Asking our young people, "Why?"

I was taking my daughter to tennis practice yesterday when she announced to me that she had taken a career aptitude test.  She informed me that the results showed that she was a prime candidate to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, pulling in more than $500,000/year.  I immediately began making plans for a vacation house in Florida paid for by my high-powered CEO daughter.

I told her that I was happy to hear that, because she is a very dedicated, intelligent, diligent, hard-working young woman.  She is a much better student than I ever was and has all the tools to be a success in this world.

I asked her if that was the job she would like to have one day.  She said with excitement, "Yes!"

I said, "Why?"  She looked at me funny.  "Why?" she repeated, with the kind of tone that signified to me that she believed she was talking to an idiot.

"Yes," I said.  "Why?"

She said, "Well, umm, uhh, I mean, making a lot of money is a good thing!"

"It is?"  I said.  "Why?"

"What do you mean, WHY?" she said.

I said, "Casey, one of the things that adults never asked me as a kid was, 'Why?'  No one ever made me think about the choices I made for life.  No one ever asked me to think about things from a Biblical point of view.  Not one person- NOT ONE PERSON- ever asked me what God wanted me to do with my life.  No one forced me to think outside the box of what this culture says is successful.  No one ever asked me, 'Why?"

It was true.  They told me to stay in school.  Why?  So I could go to college.  Why?  So I could get a good job.  Why?  So I could make a lot of money.  Why?  So I could buy a lot of stuff. 

That's the vision.  That's the default mode of what our culture has planned for our young people.  And if we never ask them the question, "Why?" they will follow it hook, line, and sinker.

Stop to think about how un-Christian that line of thought is.  We follow a risen Savior who tells us in Luke 12:15 that our lives do not consist in the abundance of our possessions, yet the ultimate goal of far too many Christian young people is a life that leads exactly to that.

I am pro-education.  I went to college and to seminary for a Master's degree.  However, I believe the purpose of an education is to prepare you to serve God more efficiently in the world, not to prepare you to have a job that enables you to live a life that contradicts the very words of Jesus Himself.

I asked my daughter, "You will be a success in whatever you do.  You're a much better student than I ever was, and your work ethic will guarantee you success in whatever field you choose to work in.  I'm very proud of you."

She said, "Thanks, Daddy."

I said, "The question I want to ask you is this, "How will this world be better because you were in it?  What kind of career or study path can you take so that the gifts and talents God gave you can be used in a way that glorifies Him and leaves this world better than it was when you arrived?"

We have to start asking our young people these questions.  We have to get them thinking about more than what this world envisions for them.  Most importantly, we have to ask our young people, "Why?"  Most of us will go to school, get a job, work, live, and die without anyone ever asking us why we did what we did . . . . or why we DIDN'T do the very things that God designed and intended us for. 

Maybe that question isn't just for young people.  Maybe that question is for all of us right now.

The most annoying thing ever

For those of you who don't know it, I referee high school soccer.  I love it. 

Last night, I was on the sideline over near the stands with a loud pack of parents behind me.  I realized that the most annoying thing in the world as a referee who understands the game is the constant talk of parents who don't.

They thought every time their players were breathed on by the other team that it was a foul.  It was constant.  They knew just enough about the game to be dangerous, and they had no objectivity whatsoever.  The viewed the game through the lens that their team was perfect, that the other team was the enemy, and every move was interpreted through that lens.

The sheer idiocy of the comments amazed even me- and I've been around this game for 35 years.  The lack of their being able to live in reality, to see the game as it truly was, made me think that it was a bunch of kindergarteners (with no disrespect to kindergarteners intended) rather than adults.

Then I realized that this is how God must feel when I approach His Holy Scriptures with my preconceived bias, with my mind already made up, with my theology in place and my doctrine already determined.  He must think it is incredibly annoying when we agree with certain parts of Scripture, disagree with other parts, live out certain parts, fail to live out other parts- simply because we see the Scripture through the same lens that those parents were viewing the game.

And it must be as annoying to God as it was for me as a referee.

One of the constant struggles for me as a Christian is to read the Bible for what it truly is- God's word.  His word must be supreme over my preconceived notions.  His word must be supreme over my theology or beliefs or agenda.  I must approach His word as a student, not as a teacher, because a teachable spirit and arrogance are mutually exclusive. 

I believe Francis Chan said it best:  We must approach Scripture as if we lived on a desert island all alone for our entire lives, with only the Bible to read- never having been to church, never having heard another Christian talk, never having heard a political debate over a Biblical issue.  Would we believe what we believe if all we had was the Bible? 

Those parents behind me missed a great game, simply because they couldn't see past their predetermined bias of how they thought the game should go.  I wonder how many Christians will miss a great and amazing God because of their predetermined bias of how they thought God should be, or act, or do. 

Three phrases that will destroy a marriage

When Rachel and I got married, we decided that there were three phrases that we would treat like a fruitcake at Christmastime or a mad skunk that wandered into our kitchen.  We would wage war against them, kick them out, guard against them, and never utter them as long as we live.

These three phrases signify death to any relationship, especially one between man and woman.  They are toxic, life-threatening, and if used repeatedly, will guarantee death of anything trying to grow into a happy marital bond.  If you ban these three phrases from your life, and especially from your home, you will be much, much happier.

The phrases?

1) "You always . . . . "  As in, "You always forget to take out the trash, or "You always interrupt me," or "You always ignore me."  The reason this phrase is so toxic is that it is simply a lie.  No one ALWAYS does anything.  It also takes the focus off of what is being discussed in the now and brings up things that have happened in the past.  It is a phrase designed to hurt, not help, the situation.  If you are in the habit of starting off sentence with "You always . . . " you are most likely causing the relationship to go downhill quickly.

2)  "You never . . . . " The exact opposite of the first phrase is this second phrase, and it is equally toxic and untrue.  Phrases like, "You never listen to me," or "You never care what I have to say," are rarely, if ever, found in a happy home.  Again, it takes the focus off the present and brings up the past- something that always causes the situation to deteriorate.

3)  "This is just like the time when . . . . "  Again, anything following this phrase is a lie.  No situation is ever exactly the same, and once again, this is a phrase that is designed to hurt the other by bringing up the past instead of focusing on the present.

People who constantly use these phrases are people who want to WIN an argument, not RESOLVE it.  The best marriages are ones where no one seeks to win.  In marriage, or in any relationship, winning always means losing.  If you win an argument, you have lost the heart of your spouse.  Instead, healthy couples strive to resolve, not win.  Quality spouses never want to one-up their significant other.  They take no pleasure in winning.  They take pleasure in resolving issues and loving their spouse in the process.  Only immature people press for the "win" in a relationship- they only care about themselves and being right.  Mature people think about the relationship first; immature people think about themselves first, and will use phrases that will allow them to win by hurting the other person or beating them into submission.

I suggest that you write all three of the phrases listed above down on a piece of paper and post it on the refrigerator door.  Circle them and put a line through them, indicating that these phrases will no longer be allowed in the home.  For some of you, this will cause you to make major shifts in how you talk to people.  Fantastic.  Now you'll stop destroying every relationship you've ever been in.

Instead, start practicing James 1:19- "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."  Try it and see.  You'll be amazed at what God will do in your home.

Some people remind me of a bird hitting a window

I was reading in my living room yesterday when I heard this tremendous SMACK!  I looked up, went to the window, and saw a poor dazed bird flopping around on the ground.  He had flown at full speed into my window and had come close to knocking himself out.

I watched and waited (I wanted to see if he would get up soon, because if not, our cat would be along shortly to finish him off).  He regained his composure and flew off.  I went back to reading.  Literally, about ten minutes later I heard the exact same SMACK and I knew that the bird had returned.  The immortal words of Winston Churchill went through my mind, "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

In teaching the Song of Solomon to my church, I realize that many of us are exactly like that bird when it comes to dating, courtship, and marriage.  Our choice of man or woman leads us to heartbreak and pain, like that bird hitting the window.  We pick ourselves up, then run right out and go after the same kind of person, ending in heartbreak and pain . . . .  again and again and again.

I wonder how long it will take for us to realize that the same actions lead to the same consequences, time and time again.

We have seen the consequences of following what the media, Hollywood, and recording artists says we should do when it comes to dating and marriage.  Why do we listen to Hollywood stars, who have all been married a dozen times, about what is attractive?  Why do we listen to music artists, most of whose personal lives are in shambles, about what to look for in a man or woman?  We are like that bird, hitting the window again and again and again, thinking that this time that window won't be there.

I see people get together, date, move in together, and break up.  Six months later, it's a new girl or new guy, with the same results.  Each time there is a breakup, they look like that bird on the ground after hitting the window, dazed and confused.  Then they get up and do the exact same thing with the same results.  Then, after a series of heartbreaks, they conclude that women or men are awful, that love is never to be found, and that marriage is an ancient institution that is just not fit for our society anymore.  They blame the institution instead of their lack of following the example given by God of how this thing called love is supposed to work.

I wonder when we as a culture will wake up and begin to do things as the Bible portrays in the Song of Solomon.  I wonder when we will start being attracted to what Solomon and his beloved were attracted to.  I wonder when we will start dating the way they did.  I wonder when we as a society will celebrate a man and woman who do things as the Bible says instead of trying to tear them down and mock them, as is so often the case.

That bird didn't come back after the second time.  I think he finally learned the lesson.  I'm not sure if we ever will.

Why tolerance should never be practiced

All over the world, I hear calls for tolerance.

We are supposed to tolerate other people.  We are supposed to tolerate other faiths, races, creeds, political views, opinions, and just about anything else.

Tolerance is a terrible thing, and it should never be practiced.

When I tolerate someone, I can still hate him.  When I tolerate someone, it demeans that person.  It is degrading and demeaning to be "tolerated."

Jesus never told us to tolerate anyone.  Jesus told us to love.

The greatest commandment in the Bible is not to "Tolerate the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and tolerate your neighbor as yourself."  We are to LOVE the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and LOVE our neighbor as ourselves.

Tolerance is easy.  All I have to do is put up with you.  But to love- now, that is hard.

With all the riots in the Middle East and the storming of American embassies, I hear all kinds of calls for tolerance.  Tolerance for our enemies.  Problem- that's not what Jesus told us to do.

He told us to love our enemies.  Jesus knew that a world that simply tolerated each other would still be a terrible place.  His commands were for the people of the world to love each other.

He told us not to tolerate our enemies.  He told us to love our enemies.

Someone might say, "Dave, love would be great.  But in reality, tolerance is all we can hope for."  Maybe that's why the world is in the shape it is in.

What would happen if Hillary Clinton, in her speeches, called for love instead of tolerance?  Why aren't our nation's leaders calling us to love the radical Muslims that burned our embassies and killed our ambassador?  That's what Jesus told us to do.  Why do we think that a world full of tolerance would be any good whatsoever?

What would a marriage be if husband and wife tolerated each other?  Pretty bad marriage.  Not a happy home.

What would a marriage be if husband and wife LOVED each other?  Good stuff.

Same thing is true in our world.  Tolerance is a terrible thing.  It degrades, dehumanizes, and calls us simply to put up with each other.  The result of that would be miserable.  Love, however, is a beautiful thing.  It's what Jesus calls us to do.

We shouldn't tolerate people of other faiths- we should love people of other faiths.  We shouldn't tolerate people of a different race- we should love people of a different race.  We shouldn't tolerate our enemies- we should love our enemies.

If you tolerate me, you put me down.  If you love me, you build me up.  There's a big difference.  Don't ever call for tolerance in this world.  Call for love.

Belonging

I heard Building 429's song, "Where I Belong" on the radio while taking my kids to school yesterday.  My daughter and I were singing along with it.  If you haven't heard it, the chorus goes something like this:

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

I look around at a world in rebellion to God and realize why my heart leaps when I hear this song.  In daily life, it is tempting to resign myself to the fact that I am a citizen of a world where riots break out over stupid amateurish films, or God's design for marriage is ridiculed and challenged, or children in utero are now "choices," or children are forced into sex slavery, or materialism and worldliness are celebrated and championed.

I think the biggest battle that the Christian must fight in today's world is this:  simple worldiness.  We are constantly in danger of planting both feet in this world, aligning our primary citizenship here in this world instead of in heaven.  The earliest Christians never saw themselves as citizens of this world- they saw themselves as "sojourners"- travelers- through this world on a temporary basis.  They saw their primary citizenship in heaven.

Simple love for the shallowness of what this world offers will destroy the faith of millions of Christians.  I see it every day.  Simple love for worldly comforts will keep thousands at home instead of answering the call to foreign missions.  Simple love for worldly things will keep millions of Christians from finding ultimate satisfaction in God.  Simple love for the conventions of this world will move people onto the broad road that Jesus says leads to destruction. 

We are in danger of believing that we belong in this world.

We are in danger of believing that we should get along with what this world says.

We are in danger of sacrificing our citizenship in heaven so that we can be better citizens of this world.

The words of the Building 429 song echo through my head as I write this- "All I know is I'm not home yet/this is not where I belong."  Yet, does that mean that I just throw this world to the wolves, wash my hands of the whole situation, and write this world off as lost?  I can't.  Neither can you.  Love does not allow us to do this.  As long as God loves the people of this world, so must we. 

It's just that I can never allow myself to believe that my first allegiance is to this world and what it offers.  I have to constantly battle with the part of me that wants to believe that I need to fit in or be comfortable in this world, that if this world does not approve of what I am doing or saying that somehow I am in the wrong.  I have to constantly battle with a world that wants to make Jesus into its own image- the kind, loving, easy-pushover guy who was a butler and therapist to everyone (but who never once challenged or convicted or stated clear right from wrong, or who said that most people would walk the broad road leading to destruction, but only few would find the way to everlasting life).  I have to constantly be on my guard for what my heart desires, because every time I find myself desiring what this world offers, it's just another leash this world puts around my neck to stifle my freedom in Christ.

I have to be able to say, honestly, that there is nothing in this world that I need.  I only need Jesus.

Why the words "Who Cares" are essential to the Christian life

I was a middle school and high school soccer coach for many years.  The players I coached did what I told them to do without question.  I sometimes wondered why- why did these 20 players obey this one guy?

The reason they did what I told them to do is that they "needed" what I could give- playing time.

If they didn't do what I told them to do, they would sit the bench.  Ride the pines.  They would have sparkly clean uniforms at the end of the game and would be the laughingstock of the school.

So they did what I told them to do.

I remember one player I coached a long time ago who wouldn't do what I told him to do.  I told him to get in line for a drill- he said, "No."  I told him, "You get in that line, son, or you'll be running laps."  He said, "Who cares?"

I said, "Buddy, if you keep this up, you'll be on the bench the entire game tomorrow."  He said even louder, "WHO CARES?"  I said, "One more word, and you are off this team!"  This time he shouted, "WHO CARES??????"

I realized in that moment that I had no control over this kid, because he didn't value what I could give him.  He didn't want playing time, he didn't want to be on the team, and therefore I couldn't dictate to him what he should do.

I wonder if we as Christians are like the other players on the team being coached by the world and its values.  We don't speak up for our faith because we want what the world can give us- popularity.  We don't live any differently than the non-Christians around us because we want what the world can give us- comfort.  We adopt the same sexual values and same family decisions as the non-Christians around us because we want what the world can give us- approval.

Only when we as Christians can look at the world around us and say, "WHO CARES?" can we be out from under the influence of our non-Christian, secular culture.  We need to be able to look at a world that says, "Money is what you need!" and say "WHO CARES?"  We need to be able to look at a world that says, "Politics will solve all the problems!" and say, "WHO CARES?"

We need to be able to look at a world that says, "Get in line with how we dress, how we think, how we behave, how we do things, or you'll be an outcast!"  and say with a loud voice, "WHO CARES?"

We need to stop wanting what the world can give us.

When we stop wanting what the world can give us, it will have no more influence over us.

However, far too many Christians want what the world can give, and therefore allow it to dictate our values, agendas, lifestyles, and beliefs.  We are living under a tyrannical coach whose only power over us is there because we want the rewards only he can give.

What do you need to say "WHO CARES?" to today?