One common experience that I hear from married couples is late-night arguing. It goes something like this:
At night, after the kids go to bed, husband and wife are tired. When couples are tired, things that aren't really a big deal BECOME a big deal: clothes on the floor, a chore that was forgotten, what little Billy did at school today, etc. Either husband or wife mentions this, and a discussion begins. The discussion becomes an argument. That argument goes on and on and on into the night, and by 2 am you aren't even talking about what started the argument- you're just mad.
True? It happens to just about every married couple I know.
Why does this happen?
Simple. Things become worse when you are 1) tired and 2) hungry. Late at night is the WORST time to discuss or solve anything.
That's why I propose a new rule in all households- the beautiful 10:00 rule.
The 10:00 rule simply says this- unless the house is on fire or someone is being murdered downstairs in the family room, it doesn't need to be dealt with tonight. After 10:00 pm, the only things that happen in this house are sleep and sex.
Most things that are "important" and "urgent" at 10:00 pm can be solved the next day, after a good night's sleep and breakfast. I've found that most of what I feel HAS to be discussed and solved at night isn't really even that big a deal at 8 am the next morning.
Seems simple, but you'd be amazed how much conflict, strife, arguing, and total destruction of marriages occurs after 10:00 pm. I would even go as far as to say that most marriages are destroyed after 10:00.
So stop it.
Set an alarm at 10:00. After it goes off, stop talking about it. It's not important. It's not crucial. The things that upset you late at night have more to do with the fact that you are tired and hungry than they do with what actually happened. Husbands and wives, how many of you have argued into the wee hours of the morning, only to wake up and realize how stupid the argument was?
How many of us have said things in those arguments- lost our cool, lost our tempers- that we thoroughly regret? How many of you, had you tackled the problem in the morning after a good night's sleep, would have handled it much differently? How many of the things we argued about at night weren't even issues in the morning?
If most marriages are destroyed after 10:00, then refuse to destroy your marriage.
Nothing but sleep and sex after 10:00. If it's still an issue in the morning, which most of the time it won't be, tackle it then. You'll be amazed at how much better your marriage will be.
After 10:00 pm:
-Don't mention the clothes on the floor. Doesn't matter if it's the third time this week. Resist the temptation to make it an issue.
-Don't discuss problems with the kids. From 10:00 pm on, it's YOUR time as a couple. Resist the temptation to discuss kids.
-Don't discuss finances. It's not the time. Your bank statement and financial situation will be there in the morning. Don't discuss expenditures, debt, budget, etc after 10:00.
Simply enjoy each other. Sleep and sex only. Make the decision that those are the only two things allowed in the house after 10:00. You'll be amazed at how different your marriage will be.
Put it into practice and see what happens. Good night and God bless!
At night, after the kids go to bed, husband and wife are tired. When couples are tired, things that aren't really a big deal BECOME a big deal: clothes on the floor, a chore that was forgotten, what little Billy did at school today, etc. Either husband or wife mentions this, and a discussion begins. The discussion becomes an argument. That argument goes on and on and on into the night, and by 2 am you aren't even talking about what started the argument- you're just mad.
True? It happens to just about every married couple I know.
Why does this happen?
Simple. Things become worse when you are 1) tired and 2) hungry. Late at night is the WORST time to discuss or solve anything.
That's why I propose a new rule in all households- the beautiful 10:00 rule.
The 10:00 rule simply says this- unless the house is on fire or someone is being murdered downstairs in the family room, it doesn't need to be dealt with tonight. After 10:00 pm, the only things that happen in this house are sleep and sex.
Most things that are "important" and "urgent" at 10:00 pm can be solved the next day, after a good night's sleep and breakfast. I've found that most of what I feel HAS to be discussed and solved at night isn't really even that big a deal at 8 am the next morning.
Seems simple, but you'd be amazed how much conflict, strife, arguing, and total destruction of marriages occurs after 10:00 pm. I would even go as far as to say that most marriages are destroyed after 10:00.
So stop it.
Set an alarm at 10:00. After it goes off, stop talking about it. It's not important. It's not crucial. The things that upset you late at night have more to do with the fact that you are tired and hungry than they do with what actually happened. Husbands and wives, how many of you have argued into the wee hours of the morning, only to wake up and realize how stupid the argument was?
How many of us have said things in those arguments- lost our cool, lost our tempers- that we thoroughly regret? How many of you, had you tackled the problem in the morning after a good night's sleep, would have handled it much differently? How many of the things we argued about at night weren't even issues in the morning?
If most marriages are destroyed after 10:00, then refuse to destroy your marriage.
Nothing but sleep and sex after 10:00. If it's still an issue in the morning, which most of the time it won't be, tackle it then. You'll be amazed at how much better your marriage will be.
After 10:00 pm:
-Don't mention the clothes on the floor. Doesn't matter if it's the third time this week. Resist the temptation to make it an issue.
-Don't discuss problems with the kids. From 10:00 pm on, it's YOUR time as a couple. Resist the temptation to discuss kids.
-Don't discuss finances. It's not the time. Your bank statement and financial situation will be there in the morning. Don't discuss expenditures, debt, budget, etc after 10:00.
Simply enjoy each other. Sleep and sex only. Make the decision that those are the only two things allowed in the house after 10:00. You'll be amazed at how different your marriage will be.
Put it into practice and see what happens. Good night and God bless!
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