I'm turning into a 95-year-old man, and I'm loving every minute of it

I'm sick of cool, hip, and trendy, probably because I've never been any of those things and never will be any of those things.

However, I've noticed that the things I value and find interesting are things that have been around for ages:

-I am more intrigued by the ancient spiritual discipline of fasting than I am of a young preacher with tattoos and Versace glasses.

-I am more interested in my kids being creative and experiencing the outdoors than I am of them having the latest and greatest media device.

-I am more interested in writing hand-written letters, putting a stamp on the envelope, and mailing it than I am in sending Facebook messages, texts, and emails.

-I am more interested in sitting down as a family at night and having a long, possibly hour-long meal where no one is in a hurry and everyone talks.

-I am more interested in sermons preached by John Wesley and George Whitfield in the 1700s than I am of the American Megachurch preacher today.

I think it's safe to say that I am turning into a 95-year-old man, and I'm loving every minute of it.

Why?

I really don't know. Maybe it's because we live in a world of such flash, quickness, instant gratification, invasiveness, and superficiality that my soul is simply tired of it. Maybe there is something within me that longs for something that has withstood the test of time, wisdom that was discovered over several generations, practiced for many more generations, and has been discarded as of late because they were "old-school" and "irrelevant."

I've noticed that my life has been increasingly moving backwards in the last few years. I now mainly use cash, not credit cards, for purchases. My reading is increasingly about men like Charles Spurgeon, Dwight Moody, Bart Stone- great preachers of the 1700s and 1800s who preached the gospel fearlessly and uncompromisingly. Comparing their preaching to what is heard now from American pulpits is sad to say the least.

One of my professional new years' resolutions was to write to at least one person per day- a handwritten letter, stamped and sealed and sent by snail mail.

I increasingly emphasize the goodness of traditional marriage. That's certainly not very cool, hip, or trendy these days, but I can't help but think that the God-centered, Christian marriages that I observe around me are the places of the greatest amount of happiness and goodness I've seen.

I'd rather be out in the backyard playing with my kids practicing sports than just about anything else. The couch, tv, and internet are terrible substitutes for that time with my kids. Like I said, I'm not cool or trendy at all. And I'm getting worse every day. And I'm loving it more every day.

More than anything, I'm finding my wisdom not from the millions of sources that shout for my attention on Twitter but in the Word of God. The longer I live, the more I realize that the Word of God is the greatest thing in the world. Immersing myself in the Word of God has led to the greatest amount of happiness, joy, and goodness than anything else I could invest myself in during my short time on this earth.

Like I said, I'm going backwards. As a GenXer, I'm supposed to be looking on all of that stuff as ancient, outdated, old-school, repressive nonsense. I can just hear some of you saying, "What's next, an Amish community?"

Not yet. My wife doesn't like beards.

However, I encourage you to do the same. Re-discover the wisdom of those who went before you, who lived in a different time and era, where the superficial was not celebrated, where wisdom was valued, and where technology didn't invade our most private and personal areas of life.

Write a hand-written letter. Turn off the tv, computer, iPad, iPhone, and eat a long family dinner with no other purpose than to be together. Go outside and play ball. Go camping. Read a book- not an e-book, but a real book with pages and a cover that requires thought and reflection. Remove yourself from the superficiality of modern life and delve into the depths of the human soul. I think you'll find it very refreshing and very rewarding.

What you criticize in others is usually what you hate about yourself

I remember an old mentor of mine telling me that what you criticize in others, you hate about yourself.

That's very true.

How many of us know someone who says that they hate drama, but they are usually the cause of it? How many of us know someone who is always saying how "judgmental" everyone is, and that person is the most judgmental person around? How many of us know someone who says they "hate gossip" as they are gossiping about others?

Yes- the shortcomings we see in others are most often the things we hate about ourselves.

Psychologists call this "projection." We ourselves struggle with a certain fault, but instead of dealing with it ourselves, we simply criticize it in others. Many times, the person we are accusing doesn't have that particular fault. It just happens to be lurking beneath the surface of our personas, and we see the other person's actions through that lens.

Pastors are not immune to this. If you want to know what your preacher is struggling with, look for themes in what he preaches against. If there are common things that he preaches on with regularity, ten bucks says it's a personal struggle for him. The preacher who constantly preaches about sex is most likely struggling with porn or adultery or homosexuality. The preacher who constantly preaches about money is most likely struggling with materialism and consumerism. The preacher who constantly preaches against gossip or drama or anything else is most likely struggling with it himself.

I've learned that what other people attack in me is, many times, a window into their soul. They are showing me what they are personally struggling with.

I remember one time a person accused me of being judgmental. He went on to tell me how all Christians were so judgmental and how all of them were hypocrites and how all of them were such jerks to be around. Hmmm. I wonder if he could hear himself. I wonder if he realized how judgmental he was being as he accused other of being judgmental. See, what he hated about himself he was criticizing in me.

Dishonest people will say that everyone is dishonest.
Cheating people will say that everyone is a cheater.
Untrustworthy people will say that no one is trustworthy.
Racist people will call everyone else a racist.
People who cause drama will always accuse others of starting drama.

It's human nature 101.

So, today, whatever you find fault with in others- take a look at yourself and ask yourself, "Is this person really doing this?"

Or:

Do I see this person as untrustworthy because I myself am untrustworthy and I can't imagine anyone else being different?

Do I see this person as racist because I myself am racist and I can't imagine anyone else being different?

Do I see this person as greedy because I myself am greedy and I can't imagine anyone else being different?

Do I see this person as instigating drama because I myself instigate drama and assume everyone else does too?

What you criticize in others is usually what you hate about yourself. Work on your own faults, and you will be amazed at how quickly other people "change."

Why I Need Sunday Morning Worship More Than Ever

I'm a busy man.

I am a husband. I am a father. All three of the children in my home play sports and are involved in extra-curriculars. I pastor a church. I referee high school soccer in the fall. I coach my son's basketball team in the winter and my daughter's soccer team in the spring. I do prison ministry twice a week. I go to soccer tournaments and tennis tournaments and soccer games and basketball games and taxi drive kids to practices and games and events. I lead a small group on Wednesday nights and another discipleship group on Friday morning. I love mission trips and do trips to Asia at least once every two years to preach and teach and encourage the kids in our orphanage in India.

That's why I need Sunday morning worship more than ever.

See, without it, I would lose perspective. I would think that my life's purpose truly was soccer tournaments and paying bills.

With all of that busyness going on, my true life purpose would be lost. I am not here to ensure that my kids play sports. I am not here to plan activity after activity. I am not here to be the busiest and most successful version of myself possible.

I am here to fulfill God's purpose for me. That's it. That's all. That's what Sunday morning consistently reminds me of.

People who don't have regular, consistent worship on Sunday mornings are in danger of believing that their life's purpose is to accumulate things, to be comfortable, to be successful, to be the busiest version of themselves. How tragic.

Nothing wrong with being successful. I want to be successful. I really do. It's just that that's not why I'm here.

Nothing wrong with playing sports. I love sports. It's just that that's not why I am here.

God did not put together twenty-three chromosomes from my mom and twenty-three more from my dad, knit me together and bring me into this world so that I could make as much money as I could and have the biggest and nicest house on the street and be as comfortable as possible until I die.

He created me for intimacy. With Him. He created me to be in close fellowship with Him, to enjoy His glory, to enjoy His power and might, to enjoy His love. He created me to bring as many people to that intimacy with Him as possible. He created me with a purpose- a purpose that is lost in the daily grind and the idolatry that shouts out to us from every advertisement and every street corner.

Sunday worship is a time where God reminds you that you are a human BEING- not a human DOING.

The truth is, I need weekly to be in the presence of my church family. I need to sing praises to God. Yes, I know that worship is something directed towards God, but true worship changes the person. It cuts through the fog that this world throws at you. It cuts through the lie that you are here for yourself- that you are here to be comfortable, to be happy, to be successful, to have it all your way. It refocuses you on the fact that life is short, life is a gift, and life has a purpose that only God can give you.

The truth is, I need weekly to hear God's word preached. Yes. Let me tell you a secret about pastors- we are the first ones to hear our sermons. They change us probably more than they ever change the people that listen. God's word reminds me about my purpose. Preaching reminds me about my purpose.

Miss a few months of Sunday worship and your entire life's orientation changes. With God's church, worship, fellowship, etc out of sight and out of mind, your life orients towards what IS in front of you- money, success, sex, food, idolatry, sports, comfort, leisure. The concept of God becomes a distant and remote blip that occasionally registers but not in much capacity. Time habits become self-centered. Money habits become self-centered. God moves off the throne of your life and you move onto it. Your purpose becomes hazy as you settle for small-minded pursuits that will consume you and dull you until something jars you awake- usually a tragedy such as the possibility of your own death.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been privileged to give end-of-life pastoral care to people facing their own deaths. Yes, it is a privilege, because people facing their own deaths have a clarity about life that very few do. They have a crystal-clear view of what is important in life, they have a remarkable clarity about mistakes they have made and priorities that are wrong. A very common lament among people facing their own death is the fact that they went about life all wrong. They realize with sadness that they missed the boat, missed their calling- one man even told me that he had spent most of his life doing the things he hated because those things were the easiest.

That's why I need Sunday morning worship. I don't want to be one of the ones at the end of my life that laments and regrets my priorities in life. Without Sunday morning worship re-orienting me to my purpose and calling, I would drift into the path of least resistance- slowly drifting downstream in a culture of mediocrity doing neither what I was put on this earth to do nor even what would be significant in a hundred years. Sunday morning worship with my church family clarifies my purpose and calling.

Without it, I would run the risk of thinking that tv shows, entertainment, and comforts are what life is all about. How sad a life that would be. Don't miss a Sunday. You need it now more than ever.

If there's one thing I'm 100% fed up about, it's this . . . .

I'm sick of people in positions of authority not getting the thanks/respect they deserve.

Yes, I said it.

We live in such an anti-authority culture right now. Cops are getting shot. If they aren't getting shot, they are being baited, insulted, screamed at, you name it. Teachers are being cussed out by students and parents. Pastors are maligned and gossiped about. Parents are ridiculed. Just about anyone in authority right now is in this culture's crosshairs.

When I was in school, I couldn't stand fellow students who disrespected the teacher. I even got upset at students who disrespected the substitute teacher. I hate anarchy and chaos, which is what disrespect for authority always creates. I hate mob mentalities and I hate social breakdown. All of that happens when authority is disrespected.

I was talking to the husband of a teacher who teaches fifth grade. He told me that just this past week, one of her students called her a "bitch" and said, "I have no idea how you are married." Another student had threatened her physically. These are ten and eleven year olds doing this to adults.

Cops tell me that if they drive down certain streets, they are jeered and mocked and insulted as they drive by.

I'm tired of the anti-authority climate we are living in right now.

It is tearing apart our communities. It is tearing apart our nation. I don't want to be part of a nation where cops are the enemy and thugs are the victims. I don't want to be part of a community where law and order has broken down and no one wants to be a cop anymore due to the lack of respect and safety. I don't want my children going to schools where teachers are cussed, disrespected, and unable to do their jobs because of the constant discipline problems of disrespectful, unruly kids. I don't want to live in a society where those who labor and toil are the bad guys and those who are rude, insolent, and incorrigible are seen as the good guys. I don't want to live in a country where thugs and hoodlums wait for an authority figure to make a mistake and then pounce with lawsuits and public shaming, making everyone else walk on eggshells afraid to do their jobs.

That's when societal breakdown happens. That's what I see happening in America right now.

Even those who don't actively oppose those in authority- do you actively support those in authority?

Too often, we set up a welfare-type relationship with those in authority. In a welfare relationship, all the gifts and services flow one way: from the authority to the people. There is nothing that goes from the people to the authority. Welfare-type relationships are always unhealthy. When one side does all the giving and the other side does all the taking, it never ends well. You can change that.

Move towards a more "community-type" relationship with authority. Unlike welfare, in community relationships gifts and services flow both ways. People are both givers AND receivers. These are much more healthy relationships.

Ask yourself this question: how do I benefit from those in authority over me?  How does your child benefit from his or her teacher? That's obvious. Now the harder question- how does my child's teacher benefit from me? How do I bless him or her? How do I encourage him or her? That's community, not welfare.

How do I benefit from the policeman down the street? That's obvious. If a thug breaks into your home, he is the first responder. Now the harder question- how does the policeman benefit from me? How do I bless him? How do I encourage him? How do I make his job easier and more enjoyable? That's community, not welfare.

Church members, how do you benefit from the work of your pastor? Has he counseled you in marriage? Has there been any wisdom you've gleaned from a sermon? You wouldn't be going to the church you are going to if you were benefiting from his work. Now the tougher question- how does your pastor benefit from you being part of the church? That's community, not welfare.

Get rid of the welfare-type relationships we have with authority and begin a community-type relationship with those in authority around us.

Here are some recommendations that I will make so that you can be a different person in this culture:

1) If you see a cop or cops at a restaurant, buy them a milkshake, take it over to them, and tell them that you appreciate what they do.

2) Write the elders in your church a thank-you note for their oversight of the church. There are good elders and there are bad elders, but I've never seen a lazy elder. Being an elder is a lot of work and the Bible says they deserve our respect. Let them know you appreciate them.

3) Support your teacher when she calls out your kid for misbehavior. Yes. Your kid isn't perfect and most likely isn't being persecuted by a mean teacher. When I was a kid, my parents were always on my teachers' side. It was good for me. I survived. So will your kid. You will be an anomaly to your kids' teachers, because they certainly don't see much of that these days.

4) Pray for your pastor. Then write him a note telling him you prayed for him. You have no idea how much it means to us when we find out we are being prayed for by the congregation we serve.

5) Do something kind totally at random. When my family was in India, one of the people in our church came over and mowed and edged my lawn. I hadn't been able to get it done before we left and it would have been a jungle nightmare when we got back. When we arrived back home, my yard looked amazing. That has to be one of the kindest things someone has ever done for me as a pastor.

Whatever you do, we need to stop this anti-authority thing we have going on in this country. Authority is necessary. Is it always right? No. Those who abuse their authority should be removed at once. However, don't make the good ones pay for the actions of the bad ones. Support the good ones. Be a blessing to those in authority over you. Our country is unraveling before our very eyes, and it's because we have lost respect for the institutions that have in the past held us together. We need to be above the cultural norm. Start appreciating those in authority over you, because they have a big job. I fear for the future of a country that consistently denigrates and disrespects those who are called to lead.

Actually, I don't fear for the future of that country, because there won't BE a future for that country.

One forgotten reason you should attend church this Sunday

I was talking with a man who will remain nameless a few months ago. Suffice it to say that he is a close family member. We were discussing church.

This man is not a person to mince words or hold his opinions back, and when I asked him how church was that Sunday, he answered, "Not good."

"Not good?" I answered. He is a very dedicated Christian, probably one of most devout Christians I've ever known. He and his wife never, and I mean NEVER, miss a Sunday worship meeting.

"Not good," he continued. "I have no idea how the preacher can stand up there for thirty minutes and say absolutely nothing, but he managed to do it Sunday. I enjoyed the music, but overall, leaving church this past weekend I didn't feel inspired, didn't feel like I had worshiped God, didn't really walk out of there with anything, actually."

"Is this a common thing?" I asked.

"Yep," he said. "Pretty much every Sunday."

My wife, who was with us, jumped in.  "So why do you and your wife continue to go to that church? Why do you go? Why do you waste your time there?"

He got very serious. He paused for a second and the words came out very slowly, but powerfully:  "Because someone there might need to see me. Someone there might have had a terrible week and is on life support spiritually. Someone there may need encouragement. Someone there may need to know that there are other Christians around.  That's why."

He continued. "I'm old. I've heard plenty of sermons and studied the Bible a great deal. I don't think my faith would decrease if I never heard another sermon. That's not my role in the church anymore. I'm there because other people need me."

What an amazing attitude.

In our consumer-driven society, church has become all about me. What I can get. What I like. What I don't like. What is in it for me. What is in it for my family. And if it doesn't happen to meet every one of my expectations, wants, and needs it is a waste of time. How many of us have THAT attitude instead of this man's attitude?

How many of us don't particularly like Sunday morning church services?  Probably quite a few. That's okay. There are times I don't like them either. Sometimes I really love them, and sometimes I wish I were anywhere but there . . . . and I'm the preacher.

But how many of us have the maturity to say, "I'm not part of a church to consume, to get. I'm part of a church because other Christians need my witness. Other Christians need my example. Other Christians need my encouragement. Other Christians need my discipleship."

How many of us look at the Sunday morning meeting and say, "I'll bet there are young people there who are floundering around in their walk with Christ, and they need me to help guide them?"

How many of us, this weekend, will remove all of the consumerism that's been drilled into us as Americans and will approach church with an entirely different attitude? How many of us will get out of bed, turn off the tv, skip the soccer game, skip the shopping trip, not because of an inspiring Sunday morning service but because you know that someone there needs your presence there?

When we begin to view our involvement in a church like that, we know we are maturing in Christ.

We need more people like this man in our churches.

Now, I'm not giving a free pass to ministers. Ministers should be the hardest working men on the planet, because what happens when we preach and teach has an effect for all eternity. I'm not giving them a pass. Messages SHOULD be inspiring. Worship services SHOULD be encouraging.

But we need more people who are not looking to consume to fill our seats on Sunday morning. We need more people who are there to be examples, to be leaders, to be mentors, to be ENCOURAGERS to other believers on Sunday morning.  This is a forgotten reason you should go to church this Sunday.

Someone there might need to see you there. And it's as plain and simple as that.

Parents, will your children continue in faith when they graduate high school?

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but most likely no.

When I was a youth minister, I was haunted by the statistic that showed that 80% of children who grew up in the church, who were active in youth ministry, whose parents were Christian, who went on youth trips and mission trips and were baptized and the whole nine yards abandoned the church within six months of graduating high school.

So I knocked myself out trying to make sure we reached the kids in middle school and high school. I planned more and more events, did outreach to hundreds of kids, taught the Bible, took the kids on mission trips to let them experience their faith, and literally did everything in my power to DEFEAT that statistic. I even told my youth volunteers that the mark of success in our ministry was, "if these kids are still part of the church when they are eighty years old."

I failed.

I don't have hard data, but just an estimation is that the ministries I was in charge of had the same retention rate as everyone else. There are now quite a few kids, who are now adults, who are not only NOT part of the church but are militant atheists, mocking and scoffing at all things Christian. Many times, these were leaders- some of the most dedicated kids I ever saw.

Do I still believe in youth ministry? Yes. But I have learned one painful thing- it is incomplete. Woefully incomplete.

Converts may leave the faith. Church members may leave the faith. Baptized believers may leave the faith. Disciples, however, don't.

Disciples don't leave the faith. They don't leave the church. And this is what has been causing the 80% statistic- we have failed to make disciples out of our children and teenagers.  But who, pray tell, is responsible for discipleship? Whose job is it to make disciples out of our children and teens?

Parents.

Christian parents, to be exact.

When Jesus gave the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20, He told all His disciples to "go into the world and make disciples." That is our job. That is our one task. It isn't to win the world. It isn't to be successful and rich. It isn't to have a large crowd. It is simply to make disciples.

Parents, listen- your first disciples are your children.

I am asking you, literally begging you, to wake up. I am tired of listening to heartbroken parents whose children have come home and said, "I'm not going to church anymore." I'm tired of beating my head against the wall trying to design ministries, sermons, trips, etc that will somehow make lifelong disciples out of your children. Guess what? I can't. No pastor can. God has given this task to YOU- and to me as a parent- to disciple our children.

Children's ministries and youth ministries are good things. In fact, they can be excellent things. But they are not enough to reach your child. Only you can do this. This is a task given to you and you alone.

Right now I am teaching my oldest daughter how to drive. It has been a scary experience, to say the least. Putting a teenager in charge of a 2000-pound vehicle going seventy miles an hour is enough to make even the toughest parent a little queasy. However, it is my job to teach her as well as I can so that she will be prepared to drive by herself one of these days. The job of the parent is to ride in the car with the teenager, letting her practice, giving her real-time feedback about what to do and how to drive.

However, every parent knows this is a temporary situation. The permit phase of driving has a time limit, and no parent is expecting to still be riding shotgun with his daughter twenty years from now. No, the purpose is to train them up and let them go out on their own. This is what discipleship is. It is walking with your child through life's decisions, training them in godliness and faith, with the understanding that they will be leaving the house and walking in faith on their own.

How many parents really do this when it comes to their Christian faith? Sadly, not many.

So parents, I want you to close your eyes and fast forward to the time when your child is graduating high school. He will be going off to college soon. He will have freedoms he has never had before. Have you adequately prepared him, from a faith perspective, to continue in his faith when he is no longer around you? Does he know how to walk with Jesus, to serve, to grow in faith, without you? Is he prepared to handle pressures of adult life, making decisions that honor God and will keep him firmly rooted in the faith he grew up in?

Now, parents, I want you to imagine that he comes home from school for Christmas break. Sunday morning rolls around and you are preparing to head to church. He is still in bed. You go wake him up to go to church as a family like you normally do. Through still-closed eyes, he mumbles, "I'm not going."

"But we go to church as a family," you say.

"Church was fine when I was a kid, mom," he says, "but I'm just not interested anymore. I'm not going."

You stand there shocked.

How do I know this?

This was a conversation I overheard in my home when my brother came home from Emory his sophomore year. I remember how upset my parents were. I remember being pretty mad at him. I remember my parents questioning their parenting, pleading with him over the next several years to come back to faith. By the grace of God, he's back, but only after life knocked him around and about destroyed him.

I don't say that to criticize my family. God has been gracious to us over the years. What I am saying is I pray that never happens to any of you reading this blog. However, unless something changes, about 80% of you WILL have that conversation with your children when they graduate high school.

Parents, disciple your children. If you don't, it's pretty much a guarantee that at some very soon date, they will abandon their faith. Their eternity will be in question. They will make decisions based on Hollywood's and the media's influence, not the Bible's. They will become no different than those around them- they will have the same values, the same goals, the same lifestyles, the same everything as any other non-Christian around them.

Nothing concerns me more as a parent.

God has given you a task. You are to make disciples. Your first disciples are your children. It is YOUR responsibility to bring up children in the faith. Church on Sunday isn't enough. Youth group and CIY trips aren't enough. Teach them the Bible. Lead by example. Discuss world events through a Christian lens. Believe me- they are listening. Constantly ask them, when it is time for a decision, what a Christian would do. Teach them to pray over big decisions- who to date, where to go to school, what sports to play, what friends to choose. Do all of those things through the lens of discipleship.

I'm tired of seeing undiscipled young people grow up and leave the church. I'm tired of comforting distraught Christian parents who are mourning their child's exodus from the faith. I'm tired of having to pray, again and again, for someone's grown child who "grew up in the church and should know better" as they abandon their faith and move in with a boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage. I'm tired of always dealing with the symptoms of a lack of discipleship in the home.

Let's take on the root- let's move our homes into ones where our main job is discipleship. Our main job as parents is to pass on a living, vibrant faith to our children. If that isn't happening, we are missing our main priority. After all, in 150 years, your children's faith, or lack of faith, is all that is going to matter.

"God, give us men!"

I found this poem and it was too good not to post:

God, Give us Men!

God, give us men! A time like this demands
Strong minds, great hearts, true faith and ready hands;
Men whom the lust of office does not kill;
Men whom the spoils of office cannot buy;
Men who possess opinions and a will;
Men who have honor; men who will not lie;
Men who can stand before a demagogue
    And damn his treacherous flatteries without winking!

Tall men, sun-crowned, who live above the fog
In public duty and in private thinking;
For while the rabble, with their thumb-worn creeds,
Their large professions and their little deeds,
Mingle in selfish strife; lo! Freedom weeps,
Wrong rules the land and waiting justice sleeps.

-Josiah Gilbert Holland