Anger. It seems like it pervades our culture. It is broadcast all over the media- angry people yelling, throwing things at each other, arguing over the slightest thing.
It doesn't take much to get people in America angry these days. Most men I know would describe themselves as "angry." College campuses are full of people getting angry- we now have micro-aggressions and micro-invalidations and micro-assaults and micro-insults . . . . and a whole LOT of micro-maturity.
Why are people so angry? What causes anger?
The answer is so simple that it will totally take you by surprise.
Two-thousand years ago, James (the brother of Jesus) wrote the following in the Bible:
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but you do not have, so you kill. You covet but you CANNOT GET WHAT YOU WANT, so you quarrel and fight." James 4:1-2
Wait, did James really say what I think he said?
Yes he did. He said we get angry because we don't get what we want.
You show me an angry person and I'll show you someone not getting what they want.
Think about the last time you were angry. I'll tell you mine- it was when I was driving. For those of you readers who don't live in Central Kentucky, we have a place that is as close to hell as you can get on this earth. It's called "Nicholasville Road"- state road 27. It is home to the worst drivers who have ever lived and who ever WILL live. The speed limit on most of the road is 55 mph, but you are lucky to go 35 mph most of the time due to the fact that there is always someone driving twenty miles an hour under the speed limit right in front of you.
I confess to my road rage. Nothing upsets me more than someone going under the speed limit in front of me, forcing me to slow down. I HATE IT!!!! I was ranting and raging about the Chevy Lumina in front of me driving 35-40 mph in front of me and how inconsiderate and how rude and didn't they know that people have places to be and how dare they and get a license and get a life and learn to drive and get out of my way and don't you know you're backing up twenty cars and who taught you to drive and can't you read the signs and yada yada yada . . . .
I wasn't getting what I wanted. I wanted to drive 55-60 mph, and I wasn't getting what I wanted. Therefore I was angry. Could it really be that simple? Could all of our anger really be stemming from us wanting something and not getting it?
Yes.
When you think of it that way, doesn't that sound a little childish?
If I were a betting man, I would imagine that the last time you were angry it was because you didn't get what you wanted. Now, some of that is legitimate. We want to be treated with respect or we want what we've worked for or things like that. Yes, some things are legitimately worth getting angry over.
However, a vast majority of it boils down to simple immaturity- an inability to handle not getting what we want. So we get angry. And because society doesn't really have much of a problem with anger- for men especially- we are encouraged in our immaturity and we continue to do things in anger that we regret doing.
Think of the toll that anger has taken on you. On your family. On your life decisions. How many of us have said things in anger we regret? How many of us have done things in anger that have cost not only us, but our loved ones? How many of us have made serious mistakes because of anger? All of us have.
Let me substitute the words "not getting what we want" for "anger" and restate that last paragraph.
Think of the toil that not getting what we want has taken on you. On your family. On your life decisions. How many of us have said things when we don't get what we want that we regret? How many of us have done things when we don't get what we want that have cost not only us, but our loved ones? How many of us have made serious mistakes because of not getting what we want? All of us have.
Ouch. That paragraph hurts. But it's the truth.
Many men would say, "I'm just an angry person." Makes it sound so dangerous, powerful, in some ways attractive in this culture, doesn't it? Unfortunately, what they are truly saying is, "I'm just a person who loses it when I don't get what I want." Hmmm. Doesn't sound so great, does it? Actually, it sounds quite childish.
Maybe the next chapter in your growth is to be self-aware enough to know that most of the time your anger isn't justified. It's simply a case of you not getting what you want. You have to decide if that thing that you want, that you're not getting, is worth the toll your anger will take on your health, your relationships, your profession, and your family. I think you know the answer.
Have the maturity and gravity to step back from the situation when you get angry. Ask yourself, "I'm getting angry- what is it that I want that I'm not getting? Is it worth it?" Most of the time, the answer is no. Do yourself a favor and let it go. Save your anger for real problems. Be mature enough not to get angry over every little thing that you want that you don't get. That's the difference between an adult and a child.
God bless you- even when you don't get what you want.
It doesn't take much to get people in America angry these days. Most men I know would describe themselves as "angry." College campuses are full of people getting angry- we now have micro-aggressions and micro-invalidations and micro-assaults and micro-insults . . . . and a whole LOT of micro-maturity.
Why are people so angry? What causes anger?
The answer is so simple that it will totally take you by surprise.
Two-thousand years ago, James (the brother of Jesus) wrote the following in the Bible:
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but you do not have, so you kill. You covet but you CANNOT GET WHAT YOU WANT, so you quarrel and fight." James 4:1-2
Wait, did James really say what I think he said?
Yes he did. He said we get angry because we don't get what we want.
You show me an angry person and I'll show you someone not getting what they want.
Think about the last time you were angry. I'll tell you mine- it was when I was driving. For those of you readers who don't live in Central Kentucky, we have a place that is as close to hell as you can get on this earth. It's called "Nicholasville Road"- state road 27. It is home to the worst drivers who have ever lived and who ever WILL live. The speed limit on most of the road is 55 mph, but you are lucky to go 35 mph most of the time due to the fact that there is always someone driving twenty miles an hour under the speed limit right in front of you.
I confess to my road rage. Nothing upsets me more than someone going under the speed limit in front of me, forcing me to slow down. I HATE IT!!!! I was ranting and raging about the Chevy Lumina in front of me driving 35-40 mph in front of me and how inconsiderate and how rude and didn't they know that people have places to be and how dare they and get a license and get a life and learn to drive and get out of my way and don't you know you're backing up twenty cars and who taught you to drive and can't you read the signs and yada yada yada . . . .
I wasn't getting what I wanted. I wanted to drive 55-60 mph, and I wasn't getting what I wanted. Therefore I was angry. Could it really be that simple? Could all of our anger really be stemming from us wanting something and not getting it?
Yes.
When you think of it that way, doesn't that sound a little childish?
If I were a betting man, I would imagine that the last time you were angry it was because you didn't get what you wanted. Now, some of that is legitimate. We want to be treated with respect or we want what we've worked for or things like that. Yes, some things are legitimately worth getting angry over.
However, a vast majority of it boils down to simple immaturity- an inability to handle not getting what we want. So we get angry. And because society doesn't really have much of a problem with anger- for men especially- we are encouraged in our immaturity and we continue to do things in anger that we regret doing.
Think of the toll that anger has taken on you. On your family. On your life decisions. How many of us have said things in anger we regret? How many of us have done things in anger that have cost not only us, but our loved ones? How many of us have made serious mistakes because of anger? All of us have.
Let me substitute the words "not getting what we want" for "anger" and restate that last paragraph.
Think of the toil that not getting what we want has taken on you. On your family. On your life decisions. How many of us have said things when we don't get what we want that we regret? How many of us have done things when we don't get what we want that have cost not only us, but our loved ones? How many of us have made serious mistakes because of not getting what we want? All of us have.
Ouch. That paragraph hurts. But it's the truth.
Many men would say, "I'm just an angry person." Makes it sound so dangerous, powerful, in some ways attractive in this culture, doesn't it? Unfortunately, what they are truly saying is, "I'm just a person who loses it when I don't get what I want." Hmmm. Doesn't sound so great, does it? Actually, it sounds quite childish.
Maybe the next chapter in your growth is to be self-aware enough to know that most of the time your anger isn't justified. It's simply a case of you not getting what you want. You have to decide if that thing that you want, that you're not getting, is worth the toll your anger will take on your health, your relationships, your profession, and your family. I think you know the answer.
Have the maturity and gravity to step back from the situation when you get angry. Ask yourself, "I'm getting angry- what is it that I want that I'm not getting? Is it worth it?" Most of the time, the answer is no. Do yourself a favor and let it go. Save your anger for real problems. Be mature enough not to get angry over every little thing that you want that you don't get. That's the difference between an adult and a child.
God bless you- even when you don't get what you want.
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