Are you serious?

Sometimes God gives you moments of clarity.  It seems that you are like Neo (the Matrix) where you are just going about your daily life, and then all of a sudden, you wake up to what is really going on. 

I am a pastor, but first and foremost, I am a Christian.  I am a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, and I am not ashamed of His gospel.  I believe so wholeheartedly in the Christian faith that I truly believe I would rather die than deny Christ.  I believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ meets every human need and is the answer to every problem plaguing society.

I am as concerned as the rest of you about the state of our country.  I am grieved that 1.25 million children are killed each year- legally- because we've renamed murder to a more politically correct word called abortion.  I am grieved that marriage is not honored by all.  I am grieved that our nation is being financially irresponsible.  I am grieved that families are broken apart, that divorce rates are what they are, that children are not being taught work ethic, frugality, respect, and faith.  I am grieved that churches have forsaken the Bible and are teaching non-Biblical "truths," and that we are seeing a major decline in traditional expressions of Christianity.  I am grieved that pop culture openly mocks Christianity and that I can't even watch five minutes of tv without seeing something that would have been banned from the airwaves fifty years ago.  I could go on.

However, despite how grieved I am with all of that, I really haven't done much about it.  Other than a few Facebook rants and personally expressed opinions, I really haven't done anything at all. 

God has actually offered us the solution to everything that I just listed.  2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

The moment of clarity that I described earlier wasn't a realization of how bad everything out there is.  The moment of clarity that God gave me was the fact that He has presented me, as well as you, with the solution and yet we have not embraced it.  God asked me, "Are you serious?"

He said, "Are you serious enough about it to pray about it?  Are you serious enough to dedicate significant amounts of time to pray to Me that I will heal your land?  Are you serious enough about wanting to see the divorce rate lowered that you would fast and pray to Me so that I can heal the marriages in your country?  Are you serious enough about the condition of the church- the fact that churches are not centered around the Great Commission- to pray and seek My face so that I may heal the churches?  Are you serious?"

Under the direction of the Holy Spirit, I made a decision to dedicate the entire month of February to praying 2 Chronicles 7:14.  If anyone wants to join me, this is what I will be doing- at 7:14 am and 7:14 pm of every day in February, I will be pray through 2 Chronicles 7:14 and ask God to do what He said He will do.  I will pray for this country.  I will pray for the churches.  I am praying that God sends Central Kentucky a revival that will spread to the entire United States.  

Is anything impossible for God?  Listen people- we've tried everything else.  We've tried legislation.  We've tried social services.  We've tried education.  We've tried finances.  We've tried everything under the sun except prayer.  We've tried it all, and nothing has worked.  We don't need more laws or more government or more money or more education.  We've got more than we need of all of that already.  What we need are Christians- followers of Christ- standing together in unity before the throne of God crying out to Him in prayer.  

Are YOU serious?  Let's put our time where our mouth is.  Join with me in committing to pray twice a day the entire month of February.  You don't have to pray at 7:14 morning and evening- that's just a way I will remember.  Pray twice a day for the 28 days of February, and let's see what God will do.  Who knows?  James 4:2 says, "You do not have, because you do not ask God."

We as a nation don't have healing because we have not asked God for it.  I say we ask Him for it.  Join with me in praying 2 Chronicles 7:14 twice every day in the month of February.

What happens in a revival?

"Revival is the sovereign work of God to awaken His people with fresh intensity to the truth and glory of God, the ugliness of sin, the horror of hell, the preciousness of Christ's atoning work, the wonder of salvation by grace through faith, the urgency of holiness and missions, and the sweetness of worship with God's people."- John Piper, A Godward life, p 111

I have been praying for a revival in Central Kentucky ever since I began doing ministry in 1999.  I haven't prayed regularly, or with regular intensity, that entire time.  I have gone through seasons where I pray with fervor and intensity, and then through dry spells where I hardly even think about it.  All that being said, the prayer for revival in Central Kentucky has probably been the most consistent prayer I've prayed throughout fourteen years in ministry.

Revival is a God-centered, God-determined, God-started, and God-glorifying event.  Only God can start a revival.  Like Piper said, it is the sovereign work of God.  I have seen humans try to start revivals.  It doesn't work.  Only the sovereign hand of God can begin a revival.

The church I serve started as a result of a revival in the 1800s- the Cane Ridge Revival which drew around 30,000 people.  Lives were miraculously changed- people were healed, people experienced the powerful presence of God, and God was worshiped with an intensity that makes most Sunday mornings look dull by comparison.  The effects of this revival cannot be overstated.  Any student of Kentucky history knows that in the early 1800s, Kentucky was a rough place.  It was full of outlaws, bootleggers, and folks that were hewn from the rough side of the cloth.  It was said that anyone who could make a Christian convert in Kentucky would receive a seat next to Jesus Himself in heaven.

We all know that things are quite different in Kentucky now.  You can say that it's a result of the natural evolution of society, or because of good laws, or because of whatever, but the real reason that Kentucky has changed is because of the power of the gospel.

When revival hits, it changes three primary things.

1.  Revival changes the individual.  The person is awakened, like Neo out of the Matrix, and is hit in a fresh and intense way the reality of his or her own sin and depravity.  This person is cut to the heart and repents in a heartfelt and genuine way.  Then the grace of God floods the person's life with such intensity and love that the person can hardly stand it.  The person walks out of the experience profoundly changed possessing such an intensity of faith that friends and family hardly recognize him. 

2.  Revival changes the churches.  Imagine what happens to dead, lukewarm churches when a large number of individuals who have experienced revival walk in.  Needless to say, things change.  Worship changes from dull monotony to true, Spirit-filled praise.  A fresh intensity and obedience to God's commands awakens, and the practice of evangelism and missions moves to the forefront as Spirit-filled believers realize the lostness of the world around them.  Churches place a new emphasis on repentance and experience true Godly sorrow over sin instead of just minimizing it or looking the other way.  A new emphasis on going into all the world with the gospel breathes fresh wind and fire into churches that were previously just sitting on the street corner taking up space.  Lastly, the Holy Spirit of God draws unbelievers to these churches where they meet God face to face and become converts themselves, many times in very large numbers.

3.  Revival changes the community. With individuals awakened and churches revitalized, the surrounding community begins to take notice.  Drug dealers and drug addicts experience the goodness of God and repent of their sins.  Abusive spouses and selfish parents repent and begin living out Scriptural commands such as James 1:19 ("Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry") in their homes.  The divorce rate plummets.  People turn their sex lives over to God, and the rates of STD's and abortions plummet.  The plagues of society such as slavery, greed, robbery, home break-ins, murders, etc disappear as the perpetrators of those crimes experience the power of God and they are broken in repentance. 

This is what happens in a revival.  People cannot be changed through laws, threats, coercion, criticism, politics, or violence.  People can only be changed through the power of the gospel.

Because of this, I ask you to join with me in praying with intensity during the month of February.  I ask you to pray for revival.  Pray that the things listed above will happen in Central Kentucky or in the community that you live in.  Prayer moves the very hand of God Himself.  Large numbers of His followers praying with intensity moves His hand even more.

I am dedicating the entire month of February to prayer for revival.  2 Chronicles 7:14 says this, "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."  I am setting my alarm for 7:14, am and pm.  At 7:14 in the morning and evening, I will pray for revival.  Why don't you join me at that time as we stand together as a church- standing together in agreement before God, asking Him to bring revival to our community.

Then, let's sit back and watch God work His miracles. 

The New (Old) Concept of Parent-Centered Parenting

One of the things I loved about growing up was spending time with my grandparents.  They were Great Depression-era, World War II-era Greatest Generation people, and they were awesome.  I remember one thing in particular that always stood out to me because it is so very different than the way things are today.

My grandad told me that when he was a kid, when it was mealtime, the men ate first, the women ate second, and if there was anything left over, the kids ate.  True story.  Now, I'm not advocating a return to those times (although as a parent it sounds tempting at times) but the concept behind those times is the point.

My grandad grew up in a parent-centered home.

Contrast that to today.  I would wager that most of us live in child-centered homes (those of you who are parents).  At mealtime, parents fix their children's plates first.  The children's needs and wants are first priority, not the parents'.  The children's schedule dominate the family time.  That's life in America in 2012.

And it's not good.

God designed the marriage to be the center of the family- the mom and dad.  The parents are the given, not the children.  The parents are the foundation of the home.  When that is practiced, things are good.  Believe it or not, children have the desperate need to know that they are not the center of the home.  They need to know that they are not the focus and that their needs are not primary.  This is a tremendous need that is not being met in child-centered homes.

Dave, you say, have you lost your mind?  Of course the kids want to be the center!  Yes, they WANT to be.  I didn't say that they didn't.  I said they don't NEED to be.  There is a huge difference between what they want and what they need, and here are several reasons the kids NEED to know that the parents are the center of the family.

1.  They need to know that they are not the most important people in the family.  I will never forget the time my family was driving to South Carolina for vacation- 10 hours in the car.  My brother and I were teenagers, and we were as tall as my dad.  My mom is about 5'2" wearing heels.  My brother and I were cramped in the backseat and we started complaining.  We said that mom should be in the backseat because she was shorter so that one of us could stretch out a little.

I'll never forget my dad's response, because as a teenager it made me so angry.  He said, "Boys, you all can just sit back there.  My wife's place is up front next to me.  She's not sitting in the back seat.  So you all can just deal with it."  Many years later, I realized what an honor that was to my mother.  My dad was putting us in our place- we were not the center of the family.  He and my mom were.  As a teenager, I needed to know that.  Their marriage was strong, and they were the center.  That allowed me safety and stability knowing that the most important people in the family were mom and dad.

2. They need to know that their wants and desires are not going to be automatically met.  When a family is child-centered, the children's needs and wants get first priority.  Thus, the child grows up believing that someone else is responsible for their happiness.  Someone else is responsible if they are not happy, or fulfilled, or whatever.  This trains a child to be dependent on others.  This is a terrible thing to do to a child.

A child whose needs and wants (and I use the term "needs" loosely- I am not talking about food, water, shelter, etc) are not automatically met and are instead put on a lower priority than the parents' wants learns how to depend on himself or herself.  He or she learns patience and the concept of delayed gratification- two things essential for adulthood.  He or she learns the beauty of the word, "no," which is something that children from child-centered homes rarely hear. 

The purpose of parenting is to prepare children for adulthood.  If an adult wants something, unless he is still living in mommy's basement and can ring a bell for room service, the adult has to go get it himself.  This is a skill that children must start learning at a young age.  When children learn that THEY are primarily responsible for their happiness and fulfillment, they are being set up well for adulthood.

3.  They need to realize that they are part of something larger than themselves.  Children need to know that their false world of Facebook, video games, and cell phones in which they are the center of reality is not real life.  Healthy, well-adjusted people realize that they are part of something larger than themselves, be it a family, a company, a group of friends, a church, or whatever. 

This concept of being part of something bigger than themselves starts in the home.  If it is not learned there, they will have major difficulty learning it elsewhere.  If the child grows up in a home where he is the center of it all, he or will think that is true everywhere he goes.  He will think he is the center of the classroom at school (we've all seen kids like that- YIKES).  He will think he is the center of any sports team he is on.  If it continues, he will think he is the center of any relationship he is in, and a me-centered person doesn't last long in marriage. 

I am advocating a return to parent-centered parenting.  Parents, do not apologize for communicating to your children, in a loving but firm way, that they are not the most important people in the home.  Re-prioritize your schedule with your needs and wants first, then the child's.  This will mean saying "no" a lot more.  However, it will be excellent for your child.  It will be excellent for your home.  You are not your children's servant.  Stop acting like it.  In fact, they NEED you to stop acting like it. 

Begin parenting your child like you are preparing them for adulthood, not like you are trying to be "fun" or "nice" or "trying to make sure they are happy."  If your child wants to be happy, that's his or her responsibility.  Your job is to prepare them for adulthood.  Become a parent-centered parent and begin leading a parent-centered home.  Believe me, your kids need this.  So do you.

The 40-year Love Affair With Abortion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8xiNx7mXm4

I watched this video celebrating the 40th anniversary of Roe v Wade.  First of all, it's not really a good commercial.  It's not funny or cute, although I think in some sick way it was SUPPOSED to be cute, but unintentionally showed the true attitude towards abortion that the pro-abortion folks in this country have.

Since Roe v Wade, there have been somewhere between 50 and 55 million legal murders in America.  55 million children killed under the approval of the United States government and the abortion providers.  1% have been aborted because of rape or incest, 6% because of medical problems endangering the life of the mother or baby, and 93% because they were simply not wanted.

This is bad enough.  However, this commercial shows the true heart of the pro-abortion forces in this country.  Their PR people would have us believe that abortion is medically necessary or needs to be labelled under the name "health care."  Bill Clinton told us that abortion should be "safe, legal, and rare."  It is proposed to the American people that it should be a solemn choice, a lesser of two evils, or at best, a right.

But that's not what this commercial showed.

No, this commercial showed abortion to be more than what the PR people tell us it is.  This commercial didn't talk about the freedom of women or the help abortion has provided to hopeless, scared women desperately needing help.  No, this commercial was a sadistic celebration- a love affair between the pro-abortion people and abortion itself.

This commercial compared abortion to a lifelong romance between two adults who are celebrating their relationship over time.  I believe this was intentional.  I believe this is how the pro-abortion camp actually feels about abortion.  They actually love it.

They celebrate abortion like a couple celebrates another year together.  They celebrate the killing of 55 million children like a couple celebrates the love between them.  The pro-abortion lobby doesn't simply want women to have the option of abortion.  They LOVE abortion.  They celebrate the death culture surrounding abortion, unashamedly celebrating abortion to the tune of romantic music, seductive talk, and a glass of wine.

As a man who used to believe that abortion was a good thing (back when I was in high school and college), and who now believes that abortion is murder, this commercial is more than offensive.  I view this commercial as I would view Osama Bin Laden celebrating the anniversary of 9/11- sipping on a glass of wine, talking in low romantic tones, celebrating the killing of 3000 Americans.  Oh wait, that's only 3000 people dead.  That is not a fair comparison to the 55,000,000 killed since Roe v Wade.

To cap it off, it is utter irony that a black man is featured in this ad.  Black babies are aborted at an astounding rate- far higher than white babies or hispanic babies.  It is estimated that the black population in America would be TWICE what it is right now if it were not for abortion.  If half of an entire race were killed by guns, it would be called genocide.  If half of an entire race is killed by abortion, it's called reproductive rights and celebrated by a man sitting in a chair sipping on a glass of wine to the tune of romantic music.

We are up against more than women's rights or reproductive rights.  I have realized, by watching this commercial, that abortion is a love affair with these people.  They don't look at it as a necessary evil, or a medical procedure, or as something to keep "safe, legal, and rare."  They view it as lovely, romantic, beautiful, seductive, desirable, and amazing. 

And that, my fellow people, is the sickest thing I believe I've ever heard.

What makes children decide what to do?

I am not a parenting expert, and I am not stupid enough to believe that what I am about to say applies to everyone.  However, after observing my three children (and being a pastor, which allows me to observe a great deal of human behavior as well as help with the consequences of bad decisions), I think the answer to this question is more simple than we might realize.

If you, as a parent, are wondering how to correct certain behaviors in your children and are at your wits end, take a look at yourself.  Why do you choose certain behaviors over others?

The answer is simple- it all boils down to economics.  Economics?  Yes, economics.  We do the things that cost what we are willing to pay.  We don't do the things that are too expensive.

For example, why don't I go out and by a Ferrari? Simple- it costs too much.  I'm not willing to pay the price.  Therefore, I don't do it.  Instead, I chose a 2002 Maxima with 170,000 miles on it, because I was willing to pay the price.

Your children, just like you, attach a "price" to everything in their lives.  They will do the things whose price they are willing to pay, period.  They will not do the things that carry a price they are unwilling to pay.  You, as the parent, get to set the "price" of behaviors.  So, at the risk of sounding simplistic, if you want a child to stop doing a certain behavior, make the price so high that they are unwilling to pay it.

An example- your child won't clean up his room.  Right now, all that is costing him is maybe two minutes of yelling by mom.  For him, that's a price he's willing to pay.  He would rather deal with mom for 2 or 3 minutes than expend the effort of cleaning up his room.  In dollar terms, he's only paying $1 for dealing with mom, and cleaning the room would be $5, so in his mind, he's saving $4 by not cleaning the room and listening to mom.

The answer?  Make the price too high.  Make it so that he will prefer the "price" of cleaning the room.

Now that mom understands this, she says, "Until you clean your room, I'll be holding your cell phone.  I'll also be taking all other electronic devices into my room- video games, computer,  etc.  When I see that your room is clean, you can have them back.  Next time you fail to clean your room to my satisfaction, you lose cell phone and all other electronic devices for three days."

Now, the boy has to make a decision.  Is that a price I'm willing to pay?  It might be, if he's stubborn.  However, over the years I've found that everyone, and I MEAN EVERYONE, has his price, including your child.  For the boy, now instead of the $1 price of mom yelling, now in his mind, not cleaning his room costs $20 or $40.  That's getting expensive.  That's not something I'm willing to pay. 

Therefore, he decides to clean the room- not because he wants to, but because the price of NOT cleaning the room is too high for him to pay.

The next important step is to determine your child's "currency." Not every child has the same currency.  You have to find out what is valuable to him or her.  That's the currency.  That's what will determine the price they are willing to pay.

For me as a kid, it was my time outside playing sports.  That was my currency.  That was what I was unwilling to sacrifice.  If my parents wanted me to stop a behavior, they made that behavior too expensive for me by taking away my time playing sports.  Because I desperately wanted to play sports, I quickly eliminated any behavior my parents wanted me to stop.  I learned very quickly that if I wasn't in by curfew time, I wasn't playing soccer for the next two weeks.  That wasn't a price I was willing to pay, therefore, I was in on time.

I believe it all boils down to economics.  We, as human beings, do the things we can afford and don't do the things we can't afford.  Realize today, if you are having trouble with your child, it probably boils down to the fact that the price for the bad behavior is low enough that he or she is simply willing to pay it. 

So, today, identify the problems you are having with your children.  Then, in economic terms, ask what "price" they actually pay for doing it.  For example, your boy is rude to you- talks down to you, uses harsh tone, and is openly defiant.  What does that behavior cost him?  It always amazes me when parents come to me and tell me how awful their children treat them, yet that child gets new clothes, has a cell phone, has a video game console, has a tv in his room, etc.  Well, no wonder your child treats you like that.  You aren't making him pay anything for it!

So, start making the behavior cost him.  Big time if necessary.  Parent, you are under no obligation to make your child's life easy.  If he is defiant and rude to you, why should you allow him any comforts at all?  Take the tv out of the room.  Confiscate the cell phone and/or the iPod.  Sell the video game console.  In other words, make the price of his behavior higher than what he is willing to pay.  Believe me, it may take a while, but he will soon realize that it would be much less costly to him to be respectful. 

Once we as parents realize that our children operate on a cost/benefit plan, we will quickly be able to see why our children do what they do.  It's the same reason you do what YOU do- you do what you are willing to pay.  You don't do what you aren't willing to pay.

Just be there

What do you say to a friend that is hurting?

The answer might come as a shock to you, because it certainly did to me.  The best thing to say to a friend that is hurting is nothing at all.

That's right.  Nothing.

I've found that in situations where something awful has happened- the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, bad news, etc- there are no words that will really make a difference.  As people, we realize this- when someone has just gotten news that the cancer is back and it's inoperable, or that their husband has just been killed in a car wreck, no combination of words will really do anything to help.

If we as human beings would just stop there- at realizing that there are no words- we would be in good shape.  However, we don't.  Because we don't know the words to say, we pull out cliches or say things that do the exact opposite of what we intend.

In the book of Job, the main character named Job suffered incredible loss.  Death of all his children, plundering of all his wealth, destruction of his homes, etc.  His friends heard about his troubles and set off to comfort him.  The Bible tells us that when they saw him, no one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.  They sat on the ground with him for a week, saying nothing.

It wasn't until they opened their mouths, trying to make sense out of what Job was going through, making logical arguments about the goodness of God and the presence of justice in the world, etc that they screwed up.  If they would have just continued to sit there, their presence would have communicated far more than their words ever did.

That is what your suffering friends need.  They simply need you to be there.  Put your arm around their shoulder and sit with them- for hours if need be.  Don't explain, don't try to help, don't try to provide anything other than simply your presence.  There is a time for words and a time to be silent.  When in doubt, err on the side of being silent.

One last thing- when something awful happens to someone, don't try to defend God.  God doesn't need you to defend Him or His goodness.  He doesn't need you to convince a suffering person of His nature with fine-sounding theological proofs.  In situations of suffering, remember to let God be God.  God's word tells us that He is close to the brokenhearted.  You are not His spokesman or spokeswoman, so don't place yourself in that role.  I wonder how many times God has tried to speak to the brokenhearted people around us, but they couldn't hear Him because we were drowning Him out with different words than what God wanted that person to hear at the time.

The first three rules of helping someone who is suffering are:
1) Shut your mouth.
2) Shut your mouth.
3) If you have a question, refer to rules 1 and 2.

Just be there.

How we perceive successful people: relating, or aspiring?

This week I started a new challenge- the Insanity workout.  Yes, I'm giving it a shot.  It's definitely challenging (okay, it's VERY hard).  Apparently I'm still in the easy workouts, and let's just say that it's no picnic.

However, doing this workout has gotten me thinking.  The people on the DVD, Shaun T in particular, is a very fit-looking guy.  You might say he looks like a professional athlete- totally ripped, six-pack abs, etc.  So are the people behind him that are doing the workout with him. 

I've heard people say many times about someone, "I just can't relate to that guy."  Pastors are always talking about being able to relate to unchurched people.  Pastors are always encouraged to tell stories about their wild youth so that the average unchurched person can "relate" to them.  We are told to tell stories of our failings and mistakes so people can "relate" to us.

I totally agree.  I definitely connect with people when I know they are not perfect.  However, I think that we as a culture have taken the desire to "relate" too far and we have stopped aspiring to be something better.

For example, the reason I am doing Insanity is because Shaun T is someone I am not.  He's fit, he's in shape, and I aspire to be in the kind of shape he's in.  I'm not looking for some middle-aged guy with a muffin top to lead me in a fitness program.  I want someone leading who I can aspire to be like.  In other words, I'm not looking for someone to relate to in the area of fitness.  I don't want some guy who every other minute is talking about the time he went to CiCi's pizza buffet and destroyed his diet, or the time he slept in and missed the workout he committed himself to doing.  I want someone that is worth following, not because I can relate to him, but because I can aspire to be like him, and in the process, becoming a better person myself.

I remember as a kid watching thousands of hours of soccer videos of players like Pele, Maradona, George Best, Beckenbaur, Gerd Mueller, and many more.  I watched them and learned from them because they were better than me.  They had accomplished things that I hadn't (and probably never would) and were on a different level than me, but so what?  Just because I couldn't relate to them didn't mean I couldn't aspire to be like them, and in the process, become a better version of myself.

However, I believe this is disappearing from our culture.  People don't want leaders in front of them that they can aspire to be like.  They want leaders in front of them that they can "relate" to. 

The recent presidential election showed this to a large degree.  I was no fan of either candidate.  However, Mitt Romney had accomplished things that were pretty amazing.  He had amassed more wealth in his lifetime (something that takes discipline, wisdom, and hard work) than most people will ever see.  Yet, that was the thing that turned people off.  They couldn't "relate" to a guy with that much money.  Obama won the election because, among other things, the nation was able to "relate" to him better than Romney.

When people stop aspiring to be like people that are better than us (and walk away from them because we just can't "relate" to them) we do ourselves and our country a major disservice.  When pastors and Christians minimize their strides forward in their faith because we want people to be able to "relate" to us, we do a disservice to the Kingdom of God. 

So, here is the question- what is your reaction when you see someone who is better than you at something?  What is your reaction when you see someone who is better at managing money than you are?  Do you say, "I aspire to be like him, and in the process, become a better version of myself?" Or do you write him off and say, "I can't relate to that guy?"

What is your reaction when you see someone who has conquered sins in his life that you struggle with in yours?  Do you aspire to be like him?  Or do you write him off as unrelateable?  What is your reaction when you see someone who is excellent at prayer?  Do you aspire to be like her, or do you write her off as "unrelateable?" 

Today, when you find someone who is better than you at something, turn away from the American cultural tendency to "not be able to relate to that person" and instead aspire to be like that person.  Study that person's life, habits, work ethic, and decisions.  There is a reason that person is like that, and there is a reason you are where you are.  Stop worrying about whether or not you can "relate" to a successful person.  Instead, aspire to be like that successful person.  You will see a lot of positive motion in your life if you change this one thing about how you perceive successful people.