I grew up in a school system where 92% and above was an "A." 83% and higher was a "B," and so on and so forth. I thought that was a decently fair grading system (not that anyone asked me), because you could make a few mistakes here and there and still get good grades.
Someone who gets it right 95% of the time is probably a pretty successful person, right? I mean, 95% is a pretty high number for accuracy. I think all of us would like to have that kind of grade on life, wouldn't we?
Nope.
In many aspects of life, 95% is failing. It's a failing grade. So is a 99%. So is a 99.9999%.
What do you call a man who is faithful to his wife 99% of the time? An adulterer.
What do you call a woman who tells the truth 99% of the time? A liar.
What do you call a person who obeys the speed limit 99.95% of the time? A speeder (at least, the cop who pulls you over will think that).
What do you call someone who keeps his promises 90% of the time? Unreliable.
I've come to realize that the most important trait in life is consistency. We could list a bunch of good traits to have, such as honesty, faith, integrity, faithfulness, goodness, self-controlled, etc. Those are all fantastic traits.
However, without consistency, none of those matter. If you aren't consistently honest, if you aren't consistently faithful, if you aren't consistently self-controlled, then those traits are meaningless.
The biggest liar that you know probably tells the truth 75% of the time. That's a "C" on a grading scale. Not stellar, but at least its average. A cheating husband or wife, if you averaged out the days, was probably faithful 90% of the time at least. That's a high "B" in most books. Pretty good, huh?
No.
As I've grown older, the more I realize the value of consistency. Consistency- being the same person, exercising the same values, staying true to your core beliefs day in and day out over the course of a lifetime- is really the only thing that matters. There must be consistency in any person's life if they are to be successful.
This is especially true in parenting. My parents weren't perfect. However, they were consistent. Their values and their rules didn't change with the day, nor did their punishments when I screwed up. If they said I was grounded for two weeks, I was grounded for two weeks. They didn't change it after a day or two (as some parents do). Also, the rules didn't change with my parents' mood. I'm sure there were days when they didn't feel like enforcing the rules. It would have been easier just to let me get away with it. However, they stayed consistent.
What that did for me and my brother was it created security. Consistent parents create secure kids. When kids aren't left guessing as to when mom and dad will show up; if they aren't left guessing as to what will set mom and dad off this time; if they aren't punished one day for something and not the next, kids form a great sense of identity and purpose.
However, when consistency isn't there, it sets the kids up for failure.
I hear quite often about the tough time teachers nowadays have with kids in their classrooms. They spend far too much time being disciplinarians to children who are acting out. However, acting out is only a symptom of the problem. We treat the symptom and don't address the root cause.
I believe the root cause of so many discipline cases in schools is the following formula:
Inconsistency---> Confusion ---> Frustration ---> Acting Out.
The child receives inconsistent messages at home. Doesn't know what is right or wrong; hasn't developed security of purpose and clarity. Therefore, the child is confused. If you've ever tried to accomplish a task that is confusing, or you don't know what to do, or haven't been given the tools to accomplish it, it quickly leads to frustration. That frustration boils over into acting out.
What we normally do is we punish the child. We send them to detention, put them in time out, etc. All that stops is the acting out. . . . . for a time. It doesn't address the frustration felt by a confused kid who has had no consistency at home.
Parents, if you are having problems with your children at school; if they are constantly getting in trouble, if they don't respect authority and are causing headaches for teachers, coaches, and yes, even you, stop looking at the behavior. Follow the formula back to the beginning- does your child have consistency?
Is your word good? When you say you'll do something, do you do it? When you tell a child something, can he or she trust that it's the truth? Does he or she sleep in the same bed every night? Same bedtime every night? Do you consistently expect them to do homework, consistently eat meals with them, consistently talk with them?
Give your children the gift of consistency. It is truly what they need. When I look back on my time in my parents' house, I can honestly say that the gift of consistency was the greatest gift my parents gave me. I knew my dad would be home every night. I knew I would sleep in the same bed every night. I knew we would eat together as a family every night. I knew my parents' rules and I knew the punishments that would happen if I broke them. They had very few rules and they enforced them EVERY TIME. Consistency built me into the person I am today.
This world is dying for people who are consistent. Our homes needs consistent parents. Our businesses need consistent employees. Our churches need consistent members. Our spouses need consistent spouses. This world is full of flighty, unreliable, temperamental people who can't be counted on to do what is right. Don't be a person like that. Your children deserve better. So does your spouse, so does your place of employment, so does your church.
Give that gift to this world. Consistency is THE most important trait in life.
Someone who gets it right 95% of the time is probably a pretty successful person, right? I mean, 95% is a pretty high number for accuracy. I think all of us would like to have that kind of grade on life, wouldn't we?
Nope.
In many aspects of life, 95% is failing. It's a failing grade. So is a 99%. So is a 99.9999%.
What do you call a man who is faithful to his wife 99% of the time? An adulterer.
What do you call a woman who tells the truth 99% of the time? A liar.
What do you call a person who obeys the speed limit 99.95% of the time? A speeder (at least, the cop who pulls you over will think that).
What do you call someone who keeps his promises 90% of the time? Unreliable.
I've come to realize that the most important trait in life is consistency. We could list a bunch of good traits to have, such as honesty, faith, integrity, faithfulness, goodness, self-controlled, etc. Those are all fantastic traits.
However, without consistency, none of those matter. If you aren't consistently honest, if you aren't consistently faithful, if you aren't consistently self-controlled, then those traits are meaningless.
The biggest liar that you know probably tells the truth 75% of the time. That's a "C" on a grading scale. Not stellar, but at least its average. A cheating husband or wife, if you averaged out the days, was probably faithful 90% of the time at least. That's a high "B" in most books. Pretty good, huh?
No.
As I've grown older, the more I realize the value of consistency. Consistency- being the same person, exercising the same values, staying true to your core beliefs day in and day out over the course of a lifetime- is really the only thing that matters. There must be consistency in any person's life if they are to be successful.
This is especially true in parenting. My parents weren't perfect. However, they were consistent. Their values and their rules didn't change with the day, nor did their punishments when I screwed up. If they said I was grounded for two weeks, I was grounded for two weeks. They didn't change it after a day or two (as some parents do). Also, the rules didn't change with my parents' mood. I'm sure there were days when they didn't feel like enforcing the rules. It would have been easier just to let me get away with it. However, they stayed consistent.
What that did for me and my brother was it created security. Consistent parents create secure kids. When kids aren't left guessing as to when mom and dad will show up; if they aren't left guessing as to what will set mom and dad off this time; if they aren't punished one day for something and not the next, kids form a great sense of identity and purpose.
However, when consistency isn't there, it sets the kids up for failure.
I hear quite often about the tough time teachers nowadays have with kids in their classrooms. They spend far too much time being disciplinarians to children who are acting out. However, acting out is only a symptom of the problem. We treat the symptom and don't address the root cause.
I believe the root cause of so many discipline cases in schools is the following formula:
Inconsistency---> Confusion ---> Frustration ---> Acting Out.
The child receives inconsistent messages at home. Doesn't know what is right or wrong; hasn't developed security of purpose and clarity. Therefore, the child is confused. If you've ever tried to accomplish a task that is confusing, or you don't know what to do, or haven't been given the tools to accomplish it, it quickly leads to frustration. That frustration boils over into acting out.
What we normally do is we punish the child. We send them to detention, put them in time out, etc. All that stops is the acting out. . . . . for a time. It doesn't address the frustration felt by a confused kid who has had no consistency at home.
Parents, if you are having problems with your children at school; if they are constantly getting in trouble, if they don't respect authority and are causing headaches for teachers, coaches, and yes, even you, stop looking at the behavior. Follow the formula back to the beginning- does your child have consistency?
Is your word good? When you say you'll do something, do you do it? When you tell a child something, can he or she trust that it's the truth? Does he or she sleep in the same bed every night? Same bedtime every night? Do you consistently expect them to do homework, consistently eat meals with them, consistently talk with them?
Give your children the gift of consistency. It is truly what they need. When I look back on my time in my parents' house, I can honestly say that the gift of consistency was the greatest gift my parents gave me. I knew my dad would be home every night. I knew I would sleep in the same bed every night. I knew we would eat together as a family every night. I knew my parents' rules and I knew the punishments that would happen if I broke them. They had very few rules and they enforced them EVERY TIME. Consistency built me into the person I am today.
This world is dying for people who are consistent. Our homes needs consistent parents. Our businesses need consistent employees. Our churches need consistent members. Our spouses need consistent spouses. This world is full of flighty, unreliable, temperamental people who can't be counted on to do what is right. Don't be a person like that. Your children deserve better. So does your spouse, so does your place of employment, so does your church.
Give that gift to this world. Consistency is THE most important trait in life.
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