In the last several weeks, we've heard a few stories of boys getting suspended for mimicking guns in school. The most recent one was where a seven-year-old boy ate a pop tart into the shape of a gun. He was suspended for two days.
Besides the obvious stupidity behind such a punishment, there is a darker thing going on. The fact that the boys were mimicking guns is merely a symptom. This isn't about guns. This is about masculinity.
Our society is dead-set on pushing masculinity out of our culture. The youngest victims of this war are our boys. These very young soon-to-be-men, at the first hint of expressing their natural masculinity and emerging manhood, are ridiculed, punished, medicated, or "re-educated."
If you look at images of men in the media, most are buffoons. The Big Bang Theory (honestly one of the funniest shows on right now) shows men to be immature geeks, one not able to cut the cord from his mommy, one OCD, one unable to talk with women, all whiners, and all unable to accomplish what previous generations of men have accomplished by their early 20s- marriage, fatherhood, and self-sufficiency. Dads are routinely mocked as incompetent (if they are even present), and any hint of chivalry or masculinity is derided as knuckle-dragging sexism.
The men who are held up as "good men" are ones that are rather effeminate and docile.
This shows a dangerous trend in our country. With many, if not most, boys growing up in homes without a father, they are left without a model of what a man really is. Combine that with natural expressions of masculinity, such as making guns out of pop tarts or PB&J sandwiches (something I did as a young boy all the time) being severely punished in schools, and then add to it the images of buffoonery in the media about men, is it any wonder why our boys are growing up with major issues?
I used to make guns out of sticks and stones. My friends and I went on imaginary adventures where we armed ourselves to the teeth with armor, swords, guns, helmets, capes, and just about anything else a warrior would wear. We would wander into the woods fighting imaginary creatures, slaying dragons, and being the hero of the day. No one taught us this. We did it naturally. It was a natural and healthy expression of our emerging masculine nature. We were allowed to be boys. I grew up in an America where it was actually okay to to be a boy- adventures and weapons and risk and being a warrior were encouraged as healthy expressions of childhood.
Not any more.
Now those things are discouraged and punished, as if they were a threat to society. I would argue that the biggest threat to society are men who don't know how to be men. The biggest threat to society is not a boy who makes a "gun" out of a pop tart; rather, it is the male who has been told that everything about him is wrong and bad, forcing him into a docile and feminized role in life. Meanwhile, these men are incapable of anything that previous generations of men have been able to do- commit to marriage, fulfill the masculine role that women need them to fulfill, raise children and encourage them, provide for the home, and stand on his own two feet. I would argue that it is THAT phenomenon, rather than a boy with a sword, that is tearing apart our country's fabric.
The biggest problem with the war on masculinity, however, is the fact that "God made them male and female." He designated men and women to be different. Our culture is trying to tell boys and girls that they are the same. They aren't. They are naturally different. Boys need to know that their desire to be dangerous is part of being made in God's image. As author John Eldredge wrote, God created the wild places of the earth. He created the wolverine, the kodiac bear, the great white shark, and the scorpion. God is not a docile God. The Bible describes God as a warrior. And little boys, being made in the image of God, are warriors as well.
I believe that American culture hates masculinity because masculinity can't be controlled. A man who understands that he was made in the image of God, the God who created wildness and risk and adventure, can't be constrained. American culture is increasingly risk-avoidant, prizing safety and security at the risk of freedom, so naturally boys and men who are made in the image of God are a serious threat. So instead of encouraging masculinity, we medicate our boys to turn them into creatures whose behavior resembles that of their female classmates. We suspend boys for being boys in school. We force them into a feminine mold, telling them to prefer safety and security over risk and adventure and wildness.
The result is a bunch of sullen, distant, angry men who have no idea what it means to be masculine. This has been bad for the family, bad for society, and especially bad for the church. We don't need men to be feminine. We need men to be masculine. Punishing a boy for making a "gun" out of a pop tart sends the message that being a boy is evil. It's time for our society to wake up and realize what the societal structures are doing to our sons. We already see the results of it.
Besides the obvious stupidity behind such a punishment, there is a darker thing going on. The fact that the boys were mimicking guns is merely a symptom. This isn't about guns. This is about masculinity.
Our society is dead-set on pushing masculinity out of our culture. The youngest victims of this war are our boys. These very young soon-to-be-men, at the first hint of expressing their natural masculinity and emerging manhood, are ridiculed, punished, medicated, or "re-educated."
If you look at images of men in the media, most are buffoons. The Big Bang Theory (honestly one of the funniest shows on right now) shows men to be immature geeks, one not able to cut the cord from his mommy, one OCD, one unable to talk with women, all whiners, and all unable to accomplish what previous generations of men have accomplished by their early 20s- marriage, fatherhood, and self-sufficiency. Dads are routinely mocked as incompetent (if they are even present), and any hint of chivalry or masculinity is derided as knuckle-dragging sexism.
The men who are held up as "good men" are ones that are rather effeminate and docile.
This shows a dangerous trend in our country. With many, if not most, boys growing up in homes without a father, they are left without a model of what a man really is. Combine that with natural expressions of masculinity, such as making guns out of pop tarts or PB&J sandwiches (something I did as a young boy all the time) being severely punished in schools, and then add to it the images of buffoonery in the media about men, is it any wonder why our boys are growing up with major issues?
I used to make guns out of sticks and stones. My friends and I went on imaginary adventures where we armed ourselves to the teeth with armor, swords, guns, helmets, capes, and just about anything else a warrior would wear. We would wander into the woods fighting imaginary creatures, slaying dragons, and being the hero of the day. No one taught us this. We did it naturally. It was a natural and healthy expression of our emerging masculine nature. We were allowed to be boys. I grew up in an America where it was actually okay to to be a boy- adventures and weapons and risk and being a warrior were encouraged as healthy expressions of childhood.
Not any more.
Now those things are discouraged and punished, as if they were a threat to society. I would argue that the biggest threat to society are men who don't know how to be men. The biggest threat to society is not a boy who makes a "gun" out of a pop tart; rather, it is the male who has been told that everything about him is wrong and bad, forcing him into a docile and feminized role in life. Meanwhile, these men are incapable of anything that previous generations of men have been able to do- commit to marriage, fulfill the masculine role that women need them to fulfill, raise children and encourage them, provide for the home, and stand on his own two feet. I would argue that it is THAT phenomenon, rather than a boy with a sword, that is tearing apart our country's fabric.
The biggest problem with the war on masculinity, however, is the fact that "God made them male and female." He designated men and women to be different. Our culture is trying to tell boys and girls that they are the same. They aren't. They are naturally different. Boys need to know that their desire to be dangerous is part of being made in God's image. As author John Eldredge wrote, God created the wild places of the earth. He created the wolverine, the kodiac bear, the great white shark, and the scorpion. God is not a docile God. The Bible describes God as a warrior. And little boys, being made in the image of God, are warriors as well.
I believe that American culture hates masculinity because masculinity can't be controlled. A man who understands that he was made in the image of God, the God who created wildness and risk and adventure, can't be constrained. American culture is increasingly risk-avoidant, prizing safety and security at the risk of freedom, so naturally boys and men who are made in the image of God are a serious threat. So instead of encouraging masculinity, we medicate our boys to turn them into creatures whose behavior resembles that of their female classmates. We suspend boys for being boys in school. We force them into a feminine mold, telling them to prefer safety and security over risk and adventure and wildness.
The result is a bunch of sullen, distant, angry men who have no idea what it means to be masculine. This has been bad for the family, bad for society, and especially bad for the church. We don't need men to be feminine. We need men to be masculine. Punishing a boy for making a "gun" out of a pop tart sends the message that being a boy is evil. It's time for our society to wake up and realize what the societal structures are doing to our sons. We already see the results of it.
This brought to mind how already the nearly 8 month old twins I babysit for are already pushing each other around, attempting to wrestle as much as their uncoordinated bodies will allow. Anything noisy they love. Nothing makes them giggle more than when I'm devouring them with tickles. (True most babies love tickles I know but, yeah.
ReplyDeleteI have baby sat for a family before where they encourage little noise, play quietly, no wrestling.. and at least once a week their eldest son would launch into an all out fit. Punching, screaming, uncontrollably violent. I think some of it bespeaks other issues but, I also noticed that those incidences happened far less frequently if several times that week they'd been allowed to run around screaming in the yard, pretending to be spies, shooting at each other, etc.
Ok.. I'm done with my rant now.
I pray that I can be a mother someday who raises a godly man just as well as my mother-in-law raised hers.
Thank you for speaking out for our boys.
ReplyDeleteOur culture seems to hate children in general, medicating them into cooperative dolls and valuing them only for the money they can get their parents to spend. And boys seem to bear an especially heavy load. They receive conflicting messages about being strong and tough and never admit weakness or hurt, but are also exhorted by women to share their emotions. (Of course, the lucky boys who happen to be more sensitive than typical boys and are able to meet the well-mannered, emotive demands of these progressive adults are rewarded with labels such as "effeminate" and "gay" before they even reach puberty.)
Boys are expected to be docile, but somehow aggressive enough to succeed in work and play. They are ridiculed if they show just about any emotion except anger, which they are subsequently punished for showing. They are expected to be sexually active (but responsible), so for the estimated one in six boys who experiences sexual abuse before he turns 18, our society offers little except shame, ridicule, disbelief, and rejection (especially when they are abused by women). It breaks my heart.
Is it any wonder our boys and men waste so much time hiding out in their man-caves playing video games instead of engaging in real life? Not to mention our nation's chronic drug and alcohol abuse problem. Who wouldn't want to escape this kind of oppressive shaming?
Our children are told "be yourself" and "you can be anything you want to be". What that really seems to mean is "be rich, famous, and beautiful. And don't upset other people too much."
"Who will father the children of men? Whose arms are big enough for all the lonely children of the world? Who weeps over our pains? Who will comfort us in our loneliness? Only God. A brokenhearted Father who is rejected by the little ones He yearns to heal." - John Dawson.