A friend called me today to tell me the great news. His wife had gotten a job! To this family, this was a dream come true, and I was very happy for them.
Then he began telling me all the things that this new job would do to their family.
-Kids would go to daycare. Nothing wrong with daycare- some of my best friends use daycare and the kids are doing great.
-Between his and his wife's schedules, there would probably be only one family meal per night: previously, they ate together about five nights per week.
-Would have to stop going to their small group (which they loved) at church because they were going to be too busy.
Now, I have no problem with both husbands and wives working. My wife works three days a week as a nurse, is very good at it, blesses people with her wit, work ethic, and tremendous competence, and her office would suffer if she ever left. However, the question that each American family must ask is: why?
Why do both parents work?
Some people say, "We both have to work to pay the bills." That may be so, and that is up to each individual family. However, I would argue that parents are both working because they are convinced that the things they don't need are more important than the things they do need.
Say what?
I'll say it again- I believe that Americans are convinced that the things they DON'T need are more important than the things they DO need.
Look at the things that the above couple sacrificed in order to have a higher standard of living. They sacrificed time with children- time that allows the transmission of values, morals, faith, and love from one generation to the other. They sacrificed family meals and togetherness. They sacrificed Christian fellowship with people they really care about and really care about them.
We as Americans have become convinced that the things we DON'T need are more important than the things we DO need. I asked my small group last night to estimate the percentage of things in their houses that would be considered "necessities" and "luxuries." By necessities, I mean things that are essential to survival- things that are true needs. As a guiding criteria, I mentioned that anything that people didn't have 20 years ago, and survived just fine without, would not be considered a "necessity."
Of all the people in the room, no one had a ratio smaller than 10/90. 90% of all that we owned would be considered non-essential. Now, luxuries are not evil in and of themselves. I enjoy air conditioning in the summer and like my microwave oven; I like my bed that I sleep in and my hot running water; I like having two cars and enjoy having a cell phone. However, I would be a fool to think of those as necessities, because 90% of humans on this planet live every day without them and they do just fine. I like them, but I don't need them.
So, if these things are not inherently evil, what's the big deal?
The big deal is that in the pursuit of things we don't need, we've sacrificed the things we do need.
A Pew research study that came out several years ago showed that fathers spent an average of 5 minutes speaking with their children on a daily basis. Couples spent an average of 11 minutes per day talking. That is not enough time to convey love. That is not enough time to transmit values to the next generation. The average American work week has increased steadily since 1970, with all of us knocking ourselves out so that we will have enough money to buy the things we don't need.
There is nothing wrong with both parents working . . . . as long as you don't sacrifice the things your family needs most. Your family will do just fine without the newest gadget that didn't exist five years ago but now your kids desperately need. Your family will do just fine without more house than you need, or more car than you need, or more decorations than you need. Your family will do just fine without eating out every night or taking expensive weekend vacations every month.
Your family WON'T do fine without time, love, patience, and the transmission of values from one generation to the next.
It's time for Americans to start realizing and prioritizing what we actually need. If that means a lower standard of living, so that you give your family what they truly need, you've made a good decision. You will be someone's ancestor- what will your descendants say about you? I certainly don't remember things that my parents bought for me, but I certainly remember the morals and values that were passed on to me. Those are the things that matter for eternity.
Don't be deceived into thinking that the things you don't need are more important than the things you DO need.
Then he began telling me all the things that this new job would do to their family.
-Kids would go to daycare. Nothing wrong with daycare- some of my best friends use daycare and the kids are doing great.
-Between his and his wife's schedules, there would probably be only one family meal per night: previously, they ate together about five nights per week.
-Would have to stop going to their small group (which they loved) at church because they were going to be too busy.
Now, I have no problem with both husbands and wives working. My wife works three days a week as a nurse, is very good at it, blesses people with her wit, work ethic, and tremendous competence, and her office would suffer if she ever left. However, the question that each American family must ask is: why?
Why do both parents work?
Some people say, "We both have to work to pay the bills." That may be so, and that is up to each individual family. However, I would argue that parents are both working because they are convinced that the things they don't need are more important than the things they do need.
Say what?
I'll say it again- I believe that Americans are convinced that the things they DON'T need are more important than the things they DO need.
Look at the things that the above couple sacrificed in order to have a higher standard of living. They sacrificed time with children- time that allows the transmission of values, morals, faith, and love from one generation to the other. They sacrificed family meals and togetherness. They sacrificed Christian fellowship with people they really care about and really care about them.
We as Americans have become convinced that the things we DON'T need are more important than the things we DO need. I asked my small group last night to estimate the percentage of things in their houses that would be considered "necessities" and "luxuries." By necessities, I mean things that are essential to survival- things that are true needs. As a guiding criteria, I mentioned that anything that people didn't have 20 years ago, and survived just fine without, would not be considered a "necessity."
Of all the people in the room, no one had a ratio smaller than 10/90. 90% of all that we owned would be considered non-essential. Now, luxuries are not evil in and of themselves. I enjoy air conditioning in the summer and like my microwave oven; I like my bed that I sleep in and my hot running water; I like having two cars and enjoy having a cell phone. However, I would be a fool to think of those as necessities, because 90% of humans on this planet live every day without them and they do just fine. I like them, but I don't need them.
So, if these things are not inherently evil, what's the big deal?
The big deal is that in the pursuit of things we don't need, we've sacrificed the things we do need.
A Pew research study that came out several years ago showed that fathers spent an average of 5 minutes speaking with their children on a daily basis. Couples spent an average of 11 minutes per day talking. That is not enough time to convey love. That is not enough time to transmit values to the next generation. The average American work week has increased steadily since 1970, with all of us knocking ourselves out so that we will have enough money to buy the things we don't need.
There is nothing wrong with both parents working . . . . as long as you don't sacrifice the things your family needs most. Your family will do just fine without the newest gadget that didn't exist five years ago but now your kids desperately need. Your family will do just fine without more house than you need, or more car than you need, or more decorations than you need. Your family will do just fine without eating out every night or taking expensive weekend vacations every month.
Your family WON'T do fine without time, love, patience, and the transmission of values from one generation to the next.
It's time for Americans to start realizing and prioritizing what we actually need. If that means a lower standard of living, so that you give your family what they truly need, you've made a good decision. You will be someone's ancestor- what will your descendants say about you? I certainly don't remember things that my parents bought for me, but I certainly remember the morals and values that were passed on to me. Those are the things that matter for eternity.
Don't be deceived into thinking that the things you don't need are more important than the things you DO need.
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