I just returned from an overnight field trip with a bunch of 4th graders (over 100 to be exact). Having spent an afternoon, evening, night, and morning with these folks, I have several reflections from that experience, some good and some bad. In no particular order, here they are:
1) American children are heavily medicated. When it came time to go to bed, the camp director brought out a HUGE cardboard box packed to the brim with freezer bags full of medications. Mind you, this was for ONE NIGHT. I doubt very seriously that any of them were antibiotics (you wouldn't have gone on this field trip if you were sick), so I might assume that most of them were ADHD-related drugs. I was astounded. Completely astounded. I don't even think I've seen that many medications in a nursing home. I'm sure that some were medically necessary, but the sheer volume of medications these children are on was very troubling to me. It can't be good for them to take that much medicine. It actually upset me.
2) American children are fascinated with adult men. I was one of three dads that took the trip. If I started talking (it didn't matter what I was talking about- telling a joke, telling a story, asking a question) within ten seconds there were fifteen to twenty kids surrounding me, listening, asking questions, etc. Many times I heard, "Mr. Kibler, Mr Kibler!" I would turn around and say, "Yes?" The child who called my name wouldn't really have anything to say. They would look right and left, trying to think of something to say. What that said to me was that they really didn't have anything important to tell me- they just wanted my attention.
This was true of both boys and girls, but especially the boys. I don't think it was because I'm particularly funny (I'm not) or particularly cool (I'm definitely not). It was simply because I am an adult man. To children who grew up with mothers, female daycare workers, and female teachers, being around a man is certainly a new experience. Men and fathers, the children in our homes and communities are really hungry for your presence in their lives.
3) American children are relatively helpless. I was amazed at what the children were not able to do. Simple tasks that should be easy were foreign and new to them. "Mr Kibler, I lost my socks," one kid told me.
"Well," I said, "this is a small cabin. Did you have them with you in here last night?"
"Yes."
"Have you looked for them around your bed?"
"No."
Then he stopped and looked at me with a pleading in his eyes that said, "It's too hard for me to look for them. Will you just find them for me please?"
I wasn't falling for it. "Well, you'd better look. They are probably right around your bed."
He dropped his shoulders in a dramatic fashion. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"I just can't."
I said, "Well, you better, because I'm not looking for them."
The kid couldn't even look for his own socks, which wound up being under his bed.
I also had to help these ten-year-olds to fold their sleeping bags. Folding a sleeping bag is easy. It's not rocket science. But more than half, probably three-fourths of them, were unable to do it. What's worse, they didn't even try. They waited until someone else did it for them. I saw very clearly that this was the norm in the homes they came from. They were used to adults doing everything for them. They were so incredibly helpless. I felt bad for them. Remember parents, the number one rule of parenting is "Do nothing for your children that they can do for themselves." Allowing the child to struggle and fail before mastering a skill builds self-confidence in them. Overcoming obstacles is the key to success. If you aren't letting your children try and fail and try and fail, you are relegating them to a helpless existence. I certainly saw that on this trip.
4) American children are looking for strong leadership and boundaries. The kids played all day and had a great time canoeing, shooting bow and arrows, doing a ropes course, playing games, going hiking, and roasting marshmallows. They were unusually loud, even for ten-year-olds, and couldn't seem to do anything quietly. I knew we were heading for trouble as it came time to head back to the cabin for lights out. They were already running around and tackling each other and yelling and all that, beating on each other and screaming despite anything that the teachers and/or adults had to say.
I got all the kids in my cabin into the room, and I pulled out my "you-all-are-one-step-from-death" tone of voice that I use when demanding immediate obedience. I gave them the spiel that this was a cabin of 4th graders, not kindergarteners, and that I expected more self-control and more maturity than I was seeing. "The next one that yells or gets too loud," I said in my military voice, "will be doing pushups, wall-sits, and sit-ups until you puke. Then you'll clean it up and do some more. Anyone here think I'm playing? Just test me," I said, glaring at them. Their eyes got wide and their mouths dropped open.
Then, guess what happened? They calmed down. They asked me, in normal inside/calm voices, to tell them some of my funny stories. I told them the (true) story of a guy who went on his first date in college, wound up throwing his pants out the window on the train, and never spoke to the girl again. They thought it was hilarious. They were focused, they were receptive, they were respectful. I told them the story of the blind axe-murderer/ghost that walked with a limp through the campground at night, listening for noisy boys to chop up. THAT got 'em (that's all they talked about the next morning. I even pointed to an old cabin in the woods and told them that was his house).
One other things happened- when I decided not to put up with their immaturity and lack of self-control and called the smackdown on them, THEY HAD MORE FUN. Instead of chaos and hollering and screaming, they talked to one another. They told jokes. They laughed. They interacted with one another. Not one of them- NOT ONE OF THEM- crossed the line I had set. As I turned out the lights and said good night, I reflected that strong boundaries were what these kids were truly craving. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing them to act without self-control. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing immature and stupid behavior to go on. These kids thrived when boundaries were set with very dire consequences when crossed. American kids are hungry for strong leadership and boundaries.
Oh, one other thing- not one of them had to go to therapy because of how mean I was. As a matter of fact, the kids were happier, more respectful, and easier to deal with. Everyone had more fun.
5) American children need to be outdoors. The camp we went to was a 4-H camp. The kids were outside all day, coming in only to eat, then they were back outside. They learned about Kentucky wildlife. They learned about being part of the environment- the REAL environment, not some phony virtual-reality world of computers and video games. They got their shoes and clothes wet in the canoes. They got bitten by bugs. They went on a nighttime hike in only the moonlight. In other words- they LIVED.
I noticed something amazing- when the kids were given outside activities to do, not one of them complained. They loved it. They engaged fully with the things they were doing. No one was talking about movies or youtube videos or video games or anything else. They were outside and they were part of the real world.
I believe that is good for kids. I also believe that they don't get enough of it. Things like 4-H, hiking, canoeing, archery, shooting rifles and shotguns, kayaking, hiking, climbing, exploring- all those are essential parts of childhood, and I believe a great deal of our kids are missing out. Kids need to be outdoors more. They need to be in the world God created, not one that people created. Unfortunately, our kids are more and more absorbed into a world that isn't real- a manufactured, controlled, purchased world that comes to them through a screen. Do we really think this won't have an effect on them?
As we sat there this morning learning about Kentucky wildlife- seeing the skulls of black bears, feeling the skins of foxes and skunks and possums, holding deer antlers and elk antlers- I noticed how fascinated the kids were with them. This was real learning. This was real school. This wasn't going to be on any test. This wasn't going to be measured, evaluated, or graded. It was simply interesting. It was relevant. It was REAL EDUCATION, and guess what? The kids loved it. I reflected back on how much information I learned in school truly was irrelevant, and it made me sad to think that what was going on here was the exception, not the norm.
A true education is exciting. It's not always fun, I get that, but it should definitely be more fun than it has become. These kids loved it. They were learning. They were learning about their environment. They were learning about their home state. They were learning about animals that they shared this world with. It was true education.
6) American children need self-control. One of the most annoying things about chaperoning this group was their lack of self-control. These ten-year-olds, at least many of them, seemed incapable of doing anything without being distracted. Many of them couldn't even walk from one activity to the next (sometimes the distance was less than 100 yards) without veering off the path and having to be brought back. Many of them were incapable of sitting quietly for more than ten seconds. Kids being kids, you say.
Nope. Ten-year-olds demonstrating a lack of self-control. That's exactly what it was. They had been told repeatedly what to do. It was gone in ten seconds. Incapable of sitting still, incapable of walking in a straight line, incapable of following directions, incapable of staying focused. There is a definite need for self-control in America's children today.
Dave, you say, you're being harsh. You can't expect a ten-year-old to demonstrate self-control. You're asking too much.
If a kid can't walk a hundred yards from one station to the next without losing focus and running off, that's not normal. That's a lack of self-control and a lack of focus that should be present at this age. These aren't kindergartners. These are fourth-almost-fifth graders. They need boundaries and they need to be held to a higher standard than what we've been holding them to. Remember parents- we aren't raising children. We are raising ADULTS, and a person (whether child or adult) who cannot demonstrate self-control won't get very far in this world. The kids without self-control were the headaches for all of us adults. They were ANNOYING. Parents, if your child is incapable of controlling himself or herself, your kid is annoying. Fix it, please.
Lots to reflect on. I enjoyed my trip with the kids. The kids were fun- we had no issues of defiance, fighting, talking back, or anything else. Would I do it again? Yes. Parents, take a look at this list of reflections and use them to be the best parent you can be. God bless.
1) American children are heavily medicated. When it came time to go to bed, the camp director brought out a HUGE cardboard box packed to the brim with freezer bags full of medications. Mind you, this was for ONE NIGHT. I doubt very seriously that any of them were antibiotics (you wouldn't have gone on this field trip if you were sick), so I might assume that most of them were ADHD-related drugs. I was astounded. Completely astounded. I don't even think I've seen that many medications in a nursing home. I'm sure that some were medically necessary, but the sheer volume of medications these children are on was very troubling to me. It can't be good for them to take that much medicine. It actually upset me.
2) American children are fascinated with adult men. I was one of three dads that took the trip. If I started talking (it didn't matter what I was talking about- telling a joke, telling a story, asking a question) within ten seconds there were fifteen to twenty kids surrounding me, listening, asking questions, etc. Many times I heard, "Mr. Kibler, Mr Kibler!" I would turn around and say, "Yes?" The child who called my name wouldn't really have anything to say. They would look right and left, trying to think of something to say. What that said to me was that they really didn't have anything important to tell me- they just wanted my attention.
This was true of both boys and girls, but especially the boys. I don't think it was because I'm particularly funny (I'm not) or particularly cool (I'm definitely not). It was simply because I am an adult man. To children who grew up with mothers, female daycare workers, and female teachers, being around a man is certainly a new experience. Men and fathers, the children in our homes and communities are really hungry for your presence in their lives.
3) American children are relatively helpless. I was amazed at what the children were not able to do. Simple tasks that should be easy were foreign and new to them. "Mr Kibler, I lost my socks," one kid told me.
"Well," I said, "this is a small cabin. Did you have them with you in here last night?"
"Yes."
"Have you looked for them around your bed?"
"No."
Then he stopped and looked at me with a pleading in his eyes that said, "It's too hard for me to look for them. Will you just find them for me please?"
I wasn't falling for it. "Well, you'd better look. They are probably right around your bed."
He dropped his shoulders in a dramatic fashion. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"I just can't."
I said, "Well, you better, because I'm not looking for them."
The kid couldn't even look for his own socks, which wound up being under his bed.
I also had to help these ten-year-olds to fold their sleeping bags. Folding a sleeping bag is easy. It's not rocket science. But more than half, probably three-fourths of them, were unable to do it. What's worse, they didn't even try. They waited until someone else did it for them. I saw very clearly that this was the norm in the homes they came from. They were used to adults doing everything for them. They were so incredibly helpless. I felt bad for them. Remember parents, the number one rule of parenting is "Do nothing for your children that they can do for themselves." Allowing the child to struggle and fail before mastering a skill builds self-confidence in them. Overcoming obstacles is the key to success. If you aren't letting your children try and fail and try and fail, you are relegating them to a helpless existence. I certainly saw that on this trip.
4) American children are looking for strong leadership and boundaries. The kids played all day and had a great time canoeing, shooting bow and arrows, doing a ropes course, playing games, going hiking, and roasting marshmallows. They were unusually loud, even for ten-year-olds, and couldn't seem to do anything quietly. I knew we were heading for trouble as it came time to head back to the cabin for lights out. They were already running around and tackling each other and yelling and all that, beating on each other and screaming despite anything that the teachers and/or adults had to say.
I got all the kids in my cabin into the room, and I pulled out my "you-all-are-one-step-from-death" tone of voice that I use when demanding immediate obedience. I gave them the spiel that this was a cabin of 4th graders, not kindergarteners, and that I expected more self-control and more maturity than I was seeing. "The next one that yells or gets too loud," I said in my military voice, "will be doing pushups, wall-sits, and sit-ups until you puke. Then you'll clean it up and do some more. Anyone here think I'm playing? Just test me," I said, glaring at them. Their eyes got wide and their mouths dropped open.
Then, guess what happened? They calmed down. They asked me, in normal inside/calm voices, to tell them some of my funny stories. I told them the (true) story of a guy who went on his first date in college, wound up throwing his pants out the window on the train, and never spoke to the girl again. They thought it was hilarious. They were focused, they were receptive, they were respectful. I told them the story of the blind axe-murderer/ghost that walked with a limp through the campground at night, listening for noisy boys to chop up. THAT got 'em (that's all they talked about the next morning. I even pointed to an old cabin in the woods and told them that was his house).
One other things happened- when I decided not to put up with their immaturity and lack of self-control and called the smackdown on them, THEY HAD MORE FUN. Instead of chaos and hollering and screaming, they talked to one another. They told jokes. They laughed. They interacted with one another. Not one of them- NOT ONE OF THEM- crossed the line I had set. As I turned out the lights and said good night, I reflected that strong boundaries were what these kids were truly craving. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing them to act without self-control. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing immature and stupid behavior to go on. These kids thrived when boundaries were set with very dire consequences when crossed. American kids are hungry for strong leadership and boundaries.
Oh, one other thing- not one of them had to go to therapy because of how mean I was. As a matter of fact, the kids were happier, more respectful, and easier to deal with. Everyone had more fun.
5) American children need to be outdoors. The camp we went to was a 4-H camp. The kids were outside all day, coming in only to eat, then they were back outside. They learned about Kentucky wildlife. They learned about being part of the environment- the REAL environment, not some phony virtual-reality world of computers and video games. They got their shoes and clothes wet in the canoes. They got bitten by bugs. They went on a nighttime hike in only the moonlight. In other words- they LIVED.
I noticed something amazing- when the kids were given outside activities to do, not one of them complained. They loved it. They engaged fully with the things they were doing. No one was talking about movies or youtube videos or video games or anything else. They were outside and they were part of the real world.
I believe that is good for kids. I also believe that they don't get enough of it. Things like 4-H, hiking, canoeing, archery, shooting rifles and shotguns, kayaking, hiking, climbing, exploring- all those are essential parts of childhood, and I believe a great deal of our kids are missing out. Kids need to be outdoors more. They need to be in the world God created, not one that people created. Unfortunately, our kids are more and more absorbed into a world that isn't real- a manufactured, controlled, purchased world that comes to them through a screen. Do we really think this won't have an effect on them?
As we sat there this morning learning about Kentucky wildlife- seeing the skulls of black bears, feeling the skins of foxes and skunks and possums, holding deer antlers and elk antlers- I noticed how fascinated the kids were with them. This was real learning. This was real school. This wasn't going to be on any test. This wasn't going to be measured, evaluated, or graded. It was simply interesting. It was relevant. It was REAL EDUCATION, and guess what? The kids loved it. I reflected back on how much information I learned in school truly was irrelevant, and it made me sad to think that what was going on here was the exception, not the norm.
A true education is exciting. It's not always fun, I get that, but it should definitely be more fun than it has become. These kids loved it. They were learning. They were learning about their environment. They were learning about their home state. They were learning about animals that they shared this world with. It was true education.
6) American children need self-control. One of the most annoying things about chaperoning this group was their lack of self-control. These ten-year-olds, at least many of them, seemed incapable of doing anything without being distracted. Many of them couldn't even walk from one activity to the next (sometimes the distance was less than 100 yards) without veering off the path and having to be brought back. Many of them were incapable of sitting quietly for more than ten seconds. Kids being kids, you say.
Nope. Ten-year-olds demonstrating a lack of self-control. That's exactly what it was. They had been told repeatedly what to do. It was gone in ten seconds. Incapable of sitting still, incapable of walking in a straight line, incapable of following directions, incapable of staying focused. There is a definite need for self-control in America's children today.
Dave, you say, you're being harsh. You can't expect a ten-year-old to demonstrate self-control. You're asking too much.
If a kid can't walk a hundred yards from one station to the next without losing focus and running off, that's not normal. That's a lack of self-control and a lack of focus that should be present at this age. These aren't kindergartners. These are fourth-almost-fifth graders. They need boundaries and they need to be held to a higher standard than what we've been holding them to. Remember parents- we aren't raising children. We are raising ADULTS, and a person (whether child or adult) who cannot demonstrate self-control won't get very far in this world. The kids without self-control were the headaches for all of us adults. They were ANNOYING. Parents, if your child is incapable of controlling himself or herself, your kid is annoying. Fix it, please.
Lots to reflect on. I enjoyed my trip with the kids. The kids were fun- we had no issues of defiance, fighting, talking back, or anything else. Would I do it again? Yes. Parents, take a look at this list of reflections and use them to be the best parent you can be. God bless.
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