The most important trait of a parent

I grew up in a school system where 92% and above was an "A." 83% and higher was a "B," and so on and so forth. I thought that was a decently fair grading system (not that anyone asked me), because you could make a few mistakes here and there and still get good grades.

Someone who gets it right 95% of the time is probably a pretty successful person, right? I mean, 95% is a pretty high number for accuracy. I think all of us would like to have that kind of grade on life, wouldn't we?

Nope.

In many aspects of life, 95% is failing. It's a failing grade. So is a 99%. So is a 99.9999%.

What do you call a man who is faithful to his wife 99% of the time? An adulterer.

What do you call a woman who tells the truth 99% of the time? A liar.

What do you call a person who obeys the speed limit 99.95% of the time? A speeder (at least, the cop who pulls you over will think that).

What do you call someone who keeps his promises 90% of the time? Unreliable.

I've come to realize that the most important trait in life is consistency. We could list a bunch of good traits to have, such as honesty, faith, integrity, faithfulness, goodness, self-controlled, etc. Those are all fantastic traits.

However, without consistency, none of those matter. If you aren't consistently honest, if you aren't consistently faithful, if you aren't consistently self-controlled, then those traits are meaningless.

The biggest liar that you know probably tells the truth 75% of the time. That's a "C" on a grading scale. Not stellar, but at least its average. A cheating husband or wife, if you averaged out the days, was probably faithful 90% of the time at least. That's a high "B" in most books. Pretty good, huh?

No.

As I've grown older, the more I realize the value of consistency. Consistency- being the same person, exercising the same values, staying true to your core beliefs day in and day out over the course of a lifetime- is really the only thing that matters. There must be consistency in any person's life if they are to be successful.

This is especially true in parenting. My parents weren't perfect. However, they were consistent. Their values and their rules didn't change with the day, nor did their punishments when I screwed up. If they said I was grounded for two weeks, I was grounded for two weeks. They didn't change it after a day or two (as some parents do). Also, the rules didn't change with my parents' mood. I'm sure there were days when they didn't feel like enforcing the rules. It would have been easier just to let me get away with it. However, they stayed consistent.

What that did for me and my brother was it created security. Consistent parents create secure kids. When kids aren't left guessing as to when mom and dad will show up; if they aren't left guessing as to what will set mom and dad off this time; if they aren't punished one day for something and not the next, kids form a great sense of identity and purpose.

However, when consistency isn't there, it sets the kids up for failure.

I hear quite often about the tough time teachers nowadays have with kids in their classrooms. They spend far too much time being disciplinarians to children who are acting out. However, acting out is only a symptom of the problem. We treat the symptom and don't address the root cause.

I believe the root cause of so many discipline cases in schools is the following formula:

Inconsistency---> Confusion ---> Frustration ---> Acting Out. 

The child receives inconsistent messages at home. Doesn't know what is right or wrong; hasn't developed security of purpose and clarity. Therefore, the child is confused. If you've ever tried to accomplish a task that is confusing, or you don't know what to do, or haven't been given the tools to accomplish it, it quickly leads to frustration. That frustration boils over into acting out.

What we normally do is we punish the child. We send them to detention, put them in time out, etc. All that stops is the acting out. . . . .  for a time. It doesn't address the frustration felt by a confused kid who has had no consistency at home.

Parents, if you are having problems with your children at school; if they are constantly getting in trouble, if they don't respect authority and are causing headaches for teachers, coaches, and yes, even you, stop looking at the behavior. Follow the formula back to the beginning- does your child have consistency?

Is your word good? When you say you'll do something, do you do it? When you tell a child something, can he or she trust that it's the truth? Does he or she sleep in the same bed every night? Same bedtime every night? Do you consistently expect them to do homework, consistently eat meals with them, consistently talk with them?

Give your children the gift of consistency. It is truly what they need. When I look back on my time in my parents' house, I can honestly say that the gift of consistency was the greatest gift my parents gave me. I knew my dad would be home every night. I knew I would sleep in the same bed every night. I knew we would eat together as a family every night. I knew my parents' rules and I knew the punishments that would happen if I broke them. They had very few rules and they enforced them EVERY TIME. Consistency built me into the person I am today.

This world is dying for people who are consistent. Our homes needs consistent parents. Our businesses need consistent employees. Our churches need consistent members. Our spouses need consistent spouses. This world is full of flighty, unreliable, temperamental people who can't be counted on to do what is right. Don't be a person like that. Your children deserve better. So does your spouse, so does your place of employment, so does your church.

Give that gift to this world. Consistency is THE most important trait in life.

Fathers and Daughters- Why Fathers Are Essential

One of the most chilling things that I have come across in researching the impact of fathers on their children comes from the realm of human trafficking. I read a story about a human trafficker in California who had been arrested and convicted. He freely told the press and the cops how he was able to recruit and basically enslave teenage girls, forcing them into prostitution and treating them like animals while he lived like a king on the money they made.

He said that his recruiting ground was the mall.

He would approach a girl, usually aged twelve to sixteen. He would ask them a simple question, "Where is your daddy?"

He said, "If they answered, 'He's over there,' or 'He's at work,' or something like that, I would walk away. However, if they said, 'I don't know,' or 'I don't have a daddy,' I had found my next worker."

The interviewer asked him, "What did that have to do with anything?"

He said, "Girls without their daddies were looking for a 'daddy.' I just became that. I gave them gifts. I gave them attention. I gave them money. I didn't have to kidnap them. I simply made them need me. Then they would do anything I demanded that they do. They actually loved me for it."

He said, "Girls that had their daddy didn't need what I was offering. They were immune. I didn't even bother with them."

If that doesn't send chills up your spine, I don't know what will. As a father of two daughters and someone who literally feels sick every time I hear of girls being trafficked like cattle, it makes me even more determined to be a strong presence in the lives of my children.

Mothers, this is nothing against you. Our families would be nothing without you. I would say that my wife has had more influence on who our children are than I have. Mothers are the heart and soul of the family, and I give them all the respect in the world for the work they do.

It's just that these girls that were trafficked had mothers. That didn't stop this slimeball criminal from recruiting them. It was the absence of the father that made them vulnerable to him.

Fathers, you are essential. You are invaluable to your children. Never stop fighting for them. Never stop guiding them. Never stop being present. You are of infinite value to your children.

Fathers, human trafficking is only one thing that we can help prevent. Reflect on the following statements and live them out:

1) Fathers, make sure that your daughters never wonder what it is like to be held by a strong man. Hug your daughters. Let them feel your strength and your protection. Never let them wonder what it is like to be held by strong arms, because if they don't get it from you, they'll seek it out from another man, and you have no idea who that "other man" will be.

2) Fathers, make sure that your daughters never wonder what it is like to be complimented and made to feel important by a man. Tell your daughters they are beautiful. Let your daughters know that they are worthy of your attention. If they don't get that from you, they will be vulnerable to the first man that comes along that provides that. That man may not have her best interests at heart.

3) Fathers, make sure your daughters know what it is like to be respected. Let them see you respect their mother and treat her as the child of God that she is. When she sees you treating her mother that way, she will learn that that is how women should be treated, and she won't accept anything less from any man that comes along.

4) Fathers, make sure that you model faith in God for your daughters. Let your daughters hear you pray, let them see you read Scripture, let them see you live your faith on a daily basis. Let them see what you believe to be right and wrong. Fathers, you are a HUGE factor in what your daughter will believe to be right and wrong. Show her what it means to be a person of faith. Let her see you rely on God. She will grow up to do the same thing.

Fathers, you are essential. Never underestimate your importance to the family. Never underestimate your importance to your daughters. The world may tell you differently. That's okay. The world is wrong. You are essential.

My biggest failure as a father

One of my biggest passions is fatherhood. I love being a father. I spend at least three days a week in jails and rehab centers teaching fatherhood courses. People ask me my advice on parenting and fatherhood all the time, and it is a big part of what I do.

Lots of times, this blog will cover parenting/fatherhood topics. I guess they tell you to write what you know, so that's what I do. I spend a great deal of time talking about things I've learned, trying to shape and guide with advice and all that. It would be easy to think, after reading all this, that I'm a perfect dad.

I'm not.

Fatherhood is more error than victory, and there are plenty of mistakes I've made as a dad. However, there is one that stands out more than others.

I'm just going to be gut-level honest with everyone. I would say that in my forty-two years as a human being, this was my worst failure, one that to this day I have trouble forgiving myself for.

In 2004, my wife and I were blessed with our son Jacob. He had a heart defect that was 100% fatal without surgery (it was called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, or HLHS). He was born September 5, and he was going to have major surgery within a few days of his birth.

His temperature kept spiking every time they were going to operate, so his surgery was delayed several times. I was a youth minister at the time, and our son was at Vanderbilt hospital forty minutes away from where we lived. He was born on a Saturday. We stayed with him in the NICU on and off, because we had two little girls as well to care for and tried to keep things as normal for them as possible.

It kills me to write this. Looking back, I wish I would have done things differently.

The next week, when he was eight days old, on Monday, I had been out of the office pretty much the entire time. I went to work. All day. I didn't go to the hospital that day.

My son was in the NICU fighting for his life and I went to the office because I thought that's where I should be.

I didn't think he was going to die. I thought that he would do well with his surgery and we would have him for a good long while. I couldn't see it any other way. So, that day, I went to work thinking that what I was doing that day was so very important.

Jacob died two days later.

He only lived ten days, and I missed one of them. 10% of his life.

See, I thought we would have him for longer. I thought he would live many years. I thought that he would grow up and go to school and play sports and graduate school and get married and have kids and the whole nine yards. When he needed his family- when he needed his dad the most- I wasn't there.

When he needed me the MOST- I wasn't there.

Maybe it was my view of work being so important. Maybe it was a sensitivity to the criticism that so many people have of ministers "not having a real job" and "only working thirty minutes on a Sunday."(yes, we hear that all the time) and feeling like I had to counteract that stereotype. Maybe it was an over-inflated sense of how important I was. Whatever the cause, whatever the reason, it was the wrong one.

Somebody once said that we prefer clocks to hourglasses because a clock just spins around and around, giving the illusion that time is infinite. If we could actually see grains of sand disappearing, showing that our time is limited, we would live much differently. I think that is very true. I know that had I known Jacob was going to die that Wednesday, I would have been in his room the entire day on Monday instead of sitting at a desk in an office forty minutes away.

I know that God has forgiven me, but I just can't seem to forgive myself. What I wouldn't give to have that day back. I would live it much, much differently.

But I can't get that day back. Like a grain of sand in an hourglass, it's gone forever. The only thing I can do is from this point forward, learn the lesson and be intentional about spending these days as well as I possibly can, doing what is important and right, regardless of what everyone else would say.

For all of you parents who haven't gotten it right, you're not alone.

For all of you parents who have made mistakes, maybe MAJOR mistakes, and are struggling to forgive yourselves for them, you're not alone.

For all of you parents who wish you could go back and relive a day or week or month or year of your life and do things differently, you're not alone.

I'm right there with all of you.

Sometimes the weight of that failure is enough to make me want to quit. Many times as I go to teach fatherhood or write about parenthood, I feel like a hypocrite. "Who are you to write about being a father?" I ask myself as the episode of Monday, September 13, 2004 comes flooding back. I know many of you feel the same way. The guilt of past failures has the ability to paralyze any future action that we need to take.

All I can do is point you to the words of Lamentations 3:23-24, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His mercies never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

Because of His love, we are not consumed by our failures. Because of His love, our failures are not final. Because of His love we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and put one foot in front of the other in spite of our past failures. There is hope and peace ahead, thanks to the goodness of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I'm here as a living testimony to that goodness and forgiveness, as I have experienced it personally.

It's difficult to write this blog. I don't really know why I'm writing it right now. Maybe it's because there are folks out there who need it. Maybe it's a lame attempt to assuage guilt within me. Maybe it's the Holy Spirit of God telling me to be authentic and share struggles with the folks who read this. Whatever the reason is, I hope you can find some encouragement today. No one is perfect. No one has it all together. No one has all the answers.

But everyone can have hope and a future. We aren't bound by our past mistakes, thanks to the limitless grace and love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I ask you to do what I am trying my hardest to do- learn how to forgive yourself. Sometimes I think the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. And if any of you figure out how to do it, I'd appreciate you sharing it with me.

God bless all of you.

Don't Laugh At It

A few days ago I was in Wal-Mart. I had just popped in for some quick groceries and wanted to get out as quickly as possible. I was in a hurry, not in the mood to deal with things- just wanted to get there, get what I needed, and get home as quickly as possible.

Which made my time in the checkout line even that much worse.

In front of me were two young parents with what looked to be about a five-year-old child. She was full of energy, to say the least. Basically she was running around, jumping in the shopping cart, being very loud, and was out of control. When you are stuck in a checkout line, being around a kid like that gets really old really fast.

However, I very quickly realized why she acted that way, because something happened that drove me absolutely nuts.

Her dad, probably realizing that his daughter was annoying the people around her with her constant running around and noise, told her to be still. She looked up at him and shouted, "NO!" Then she smiled and continued doing what she was doing. I began thinking what would have happened if I would have done that to my parents. I certainly wouldn't be here writing this, I can guarantee you THAT.

However, the mom laughed. She looked at her husband and said, "She is so SASSY!" Meanwhile, the kid continued to act like a brat. I made a mental note that if I ever became friends with this couple, I would NEVER invite them over as long as they had that kid with them.

This illustrates a major problem in parenting.

The child was disrespectful to her father. Defiance and disrespect are terrible attributes for any person to have, let alone a child. When the child said, "NO!" defiantly, she should have been corrected right then and there. She should have been told in no uncertain terms that she was in the wrong and should have been punished accordingly.

However, the parents laughed at it and wrote it off as "sassiness."

Parents, don't explain away your children's disrespect as "being cute" or "being sassy."

The truth of the matter is that the world won't find your child's disrespect nearly as cute or funny as you do. Neither will I. Neither will anyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with your child or anyone unfortunate enough to be stuck in a Wal-Mart checkout line behind them.  Employers won't find it funny when your child, being "sassy and cute," disrespects the customers. Teachers won't find it nearly as amusing when your child is a constant disruption in class because someone at home encouraged them to be "sassy and cute."

We have an entire generation growing up without respect for their elders, and I believe mainly it happens because parents laugh and explain away disrespect in this manner. The amount of parents who laugh at their children's disrespect is astonishing to me. Do they know they are encouraging the child to repeat it? Do they know they are setting their child up for failure in life? Do they know that they are raising a brat?

Probably not. In this generation of parents' quest to be their child's best friend, any thought along those lines are out the door. Any thought of future consequences to said "cute" behavior is gone.

Don't laugh at it. Discipline it.

Parents, you are the first people your child learns to respect. If you laugh off disrespect and defiance, if you call it "sassy," if you explain it away as "cute," you will be creating a monster. Resist the urge to laugh it off.

Remember- it is easier to train a child than to fix an adult. It is easier to train a five-year-old to be respectful than it is to discipline a disrespectful teenager. Far too many parents, by laughing at the disrespect of a five-year-old, create a monster that they have trouble dealing with in the teenage years, and then experience the heartbreak of an adult child who has none of the characteristics needed for a successful life.

Don't laugh at it. It isn't sassy. It isn't cute.

It's disrespect.

A Forgotten Practice in Christian Homes

This past summer, I had the great opportunity to speak to close to 1000 high school students at KCU's Summer in the Son. Great week.

One of the days, in their small group time, I asked the students a simple question, "What is the most radical, dangerous, or uncomfortable thing you've done because of your faith in Christ?"

There were quite a few answers, but the most common one- the OVERWHELMINGLY most common one- was something that bothered me. It bothered me not because it was wrong or awful or sinful. It bothered me because it was, well, anything BUT radical, dangerous, and uncomfortable. At least, by Biblical standards.

The most common answer? "Prayed in front of my youth group."

HUH?

That was the most radical, most dangerous, most out-of-the-box thing that the students had done because of their faith in Christ? Not heading overseas to bring the gospel to unreached people (commanded in Scripture), visiting prisoners in jail (commanded in Scripture), feeding the homeless (commanded in Scripture), sharing faith with a non-believing friend (commanded in Scripture), withstanding persecution, or anything else that the people in the Bible did?

We've gotten to the point where Christian kids really feel challenged talking to God in front of people who believe just like them.

First, that's a sad commentary on churches. However, it's an even sadder commentary on Christian homes. Why do Christian kids feel uncomfortable praying in front of other people? Simple. They've never been challenged to do it. 

This is a forgotten practice in Christian homes.

My childhood growing up was not what I would call a Christian upbringing. We rarely went to church and we certainly didn't read Scripture together or go on mission trips or anything like that. However, there was one thing we did that I will always remember.

We took turns praying before meals. In the home, of course. We didn't pray at meals in public. Just at home.

However, we went in order from youngest to oldest. From the time I could speak, I was expected to pray for the family before meals. Then it was my brother's turn. Then my mom's. Then my dad's. I prayed out loud in front of the family every fourth meal, which was at least five times per week.

Parents, are you teaching your children to pray?

Could my mom and dad prayed better than me and my brother, especially when we were little? Sure. I'm sure they were much more eloquent, much more focused, much better at praying than I was. However, with that being part of what we did, I learned how to do it. I was expected to lead the family in prayer as being a part of my family.

As a result, I never had problems praying in front of people. That's a good thing, because being a minister I'm always asked to pray for meals, banquets, rotary club meetings, funerals, weddings, you name it (people assume I have the "direct line" to God, smh).

Parents, it's time to resurrect the age-old tradition of family prayer. The discomfort our children feel in public prayer probably means that not much prayer is going on in the home. At least, families praying together. Have your children lead the family in prayer. It's okay. It won't kill them. It will teach them the spiritual discipline of prayer, and will teach them the importance of it.

I, for one, cannot believe that high school students would even list "praying in front of my youth group" as something radical and uncomfortable. However, if I grew up in a home where prayer was never emphasized and certainly where I was never expected to lead the family in prayer, I could see how it WOULD be.

Start a new family tradition. Pray together, but let your children lead. Take turns. Tell them that prayer isn't just for the adults. It is for everyone. Just tell them to talk with God. It's okay. God won't smite anyone.

He probably would really enjoy hearing from your child. And He probably would enjoy the fact that your child isn't embarrassed or uncomfortable talking with Him in front of people.

It all starts in the home.

The state of American Elementary Schoolchildren, 2016

I just returned from an overnight field trip with a bunch of 4th graders (over 100 to be exact). Having spent an afternoon, evening, night, and morning with these folks, I have several reflections from that experience, some good and some bad. In no particular order, here they are:

1) American children are heavily medicated. When it came time to go to bed, the camp director brought out a HUGE cardboard box packed to the brim with freezer bags full of medications. Mind you, this was for ONE NIGHT. I doubt very seriously that any of them were antibiotics (you wouldn't have gone on this field trip if you were sick), so I might assume that most of them were ADHD-related drugs. I was astounded. Completely astounded. I don't even think I've seen that many medications in a nursing home. I'm sure that some were medically necessary, but the sheer volume of medications these children are on was very troubling to me. It can't be good for them to take that much medicine. It actually upset me.

2) American children are fascinated with adult men. I was one of three dads that took the trip. If I started talking (it didn't matter what I was talking about- telling a joke, telling a story, asking a question) within ten seconds there were fifteen to twenty kids surrounding me, listening, asking questions, etc. Many times I heard, "Mr. Kibler, Mr Kibler!" I would turn around and say, "Yes?" The child who called my name wouldn't really have anything to say. They would look right and left, trying to think of something to say. What that said to me was that they really didn't have anything important to tell me- they just wanted my attention.

This was true of both boys and girls, but especially the boys. I don't think it was because I'm particularly funny (I'm not) or particularly cool (I'm definitely not). It was simply because I am an adult man. To children who grew up with mothers, female daycare workers, and female teachers, being around a man is certainly a new experience. Men and fathers, the children in our homes and communities are really hungry for your presence in their lives.

3) American children are relatively helpless. I was amazed at what the children were not able to do. Simple tasks that should be easy were foreign and new to them. "Mr Kibler, I lost my socks," one kid told me.

"Well," I said, "this is a small cabin. Did you have them with you in here last night?"
"Yes."
"Have you looked for them around your bed?"
"No."
Then he stopped and looked at me with a pleading in his eyes that said, "It's too hard for me to look for them. Will you just find them for me please?"
I wasn't falling for it. "Well, you'd better look. They are probably right around your bed."
He dropped his shoulders in a dramatic fashion. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"I just can't."
I said, "Well, you better, because I'm not looking for them."

The kid couldn't even look for his own socks, which wound up being under his bed.

I also had to help these ten-year-olds to fold their sleeping bags. Folding a sleeping bag is easy. It's not rocket science. But more than half, probably three-fourths of them, were unable to do it. What's worse, they didn't even try. They waited until someone else did it for them. I saw very clearly that this was the norm in the homes they came from. They were used to adults doing everything for them. They were so incredibly helpless. I felt bad for them. Remember parents, the number one rule of parenting is "Do nothing for your children that they can do for themselves." Allowing the child to struggle and fail before mastering a skill builds self-confidence in them. Overcoming obstacles is the key to success. If you aren't letting your children try and fail and try and fail, you are relegating them to a helpless existence. I certainly saw that on this trip.

4) American children are looking for strong leadership and boundaries. The kids played all day and had a great time canoeing, shooting bow and arrows, doing a ropes course, playing games, going hiking, and roasting marshmallows. They were unusually loud, even for ten-year-olds, and couldn't seem to do anything quietly. I knew we were heading for trouble as it came time to head back to the cabin for lights out. They were already running around and tackling each other and yelling and all that, beating on each other and screaming despite anything that the teachers and/or adults had to say.

I got all the kids in my cabin into the room, and I pulled out my "you-all-are-one-step-from-death" tone of voice that I use when demanding immediate obedience. I gave them the spiel that this was a cabin of 4th graders, not kindergarteners, and that I expected more self-control and more maturity than I was seeing. "The next one that yells or gets too loud," I said in my military voice, "will be doing pushups, wall-sits, and sit-ups until you puke. Then you'll clean it up and do some more. Anyone here think I'm playing? Just test me," I said, glaring at them. Their eyes got wide and their mouths dropped open.

Then, guess what happened? They calmed down. They asked me, in normal inside/calm voices, to tell them some of my funny stories. I told them the (true) story of a guy who went on his first date in college, wound up throwing his pants out the window on the train, and never spoke to the girl again. They thought it was hilarious. They were focused, they were receptive, they were respectful. I told them the story of the blind axe-murderer/ghost that walked with a limp through the campground at night, listening for noisy boys to chop up. THAT got 'em (that's all they talked about the next morning. I even pointed to an old cabin in the woods and told them that was his house).

One other things happened- when I decided not to put up with their immaturity and lack of self-control and called the smackdown on them, THEY HAD MORE FUN. Instead of chaos and hollering and screaming, they talked to one another. They told jokes. They laughed. They interacted with one another. Not one of them- NOT ONE OF THEM- crossed the line I had set. As I turned out the lights and said good night, I reflected that strong boundaries were what these kids were truly craving. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing them to act without self-control. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing immature and stupid behavior to go on. These kids thrived when boundaries were set with very dire consequences when crossed. American kids are hungry for strong leadership and boundaries.

Oh, one other thing- not one of them had to go to therapy because of how mean I was. As a matter of fact, the kids were happier, more respectful, and easier to deal with. Everyone had more fun.

5) American children need to be outdoors. The camp we went to was a 4-H camp. The kids were outside all day, coming in only to eat, then they were back outside. They learned about Kentucky wildlife. They learned about being part of the environment- the REAL environment, not some phony virtual-reality world of computers and video games. They got their shoes and clothes wet in the canoes. They got bitten by bugs. They went on a nighttime hike in only the moonlight. In other words- they LIVED.

I noticed something amazing- when the kids were given outside activities to do, not one of them complained. They loved it. They engaged fully with the things they were doing. No one was talking about movies or youtube videos or video games or anything else. They were outside and they were part of the real world.

I believe that is good for kids. I also believe that they don't get enough of it. Things like 4-H, hiking, canoeing, archery, shooting rifles and shotguns, kayaking, hiking, climbing, exploring- all those are essential parts of childhood, and I believe a great deal of our kids are missing out. Kids need to be outdoors more. They need to be in the world God created, not one that people created. Unfortunately, our kids are more and more absorbed into a world that isn't real- a manufactured, controlled, purchased world that comes to them through a screen. Do we really think this won't have an effect on them?

As we sat there this morning learning about Kentucky wildlife- seeing the skulls of black bears, feeling the skins of foxes and skunks and possums, holding deer antlers and elk antlers- I noticed how fascinated the kids were with them. This was real learning. This was real school. This wasn't going to be on any test. This wasn't going to be measured, evaluated, or graded. It was simply interesting. It was relevant. It was REAL EDUCATION, and guess what? The kids loved it. I reflected back on how much information I learned in school truly was irrelevant, and it made me sad to think that what was going on here was the exception, not the norm.

A true education is exciting. It's not always fun, I get that, but it should definitely be more fun than it has become. These kids loved it. They were learning. They were learning about their environment. They were learning about their home state. They were learning about animals that they shared this world with. It was true education.

6) American children need self-control. One of the most annoying things about chaperoning this group was their lack of self-control. These ten-year-olds, at least many of them, seemed incapable of doing anything without being distracted. Many of them couldn't even walk from one activity to the next (sometimes the distance was less than 100 yards) without veering off the path and having to be brought back. Many of them were incapable of sitting quietly for more than ten seconds. Kids being kids, you say.

Nope. Ten-year-olds demonstrating a lack of self-control. That's exactly what it was. They had been told repeatedly what to do. It was gone in ten seconds. Incapable of sitting still, incapable of walking in a straight line, incapable of following directions, incapable of staying focused. There is a definite need for self-control in America's children today.

Dave, you say, you're being harsh. You can't expect a ten-year-old to demonstrate self-control. You're asking too much.

If a kid can't walk a hundred yards from one station to the next without losing focus and running off, that's not normal. That's a lack of self-control and a lack of focus that should be present at this age. These aren't kindergartners. These are fourth-almost-fifth graders. They need boundaries and they need to be held to a higher standard than what we've been holding them to. Remember parents- we aren't raising children. We are raising ADULTS, and a person (whether child or adult) who cannot demonstrate self-control won't get very far in this world. The kids without self-control were the headaches for all of us adults. They were ANNOYING. Parents, if your child is incapable of controlling himself or herself, your kid is annoying. Fix it, please.


Lots to reflect on. I enjoyed my trip with the kids. The kids were fun- we had no issues of defiance, fighting, talking back, or anything else. Would I do it again? Yes. Parents, take a look at this list of reflections and use them to be the best parent you can be. God bless.

Oh, Lord- how faithful they are

One of the frustrating things about being a pastor is a rainy Sunday.

They told us in seminary that if it rains on a Sunday, you can expect up to one-third of your people to stay home. That probably harkens back to the days when transportation was by horse-drawn carriage and no one wanted to go out into the field and hitch up the team in those kinds of conditions, let alone travel on a muddy road where you would most likely get stuck in your Sunday best clothes.

It is unbelievably frustrating for pastors to see people sidelined by rain. On Sundays when it rains, such as yesterday, it is difficult to not get angry at people who would go to work in the rain, go to school in the rain, go to a UK basketball game in the rain, but not to church.

Well, this isn't a blog castigating people who stay home when it rains. Quite the opposite.

One of my long-time mentors told me, when I asked him what was one regret he had in ministry, "I wish I would have spent more time appreciating who was there rather than being mad at who was absent."

Yesterday, on a dark, rainy Sunday morning, there were tons of people at church. There were lots that were missing, but there were many more who WERE there than who weren't.

Oh, Lord, how faithful they are.

Every Sunday, people set aside time in their Sunday morning to come to Catalyst to worship, to participate in the community, to fellowship, and to be part of the Body of Christ.

Oh, Lord, how faithful they are.

Every Sunday, people give of their hard-earned money to support the church. We don't scare people into giving. We don't say that they will burn in hell if they don't. The people give of their own free will and their own choice. And each week we have enough to meet all our needs.

Oh, Lord, how faithful they are.

We've been a church for almost eight years now. We have never missed a Sunday; never called off worship for Christmas or rain or snow or ice. There have been people attending Catalyst Christian Church for four-hundred and fourteen Sundays in a row.

Oh, Lord, how faithful they are.

We have Catalyst members who are foster parents, who are adoptive parents, who do missions in Honduras, Haiti, Jamaica, Kenya, India, and Nepal, who support foster and adoptive parents, who fill backpacks full of food to feed hungry kids on the weekends, who teach fatherhood skills in prisons, who serve on the worship team, who volunteer in children's ministry, who volunteer in our youth ministry, who greet and usher on Sunday mornings, who prepare communion, who prepare the baptistery for baptisms, who share their faith with friends and family and bring them to Christ, who are discipling their children in their homes, who gave Thanksgiving and Christmas to children of inmates, who serve and serve and serve and never ask for any recognition whatsoever.

Oh, Lord, how faithful they are.

We have a congregation who gave of their treasure, above and beyond their normal giving, in order to move into our first building in 2009 and now into our current building in 2014.

Oh, Lord, how faithful they are.

We have people who give of their time to lead community groups to pastor and teach people, and people who give up a night a week to host and attend these groups. They are growing each day closer to the Lord.

Oh, Lord, how faithful they are.

I could go on. The faithfulness of the people in the church is amazing. What I listed was just a small portion of what goes on daily in the lives of Christians. No media, no front page news, no announcement or plaques or awards given. Just day to day faithfulness of the believer in Christ.

When I'm tempted to get upset at people who stay home on a rainy day, Lord, remind me of the amazing amount of faithfulness demonstrated by the people. Pastors, I encourage you to do the same. Remember the words of my very wise mentor:

"I wish I would have spent more time appreciating who was there rather than being mad at who wasn't."

Why I Need Sunday Morning Worship More Than Ever

I'm a busy man.

I am a husband. I am a father. All three of the children in my home play sports and are involved in extra-curriculars. I pastor a church. I referee high school soccer in the fall. I coach my son's basketball team in the winter and my daughter's soccer team in the spring. I do prison ministry twice a week. I go to soccer tournaments and tennis tournaments and soccer games and basketball games and taxi drive kids to practices and games and events. I lead a small group on Wednesday nights and another discipleship group on Friday morning. I love mission trips and do trips to Asia at least once every two years to preach and teach and encourage the kids in our orphanage in India.

That's why I need Sunday morning worship more than ever.

See, without it, I would lose perspective. I would think that my life's purpose truly was soccer tournaments and paying bills.

With all of that busyness going on, my true life purpose would be lost. I am not here to ensure that my kids play sports. I am not here to plan activity after activity. I am not here to be the busiest and most successful version of myself possible.

I am here to fulfill God's purpose for me. That's it. That's all. That's what Sunday morning consistently reminds me of.

People who don't have regular, consistent worship on Sunday mornings are in danger of believing that their life's purpose is to accumulate things, to be comfortable, to be successful, to be the busiest version of themselves. How tragic.

Nothing wrong with being successful. I want to be successful. I really do. It's just that that's not why I'm here.

Nothing wrong with playing sports. I love sports. It's just that that's not why I am here.

God did not put together twenty-three chromosomes from my mom and twenty-three more from my dad, knit me together and bring me into this world so that I could make as much money as I could and have the biggest and nicest house on the street and be as comfortable as possible until I die.

He created me for intimacy. With Him. He created me to be in close fellowship with Him, to enjoy His glory, to enjoy His power and might, to enjoy His love. He created me to bring as many people to that intimacy with Him as possible. He created me with a purpose- a purpose that is lost in the daily grind and the idolatry that shouts out to us from every advertisement and every street corner.

Sunday worship is a time where God reminds you that you are a human BEING- not a human DOING.

The truth is, I need weekly to be in the presence of my church family. I need to sing praises to God. Yes, I know that worship is something directed towards God, but true worship changes the person. It cuts through the fog that this world throws at you. It cuts through the lie that you are here for yourself- that you are here to be comfortable, to be happy, to be successful, to have it all your way. It refocuses you on the fact that life is short, life is a gift, and life has a purpose that only God can give you.

The truth is, I need weekly to hear God's word preached. Yes. Let me tell you a secret about pastors- we are the first ones to hear our sermons. They change us probably more than they ever change the people that listen. God's word reminds me about my purpose. Preaching reminds me about my purpose.

Miss a few months of Sunday worship and your entire life's orientation changes. With God's church, worship, fellowship, etc out of sight and out of mind, your life orients towards what IS in front of you- money, success, sex, food, idolatry, sports, comfort, leisure. The concept of God becomes a distant and remote blip that occasionally registers but not in much capacity. Time habits become self-centered. Money habits become self-centered. God moves off the throne of your life and you move onto it. Your purpose becomes hazy as you settle for small-minded pursuits that will consume you and dull you until something jars you awake- usually a tragedy such as the possibility of your own death.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been privileged to give end-of-life pastoral care to people facing their own deaths. Yes, it is a privilege, because people facing their own deaths have a clarity about life that very few do. They have a crystal-clear view of what is important in life, they have a remarkable clarity about mistakes they have made and priorities that are wrong. A very common lament among people facing their own death is the fact that they went about life all wrong. They realize with sadness that they missed the boat, missed their calling- one man even told me that he had spent most of his life doing the things he hated because those things were the easiest.

That's why I need Sunday morning worship. I don't want to be one of the ones at the end of my life that laments and regrets my priorities in life. Without Sunday morning worship re-orienting me to my purpose and calling, I would drift into the path of least resistance- slowly drifting downstream in a culture of mediocrity doing neither what I was put on this earth to do nor even what would be significant in a hundred years. Sunday morning worship with my church family clarifies my purpose and calling.

Without it, I would run the risk of thinking that tv shows, entertainment, and comforts are what life is all about. How sad a life that would be. Don't miss a Sunday. You need it now more than ever.

One forgotten reason you should attend church this Sunday

I was talking with a man who will remain nameless a few months ago. Suffice it to say that he is a close family member. We were discussing church.

This man is not a person to mince words or hold his opinions back, and when I asked him how church was that Sunday, he answered, "Not good."

"Not good?" I answered. He is a very dedicated Christian, probably one of most devout Christians I've ever known. He and his wife never, and I mean NEVER, miss a Sunday worship meeting.

"Not good," he continued. "I have no idea how the preacher can stand up there for thirty minutes and say absolutely nothing, but he managed to do it Sunday. I enjoyed the music, but overall, leaving church this past weekend I didn't feel inspired, didn't feel like I had worshiped God, didn't really walk out of there with anything, actually."

"Is this a common thing?" I asked.

"Yep," he said. "Pretty much every Sunday."

My wife, who was with us, jumped in.  "So why do you and your wife continue to go to that church? Why do you go? Why do you waste your time there?"

He got very serious. He paused for a second and the words came out very slowly, but powerfully:  "Because someone there might need to see me. Someone there might have had a terrible week and is on life support spiritually. Someone there may need encouragement. Someone there may need to know that there are other Christians around.  That's why."

He continued. "I'm old. I've heard plenty of sermons and studied the Bible a great deal. I don't think my faith would decrease if I never heard another sermon. That's not my role in the church anymore. I'm there because other people need me."

What an amazing attitude.

In our consumer-driven society, church has become all about me. What I can get. What I like. What I don't like. What is in it for me. What is in it for my family. And if it doesn't happen to meet every one of my expectations, wants, and needs it is a waste of time. How many of us have THAT attitude instead of this man's attitude?

How many of us don't particularly like Sunday morning church services?  Probably quite a few. That's okay. There are times I don't like them either. Sometimes I really love them, and sometimes I wish I were anywhere but there . . . . and I'm the preacher.

But how many of us have the maturity to say, "I'm not part of a church to consume, to get. I'm part of a church because other Christians need my witness. Other Christians need my example. Other Christians need my encouragement. Other Christians need my discipleship."

How many of us look at the Sunday morning meeting and say, "I'll bet there are young people there who are floundering around in their walk with Christ, and they need me to help guide them?"

How many of us, this weekend, will remove all of the consumerism that's been drilled into us as Americans and will approach church with an entirely different attitude? How many of us will get out of bed, turn off the tv, skip the soccer game, skip the shopping trip, not because of an inspiring Sunday morning service but because you know that someone there needs your presence there?

When we begin to view our involvement in a church like that, we know we are maturing in Christ.

We need more people like this man in our churches.

Now, I'm not giving a free pass to ministers. Ministers should be the hardest working men on the planet, because what happens when we preach and teach has an effect for all eternity. I'm not giving them a pass. Messages SHOULD be inspiring. Worship services SHOULD be encouraging.

But we need more people who are not looking to consume to fill our seats on Sunday morning. We need more people who are there to be examples, to be leaders, to be mentors, to be ENCOURAGERS to other believers on Sunday morning.  This is a forgotten reason you should go to church this Sunday.

Someone there might need to see you there. And it's as plain and simple as that.

Parents, will your children continue in faith when they graduate high school?

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but most likely no.

When I was a youth minister, I was haunted by the statistic that showed that 80% of children who grew up in the church, who were active in youth ministry, whose parents were Christian, who went on youth trips and mission trips and were baptized and the whole nine yards abandoned the church within six months of graduating high school.

So I knocked myself out trying to make sure we reached the kids in middle school and high school. I planned more and more events, did outreach to hundreds of kids, taught the Bible, took the kids on mission trips to let them experience their faith, and literally did everything in my power to DEFEAT that statistic. I even told my youth volunteers that the mark of success in our ministry was, "if these kids are still part of the church when they are eighty years old."

I failed.

I don't have hard data, but just an estimation is that the ministries I was in charge of had the same retention rate as everyone else. There are now quite a few kids, who are now adults, who are not only NOT part of the church but are militant atheists, mocking and scoffing at all things Christian. Many times, these were leaders- some of the most dedicated kids I ever saw.

Do I still believe in youth ministry? Yes. But I have learned one painful thing- it is incomplete. Woefully incomplete.

Converts may leave the faith. Church members may leave the faith. Baptized believers may leave the faith. Disciples, however, don't.

Disciples don't leave the faith. They don't leave the church. And this is what has been causing the 80% statistic- we have failed to make disciples out of our children and teenagers.  But who, pray tell, is responsible for discipleship? Whose job is it to make disciples out of our children and teens?

Parents.

Christian parents, to be exact.

When Jesus gave the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20, He told all His disciples to "go into the world and make disciples." That is our job. That is our one task. It isn't to win the world. It isn't to be successful and rich. It isn't to have a large crowd. It is simply to make disciples.

Parents, listen- your first disciples are your children.

I am asking you, literally begging you, to wake up. I am tired of listening to heartbroken parents whose children have come home and said, "I'm not going to church anymore." I'm tired of beating my head against the wall trying to design ministries, sermons, trips, etc that will somehow make lifelong disciples out of your children. Guess what? I can't. No pastor can. God has given this task to YOU- and to me as a parent- to disciple our children.

Children's ministries and youth ministries are good things. In fact, they can be excellent things. But they are not enough to reach your child. Only you can do this. This is a task given to you and you alone.

Right now I am teaching my oldest daughter how to drive. It has been a scary experience, to say the least. Putting a teenager in charge of a 2000-pound vehicle going seventy miles an hour is enough to make even the toughest parent a little queasy. However, it is my job to teach her as well as I can so that she will be prepared to drive by herself one of these days. The job of the parent is to ride in the car with the teenager, letting her practice, giving her real-time feedback about what to do and how to drive.

However, every parent knows this is a temporary situation. The permit phase of driving has a time limit, and no parent is expecting to still be riding shotgun with his daughter twenty years from now. No, the purpose is to train them up and let them go out on their own. This is what discipleship is. It is walking with your child through life's decisions, training them in godliness and faith, with the understanding that they will be leaving the house and walking in faith on their own.

How many parents really do this when it comes to their Christian faith? Sadly, not many.

So parents, I want you to close your eyes and fast forward to the time when your child is graduating high school. He will be going off to college soon. He will have freedoms he has never had before. Have you adequately prepared him, from a faith perspective, to continue in his faith when he is no longer around you? Does he know how to walk with Jesus, to serve, to grow in faith, without you? Is he prepared to handle pressures of adult life, making decisions that honor God and will keep him firmly rooted in the faith he grew up in?

Now, parents, I want you to imagine that he comes home from school for Christmas break. Sunday morning rolls around and you are preparing to head to church. He is still in bed. You go wake him up to go to church as a family like you normally do. Through still-closed eyes, he mumbles, "I'm not going."

"But we go to church as a family," you say.

"Church was fine when I was a kid, mom," he says, "but I'm just not interested anymore. I'm not going."

You stand there shocked.

How do I know this?

This was a conversation I overheard in my home when my brother came home from Emory his sophomore year. I remember how upset my parents were. I remember being pretty mad at him. I remember my parents questioning their parenting, pleading with him over the next several years to come back to faith. By the grace of God, he's back, but only after life knocked him around and about destroyed him.

I don't say that to criticize my family. God has been gracious to us over the years. What I am saying is I pray that never happens to any of you reading this blog. However, unless something changes, about 80% of you WILL have that conversation with your children when they graduate high school.

Parents, disciple your children. If you don't, it's pretty much a guarantee that at some very soon date, they will abandon their faith. Their eternity will be in question. They will make decisions based on Hollywood's and the media's influence, not the Bible's. They will become no different than those around them- they will have the same values, the same goals, the same lifestyles, the same everything as any other non-Christian around them.

Nothing concerns me more as a parent.

God has given you a task. You are to make disciples. Your first disciples are your children. It is YOUR responsibility to bring up children in the faith. Church on Sunday isn't enough. Youth group and CIY trips aren't enough. Teach them the Bible. Lead by example. Discuss world events through a Christian lens. Believe me- they are listening. Constantly ask them, when it is time for a decision, what a Christian would do. Teach them to pray over big decisions- who to date, where to go to school, what sports to play, what friends to choose. Do all of those things through the lens of discipleship.

I'm tired of seeing undiscipled young people grow up and leave the church. I'm tired of comforting distraught Christian parents who are mourning their child's exodus from the faith. I'm tired of having to pray, again and again, for someone's grown child who "grew up in the church and should know better" as they abandon their faith and move in with a boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage. I'm tired of always dealing with the symptoms of a lack of discipleship in the home.

Let's take on the root- let's move our homes into ones where our main job is discipleship. Our main job as parents is to pass on a living, vibrant faith to our children. If that isn't happening, we are missing our main priority. After all, in 150 years, your children's faith, or lack of faith, is all that is going to matter.

Those who will not worship will need to be entertained

I heard a great quote, and it's something to think about as we approach Easter Sunday.  "Those who will not worship will need to be entertained."

What is your attitude towards this Sunday (and every Sunday)? Are you seeking to worship?  Or are you seeking to be entertained? Your answer to this question may completely reveal why Sundays are good or bad, relevant or irrelevant. Sunday worship is irrelevant to someone seeking entertainment; Sunday entertainment is irrelevant to someone seeking worship.

Unfortunately, our culture has prepped us to desire entertainment. There will always be more people seeking entertainment than worship.

Pastors and church-growth gurus have seen this trend and have responded- that's why the Willow Creek model of the megachurch in the 90's was so successful. They removed crosses, stopped talking about sin and hell, decked out sanctuaries with cool lights and fog machines, preached "Five Steps to A Happy Life" messages, and struck into niche of people seeking entertainment. Sunday mornings became less about worship and more about growing and maintaining a certain number of people in attendance.

Several years ago, Willow Creek announced to the nation that it had made a mistake. Their model was a failure- they had failed to make disciples.  I give them major props for that. To admit that you're wrong on that big a scale takes major character and humility. While they had drawn big crowds and entertained the heck out of people, they had not seen anyone walking closer with Christ.

So, what are you seeking this Sunday?

If you come to church this Sunday and will not worship God (meaning that you walk in unprepared to glorify the Name of God, unprepared to surrender your life to Him, unprepared to commit to His ways, unwilling to turn your attention to the One greater than you, unwilling to acknowledge everything that He is, ungrateful for the cross, ungrateful for His sacrifice for you), then Sunday morning will be completely irrelevant for you unless you are entertained by funny videos, cool music, lights, fog machine, and a slick message, because you want to be entertained.

However, if you come to church this Sunday and want to worship God, the funny videos, cool music, lights, fog machine, and slick message will be most likely boring and irrelevant to you because you want to worship.

Jesus didn't entertain.

Jesus provided an encounter with God.

Jesus specifically turned away people wanting entertainment.

In Luke 23:8-9, Jesus is sent before Herod for a trial. Herod was eager to see Him, because he had heard a lot about Jesus and was hoping that Jesus would perform for him. Jesus said nothing, did nothing, and refused to entertain. Herod was disappointed.

Any king Herods in our churches today?

Anyone seeking to be entertained by Jesus? Anyone wanting a great show, a great miracle, a great fun time, but unwilling to worship Jesus as Lord and Savior?  Unfortunately, yes. Our churches are full of king Herods, and unless the king Herods are entertained, they will leave.

So, this weekend, ask yourself if you are going to worship or going to be entertained. Those who will not worship will need to be entertained. 

"The answered prayer wasn't the point. The point was the fellowship with God."

Yesterday was an interesting adventure in fixing a car and prayer.

I do all my own car maintenance- definitely a shade-tree mechanic, but I do enjoy it.  I've saved thousands and thousands of dollars by doing my own car maintenance over the years, and it has allowed me to hold onto cars for much longer than most people feel comfortable doing.

My car just turned 202,000 miles, and one thing I know about Nissan Maximas: the rear brakes are a weakness.  I'll spare the jargon, but suffice to say that after a certain point, you don't know if you will be able to change brake pads due to not being able to get the brake piston back into the caliper.

Well, the metal-on-metal sound my car was making when I slowed down definitely tipped me off that it was time to change them. So, yesterday morning, I jacked up the car, took off the back tires, and started to work.  The first side was easy! Got it done in less than five minutes.  Old brake pads out, new ones in, piece of cake.

The second side, well, that was a challenge.  I took the old pads out, and as I tried to get the piston back in to the caliper, it stuck. It stuck hard.  This is known as "freezing" to mechanics. If it wouldn't go in, there was no way to get the new pads in. If the new pads didn't go in, the car wouldn't be drivable. Brakes only work when ALL the brakes work.

I had a meeting in about thirty minutes. I had to get to work. I was responsible for picking up kids that afternoon. Needless to say, I was in a bind. I tried again to get the piston back in. It wouldn't go. I tried applying more force, and the tool slipped and sliced open my hand. Needless to say, it wasn't going anywhere. It was "frozen."

At that point, I could have taken two different paths. The natural part of me wanted to let loose with some words that would peel paint off the walls- a blue streak of profanity that would rival Ralphie's dad's black cloud still hanging over Lake Michigan in "A Christmas Story." A string of words so foul that all milk within a mile radius would instantly curdle. I've been here before. I've threatened to send every car I own to the junkyard, to beat them with sledgehammers, to burn them with a cutting torch, all the while telling the cars what I thought of their mothers when this kind of stuff happens. Anyone who has worked on cars knows exactly what I'm talking about.

The spiritual part of me wanted to pray. I thought, "What good will that do? A dozen people got murdered in Paris this morning by some Muslim terrorists, and you think God cares about a stupid brake pad problem I'm having?"  But, I did it anyway.  I said, "God, I need you to unstick this piston. I need it to turn two full rotations, and I need it now. To You be the glory."

I put the pliers on the piston. It turned exactly two revolutions and stopped again. I kid you not.

Now, just before that, I had applied enough force to bust the thing in two, and it didn't budge. I had turned the pliers so hard that my hand today is still bruised from the pressure, and the scabbed-over cut on my other hand bears testimony to the amount of force I applied when it slipped and cut my hand open.  After the prayer, I turned it like I was turning a screwdriver.

So what, Dave? Big deal. You changed your brake pads and God helped. So what?  Why write a blog about it?

Here is why: the point isn't the answered prayer. The point was the fellowship with God.

I learned, or re-learned, that I can approach God in the small things as well as the big things. Some things are really no big deal, like a brake caliper. Other things ARE big deals, like dealing with the loss of a loved one or getting bad news from the doctor. The point is- God is with us through the big AND the little.

Many times, I think we fail to approach God because we think it's too trivial for Him to bother.  He's got a whole universe to deal with, terrorists, murder, etc. This is wrong. God cares about you in the trivial as well.  Why?  Because He loves you. It's important to Him because it's important to you. That's what people who love you do- they care about the things that you care about. It may be no big deal on the big grand scheme of things, but if it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal to Him.

The point of prayer isn't getting what we want. The point of prayer is fellowship with God.

That was lesson number one.

Lesson number two was that God can accomplish more with His strength than I can with mine. My strength got me little more than a bruise on my right hand and gash on my left.  His strength was more than enough. What are you doing today in your own strength that might just wind up hurting you?

Lesson number three was that prayer accomplished what profanity didn't. I'm glad my mom wasn't there, because I'd be tasting soap for the next month.

Three lessons- all of them wonderful and beautiful. Be encouraged today by the fellowship you can have with God.  Pray, not for what you want, but so that you can experience the deep friendship and relationship with the God of the universe, who alone is the answer to all our prayers.  God bless.

Do you really want revival? I mean, do you REALLY?

Most of us would truly say no.

What do you mean, Dave? We all want churches packed with people.  We all want God's word being preached, people being saved, "Heaven full and Hell empty," right?

I think we would all like that end, but not at any cost.

I've been reading in the Old Testament about the twilight years of Israel and Judah.  God sent prophet after prophet to call His people back to Him.  He sent prophets to tell the Israelites of His love.  When that didn't work, He sent them to warn them of coming catastrophe.  When that didn't work, He pronounced judgement and brought in foreign nations to destroy the land, kill the people, enslave them, cart them off into captivity, and force them to live in exile.

After this, we read the books of Nehemiah and Ezra, which chronicle a huge revival.

Hmmm.  The path to revival can be painful.  In the Bible, the path to revival is mostly painful.  So, the question to American Christians is, "Do you really want revival if the path to revival is extremely painful?"

What if the only way for America to turn back to God is for a foreign army to invade, kill most of us, enslave the rest of us, destroy our comforts, destroy our homes, destroy our idols of sports stadiums, and so on and so forth?  What if the only way for America to take God seriously again would be the crashing of the economy, 80% of Americans being thrown out of work, losing power and running water, dollars turned to worthless pieces of paper overnight, all investments and retirement and all savings reduced to nothing?

CS Lewis says that God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain.  If the path to revival was painful, would you pray for it? Would you, as an American Christian, be willing to endure the temporary pain of the loss of your home, investments, comforts, job, community, etc in order for there to be a nationwide revival that leads to eternal blessings of joy?

The period of suffering and exile lasted seventy years in Biblical times.  Would you be willing to endure hardship for seventy years if that meant your beloved homeland once again turned to God, asked His forgiveness, turned from its wicked ways, and began to call on Him as Lord and Savior?

What if God said to you, "I will bring revival to America.  I will heal the land of every ill, every sin, every scourge.  Drug addiction will be gone, persecution will be gone, all the problems of society will be gone.  However, the only way America will turn to me is if I completely destroy her way of life. The economy will collapse, stock market will vanish along with all investments, electricity will be gone, running water will be gone, food will be scarce, people will die by the hundreds of thousands, jobs will be gone, and you will live in extreme poverty until America repents and turns back to Me, then I will restore you once again." Would you pray for that to happen?

Would you be willing to endure seventy years of poverty and despair if that meant America experienced a revival that rid us of abortion clinics, out-of-wedlock pregnancy, gangs, drug addiction, radical Islam, militant atheist organizations, human trafficking, and political corruption? Would you endure seventy years of complete and utter loss if that meant churches were packed with believers, baptisms happening at a record rate, churches planted everywhere you looked, fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) everywhere, divorce rates plummeting, Bibles sold out of bookstores, communities restored, and God lifted up and worshiped as only the Supreme God of the Universe should be?

That's the kind of stuff that happens in a revival; in a nationwide revival.

Most of us, if not all of us, have prayed for revival. But have any of us said, "Lord, we want revival so badly that if it takes tremendous suffering, loss, and despair in this country, do it. Lord, we want revival so badly that if it takes a foreign army coming in here, conquering our country, taking away our rights, enslavement and brutality to accomplish it, do it.  Lord we want revival so badly that if it takes this entire country the loss of our comforts, the loss of our jobs, the loss of our money, homes, cars, running water, electricity, etc, do it."

Not many pray that way. What if that was the only set of circumstances that would wake up America to the power and majesty of God? What if those circumstances were the only way to shake America out of its sin-induced slumber?  Would you still want it?

I would.

We are here for such a temporary time. Comforts come and go, homes come and go, money comes and goes; but what happens for eternity lasts forever.  I would rather spend seventy devastating years in abject poverty and slavery with the guarantee of heaven than seventy years of comfort seeing the moral and spiritual degradation of America sending hundreds of millions of people to hell.  How about you?

In light of eternity, what we experience on this earth is nothing.  A drop in the bucket. But what we experience in heaven, or hell, is forever. Are you willing to trade temporary pain for eternal joy?

When we pray for revival, let's consider the fact that the path to revival may be very painful. Would we still want it if it costs us dearly?  The Christian would say yes. What would you say?

You can always tell the importance of something by how much you are willing to sacrifice for it.  Are you, as an American Christian, willing to sacrifice to see revival happen? Until we are, we most likely won't see it. That's why the sad, sad answer to the question, "Do you really want revival?" is an overwhelming, terrible, soul-killing "no."

It's time that the Church starts preaching this once again . . .

"The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom."- Psalm 111:10

I have never been taught to fear God.

I have been taught to fear heights, snakes, and dangerous people.  I've been taught to fear change, different ideas, and strangers. I've been taught to fear the future, bad eating habits, going into debt, and a multitude of other things.

But I've never been taught to fear God.

I remember when I was a kid, hearing the words, "Fear God." Almost without pause, the person who said that hastily explained, "Now, what that means is RESPECT. We need to have a healthy respect for God. God really doesn't want us to FEAR Him," and on and on the explanation went.

It's almost as if the Church was trying to apologize for something the Bible said. It was as if the Church was embarrassed about those words in the Bible- as if somehow the Biblical writers (who got it all RIGHT when it comes to love and forgiveness and grace and all that) got it wrong when they wrote about fearing God.

So I never learned to fear God.

And that was awful, because like the Bible says, "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom."

I think the Church should unapologetically rediscover and preach the fear of God. Not only is it completely and totally true- a mere mortal made of recyclable elements whose days are numbered SHOULD fear an eternal, uncreated, all-powerful, all-loving God- but fearing God brings us to where we become the best sort of human being around.  I will explain:

Every month, people in my church give me sponsorship money for their orphans in the Catalyst orphanage in India.  Some give me cash, some give me checks.  I take the money they give me to the bank, cash the checks, get the largest bills possible, then drive over to Western Union and send it. This is a very efficient system, but it also leaves the door wide open for temptation. What if I were to pocket a hundred or two hundred bucks each month? I send anywhere from $1300 to $1500 a month.  Who would notice?

I'll tell you Who would notice- GOD. I fear God. I believe that one day I will stand before Him, and all the people in my church that trusted me and listened to me teach and looked up to me as their pastor will be there. They will be thinking to themselves, "There is my pastor. That's the one who baptized me, who sat with me when I had surgery, who prayed with me when I lost my parents, whose messages uplifted me and encouraged me, etc."

Then all of a sudden God will start listing the times I embezzled. He won't have to make anything up- they will be true. Not only will He state that I stole money from children who needed it; He will say something even worse- "David, you stole money from ME." Then Matthew 25 will come back to mind, "For I was hungry and you gave Me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me nothing to drink,"- I was an orphan child and you stole money from ME. You used money that was to feed ME and you used it to make yourself more comfortable, buying things you didn't need. You did this all without shame, without guilt, flaunting yourself as a Christian leader and deceiving the people who trusted you."

I will glance over at the people that trusted me, looked up to me, thought I was a great moral man; and I will see the look of disgust and betrayal on their faces. Do you think I want to see that? Do you think I want to stand before God and be judged on that?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Therefore, I don't steal. I don't embezzle. I don't do anything dishonest because I fear God.

We all hear stories of ministers especially who have fallen- those who have taken money from people, committed adultery, etc. Why did this happen?  One, they were human.  Obviously we are all tempted.  But the second reason is one thing that people never mention- they lost their fear of God.  Somewhere along the line, they stopped thinking that they would be held accountable by God.  So they became terrible versions of themselves.  The fear of God definitely makes you behave differently.

Now, my question is- does the fear of God make me a better or worse person?

Better.

People who know they will be held accountable for actions act much differently than people who believe there is no accountability at all.

How do people who think they are above the law act?  Are they wonderful citizens, caring, giving, respectful?  Nope. They are self-centered, manipulative, look-out-for-number-one, egotistical, dishonest brats.  They act as if the rules don't apply to them, and they become the very worst versions of themselves.

How do people in charge of budgets, expense accounts, and other financial assets act when they believe they can get away with everything?  We all know the answer to that. We see it every day. When there is no fear of God, you become a very terrible person.

And that's where we are as a society.  Why do husbands and wives spend time looking at porn instead of engaging with their spouse? They don't have any fear of God. Why do people use the name of the Lord in vain, sleep in Sunday mornings instead of worshiping, disobey the commands to tithe, commit fraud, lie, steal, and do other dishonest things that they know are wrong?

They have no fear of God.

Maybe, like me, they were taught that you really shouldn't FEAR God. Just respect Him. But don't really FEAR Him. Don't spend time thinking about judgment and hell and the justice of God.  Just respect Him.

What has that gotten us as a church and as a society?

How different would you be if you knew that every act and every word out of your mouth was going to be called to account?  Probably a lot different.  Bad news (or Good news) is- they will.  Jesus said it Himself, "But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken." Matthew 12:36

Would knowing that every careless word you speak- every promise, every insult, every complaint, every curse- would the fact that those words would be brought into judgment change the way you speak?  Most likely.  Now, the question is- would this make your speech better or worse?  Better.

This is why the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. By knowing you will be held accountable, it forces you to choose your words and actions wisely. Knowing that you will be held accountable for all your words and actions turns you into a very decent sort of human being.

Knowing that you will be held accountable for your words makes you use words to build up instead of tear down.  Knowing that your dishonest actions will have eternal consequences makes you into a person who doesn't do dishonest things. Knowing that everything you do in secret really isn't secret makes you into a very wise person- choosing wise paths and carefully selecting words.

Fearing God turns you into the best version of yourself.

The Church needs to start preaching the fear of God. We need to understand ourselves as people under accountability.  We need to know that every word, every act, every thought, every failure to act will be brought to light and judged by a holy, awesome God. When we begin to once again see ourselves in this way, we will be very, very different people.

Very, very, different BETTER people.

Victoria Osteen became the poster child for what many, if not most, Christians believe

The media loves it when a Christian leader falls from grace.

Victoria Osteen, wife of megachurch pastor Joel Osteen, has been seen this week in a viral video saying basically that worship (and the Christian faith) isn't about God, it's about you.  That's a rough paraphrase, but that's basically it.

I'm trying to figure out what everyone is so upset about.

That seems to be what many American Christians believe- in practice, if not in words.

Before I begin, I want to say that many of the Christians I know are the most dedicated, humble, wonderful, loving people I've ever seen.  Their faith consistently amazes me, and their perseverance through difficulty and self-sacrifice is an example to me all the time. I have the privilege of pastoring a church with many people whose faith I admire and whose dedication to their faith is second to none.

That being said, one of the continual thorns in the flesh of American Christianity is the stubborn persistence of self-centeredness.  Every church is infected with it.  Every Sunday morning churches are filled with people who haven't the slightest desire to see God magnified and themselves diminished, as John the Baptist put it in John 3:30.  Every Sunday morning Christian people, who call Jesus Lord and Savior and would wholeheartedly state that their faith is of paramount importance to them, choose to sleep in, attend an unimportant sports match, go to an amusement park, watch TV, or travel- not because they are unbelievers or heathens, but simply because their faith is about them, and that morning they simply didn't feel like attending.

Every church in America is filled with people whose biggest concern in the world isn't accomplishing the Great Commission but whether or not to put a pool or a jacuzzi in the back yard.  Nothing wrong with a pool or a jacuzzi, but if Jesus had $50,000, would He spend it on a pool or would He use it to further the gospel?  Sadly, we don't have Christians thinking about life that way.  We have Christians that in practice embrace Victoria Osteen's theology while roundly criticizing her on Facebook.

Every church in America is filled with people who steal the Lord's resources (Malachi 3) and spend it on themselves.  Only about 6% of Christians tithe, let alone follow the New Testament teaching of Jesus where He says to give it all.  94% of Christians apply Victoria Osteen's theology to their practice of giving- Giving isn't about God, it's about you!

Every church in America is filled with people who chose that church not on its mission or commitment to the Word but because that church met their needs.  It had a cool children's area, cool lights, cool sound, cool fog machines, and a good-looking hip preacher who says all the right things in very non-offensive ways. Nothing wrong with any of those things if God's will is being done, but that's not always on the forefront of thought.  They are following Victoria Osteen's theology that church isn't about God- it's about you!

What Victoria Osteen has done is brought the ugly sin of self-centeredness to light.  She has shown how rampant self-centeredness is in the church. I think all that she did was say what everyone else has been denying all this time.  Now that it's out in the open, we see that churches and Christians have a severe self-centeredness problem and we need to repent.  We need to repent big time.

The Christian faith is not about me.  It's not about you.  The Christian faith is about the story of God. It is the story of God's creation, including humanity.  It is the story of how humanity screwed it up and sin entered the world.  It is the story of God pursuing His people who wanted nothing to do with Him.  It is the story of the Son of God coming down from heaven to live among us in a world that He created yet was hostile to Him.  It is the story of Him sacrificing Himself so that God's original creation could be restored.  It is about the Resurrection of Jesus, who set up the church and called it to be His hands and feet in the world.  It is the story of the Great Commission where we are commanded to take the faith all over the world.  It is the story of God who literally walks with us, talks with us, and calls us to lead lives of love and surrender.

The Christian faith is summed up in John 3:30- "He must become greater, I must become less."  That is the motto of the Christian.  Sadly, many Christians have no desire to see God greater or themselves becoming less.  Quite the opposite.  Prosperity gospel preachers draw these folks in droves, promising the opposite- that you will become greater and, as a result, God will become less.

It is time for the Christian to choose.  We have to choose sacrifice over comfort, selflessness over greed, faith over worry, simplicity over materialism, and love over neglect.  We must constantly battle selfishness, overcome it, and become selfless.  We must sacrifice our plans, goals, dreams, and desires for GOD'S plans, goals, dreams, and desires for us.  We must stop viewing worship as "for us" and start viewing worship as "for God."  We must let go of all things this world says are important and go after the eternal treasure God offers.

Until this happens, Victoria Osteen will simply be the first honest church person who says what everyone else believes; in practice if not in statement.  

The "decline" of the Church is completely orchestrated by God

We've all heard the news:  church in America is declining.

We think this is a bad thing.  What if it isn't?  As a matter of fact, it is a great thing, because the "decline" of the American church is completely orchestrated by God.

What Dave?  Are you serious?  Doesn't God want all people to be saved?  Why would He be behind churches closing their doors, denominational headquarters being sold, etc?

The answer lies in John 15:1-2.  Jesus says to His disciples, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

What is happening right now is a ruthless pruning of God's church.  Right now, God is pruning off leaders that have not remained faithful to Scripture, moving them out of ministry, declining their influence, closing their denominations.  God has put up with church leaders who deny the Resurrection but trumpet political causes, but now He has moved to the judgment phase and is "cutting off the branches that bear no fruit."

If you look closely at the "decline" of the American church, it isn't Bible-believing and theologically orthodox churches that are declining.  Quite the opposite.  Churches who hold fast to Jesus as the only begotten Son of God, who boldly state that salvation is found in Him and Him alone, who look to the Bible as the Word of God not to be compromised or forgotten, are actually doing quite well.  Very well, in fact.

It is the churches that can't decide if their Christianity includes Christ that are dying.

Yes.

For example, the Episcopal Church in America is collapsing.  Several years ago, some clergy put forth a resolution to declare Jesus Christ as the Son of God, and it was soundly rejected by the governing body.  The only resolution that was overwhelmingly agreed to was to affirm the humanity of gay and transgender people.

"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

When a church can't decide if their Christianity includes Christ, it is no longer a church, no matter whose humanity they affirm.

I pastor a non-denominational church that is theologically orthodox and holds the Bible to be the true Word of God.  We believe that salvation is in Christ alone.  I was talking with a friend of mine who is an atheist, and he asked me, "Does your church do gay weddings?"

I said, "No, we don't.  We welcome homosexual people to come and worship God with us, and they will be loved like everyone else, but we will not bless same-sex marriage because it just doesn't happen in Scripture."

He said, "That's what I thought.  That's why I don't go to church- you all exclude people."

I said, "Let me ask you a question- if all of a sudden we changed our beliefs and started doing gay weddings, would you all of a sudden become a committed church member, being baptized into Christ and repenting of your sins, turning your life over to the Lordship of Christ and living as God intends you to live?"

He said, "No."

I said, "So, it's not that we are 'excluding people.' It's just that you don't want to be a Christian."

See, church leaders, here is the practical example:  it is unpopular in America to hold to an orthodox view of Christianity.  Orthodox churches endure ridicule and withering criticism from the mass media, the militant homosexual movement, atheists, academia, etc.  It is very tempting to change our beliefs so that we will be more "accepted" in society.  I think that many church leaders change their beliefs in order to attract nonbelievers to their churches.

However, the people criticizing your church for its lack of "inclusiveness" don't join your church when you all of a sudden become "inclusive."  All you've done is compromise who you are. So, it's a dumb policy regardless.

Right now, we are in a season of God's ruthless pruning of His church.  You might say He is preparing empty church buildings for more mission-minded, Bible-believing, Jesus-following congregations.  The face of Christianity is going to change dramatically in the next ten years.  Many of the mainline denominations, who years ago abandoned Christ for more liberal, secular causes, will cease to exist.  Their buildings- huge, grandiose buildings once holding vast congregations of worshipers- now a quarter or a tenth full, will be closed and then re-opened by an evangelical, mission-minded new congregation that believes in Christ alone as Savior.

Take note, church leaders and church people- the only churches in America that will be left after God's great pruning will be churches that take His Great Commission seriously.  God has washed His hands of churches that resemble social clubs more than missional communities.  God has washed His hands of materialistic, worldly churches more interested in comfort than truth.  God has washed His hands of churches that are more influenced by the world than by God's Word.

So, all of you church leaders who remain true to the Gospel, all of you Christians who remain true to God's Holy Word, be encouraged.  God is ruthlessly pruning off churches that teach a false spirituality so that your churches can be more productive.  It is His will that you are even more fruitful.  It is His will that your church thrive even more.  That is why He is pruning back the church in America right now.

The "decline" of the church is nothing of the sort.  Like a farmer who prunes off dead branches, bitter fruit, and weeds, God is clearing the way so that churches who stay faithful to Christ will have more and more influence.  God is placing more and more resources into churches that stay true to His word, and His blessings will be concentrated in churches who truly worship Christ.

Be ready for His blessings as you stay true to His Word.

America, as a pond, is all fished out

I am going to be controversial today.

*Disclaimer: I want you all to know that I am proposing something new, not making absolute statements.  I am proposing a new direction for the church, and I am not saying that every church should follow this path, nor am I saying that indigenous work here in America is all for naught.  

When we planted Catalyst six years ago, one of the stats that we threw around as a justification for our new church plant was the fact that America is the largest mission field in the Western Hemisphere and the third largest in the world behind China and India.  There are more unchurched people in America (as a total number, not as a percentage) than all but two countries in this world.

This statistic is usually followed by calls for more church planting, more campuses from larger churches, etc.  For good reason.  Many times, when we plant churches or expand larger churches into multi-site venues, we do reach unchurched people and connect them to the Body of Christ.

However, no one ever asks why.  Why do we have 100 million unchurched people in this nation?

Is it a lack of churches?

Probably not.

At least in this area of the country, you have to purposefully avoid the church to be away from it.  The availability and accessibility to a church is not the problem.  If someone wanted to know about Jesus, just in my county, he or she would have 82 places to choose from that could be reached inside twenty minutes.

Even in places like New England and the Western states, outside of the Bible Belt, you could be at one of several churches inside thirty minutes if you wanted to be part of a church.  

No, the problem isn't a lack of churches.

Here's the bombshell:

If a person here in America doesn't know about Jesus, it's because the numerous Christians they work with, interact with, play sports with, etc haven't been faithful to the Great Commission.

Yes.  I said it.

I will also say this:  many of the 100 million unchurched people in America have heard about Christ and have rejected Him.  Many of them grew up in the church, or had a grandma that went to church, or whatever, and the problem isn't that they don't know.  The problem is that they DO know and have rejected.

So Dave, why are you talking about this?

I am calling pastors, leaders, and church people away from the knee-jerk "solutions" that are always proposed to this problem- develop a new ministry, plant another church in the community, build another building in a more visible location going into debt millions of dollars.

Really, does your community need another multi-million dollar church building in it?  

I am proposing an entirely new mindset.  America is church-saturated.  Churches, or at least church buildings, cost money.  I say we make two major changes:

        1) It does't cost anything for a Christian to disciple another person.  Emphasize to the people in your church that discipleship is the job of the Christian, not just of the pastor.  Quit thinking that another church or a bigger church or another ministry is the key to reaching the 100 million unchurched in our nation.  Go make a disciple.

        2) Expand your church's ministry to areas where, unlike America, there ARE no churches.  Invest in church planting and missionaries where there is a church every hundred miles or so.  India, Pakistan, North Korea- the list goes on.  Take the resources that you would have placed here in America, which is already over-saturated with churches, and send them out to the countries of the world where the vast majority of non-Christian people are.  

Yes.  I have a feeling that God would have us use our resources in places where the vast amount of non-Christian people are.  That isn't the United States.  94% of the world's population lives outside our borders.  If we start thinking with a Kingdom mindset, shouldn't 94% of our resources go outside of America?  

Would God allocate 90% of His resources to a country where people can't walk without tripping over a church?  That's what most churches do- most churches are doing well if they send 10% of their income to missions, let alone missions overseas.  To spend 90% of resources to reach already-reached people is not a good Kingdom strategy.

Are there needs here?  Yes.  Remember my disclaimer above.

I am close to saying that America, as a pond, is all fished out.  We have 400,000 churches here in America, so, in a manner of speaking, we have one pond with 400,000 fishermen on the shore.  The fish are either already caught or just aren't taking the bait.

However, there are over 150 other ponds with huge numbers of fish that have only one or two fishermen on the shores.  They are reeling in catches right and left.  You would think that some of those 400,000 fishermen would go over where the pond isn't fished out.  Yet, most of what I see is that instead of going to other ponds, the fishermen are staying at the one pond and developing newer, hipper techniques, spending millions of dollars on new equipment, trying new strategies, etc to catch a few more.  The ones who can't afford all the glitz and glam, instead of going to the ponds that aren't fished out, either get jealous or simply quit.  I guess going to another pond to fish would just be too hard.

What if churches started seriously thinking about fishing in other ponds and, instead of posting attendance and offering records, posted how many church plants, missionaries, and ministries they started in other countries?

What if churches began measuring success by the amount of influence they have all over the world instead of just in one building?

What if Christians, when people ask how big their church is, answered, "We're in about twenty different countries?"

What would it look like if a church of 200 people, instead of concentrating on "growing" (95% of church growth in America is simply people who are already Christians leaving one church and going to another, honestly, so most of what is considered "growth" isn't growth at all) instead put it as their focus to have worldwide influence in countries where churches, if there at all, are extremely few and far between?

Maybe it's time to re-think what we see as success in the church.

If we start to think of America as a pond with over 400,000 fishermen around it, with the fish already caught or just not taking the bait, while at the same time thinking of the other countries of the world as huge, gigantic ponds full of fish with barely a fisherman to be seen anywhere, I think we would begin to see God's world as He sees it.

Is there ministry that needs to be done here?  Absolutely.  But we have enough churches.  We need the Christians in those churches to be faithful in making disciples, reaching their neighbors and doing ministry in their communities. That doesn't cost anything and requires no new buildings or ministries.

We need buildings and ministries in areas where there are no buildings and ministries.  That ain't America.

Begin praying today for God to open doors to His mission field, where He so accurately observed, "The fields are ripe for harvest!  The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few."