An old family friend told me on the day of my wedding, "Look, boy. See that beautiful woman in that white dress? This is the best she will ever look. This is the best YOU will ever look. From this point forward, it's ALL downhill. She won't ever look as good as she does today. Neither will you."
He added, "I hope there's something more between you two than looks, because if there isn't, today is the best your marriage will ever be. Every day from this point forward will be a disappointment."
I remember the first time I ever heard about an "arranged marriage." I thought about how barbaric that was- someone's family picking your future spouse for you? What did they know about marriage? What if the person they picked out was ugly? Or mean? Or nasty? Or, you had nothing in common with them whatsoever?
I think we can ask the same questions in our society as marriages continue to dissolve at the 50% rate- what do WE know about marriage? Why did this person turn out mean? Why did she turn out nasty? Why did he become so ugly? Why do we have nothing in common?
The hard truth is- arranged marriages in other cultures have a better track record than we do. It's true. One of the reasons is that people who are older and who have been married longer know that beauty is fleeting. It is character that makes a marriage last, not physical beauty. If physical beauty was the thing that made marriage last, Hollywood would have the best marriage rate. We all know THAT isn't the case.
In cultures that arrange marriage, the parents look for things like work ethic, responsibility, family history, honesty, etc. They then choose a mate for their son or daughter based on character. Then, over time, romance develops. In our culture, the opposite is true. We base our relationships on the temporary and fleeting thing we call "love"- and watch the passion fade as it always does. We then realize that the man we married is a pouty, whiny baby who cries when he doesn't get his way and the woman we married is a screeching owl with all the gentleness and soul of a wolverine.
So what do we truly find attractive? In the Bible, it tells the women to look for a man who has a Name. This is not just a word describing a person- a Name, biblically, is the man's unchanging character. His Name is his honesty, his uprightness, his strength. This Name is described as "perfume poured out" (Song of Solomon 1:3)- pleasing and desirable.
The guys are told to look for a woman who is hardworking, who has a servant's heart, and whose beauty comes from a gentle and lovely spirit (Song of Solomon 1:5-7). These are characteristics that increase over time, unlike physical attractiveness, which fades over time.
I am very excited about the upcoming Catalyst Christian Church series- "What's Love Got To Do With It?" It is a seven-week series based on the Song of Solomon, and we will cover every aspect of attraction, dating, marriage, sex, romance, and longevity that this amazing book of the Bible talks about. If you are in the Lexington/Nicholasville area, I strongly urge you to come and experience this series with us. If you are not from this area, which many of you aren't, you can listen to the podcast each week. Go to www.catalystchristian.net and click our podcast link.
Here is the series schedule:
September 16- Who Should I Be Attracted To?
September 23- How To Date
September 30- Winning the Heart- Courtship
October 7- God's Path to Sexual Intimacy . . . . That LASTS
October 14- How To Fight Fair
October 21- Winning the Heart for a Lifetime- God's Path to Romance
October 28- Finishing Strong- The Art of Longevity
I pray that this series will cast a new light on something that our culture has simply gotten so wrong. I hope to see you there!
He added, "I hope there's something more between you two than looks, because if there isn't, today is the best your marriage will ever be. Every day from this point forward will be a disappointment."
I remember the first time I ever heard about an "arranged marriage." I thought about how barbaric that was- someone's family picking your future spouse for you? What did they know about marriage? What if the person they picked out was ugly? Or mean? Or nasty? Or, you had nothing in common with them whatsoever?
I think we can ask the same questions in our society as marriages continue to dissolve at the 50% rate- what do WE know about marriage? Why did this person turn out mean? Why did she turn out nasty? Why did he become so ugly? Why do we have nothing in common?
The hard truth is- arranged marriages in other cultures have a better track record than we do. It's true. One of the reasons is that people who are older and who have been married longer know that beauty is fleeting. It is character that makes a marriage last, not physical beauty. If physical beauty was the thing that made marriage last, Hollywood would have the best marriage rate. We all know THAT isn't the case.
In cultures that arrange marriage, the parents look for things like work ethic, responsibility, family history, honesty, etc. They then choose a mate for their son or daughter based on character. Then, over time, romance develops. In our culture, the opposite is true. We base our relationships on the temporary and fleeting thing we call "love"- and watch the passion fade as it always does. We then realize that the man we married is a pouty, whiny baby who cries when he doesn't get his way and the woman we married is a screeching owl with all the gentleness and soul of a wolverine.
So what do we truly find attractive? In the Bible, it tells the women to look for a man who has a Name. This is not just a word describing a person- a Name, biblically, is the man's unchanging character. His Name is his honesty, his uprightness, his strength. This Name is described as "perfume poured out" (Song of Solomon 1:3)- pleasing and desirable.
The guys are told to look for a woman who is hardworking, who has a servant's heart, and whose beauty comes from a gentle and lovely spirit (Song of Solomon 1:5-7). These are characteristics that increase over time, unlike physical attractiveness, which fades over time.
I am very excited about the upcoming Catalyst Christian Church series- "What's Love Got To Do With It?" It is a seven-week series based on the Song of Solomon, and we will cover every aspect of attraction, dating, marriage, sex, romance, and longevity that this amazing book of the Bible talks about. If you are in the Lexington/Nicholasville area, I strongly urge you to come and experience this series with us. If you are not from this area, which many of you aren't, you can listen to the podcast each week. Go to www.catalystchristian.net and click our podcast link.
Here is the series schedule:
September 16- Who Should I Be Attracted To?
September 23- How To Date
September 30- Winning the Heart- Courtship
October 7- God's Path to Sexual Intimacy . . . . That LASTS
October 14- How To Fight Fair
October 21- Winning the Heart for a Lifetime- God's Path to Romance
October 28- Finishing Strong- The Art of Longevity
I pray that this series will cast a new light on something that our culture has simply gotten so wrong. I hope to see you there!
No comments:
Post a Comment