I've written a lot about parenting- well, that stands to reason, because I'm a parent. We tend to blog and write and focus on things that are important to us. There is an awful lot in the blogosphere about parenting. However, in order to be a parent, you have to have children.
There is a lot written about being a good parent- is there much about being a good son or daughter?
Not much.
It is interesting, however, that the first seven chapters of Proverbs are instructions from a father to his son. They all start with the words, "My son . . . . " The very first proverb of Solomon in chapter 10 is about children, "A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother." The Bible has a great deal to say about not only being a good parent, but also being a good son or daughter.
Why is this important? Why can't we as a society just focus on good parenting? Isn't that enough?
Nope.
Someone once said, "Before you can be a good leader, you have to be a good follower." Before you can be the CEO, you have to be the hourly employee. You won't be any good whatsoever as the CEO if you don't do the daily mundane non-glorious jobs of the low man on the totem pole.
The same is true with parenting. If you have no submission to parental authority in your past, you will be a terrible parent. If you are one who bristles at anyone telling you what to do (as a child), you will be hell on earth to any kids you will have. If you never learn to respect your parents, or any other authority figure in your life, you will be a scourge to your kids and all others who come into contract with you. You have to learn how to follow before you can lead.
It is very important that we learn how to be good sons and daughters.
Now, this is a touchy subject, because not all parents are perfect. Some parents are even any good at all. Parents make mistakes, and it is very difficult to respect a parent that is not respectable. It is difficult to be a good son or daughter to parents that are irrational, violent, abusive, manipulative, distant, inconsistent, or neglectful. Those situations are unique and I am not discussing them here.
But what does it mean to be a good son or daughter?
If you read the book of Proverbs, it tells you in detail the answer to that question. The first thing that good sons and daughters do is they bring joy to the parents (Proverbs 10:1). Now, all parents have times when their children drive them nuts. I did that to my parents and my kids do that to me. What this proverb talks about is over the long haul, not isolated incidents. A good son or daughter makes parenting a joy, not a burden. So, ask yourself- does my relationship with my parent(s) bring them joy or sorrow? Do my actions towards them turn their hearts towards me or against me? Am I a stench in their nostrils or am I sweet perfume?
The second thing that Proverbs tells us is that a good son or daughter works hard (Proverbs 10:5). A lazy son or daughter is a disgrace to parents. It puts terrible burdens of undone housework and chores on them. It also almost guarantees conflict when the child refuses to grow up and get a job to support himself or herself. Nothing pains a parent more than seeing his child do less than his best. So ask yourself, "Am I am person with a good work ethic? Am I constantly being reminded of what to do? Do I purposefully procrastinate and lay around when there is work to be done? A hardworking son or daughter is a blessing to the parents. It is pure joy to parents to see their children self-motivated and industrious, because that means they have lots of character.
The third thing Proverbs tells us is that a good son or daughter responds well to discipline and correction (Proverbs 13:1). A child, or adult child, that will not respond to discipline or correction is a thorn in the flesh to any parent. They are rebellious and defiant without any submission to authority, and people like this never get anywhere in this world. It pains parents to see their children go off on wrong paths and never respond to any kind of correction. However, good sons and daughters make mistakes, get their rear ends whooped for it, and learn from it. They respect the fact that their parents are the authority, they realize the mistake, and they don't make it again. Parents understand that children make mistakes and are blessed when they see their children learning from them. A child who takes correction and discipline well will be a blessing to all people. We can't say the same about the opposite.
The fourth thing Proverbs tells us is that good sons and daughters have a great vision for life (Proverbs 23:17-18). They don't envy "sinners"- they have no desire to follow the wrong crowd. Instead, they have a vision for who they want to be and where they want to go, and this is a blessing to parents. Instead of letting the bad characters around them determine their lives, they determine their lives for themselves. They see a vision and go after it, committing themselves wholeheartedly for it. Proverbs says, "There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off" when that vision is followed.
The fifth thing that Proverbs tells us is that good sons and daughters choose their friends wisely (Proverbs 23:19-20). We used to have a saying in youth ministry, "Parents, show us your kid's friends, and we'll show you your kid." In other words, who the kid hangs out with is who the kid is. Plain and simple. A good son or daughter realizes that his or her friends will determine the path in life. It is a blessing to parents to see their children choosing their friends wisely. It is a thorn in the flesh for children to choose the wrong kinds of friends. Parents are very concerned about who has influence over their children, and it is a joy for the parents to be able to trust their child's friends.
Now, I am a parent, but I am also a son. I will never stop being a son, and therefore, I will never stop needing to be a good son to my parents. My father is 67 years old, and he is STILL a son to his mother (his father passed away in 1996). You never stop being a son or a daughter, and therefore this is not just a blog for teenagers and children. Many times, adult children have failed their parents, just as parents have failed their adult children. It is paramount to realize that the onus is not 100% on the parents. God did not set it up that way. Children have the responsibility as well.
Are you a good son or daughter?
There is a lot written about being a good parent- is there much about being a good son or daughter?
Not much.
It is interesting, however, that the first seven chapters of Proverbs are instructions from a father to his son. They all start with the words, "My son . . . . " The very first proverb of Solomon in chapter 10 is about children, "A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother." The Bible has a great deal to say about not only being a good parent, but also being a good son or daughter.
Why is this important? Why can't we as a society just focus on good parenting? Isn't that enough?
Nope.
Someone once said, "Before you can be a good leader, you have to be a good follower." Before you can be the CEO, you have to be the hourly employee. You won't be any good whatsoever as the CEO if you don't do the daily mundane non-glorious jobs of the low man on the totem pole.
The same is true with parenting. If you have no submission to parental authority in your past, you will be a terrible parent. If you are one who bristles at anyone telling you what to do (as a child), you will be hell on earth to any kids you will have. If you never learn to respect your parents, or any other authority figure in your life, you will be a scourge to your kids and all others who come into contract with you. You have to learn how to follow before you can lead.
It is very important that we learn how to be good sons and daughters.
Now, this is a touchy subject, because not all parents are perfect. Some parents are even any good at all. Parents make mistakes, and it is very difficult to respect a parent that is not respectable. It is difficult to be a good son or daughter to parents that are irrational, violent, abusive, manipulative, distant, inconsistent, or neglectful. Those situations are unique and I am not discussing them here.
But what does it mean to be a good son or daughter?
If you read the book of Proverbs, it tells you in detail the answer to that question. The first thing that good sons and daughters do is they bring joy to the parents (Proverbs 10:1). Now, all parents have times when their children drive them nuts. I did that to my parents and my kids do that to me. What this proverb talks about is over the long haul, not isolated incidents. A good son or daughter makes parenting a joy, not a burden. So, ask yourself- does my relationship with my parent(s) bring them joy or sorrow? Do my actions towards them turn their hearts towards me or against me? Am I a stench in their nostrils or am I sweet perfume?
The second thing that Proverbs tells us is that a good son or daughter works hard (Proverbs 10:5). A lazy son or daughter is a disgrace to parents. It puts terrible burdens of undone housework and chores on them. It also almost guarantees conflict when the child refuses to grow up and get a job to support himself or herself. Nothing pains a parent more than seeing his child do less than his best. So ask yourself, "Am I am person with a good work ethic? Am I constantly being reminded of what to do? Do I purposefully procrastinate and lay around when there is work to be done? A hardworking son or daughter is a blessing to the parents. It is pure joy to parents to see their children self-motivated and industrious, because that means they have lots of character.
The third thing Proverbs tells us is that a good son or daughter responds well to discipline and correction (Proverbs 13:1). A child, or adult child, that will not respond to discipline or correction is a thorn in the flesh to any parent. They are rebellious and defiant without any submission to authority, and people like this never get anywhere in this world. It pains parents to see their children go off on wrong paths and never respond to any kind of correction. However, good sons and daughters make mistakes, get their rear ends whooped for it, and learn from it. They respect the fact that their parents are the authority, they realize the mistake, and they don't make it again. Parents understand that children make mistakes and are blessed when they see their children learning from them. A child who takes correction and discipline well will be a blessing to all people. We can't say the same about the opposite.
The fourth thing Proverbs tells us is that good sons and daughters have a great vision for life (Proverbs 23:17-18). They don't envy "sinners"- they have no desire to follow the wrong crowd. Instead, they have a vision for who they want to be and where they want to go, and this is a blessing to parents. Instead of letting the bad characters around them determine their lives, they determine their lives for themselves. They see a vision and go after it, committing themselves wholeheartedly for it. Proverbs says, "There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off" when that vision is followed.
The fifth thing that Proverbs tells us is that good sons and daughters choose their friends wisely (Proverbs 23:19-20). We used to have a saying in youth ministry, "Parents, show us your kid's friends, and we'll show you your kid." In other words, who the kid hangs out with is who the kid is. Plain and simple. A good son or daughter realizes that his or her friends will determine the path in life. It is a blessing to parents to see their children choosing their friends wisely. It is a thorn in the flesh for children to choose the wrong kinds of friends. Parents are very concerned about who has influence over their children, and it is a joy for the parents to be able to trust their child's friends.
Now, I am a parent, but I am also a son. I will never stop being a son, and therefore, I will never stop needing to be a good son to my parents. My father is 67 years old, and he is STILL a son to his mother (his father passed away in 1996). You never stop being a son or a daughter, and therefore this is not just a blog for teenagers and children. Many times, adult children have failed their parents, just as parents have failed their adult children. It is paramount to realize that the onus is not 100% on the parents. God did not set it up that way. Children have the responsibility as well.
Are you a good son or daughter?
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