My parents had a very simple formula for parenting. Very simple. It went something like this:
"Have as few rules as possible, and enforce every single one of them."
That's it. They were the masters of keeping it simple. Their rules for my brother and I were:
1) Keep the language clean
2) Be in when we tell you to be in
3) Do your best in school
4) Respect mom and dad
That was pretty much it. I'm sure there were others from time to time, but my parents never felt the need to burden us with all kinds of rules and regulations. They didn't feel it was necessary to micromanage our lives nor provide us with entertainment and keep us busy.
However, if you crossed one of the lines, they nailed you. Hard. And it wasn't at all pleasant.
I remember one time I came in at 12:30 instead of 12:00. My dad was still awake. He gave me the look, and told me that tomorrow wouldn't be pleasant. It wasn't.
He woke me up at 6 am, which is pure torture to a high school senior on a Saturday. He had about 500 bags of mulch which I had to spread out- took me at least four hours. I could hear the kids down the street playing in the pool while I labored in the hot sun. To make it worse, the entire time I was mulching, he was aerating the yard, tearing up weeds. So, when I was done, I had to lay down sod in the areas he tore up. It wound up taking all day- a Saturday ruined. All for a lousy 30 minutes on a clock.
You can bet I was home before midnight the next week.
My advice to parents is to follow my parents' formula. Keep the rules limited, but enforce every one of them. I believe that our society is moving away from the belief that enforcing rules is important. Too many parents stick up for their kids when their kids break rules. Parents will now go to the school and blame the principal or the teacher for their kids' bad behavior, instead of punishing the kid. I know friends of mine who will ground their kid for a week . . . . and then let the kid off after two days.
News flash to parents- enforcing your own rules will not make your kid a social outcast. It will not make your kid need therapy as an adult, nor will it damage his or her precious psyche or emotional makeup. Will it make him or her mad? Sure. Will you hear complaining and whining and moaning? Yes. Will you be accused of "ruining their lives?" Probably (I've always liked that one).
But you will be a good parent. Your kids will thank you later. And believe me, they will be in by midnight.
"Have as few rules as possible, and enforce every single one of them."
That's it. They were the masters of keeping it simple. Their rules for my brother and I were:
1) Keep the language clean
2) Be in when we tell you to be in
3) Do your best in school
4) Respect mom and dad
That was pretty much it. I'm sure there were others from time to time, but my parents never felt the need to burden us with all kinds of rules and regulations. They didn't feel it was necessary to micromanage our lives nor provide us with entertainment and keep us busy.
However, if you crossed one of the lines, they nailed you. Hard. And it wasn't at all pleasant.
I remember one time I came in at 12:30 instead of 12:00. My dad was still awake. He gave me the look, and told me that tomorrow wouldn't be pleasant. It wasn't.
He woke me up at 6 am, which is pure torture to a high school senior on a Saturday. He had about 500 bags of mulch which I had to spread out- took me at least four hours. I could hear the kids down the street playing in the pool while I labored in the hot sun. To make it worse, the entire time I was mulching, he was aerating the yard, tearing up weeds. So, when I was done, I had to lay down sod in the areas he tore up. It wound up taking all day- a Saturday ruined. All for a lousy 30 minutes on a clock.
You can bet I was home before midnight the next week.
My advice to parents is to follow my parents' formula. Keep the rules limited, but enforce every one of them. I believe that our society is moving away from the belief that enforcing rules is important. Too many parents stick up for their kids when their kids break rules. Parents will now go to the school and blame the principal or the teacher for their kids' bad behavior, instead of punishing the kid. I know friends of mine who will ground their kid for a week . . . . and then let the kid off after two days.
News flash to parents- enforcing your own rules will not make your kid a social outcast. It will not make your kid need therapy as an adult, nor will it damage his or her precious psyche or emotional makeup. Will it make him or her mad? Sure. Will you hear complaining and whining and moaning? Yes. Will you be accused of "ruining their lives?" Probably (I've always liked that one).
But you will be a good parent. Your kids will thank you later. And believe me, they will be in by midnight.
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