I have seen photos like this floating around facebook for some time:
Actually, a daughter is not a promise that you will have a friend forever. Your daughter, or your son, is a promise that you will be a parent forever.
What I have found as a pastor who does a lot of family counseling over the years is that when mom and dad's relationship is distant or nonexistant, there is a tendency for either the mom or the dad to look for their spousal needs to be met through their children; sort of a "My husband won't love me, so maybe my child will" attitude.
The results of this are terrible. Mothers who are overly bonded to their children and rely on their children for friendship and/or partnership build up tremendous resentment in their children, especially in their sons. We have a society full of men who are resentful towards women because of the emotional needs their overly bonded mothers placed on them when they were young. Children who are overly bonded to their parents, especially their mothers, have problems forming other relationships and friendships.
We also have a generation of parents who would rather hang out with their kids than parent their kids. Your children will have many friends in their lifetimes- they will come and go. However, they will only have one mother and father. They need discipline, wisdom, and yes- that will include you being "mean" or being a "jerk" sometimes.
I had great parents. Did I like them all the time? No. Were they "unreasonable," "mean," and "out to ruin my life?" Absolutely. Thank goodness they were. Their best parenting moments were the ones I resented the most, because it would have been much easier to give in to the tantrums and whines of their youngest son. Because they didn't, they formed my character.
My dad didn't particularly care if I was happy. Neither did my mom. They didn't see friendship with me as a good thing or even a desirable thing. If you asked my dad, "How important to you, as a dad, is being a good friend to your son?" he would have answered, "About as important as a good kick in the butt, which is what he needs."
My parents were more concerned with me being GOOD. They were more concerned with me having values, morals, and making right decisions than they were with my happiness. They were more concerned with molding me and shaping me into a real man than they were about me fulfilling some kind of emotional need for friendship that was unfulfilled in their lives. I thank them every day for that.
Maybe when we stop viewing our children as "promises that we will have friends forever" and begin viewing them as people that God has placed in our lives to parent, we will be on the right track. Parenting our children is an important thing. Being friends with our kids is not.
Actually, a daughter is not a promise that you will have a friend forever. Your daughter, or your son, is a promise that you will be a parent forever.
What I have found as a pastor who does a lot of family counseling over the years is that when mom and dad's relationship is distant or nonexistant, there is a tendency for either the mom or the dad to look for their spousal needs to be met through their children; sort of a "My husband won't love me, so maybe my child will" attitude.
The results of this are terrible. Mothers who are overly bonded to their children and rely on their children for friendship and/or partnership build up tremendous resentment in their children, especially in their sons. We have a society full of men who are resentful towards women because of the emotional needs their overly bonded mothers placed on them when they were young. Children who are overly bonded to their parents, especially their mothers, have problems forming other relationships and friendships.
We also have a generation of parents who would rather hang out with their kids than parent their kids. Your children will have many friends in their lifetimes- they will come and go. However, they will only have one mother and father. They need discipline, wisdom, and yes- that will include you being "mean" or being a "jerk" sometimes.
I had great parents. Did I like them all the time? No. Were they "unreasonable," "mean," and "out to ruin my life?" Absolutely. Thank goodness they were. Their best parenting moments were the ones I resented the most, because it would have been much easier to give in to the tantrums and whines of their youngest son. Because they didn't, they formed my character.
My dad didn't particularly care if I was happy. Neither did my mom. They didn't see friendship with me as a good thing or even a desirable thing. If you asked my dad, "How important to you, as a dad, is being a good friend to your son?" he would have answered, "About as important as a good kick in the butt, which is what he needs."
My parents were more concerned with me being GOOD. They were more concerned with me having values, morals, and making right decisions than they were with my happiness. They were more concerned with molding me and shaping me into a real man than they were about me fulfilling some kind of emotional need for friendship that was unfulfilled in their lives. I thank them every day for that.
Maybe when we stop viewing our children as "promises that we will have friends forever" and begin viewing them as people that God has placed in our lives to parent, we will be on the right track. Parenting our children is an important thing. Being friends with our kids is not.
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