to show the absolute ridiculousness of this law and the utter hypocrisy of abortionists in New York (and elsewhere), I leave you with this. In the state of New York (and all over America), the U.S Fish and Wildlife states that:

"The bald eagle will continue to be protected by the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act even though it has been delisted under the Endangered Species Act. This law, originally passed in 1940, provides for the protection of the bald eagle and the golden eagle (as amended in 1962) by prohibiting the take, possession, sale, purchase, barter, offer to sell, purchase or barter, transport, export or import, of any bald or golden eagle, alive or dead, including any part, nest, or egg, unless allowed by permit."

Did you catch that? The Bald Eagle is an endangered species, and it is a crime to kill one. It is ALSO a crime to destroy a Bald Eagle EGG. Why? Simple. The law states that the egg has the potential to become a bald eagle. Therefore, a person who kills a bald eagle and a person who destroys a bald eagle egg receive the same punishment- $5000 fine and one year in jail for first offense.

The utter hypocrisy on display here is astounding. The bald eagle and its eggs have the same protection, because the law doesn't see any difference between a bald eagle and a POTENTIAL bald eagle. However, the law does not extend the same reasoning to human beings.

So which is it, America? If we allow abortion because a person is not a "person" until outside the womb and alive, have at those bald eagle eggs. Cook em up and eat them for breakfast. Throw them against the wall and make them splatter. After all, they aren't REALLY alive until they hatch, right?

At least that's what New York would say. God help us all.

America's Decreasing Ability to Think Critically on Full Display This Past Weekend

This past weekend, a video of a Native American veteran and some boys from Covington Catholic High School in Kentucky went viral. All over Facebook, all over Twitter, all over the MSM was the confrontation showing a Native American man beating a drum face to face with a teenager. You've probably seen the viral picture.

The amount of sharing on Facebook was incredible. Every other person on my news feed had posted it- condemning the teenager wearing the MAGA hat, hating on Covington Catholic, saying, "What's wrong with teenagers today," condemning the hat, asking why they were wearing a MAGA hat and why the school would allow such a symbol, etc. It went on and on.

The kids from Covington Catholic and their families went into hiding. They had death threats. The parents were threatened professionally. Kathy Griffin demanded names, addresses, and locations of the teens, wanting to dox them to her followers. In a period of a few hours, the Covington Catholic teens were the most hated people in America.

How quick the people of this nation were to share it.

Then, something happened.

New video surfaced. New testimonies surfaced. Turns out that things weren't as they first appeared. Video surfaced of the Native American veteran approaching the teens, starting the conflict. Video of another group of protestors surfaced, hurling racial and homophobic slurs at the Covington Catholic teens. New statements from eyewitnesses came forward, showing that America had been lied to, manipulated by the news media pushing a narrative.

The silence on social media the next day was deafening.

People who had called for the heads of the teens were quiet. The outrage subsided. People who had been quick to share the story wrote retractions. As the truth came out, the people who had shared the story looked foolish.

This showed me one incredibly alarming thing. America has increasingly lost its ability to think critically.

Critical thinking has left the building. In its place is emotional reaction. Instead of showing patience, wisdom, maturity in the face of a piece of news, instead of waiting for facts (because they always come out later), instead of thinking of the consequences of sharing a viral story that could possibly destroy the lives of people, America unthinkingly went ballistic.

We have become a people without gravity, without logic, without the ability to think beyond what we are being shown on a screen. Without the ability to think critically about a story or a piece of news, we become a nation that is easily duped. Easily manipulated. Easily deceived. That's what we are now.

Instead of developing the ability to look at pieces of news with skepticism, we instead have developed the ability to jump on the bandwagon and direct our scorn, derision, and hate towards anyone the media tells to direct it towards.

America today reminds me of a bird that lived in my backyard when I was a kid. We had a glassed-in porch, and one day this bird flew smack into the window. It dropped to the ground, floundered around for a minute, and then flew into the window again. Same thing. A few minutes later, it did it again. The stupid bird not only kept flying into the window- it kept flying into the SAME window.

That's exactly what America is today. News story after news story has come out provoking outrage, with stories going viral, people up in arms, calling for the heads of whoever happens to be the whipping boy of the day. Then, the next day, more information comes out and everyone feels sheepish that they got duped so easily. Then the next day or week, it happens again- some news story inflames passions and everyone gets fired up and the internet heats up with shares and likes and debates. Then the next day, new information comes out and everyone retreats. The next day, same thing. WE NEVER LEARN.

I believe this is the most scary thing that can ever happen to a society.

When a society loses the ability to think critically, it becomes one easily controlled. It becomes one easily duped. An easily controlled society is one that is capable of extreme acts of evil. Or, at least will tolerate leaders who will commit acts of extreme evil. All societies in history that have committed horrendous atrocities have leaders who controlled information, duping the people.

America needs to return to a society that looks with skepticism on everything. Whenever the internet is rushing to dogpile on someone or something, back away. Refuse to speak or comment. Withhold judgment until more facts come out. Wait a few days before commenting. Resist the urge to share juicy morsels of breaking news.

The reason people were so quick to share this story is because of a phenomenon psychologists refer to as "confirmation bias." Confirmation bias simply means that we believe stories that go along with what we already believe to be true.

Confirmation bias was seen in this instance because the people sharing this story already believed some things to be true: that people wearing MAGA hats are racist, that pro-life conservatives were bigots, etc. Because of those preconceived notions, when they saw white kids in conflict with a Native American, it was no problem convincing them that the white kids were aggressors, that they were in the wrong, and that their actions were based on racism.

A psychologist could make a career out of what happened Saturday. Confirmation bias is present in anyone and everyone. Everyone has preconceived beliefs and notions, and if we aren't careful, if we don't think critically, we simply go along with any news story or any SLANT to a news story that goes along with what we already believe. That's why critical thinking is so very important. It takes wisdom and gravity and maturity to realize your own confirmation bias and refuse to take that path until all the facts are in. This is what has disappeared from America, and this is why we are so easily duped and controlled.

Confirmation bias can be summed up this way- "People don't want to know what is true. They only want to know that what they ALREADY BELIEVE is true."

I have a policy- I don't believe anything people say. I don't believe anything I read or hear. It's not that I don't trust people or have a problem with people, it's just that people never tell the whole story. I think it's a natural thing to do- we tell stories in a way that makes us look innocent or moral or whatever. We leave out details, we leave out context, and we leave out key things that are usually brought forward by another person, hence the cliche, "There are always two sides to every story."

News stories are the same. Don't believe anything you read or hear. Let that be your default mode when encountering a story. The default mode of an intelligent, critically-thinking individual is "That probably didn't happen, at least in the way that it's being presented." 

Realize that you're never being told the entire story.

Realize that you're being told just enough information to provoke maximum outrage and gain maximum interest. The media's job is to get your attention. They can only do that through likes and shares and outrage, so they give you what will provide the maximum amount of likes and shares and outrage. We are being played, people, and it seems like fewer and fewer people are able to see it.

Stop letting emotions dictate your reaction. Mark Twain said it best- "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect, because very rarely does the majority ever do the right thing."

There are very dark days ahead for America, because we've lost the ability to think critically. Instead, we are a nation dictated by emotion, easily duped, and therefore easily controlled. How foolish America looked this past weekend. How quick America was to believe the story dangled in front of us by the media. How unintelligent we looked. Unless America is able to regain its sense of critical thinking, we won't last long as a nation.

Thoughts on the "I'm Offended" culture we live in

**Note:  This was originally a Facebook post, but due to the amount of sharing and traffic it received, I decided to put it in the blog for those who didn't see it on Facebook.**

Thoughts on the current "I'm offended" culture we live in:

Just because you are offended doesn't mean you are right. Just because someone offended you doesn't mean they are wrong.

People who cannot control their emotions will always try to control the behavior of others. They typically use "I'm offended" as a way to control the actions of others.

People who are constantly offended, or get offended easily, have little to no self-control. They are ruled by their emotions and cannot control them, so they blame others for the way they are feeling. They've found that taking offense is the best way to control others and their opinions, and so they use it to shut down thoughtful discussion, dissenting views, or simply opinions they don't happen to like.

Being offended is a choice. If you see someone who is offended, you are looking at someone who CHOSE to be offended. Treat them accordingly.

If you are a person who is easily offended, don't be surprised if you have no friends. People don't like walking on eggshells, and if they sense that you are that kind of person, they will avoid you like the plague.

You know you have reached a new level of maturity when you are able to take no offense when none is intended. And 99% of the time, there was no offense intended.

Proverbs 29:11- "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Parents, before you discipline your children, make this one important distinction

Discipline is a touchy subject when it comes to children. Most parents don't know that the word "discipline" comes from the Latin word "disciplus" which means "to teach." When we discipline our children, the purpose isn't to punish. The purpose is to teach.

With that in mind, when our children do something wrong, we need to ask this very important question: was it evil or was it stupidity?

Evil is very different than stupidity. I would define evil as something from the heart- lying, bullying, premeditated scheming, violence towards another person, stealing, etc. Stupidity, while still in need of correction, would be something like playing ball and breaking a window, succumbing to peer pressure in the moment, etc. Those things, while wrong, aren't EVIL. They are things that normal kids do because they are, well, kids. And all kids are stupid.

I was stupid. You were stupid. Stupidity is part of childhood. We do dumb things that we know better than because we are not mature enough to do the right thing. It's a necessary learning phase we all go through.

The problem, however, is when parents don't distinguish between the two. Many parents don't ask "was it evil or was it stupidity?" Many parents treat a child breaking a window playing baseball (because he wasn't smart enough to not hit towards the house) and lying to an adult the exact same way. This is wrong. One was stupid, one was evil.

I grew up in a house where the distinction wasn't made. Right was right and wrong was simply wrong. It was black and white. No distinction. You did the crime, you did the time. Looking back on that, I want to do things differently. There were things that I did that were evil. There were things that I did that were stupid. My parents tended to treat them both the same. That's the way their parents were, and so on and so forth.

However, now that I'm a parent, I see that there is a big difference between the two. I believe that they need to be treated differently because they have different causes. Like I said, stupidity is a natural part of being a child. Of not knowing much about life. Of being immature. It's natural. Evil, however, is not natural. It needs to be rooted out, destroyed, punished, and gotten rid of quickly. They are vastly different things and need to be treated as such.

Many parents make the mistake of treating evil like it was stupidity or vice versa. They treat the fact that their child bullies others as just a natural part of growing up. It's not. It's evil. They also treat stupidity as if it were evil and overreact to everything. Both are wrong.

Parents, we must make the distinction between evil and stupidity. Evil is something that needs to be corrected immediately and punished fairly quickly and severely. If your child lies, bullies, talks back to teachers, steals, etc, you have a major problem. Don't laugh it off as part of a natural part of childhood. It's not.

Also, don't treat stupidity as if it were evil. Don't overreact when your child does something stupid that isn't evil. Be wise enough to distinguish between a mistake and genuine sin.

Now, I will say this- stupidity only happens once. If your child is playing baseball in the backyard and hits a ball toward the house and breaks a window ONCE, it's stupidity. If it happens twice, it's evil and needs to be treated as such. If your child succumbs to peer pressure and takes a drink of something ONCE, it's stupidity. If it happens twice, it's evil. The first time was a learning experience, and if it is true stupidity, the child will learn from it and not do it again. If it happens again, we have a major problem. Stupidity has turned into evil and it must be treated as such.

Far too many parents have failed to make this important distinction and have damaged their relationships with their children. When your child messes up (and they all will), before saying anything or doing anything, ask yourself, "Was this evil or was it stupidity?"

The answer to that question should guide you in how you discipline. Not all infractions are the same. Not all bad things our children do are the same. Be wise enough to know the difference. I have found that I am a far more effective parent when I treat evil as evil and stupidity as stupidity.

Remember, the purpose of discipline is to TEACH. Every wrong thing our children do is an opportunity for you as a parent to teach a valuable lesson about life. Make sure your children are learning the right thing.

Protected

About three weeks ago, I was riding my motorcycle with a good friend when I had a wreck. Needless to say, motorcycle wrecks can be very serious and people can be badly hurt or killed in them. I was very fortunate to only have some road rash. Really, the only thing REALLY hurt was my pride, because once everyone finds out you are okay, they make fun of you mercilessly. And that has certainly happened.

However, I'm okay only because of one thing. I was wearing protective gear. I had on a closed helmet with face shield, padded jacket, padded pants, gloves, and riding boots. Had I not had the gear on, I would be hurt very badly. Maybe even worse.

Here is a picture of my helmet:

Had I not had the helmet on, well, let's just say my face would look a lot different. There is a well-known saying when you ride motorcycles, "Dress for the slide, not for the ride." In other words, be prepared. When you ride, sooner or later, the slide may happen. Be prepared for it.

Because I was wearing my protective gear, I'm okay. I got some road rash on my right forearm and on my right hand. Quite honestly, I've had worse from skateboarding when I was a kid, and far worse from playing soccer over the years.

But back to the helmet. God showed me something with this picture. One of the most famous passages in the Bible is Ephesians 6:11-17 talking about the "armor of God."

"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:11-17

God tells us to put on His armor, because we can get very hurt without it. I would hate to imagine what my body would look like had I not had on the motorcycle armor. However, what do our souls look like when we aren't wearing God's armor?

I would imagine many of our souls are very wounded. Maybe even broken. Not because of the attacks, because everyone is attacked. Everyone is tempted. Everyone has terrible things happen to them. Everyone "wrecks" from time to time spiritually. We sin. We fall short. We mess up. We do things that we know better than. Satan attacks our families, our lives, our professions. He gets at us through our kids, our loved ones, our friends.

The difference isn't in the attack. The difference is in the armor you wear. Are you prepared for the attacks? Is your head protected with the helmet of salvation- knowing that you are saved and that no one can snatch you out of God's hand? Is your heart protected with the breastplate of righteousness? Do you carry your faith like a shield, using it to counter discouragement and depression and indecisiveness and lukewarmness?

Or are you, like so many, open to every attack? I see people riding motorcycles in t-shirts and flip-flops, sometimes at speeds of more than 70 mph. Those are known as "SQUIDS"- Super-Quick, Underdressed, Imminently Dead." They are also known as organ donors. Is that you spiritually? Are you a Christian SQUID? Are you a Christian organ donor? Possibly so. Many of us are. And we are one temptation, one attack, one setback away from being devastated spiritually.

Probably the greatest spiritual attack happened in 2004 when my son died. That just about did me in. That was a motorcycle wreck spiritually. However, my wife and I both had on our armor. We had a knowledge of the truth of our salvation, that our son would be in heaven, and that this earth is temporary. We had faith like a shield that warded off depression and discouragement and anger. We had our hearts protected by the knowledge that we had done the right things and taken the right actions. Therefore we were able to stand. We were able to come out on the other side stronger.

Attacks will happen. "Wrecks" will happen. It's a guarantee. The only question is- will you absorb the attack or will your armor?

All I know is that my head was protected by my motorcycle helmet. It did its job. My torso was protected by the padded jacket. My knees and legs were protected by the padded pants. They did their job well. So does God's armor. God's armor is extremely effective in protecting you from attacks. The question is, are you wearing it?

Because of my motorcycle armor, I am physically okay. Because of God's armor, I am spiritually okay. And just remember- spiritual attacks are far more vicious than any motorcycle wreck ever would be. The body is temporary, but the soul is forever.

As I looked at my scarred up motorcycle helmet, I wonder if one day I will be able to see what my God armor looks like. I think I will be amazed at how dented, scarred, beat-up, and broken it truly is. As I think of what it looks like, I shudder to think that if I didn't have it on, what my soul would look like. Just another reason I am thankful to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Not only did He take my sins, He takes the attacks. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

"Above all, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

This video sums up why you should be part of a church

Sunday, May 20th, Catalyst did something really fun. It wasn't an original idea (we saw some other churches doing it so we decided to do it too), but it was awesome. We ordered a pizza to the church at the end of the service, took up a collection, and tipped the delivery driver $735 on a $14 pizza.

Here is the video:

There were so many blessings that happened that day, but one thought stood out above the rest. I've never singlehandedly tipped someone $735. That's hard if not impossible for someone of my financial means to do. I couldn't do that without significantly impacting my lifestyle, significantly scaling back expenditures for the month, or even going without paying some bills.

However, I seriously doubt that anyone who attended church that morning missed the money they gave to the guy. No one went hungry that day or missed a mortgage payment because of what they were able to give.

What this demonstrates is the power of WHAT WE CAN DO TOGETHER. Singlehandedly, we are very limited in what we can do and give. Together, however, we can do powerful things in this world. The church as a body can do so much more than individuals can. Christians that say, "I can be a Christian without being part of a church" are short-circuiting the potential for impact they can have on this world.

I don't know if you noticed or not, but the people in church that morning were having a blast. We were so excited when the guy showed up. We genuinely had more fun than he did. I immediately thought of the people who had better things to do that morning, or who slept in, or who just decided not to come to church that morning. DANG- they missed out. Not only did they miss out on having a serious impact on a hardworking delivery driver, but they also missed out on the joy of that moment.

That's why God wants us to get together every week with our church family. Look at what we can do when we are together. Individually, we are very limited. Together, however, we are capable of amazing things.

If you are a Christian who is not part of a church, I ask you to reconsider. Together we are capable of powerful things.

The sheer expense of immorality is staggering

America was once again rocked by the school shooting in Parkland, Florida.

As usual, the same arguments popped back up about how to fix it. Liberals shouted for gun control. Conservatives shouted for armed guards in the schools. Folks of different persuasions called for metal detectors, national databases to track mental health, cameras in schools, hiring former veterans to guard schools, etc.

Some of those solutions may work. Most won't. I'm not here to say which ones I support or don't support. All I know is that murder has been part of humanity since the first generation, and nothing has changed. Some people use guns. Other people use knives. Still others use vehicles to mow down pedestrians- see Europe in 2017. Some use box cutters. Some use fertilizer and diesel fuel. The very first murder in the Bible was done by Cain, and he used a rock.

Violence is a spiritual problem. Spiritual problems require spiritual solutions. There are no legal solutions to spiritual problems. You can't pass laws to fix spiritual sickness. However, we will still try.

And those legal solutions to the spiritual problem of immorality are very, VERY expensive.

Because the Florida shooter (I will not name his name- his name never needs to be mentioned again) disobeyed the spiritual command "Thou Shalt Not Commit Murder" we now have to do something about it. We now have to put metal detectors in schools. That'll be a few million bucks. We now have to hire armed security. That'll be a few more million bucks. We now have to put in cameras and secure doors and develop lockdown procedures bringing in security experts to the tune of several more million bucks.

The cost of immorality to a society is staggering. And yet we are willing to pay that price to keep up with the facade that there is no objective right and wrong.

We would rather pay millions upon millions of dollars to "fix" these problems rather than admit that we, as a nation, have a morality problem. Leaders would rather spend these millions and millions of dollars than call this nation to repentance before God, emphasize objective right and wrong, and address this nation's immorality problem.

There used to be signs in every school that had a list of ten commands, the sixth of which was "Thou Shalt Not Commit Murder." Students used to see those every day. Those used to shape the minds of kids. Well, thanks to our parents' generation, they decided that those were unnecessary in classrooms and they were removed by those who were "enlightened." Funny- there weren't many school shootings back then.

Now, with the Ten Commandments gone, with the objective moral law of "Thou Shalt Not Commit Murder" gone from our schools and our lives, now we need metal detectors, armed guards, video cameras- basically a maximum security prison- for our kids to be "safe" at school. We are truly nuts.

Look at how expensive immorality is to our communities.

Aside from the expense of turning our schools into fortresses that Seal Team Six couldn't break into, look at the cost of the drug epidemic here in America. Look at the cost of law enforcement, special task forces, gang units, incarceration, drug treatment programs, Narcan, needle exchange programs. What could that money be spent on instead? Tons of things. However, because of immorality, we spend millions if not billions of dollars on this issue with no real end in sight.

Why are we in America so willing to pay these billions of dollars instead of doing the far less costly thing of repentance, turning to God, taking our families seriously, teaching values in the home, supporting our churches, and finding spiritual solutions to these spiritual problems?

Plain and simple- it's easier to throw money at something and feel satisfied about it than it is to repent and change. Many times, God accused the nation of Israel of being "stiff-necked." which means unable to repent. Proud. Arrogant. Convinced they were right.

Well, we in America are no different. We are stiff-necked. And our stiff-necked-ness is costing us billions of dollars every year trying to find solutions to problems that don't require us to change. How are they working out for us?

I would say we aren't getting a very good return on our investments.

I'm tired of hearing the blather from each side about what to do and how to do it. All I hear are legal solutions to spiritual problems. There ARE no legal, financial, military, or human solutions to spiritual problems. The spiritual problem of immorality is taking its toll on us as Americans. As America moves further and further away from Biblical morality, our "solutions" to our problems will grow more and more expensive.

Our immorality will bankrupt this nation.

We simply cannot continue to afford the cost of immorality. We can't put metal detectors in every shop, store, building, school, church, etc. We simply cannot hire enough armed guards to cover every place a shooter might go- soccer fields, high school baseball games, malls, parties, meetings, coffee shops, etc. We simply cannot afford the cost of immorality.

Unless America repents, turns back to God, begins taking objective right and wrong as dictated by God seriously, and changes her HEART, we will see very little effects from our billions and billions of dollars spent. How expensive has the war on drugs been? Yet we have more drugs now than ever. How expensive has school security been? Yet we still have school shootings.

Those of you who do not believe in God and do not see the value in doing things God's way, at least see the sheer cost of NOT doing things God's way in a society. We can't afford it. Even if you don't believe in God, I ask you to come around to seeing the wisdom of adopting His ways. Our human solutions aren't working, and they are too expensive. We must work to change the heart, to teach the value of human life, that all are created in the image of God and therefore are of infinite value.

That and that alone will change America and will stop the violence. Anything else is simply a waste of time and money.

Should a Christian tithe on Net income or Gross income?

It's New Year's Resolution time (more realistically named 'The First Two Weeks of the New Year's Resolution Time, because they generally last about that long) and many people are looking at their financial situation wanting to make some changes.

One of the areas where I get questions as a pastor is about giving. The big frequently asked questions I get are:

1) How much should a Christian give?
2) Why does God want us to give?
3) Does it count if I tithe to an organization other than my church?
4) Should a Christian tithe on Net income or Gross income?

I'll attempt to answer these as best I can. What a person gives is between them and God. However, that being said, Scripture has made God's will for giving very clear, and while giving is between the individual and God, the individual needs to follow God's word in making these decisions.

1) How much should a Christian give?
In the Old Testament, the command is to tithe. A tithe is the first 10% of what you earn. Note that: the FIRST ten percent. This is very important to understand, because right now we live under a different system that will be addressed later. However, back to the question, the Old Testament command is to give 10% of what you earn to the Lord.

In the New Testament, there is not a clear command. Jesus makes a veiled reference to tithing in Matthew 23:23 and Luke 11:42 when He is criticizing the Pharisees, telling them to practice justice and mercy AS WELL AS tithing, but there is no specific amount commanded. Jesus doesn't tell His followers to give 10%. He isn't interested in a set amount. What His teachings are regarding money is that money is the main thing that will keep you from God. He teaches against greed and materialism and encourages generosity and giving to the point that it changes your lifestyle. Many people, after reading Jesus' teachings on money, prefer the easier 10% command of the Old Testament.

So, a Christian should give a minimum of 10% of his or her income to the church. Most Christians, however, don't even do this. The average Christian in America gives about 2.5% of his or her income to the church. This, interestingly enough, makes us more faithful to the teachings of Mohammed than of Jesus, because one of the Five Pillars of Islam is to give 2.5% of income to the poor.

2) Why does God want us to give?
There are several reasons God commands us to give. One very plain and simple reason is that it's all His and He can command us to do anything with it that He wants. The command to give reorients our view of money. We by default believe that our money is OURS, our houses are OURS, our cars are OURS, etc. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are managers of God's property while we are alive. Then we die, and someone else takes over managing what we formerly managed. If it were ours, we could take it with us when we die. But we obviously can't.

I was sitting on my back porch one day looking out at my backyard, feeling pleased with this plot of land that I own and I call mine. All of a sudden, the Lord asked me, "How many people have 'owned' this piece of property since the beginning of creation?" I answered, "Probably a whole lot." And then it hit me. When I leave, someone else will 'own' it. Not really. Someone else will manage it, then someone else, then someone else. Nothing we have is ours. It's all God's.

Giving regularly is a statement of obedience to God. It is a statement of recognition of His sovereignty over our things and our money. A faithful Christian realizes that everything he or she has belongs to God, and giving to God is a recognition of His authority and His ownership. It is an expression of gratitude to God for His many blessings.

However, I don't like this question. The reason I don't like this question it is, quite frankly, the wrong question. A Christian never asks, "How much of my money does God want me to give?" Instead, the Christian asks, "How much of God's money do I get to keep for myself?"

When God commands us to tithe, He isn't taking our money. He is allowing us to keep 90% of HIS money. When you begin asking the right question, your entire focus on giving changes.

3) Does it count if I tithe to an organization other than my church?
I get this question a lot. There are lots of great organizations that do great Christian work, and Christians need to support them. However, it is my belief from Scripture that these are separate from the tithe.

In Deuteronomy 12:6, the writer draws a distinction between the "tithe" and "special gifts." The tithe was the first 10%. The special gift was over and above the tithe, according to what the person wanted to give. My interpretation of that is that the full tithe goes to the local church that you are a part of. The church is God's instrument to bring the gospel to the world, and if you are at a church that you don't feel comfortable tithing to, either start tithing or go join another church where you feel comfortable tithing to.

After the tithe has been given to the local church you attend, THEN special gifts can be given to parachurch organizations. My wife and I practice this. We fully tithe to the church I pastor. After that, we sponsor five orphan children, support missionaries, and support crisis pregnancy centers with our special gifts.

4) Should a Christian tithe on Net or Gross Income?
Gross.

And here is why.

The tithe is not only 10% of your income. It is also the FIRST 10% of your income. God set up the tithe as a recognition of His sovereignty and authority. Whoever gets the "first fruits" is who we recognize as God.

How are our paychecks set up right now? Who is set up to get the first fruits of our income? Answer: the government.

It hit me several years ago that if I tithe off of my net income, my after-tax income, I am making a statement that the government is God. Whoever gets the first part of my income is who I proclaim to be God. I am not willing to proclaim that the government is God.

The only way I proclaim God to be God is to tithe off of my gross income. That way, my giving is an outward sign that I believe God to be the supreme authority in my life, not the government. If I tithe off of my net income, I am acknowledging the sovereignty of the government in my life, with God coming later. I'm not willing to make that statement.

So, I will never, NEVER, tithe off of net income. As for me and my house, we will always tithe off of our gross income. Always.

Some practical thoughts on giving:
I love giving. I find more joy in giving than in receiving. So here are a few tips from someone who absolutely LOVES to give, both to the church and to people, to organizations, and to needs around the world:

-Giving can't be haphazard. Giving can't be about giving a few bucks here and there. Giving needs to be budgeted. You need to sit down and figure out your income, look at what the Lord commands, and go do it. In my house, we look at tithing and special gifts as we would our mortgage payment. We schedule our giving every month at a set amount, and we build that into our budget. If you don't do that, you will find it very hard to be faithful to this important command of our Lord Jesus.

-Giving makes your church experience far better. Where you invest your money is where you invest your heart. If you sacrifice each month to support your local church, you will find that Sunday mornings are more fun, more meaningful, and more positive. You will draw deeper meaning from your Christian faith and your church experience. Like the old saying goes, "You get out of it what you put into it."

-Giving is worship. Giving isn't a time in the service where we take a break from worship. Giving IS worship. In fact, it's the oldest form of worship. The first recorded worship in Scripture wasn't singing or preaching. It was the offering the Cain and Abel made to the Lord. All throughout Scripture, where you find worship, you find giving. Giving is an expression of love to God. Someone once said, "You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving." Giving is a natural expression of love to the object of our affection. Therefore, giving should flow naturally out of the believer to God.

-Giving is the largest area of disobedience in the church today. If 94% of church members committed murder, we'd do something about it. If 94% of church members committed adultery, we'd be up in arms. If 94% of church members stole each week, we'd have a conniption. However, when 94% of church members don't even fulfill the minimum amount of giving in the Old Testament, we think it's okay. Estimates are that only 6% of church members in America actually tithe. I can't think of any other area of the Christian life with that rate of disobedience. It's time for us to take the commands of Jesus and the commands of Scripture seriously.

-Giving should be joyful. I love to give. Giving isn't always easy, especially when finances are tight. I know this personally. I have a mortgage, three kids (one of whom is in college and one who will be going to college next year), sports to pay for, cars to pay for, bills to pay, savings, retirement, etc. I have all those things to consider. So do you. No one said it would be easy. However, it can always be joyful. When I face stressful months where an HVAC unit goes out unexpectedly and the kids need something new and all that, I can give joyfully because it's a statement of faith in God that He will provide. So we joyfully place our resources in God's hands with the belief that He will provide everything we need. Living that way produces a joy that you will never understand until you do it.

Thanks for reading. Be a joyful giver. Have fun with it. Generous people are always more joyful than stingy people. Be one of the people who starts being faithful to the commands of Scripture regarding giving this year. Then sit back and watch what the Lord does. I love giving. I hope you do too.

Why all the fuss about sexual harassment?

I became a father in 1999. My daughter Casey was born, and I became the father to a daughter.

Becoming a father changes your life immensely, but to me, becoming a father to a daughter was especially intense. I had never really been around females that much. Growing up, I only had one brother (no sisters) and there were eleven boys on my street. Not much in the way of being around females that much.

That all changed when my daughter was born. We were living in Alabama at the time, and my wife and I worked out at a Gold's Gym in town. I remember vividly one day walking into the gym, carrying my infant daughter on the way to the child care room. A music video was on the TVs, and the music was blasting throughout the gym. The song was, "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang, and the chorus said, "

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

(My first thought when I heard that song was, "I'll bet every high school guy in America wants to date that singer's daughter, because he wouldn't have any problem with her sleeping around. She ain't nothin' but a mammal, anyway." My second thought was, "I hope his daughter is better looking than he is.")

But I digress. Back to the topic.

Sexual harassment doesn't exist in the animal kingdom. 

I hunt deer. One of the things I've learned is that during the mating season, the male buck will pursue the female doe relentlessly. When he finds her, he basically has his way with her. He will physically lock her down, mate with her many times, then stay with her for a few days to fight off other bucks who would compete for "mating rights" with her.

Let's just say there doesn't seem to be much in it for the doe. She carries the unborn deer, gives birth, feeds and nurtures it, and the buck doesn't even call the next day. Shameful.

Why am I saying all this?

Well, I was thoroughly schooled in the secular concept of abiogenesis/evolution. I was taught, as many people are, in no uncertain terms that there is no God, that we are all evolved, that what is right and wrong is not universal but subjective to each individual, and that we are simply mammals. That's it. The notion that we were made in the image of God was mocked and scoffed at. The notion that God has laid down a moral law that cannot be changed or trifled with was scorned. 

So, I ask again, if that's the case, what is the big deal with all the sexual harassment charges these days?

Why do we have a different moral standard than that of a deer?

See, in the animal kingdom, when it comes to male/female relations, there is only one moral law- might makes right. The stronger prey upon the weaker. Might makes right. That's the way of things in the animal kingdom. In the animal kingdom, the greatest "good" that can happen is that you, the stronger, takes advantage of the weaker. That's what the bucks do. That's what ensures that their genes will be passed down to the next generation.

Why are humans different?

Why aren't men like Al Franken, John Conyers, Matt Lauer, Harvey Weinstein, Bill O' Reilly, and others seen as moral? After all, these are powerful men. They were living out the morality of the animal kingdom- using their power and influence to prey upon the weaker. After all, we ain't nothin' but mammals, right?

Yet, these men are being criticized, fired, reputations ruined, facing justice, and are facing a massive backlash because they are being seen as IMMORAL. 

Viewing their actions as immoral must mean that there is a different moral standard expected of humans than that of other animals in the world. But where does this moral standard come from?

Hmmmm. Maybe these sex scandals have awakened Americans to the existence of God. There can be no law without a Lawgiver. Every law that exists has been spoken or written into existence by an intelligent being. Therefore, there must be an intelligence behind the moral standard that sets us apart from the animal kingdom.

We all know that the moral standard that exists in the animal kingdom, that "Might Makes Right" isn't right. We all know that it is wrong for a physically stronger man to have his way with a physically weaker woman against her consent. But, again I ask  . . . .  How? WHY is that wrong? More specifically, why is it right for a deer and wrong for a human? We ain't nothin' but mammals, right?

Without God, without a universal moral law that has been written onto human hearts, it wouldn't be wrong. It would simply be the moral standard that exists in the animal kingdom, and the male who could bed the greatest amount of females, ensuring the maximum amount of descendants, would be seen as the most moral.

The sexual harassment atom bomb that has blown up in Hollywood and Washington DC is truly amazing. If you will notice, no one is arguing from a moral relativism standpoint. No one is saying, "Well, we can't really criticize Matt Lauer, because sexually harassing women was right for him. Quit judging him." I don't hear anyone saying that. I also don't hear anyone making the Bloodhound Gang argument that Harvey Weinstein and the girls he raped/harrassed were simply mammals doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

Nope. None of those arguments are being made right now.

The argument being made is that these actions are wrong. Badly wrong. Totally wrong. Because they most certainly are.

But in order for someone to say they are wrong, they must have an absolute moral standard showing what "right" is. Then, they must question WHERE that moral standard came from.

I was talking with an atheist friend about this. When I asked him this question, he thought for a minute, and said, "Centuries ago, humans got together and decided that men shouldn't do that, I guess."

I said, "That's it? So, people just kinda decided on a whim that they didn't want that happening in their communities, and that's where the standard came from."

He said, "Yeah, I guess."

I said, "So, if those humans had gotten together and decided the OPPOSITE, that it was perfectly fine for Kevin Spacey to sexually assault a teenager, that it was perfectly okay for Bill Clinton to take advantage of an intern in the Oval Office . . . .  if those humans had gotten together and decided that it was okay for a grown man to have his way with your daughter, you would be okay with it? After all, these humans centuries ago could have decided either way, right?"

He just looked at me. He didn't answer.

We all know the answer to that. We know that it wouldn't matter WHAT a tribe of ancient humans came up with- never would it be okay for a grown man to rape a child, even though that goes perfectly with the morality of "might makes right" in the animal kingdom. I would STILL not be okay with it, no matter what the law says. That's because there is a universal moral law written on all our hearts, telling us it is wrong.

That universal moral law wasn't decided upon in a committee and voted into existence. It was spoken into existence by God, the Lawgiver.

The presence of a law demands that there also be a Lawgiver. These sexual harassment suits have once again awakened America to objective moral standards, ones that are inherent to every human being. Without God, that wouldn't exist.

I guess the Bloodhound Gang was wrong. I guess we are more than just mammals. I guess we can't just do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Matt Lauer, Bill O'Reilly, John Conyers, Al Franken, and many others are finding that out the hard way. They are finding out that the law of the animal kingdom doesn't jive with the universal moral law of humans.

I have a wife and two daughters as well as two sons. I want my wife and daughters to be respected by the boys and men around them. I don't want them harassed, disrespected, viewed as objects to satisfy lust, or less than. I want my sons to treat women with respect. That's actually very odd . . . . in the animal kingdom.

A male buck doesn't care how the doe, or his children, are treated.

I believe that people are made in the image of God. I believe there is something sacred, something beautiful, something infinitely valuable in every human. To treat a person without respect is to malign the very God who created him or her. That's just not territory I want to move onto. I think I'll leave that alone.

No one taught me that. No one showed me that. I've known that since the day I was born.

None of that would exist without the universal moral law of God.

Just another way God shows us He is here.

What I Wish Christians (and People In General) Would Stop Doing

There are lots of toxic behaviors out there today. Gossip, drama, revenge, backstabbing, badmouthing, etc have been part of humanity since the beginning. All of those are bad, and I'm sure you can name many others.

However, I want to address one thing that rarely gets talked about, yet is the cause of the biggest frustration for me, one of the biggest discouragers for me, and one that I think needs to disappear if the Church is ever going to be healthy.

Are you ready? Here is is.

It's something I call "hiding."

Hiding looks like this: a person or family comes to your church. They return. You get to know them. You see them around town. You have them over for dinner. They have you over for dinner. You spend time together, praying together, studying the Bible together, your families get to know each other. You become friends.

Then, all of a sudden, they disappear. No phone call. No text.

You send them a message, saying, "Hey, we missed you!" No response.

They are there the next Sunday, but they are gone the next several.

You ask where they've been. You get a vague, "We were busy."

They miss next Sunday. You send a text. No response.

You call. They don't answer.

You may see them again, but most of the time you don't. And you have no idea why. Because they never said a word. They just walked away.

That's what "hiding" is.

There are many reasons for hiding. Sometimes a person is indulging in a sin, something they know is wrong, and they know you don't approve of, so they want to avoid seeing you as much as possible. Almost as if as long as they don't see you, they can still feel good about themselves. I've had church members disappear and "hide" from me when they relapse in addiction or move in with a girlfriend or boyfriend or have marriage trouble. That's kind of like a cancer patient hiding from the doctor, but it happens.

Other times people "hide" because you've done something to upset them but they don't want to tell you, so they hide from you.

Other times people "hide" because they feel guilty about something going on in their lives and they just walk away from anyone who isn't as miserable as they are.

In the mind of the person "hiding" it all makes perfect sense. However, if you are a "hider" and you have done this/are doing this to your church or family, let me tell you what you are actually doing. Let me show you the other side.

As a pastor, I truly care about the people in my church. I believe so strongly in being together in worship. I believe so strongly in relationships and friendships within the body of Christ. I love the people of my church.

When you disappear, don't answer texts, don't call, give vague excuses of where you've been . . . . .  it hurts. Yes. I'm being vulnerable here. It hurts deeply. Why? Because I consider you to be a friend. I'm not just a CEO of a corporation you shop at. I'm your friend. Your brother in Christ. Someone who really likes you.

When you "hide" because of whatever is going on, it hurts. It's a statement of what I mean to you. It's a statement that I was wrong about our friendship and that I was wrong to think that you cared as much about me as I cared about you.

Hiding from each other is what destroys true relationships and friendships in the church.

What happens when I invest myself in someone and they turn around and hide, it makes me very wary of forming other friendships. I wonder if it's worth it to go visit hospitals to pray for people in my church. "Why do this?" I ask myself. "They'll just be gone in a few years, they'll just disappear, I'll never know why, they'll just go."

I wonder if it's worth forming any kind of friendships at all as a pastor. Many pastors told me, when I got into the ministry, not to get close with anyone in my church because of this very thing. One pastor told me that it just wasn't worth the constant heartbreak of meeting people, forming friendships, and them walking away like you meant nothing. I can see how he would feel that way.

Christians, don't hide from each other.

Christians, don't hide from your pastors.

Don't hide physically, emotionally, relationally, or spiritually, because hiding destroys friendships.

The Bible tells us to talk to one another as brothers and sisters. We aren't to walk away and leave another person wondering what is going on. We are to speak the truth in love to each other. We are to value the other person enough that we give them the respect of telling them actually what is going on.

Hiding is simply the most frustrating behavior I see in church members. It discourages friendships, it discourages the next attempt at friendship, and it hurts the other person. Hiding because you don't want to face the other person may make you feel okay in the short term, but it is hurting the other person who truly cares about you. They are wondering what they did wrong. And they are devastated to know that they care more about you than you care about them.

Of all the things that happen in a church, the one thing I wish would go away is hiding. It has caused me more heartache and pain and discouragement than anything else I've experienced in ministry.

Instead, let's treat each other as family. Let us love one another.

Here are some suggestions to consider:

1) If you are going to miss church on a Sunday, tell your pastor in advance. I love it when people inform me they will be out of town or they will be visiting someone else. I don't have to wonder if you are hiding.

2) If you haven't been to church in awhile and your pastor or someone from church sends you a message to ask where you've been, answer it. Be truthful.

3) If you find yourself wanting to hide from your church family because of a sin you are committing, choose your church family over your sin. It's either one or the other, right? Choose your church family, choose your faith, choose God. Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't worth your soul. Your addiction isn't worth your soul. Plus, you might find that your pastor and church friends are the most kind, caring, forgiving, accepting people on the planet. You may find that they actually love you and care about you.

4) If you are leaving the church, sit down with your pastor and tell him. Don't just disappear like so many do. Sit down and give him the respect of communicating with him. It may be uncomfortable, but you're doing the right thing. I would much rather have someone tell me what's going on than them leaving me to guess where they are. Believe it or not, pastors really miss you when you aren't there, and if they don't know why you are missing, it's incredibly frustrating and discouraging.

5) Become someone your pastor and your church can count on. There are many flighty, inconsistent people in churches nowadays. The Bible refers to such people as a "splintered reed that pierces the hand of anyone who leans on it." They look like they are there to help, but the second you count on them, they pierce your heart. Don't be that way. Be someone that can be trusted, that is consistent in attendance and prayer and fellowship. Be someone that can be counted on. People who can be counted on don't hide from one another.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. Maybe it's because no one talks about it. I hear lots of people complaining about church hypocrites. I hear lots of people complaining about judgmental people. I hear lots of people complaining about anger or hatred or gossip.

But I've never heard anyone address the issue of hiding from each other. It's subtle. It's evil. It's a church destroyer. I would suspect that your pastor would say this is the number one thing that drives him crazy as a pastor, yet it seems so subtle that he won't ever mention it. Well, I'm mentioning it. Maybe it's time that pastors and church members begin discussing the toxic issue of hiding and make a vow never to do it again.

The News Media Is Using Your Biological Makeup To Keep You Perpetually Outraged

Our nation is about to have a nervous breakdown.

Not because of real problems. We've always had problems. Since the beginning of time we've had problems. Within ten seconds of humanity's existence we've had the same problems. Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."

We've always had corrupt politicians. We've always had violence. We've always had discord in politics. We've always had problems in our communities. There is nothing new under the sun.

Our nation is about to have a nervous breakdown because now, unlike other times in the past, we have a media machine whose sole purpose is to keep us whipped up into an emotional frenzy. News thrives on adrenalin and outrage. It thrives on conflict and insults and overreaction. It's the only way it can survive.

We have a structure in our brains known as the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It is the gatekeeper to everything that gets our attention. All day long our senses are bombarded with stimuli. Our senses are incredibly keen and they pick up everything. If every stimuli of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell made it into our brains, we would shut down in a sobbing heap. Our brains can't handle it. Therefore, the RAS acts as a gatekeeper to keep most stimuli out. The things that the RAS allows into our brains are things that are 1) scary, 2) new, and 3) interesting.

Anything that doesn't match the RAS criteria doesn't make it into our conscience. As I am typing this, I am sitting in a chair. I haven't noticed the feel of the chair nor of my shoes nor of the feel of my jeans on my legs, even though technically I am "feeling" them. Why? Because my RAS has determined that those stimuli are not important and therefore don't need my attention. Same with a million other stimuli that happen every second.

Thus ends the biology lesson. Why am I talking about the RAS?

Because the news media knows about your RAS. They realize that there is a brutal, no-holds-barred, uncompromising gatekeeper/bouncer standing at the entrance of your brain that will weed out 98% of the stuff thrown at it. Because the news media NEEDS your attention, it has to get past your RAS.

Therefore, it taps into the first criteria the RAS looks for- it sends news stories your way that are SCARY.

If you notice, practically every news story that is thrown your way deals with the destruction of something that you hold dear. Whether it is a value you hold, an institution you value, a belief you have, or something else integral to your being, news stories are tailored to be threatening to the things you hold dear. Christians hear news stories of atheists trying to remove crosses and monuments of the ten commandments. Black Americans hear stories of white supremacists. Democrats hear stories of Republicans working to destroy their political agenda. Republicans hear stories of Democrats doing the same thing. 

These stories are designed not to inform you or make your life better but simply to make it past your RAS into your conscience so it will get your attention. They don't particularly care what effect these stories have on the world, on our communities, on our relationships, or on us. They simply want to get into your conscience, so they will say whatever it takes to get past the RAS gatekeeper.

The news media NEEDS you to be perpetually outraged. It needs you to be perpetually scared. That's the only way it can exist. Normal stories of goodwill, normal stories of everyday life, normal stories of non-threatening news get stopped at the door of your conscience. No one would pay attention to those stories. Your biology won't allow you to notice them. 

We must realize that the news media knows our biology better than we do. We don't realize we are being played for suckers by people who simply want their stories to lodge themselves in our brains. We aren't smart enough to realize that what we are reading and hearing isn't news because of some great happening or event; it is "news" because it is scary, new, or interesting. 

So instead of giving us thought-provoking, wisdom-generating, beneficial stories, the news media gives us emotional one-sided threatening over-the-top overreaction sensationalism designed to keep you in a perpetual state of outrage, opening your RAS to everything it has to say.

Realize that this is what is going on. Realize the biological manipulation being played on you, people. The media understands your biology better than you do. They pay consultants that are experts on psychology millions of dollars to understand what will get your attention and what won't. The purpose of the news media is no longer to inform. It's purpose is to upset. 

The news media also understands another thing about psychology and the human being.

Human beings are probably the most adaptable creatures on the planet. We can adapt to any environment, any place, any time. We can also adapt to stimuli. What used to threaten us simply becomes normal. What used to excite us becomes routine. What used to anger us becomes okay.

Because of this, what used to get past the RAS no longer does. So, the news media has to constantly find new outrages, new threats, and new hysteria to throw our way. What used to outrage people twenty years ago doesn't outrage us, so they have to give us new, stronger, and more dangerous stories to keep getting past our RAS into our conscience. 

If this keeps up, our nation will have a nervous breakdown. We may be there already. We simply cannot live in a perpetual state of emotional frenzy. We weren't designed to. Something has to give. I'm calling the American people to wake up and realize what the news media is doing. Quit reacting. Quit thinking that the world is coming to an end. Quit thinking that somehow what is happening now is different than what has happened before. It's not. 

The Bible says there is nothing new under the sun. That's very true. So stop acting like what we are dealing with is unprecedented. Chill out. Stop the emotional hysteria. Stop the name calling and the insulting and the fear and the paranoia. You're being played for fools by a media that understands your biology more than you do. 

Instead let the peace of God rule in your heart. 

Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Colossians 3:15 says, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."

Let the peace of God rule in your heart. He's got this. Stop with the perpetual outrage. Stop with the emotional overreactions. Stop letting the media keep you in a perpetual stew. Let the peace of God rule in your heart.

When God Says "No" to Something He Could Easily Have Said "Yes" To

I well remember the morning of September 15th, 2004. It was the day that I heard the words, "His heart is dead. He's not coming back."

Except it wasn't about a seventy-year old man or something like that. The doctor was talking about my ten-day-old son. His open-heart surgery had been a failure. The bypass machine was the only thing keeping him alive.

My son, Jacob Benjamin Kibler, had HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) which meant that his left ventricle didn't develop en utero. The corrective surgery failed, meaning that a heart transplant was our only option. The likelihood of finding an infant's heart was very minuscule.

I looked at this little infant, my third child, which I could barely see under the mass of wires and tubes and monitors, and my wife and I both shook our heads. We weren't going to try to put him through a heart transplant. He'd been through enough in his short ten days. It was time to let him go.

We knew that Jacob had HLHS since his 20-week ultrasound. We knew his chances of survival weren't good. We spent the entire rest of the pregnancy praying that God would heal him. He didn't.

We went through all of the things the Bible said to do. We prayed as a church. We prayed as individuals. We asked God to spare his life. Jesus said, "Where two or three agree in prayer, it will be done." He also said, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can tell this mountain, "Cast yourself into the sea," and it will be done." If God could cast a mountain into the sea, He could heal an infant, couldn't He?

God didn't. Jacob was born on 9/5/04 and died 9/15/04.

We asked God to heal Jacob. God said no.

It was perfectly within His power to heal him. So why didn't He?

Answer: I don't know.

I will never fully understand God. I've come to that conclusion after many, many years of study and reflection and pondering and wrestling. There will just be some things about God that I will never understand. I don't understand why God allowed Jacob to die. I don't know why God allows a lot of the stuff that goes on in this world. However, I've come to peace with that. I no longer have a PROBLEM with that.

One of the reasons why is that God hasn't broken any promises. He never promised to heal Jacob, He never promised to keep everything going well down here on earth. In fact, His word specifically says that "In this world, you will have trouble." Many people act like God is breaking a promise when bad things happen. He's not. He told us we will have trouble. But the second part of that statement is, "But take heart, I have overcome the world."

What sticks out in my mind, however, is the ride home from the hospital. I remember it like it was yesterday, and this is what I wanted to share with you all today.

We had just made the painful decision to remove my son from life support. I was holding him, then placed him on the table where the tech turned the machine off. My wife and I, through tears, walked to our car and drove home.

We had about a twenty-minute ride back to our home from Vanderbilt hospital. All of a sudden, it hit me. After experiencing something like that:
       
          -Did it matter what kind of car I was driving?
          -Did it matter the size of house I was going back to?
          -Did it matter how much money was in my bank account?
          -Did it matter if I had six-pack abs?
          -Did it matter how successful professionally I had been?

None of those things, so important it seemed just a little while ago, were of any comfort or importance at all. In fact, it was like sitting in a room full of $100 bills and realizing they were Monopoly money. Everything you thought was valuable turned out to be worthless pieces of paper. Monopoly money. That's all it is. Everything in the world, everything shouting for your attention, anything this world has- it's Monopoly money. It looks real, but when the test comes, when life comes crashing down, like it does when you as a parent outlive your child, it all falls apart. Monopoly money. That's all it is.

All of the things that this world constantly screamed to me, "THIS IS IMPORTANT!" were shown in one instant for the bullcrap that they were. None of it mattered. Advertisers spend billions per year to convince us of the importance of hairstyle, clothing style, etc. And we buy it. We form our entire lives around them.

When God said, "No" He pulled back the curtain. He destroyed the delusion that I had fallen into like so many Americans have today. He showed me in one instant the stupidity and uselessness and falsehood I and so many had fallen for.

Because in that instant, when you have held your baby son in your arms and watched him die, there was only one thing that was real: the resurrection of Jesus.

That was the only comfort, the only thing that could possibly make sense of this senseless thing. The reality of Jesus' final action on earth was the answer to my son's death. It was the answer to all suffering we will face in this world. It was the only thing, the ONLY THING, that was even real.

My car meant nothing. My fitness meant nothing. My house meant nothing. My bank account meant nothing. All the things that I thought were so very important five hours ago were shown for the shallowness that they were. The resurrection of Jesus and His command to "love one another" were the only things that made sense- they were the only things that were real.

When God says "No" to something He could have perfectly well said "Yes" to, He shows us what is real and what isn't. I vowed to spend the rest of my life telling that truth to as many people as I could. God also showed me the brevity of life. I have been inspired to stop playing it safe- to not fear losing things I will lose anyway. Go for it. It's all Monopoly money anyway. My son only had ten days- we aren't guaranteed anything in this life.

I pray that this is helpful to you. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that the things that scream at you from your tv set are important. They aren't. Some of us learn that the easy way. Some of us learn that the hard way. However you learn it, I will tell you this- when life falls apart and everything you thought was important is shown for the bunk that it is, you can rest in the assurance of the resurrection of Jesus.

That's one thing I know for sure. In fact, that's about the ONLY thing I know for sure.