What you criticize in others is usually what you hate about yourself

I remember an old mentor of mine telling me that what you criticize in others, you hate about yourself.

That's very true.

How many of us know someone who says that they hate drama, but they are usually the cause of it? How many of us know someone who is always saying how "judgmental" everyone is, and that person is the most judgmental person around? How many of us know someone who says they "hate gossip" as they are gossiping about others?

Yes- the shortcomings we see in others are most often the things we hate about ourselves.

Psychologists call this "projection." We ourselves struggle with a certain fault, but instead of dealing with it ourselves, we simply criticize it in others. Many times, the person we are accusing doesn't have that particular fault. It just happens to be lurking beneath the surface of our personas, and we see the other person's actions through that lens.

Pastors are not immune to this. If you want to know what your preacher is struggling with, look for themes in what he preaches against. If there are common things that he preaches on with regularity, ten bucks says it's a personal struggle for him. The preacher who constantly preaches about sex is most likely struggling with porn or adultery or homosexuality. The preacher who constantly preaches about money is most likely struggling with materialism and consumerism. The preacher who constantly preaches against gossip or drama or anything else is most likely struggling with it himself.

I've learned that what other people attack in me is, many times, a window into their soul. They are showing me what they are personally struggling with.

I remember one time a person accused me of being judgmental. He went on to tell me how all Christians were so judgmental and how all of them were hypocrites and how all of them were such jerks to be around. Hmmm. I wonder if he could hear himself. I wonder if he realized how judgmental he was being as he accused other of being judgmental. See, what he hated about himself he was criticizing in me.

Dishonest people will say that everyone is dishonest.
Cheating people will say that everyone is a cheater.
Untrustworthy people will say that no one is trustworthy.
Racist people will call everyone else a racist.
People who cause drama will always accuse others of starting drama.

It's human nature 101.

So, today, whatever you find fault with in others- take a look at yourself and ask yourself, "Is this person really doing this?"

Or:

Do I see this person as untrustworthy because I myself am untrustworthy and I can't imagine anyone else being different?

Do I see this person as racist because I myself am racist and I can't imagine anyone else being different?

Do I see this person as greedy because I myself am greedy and I can't imagine anyone else being different?

Do I see this person as instigating drama because I myself instigate drama and assume everyone else does too?

What you criticize in others is usually what you hate about yourself. Work on your own faults, and you will be amazed at how quickly other people "change."

Why I Need Sunday Morning Worship More Than Ever

I'm a busy man.

I am a husband. I am a father. All three of the children in my home play sports and are involved in extra-curriculars. I pastor a church. I referee high school soccer in the fall. I coach my son's basketball team in the winter and my daughter's soccer team in the spring. I do prison ministry twice a week. I go to soccer tournaments and tennis tournaments and soccer games and basketball games and taxi drive kids to practices and games and events. I lead a small group on Wednesday nights and another discipleship group on Friday morning. I love mission trips and do trips to Asia at least once every two years to preach and teach and encourage the kids in our orphanage in India.

That's why I need Sunday morning worship more than ever.

See, without it, I would lose perspective. I would think that my life's purpose truly was soccer tournaments and paying bills.

With all of that busyness going on, my true life purpose would be lost. I am not here to ensure that my kids play sports. I am not here to plan activity after activity. I am not here to be the busiest and most successful version of myself possible.

I am here to fulfill God's purpose for me. That's it. That's all. That's what Sunday morning consistently reminds me of.

People who don't have regular, consistent worship on Sunday mornings are in danger of believing that their life's purpose is to accumulate things, to be comfortable, to be successful, to be the busiest version of themselves. How tragic.

Nothing wrong with being successful. I want to be successful. I really do. It's just that that's not why I'm here.

Nothing wrong with playing sports. I love sports. It's just that that's not why I am here.

God did not put together twenty-three chromosomes from my mom and twenty-three more from my dad, knit me together and bring me into this world so that I could make as much money as I could and have the biggest and nicest house on the street and be as comfortable as possible until I die.

He created me for intimacy. With Him. He created me to be in close fellowship with Him, to enjoy His glory, to enjoy His power and might, to enjoy His love. He created me to bring as many people to that intimacy with Him as possible. He created me with a purpose- a purpose that is lost in the daily grind and the idolatry that shouts out to us from every advertisement and every street corner.

Sunday worship is a time where God reminds you that you are a human BEING- not a human DOING.

The truth is, I need weekly to be in the presence of my church family. I need to sing praises to God. Yes, I know that worship is something directed towards God, but true worship changes the person. It cuts through the fog that this world throws at you. It cuts through the lie that you are here for yourself- that you are here to be comfortable, to be happy, to be successful, to have it all your way. It refocuses you on the fact that life is short, life is a gift, and life has a purpose that only God can give you.

The truth is, I need weekly to hear God's word preached. Yes. Let me tell you a secret about pastors- we are the first ones to hear our sermons. They change us probably more than they ever change the people that listen. God's word reminds me about my purpose. Preaching reminds me about my purpose.

Miss a few months of Sunday worship and your entire life's orientation changes. With God's church, worship, fellowship, etc out of sight and out of mind, your life orients towards what IS in front of you- money, success, sex, food, idolatry, sports, comfort, leisure. The concept of God becomes a distant and remote blip that occasionally registers but not in much capacity. Time habits become self-centered. Money habits become self-centered. God moves off the throne of your life and you move onto it. Your purpose becomes hazy as you settle for small-minded pursuits that will consume you and dull you until something jars you awake- usually a tragedy such as the possibility of your own death.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been privileged to give end-of-life pastoral care to people facing their own deaths. Yes, it is a privilege, because people facing their own deaths have a clarity about life that very few do. They have a crystal-clear view of what is important in life, they have a remarkable clarity about mistakes they have made and priorities that are wrong. A very common lament among people facing their own death is the fact that they went about life all wrong. They realize with sadness that they missed the boat, missed their calling- one man even told me that he had spent most of his life doing the things he hated because those things were the easiest.

That's why I need Sunday morning worship. I don't want to be one of the ones at the end of my life that laments and regrets my priorities in life. Without Sunday morning worship re-orienting me to my purpose and calling, I would drift into the path of least resistance- slowly drifting downstream in a culture of mediocrity doing neither what I was put on this earth to do nor even what would be significant in a hundred years. Sunday morning worship with my church family clarifies my purpose and calling.

Without it, I would run the risk of thinking that tv shows, entertainment, and comforts are what life is all about. How sad a life that would be. Don't miss a Sunday. You need it now more than ever.