I read a lot about bullying these days. I believe it is getting worse even from when I was a kid. I was one of eleven boys on my street growing up, and as a pudgy/fat kid who was two years younger than the average kid on the street, you can imagine what that was like.
I got bullied.
I was mocked, ridiculed, harassed, even physically beaten some times. It was done by people older and bigger than me. Honestly, it was a living hell for quite some time. See, bullies do more than just abuse you. They diminish your sense of self-worth. They take away your dignity. They make you feel unsafe and stressed. You worry that the people around you believe all the things that the bullies are saying.
I did all the things that the grownups told me to do. I "ignored" it. I "walked away." I "went and got an adult."
All of those things were interpreted by the bullies as weakness, and like a pack of wild dogs who smelled blood, they moved in for the kill all that much more.
Finally, at age ten, during a particularly vicious episode where I was being called "lard-ass" and laughed at, I finally snapped. I didn't ignore it, I didn't walk away, and I didn't go get an adult. I charged at the head mocker, balling my hand into a fist, and hit him square in the mouth so hard that it knocked a tooth loose and sent him flying back about ten feet. The boys who had been laughing at me stopped and stared, their jaws dropping. I jumped on top of the bully and hit him four times more in the face, hitting his nose so hard that blood flew out of it like a popped balloon.
The eerie silence that followed was very disconcerting. Honestly, I was scared. Not of the bully or the other guys on the street. I was scared of what my parents would say. I was scared that his parents would come over and tell my parents what happened. I had never hit anyone before in my life.
The bully slowly got up. He was crying, holding his nose and his mouth. He limped home and we didn't see him for a few days.
From that point forward, no one so much as said a word to me. I was never bullied again. In other words, in one instant my life went from a living hell to one of acceptance and peace.
My experiences have taught me one thing: the only way to rid our society of bullying is to empower the victim. Sadly, it seems all of our efforts are put in the wrong place.
Our school efforts are aimed at the bullies. Adults knock themselves out trying to get bullies to stop, telling the bullies to see their victims as "people with feelings," to "be tolerant and understand." Yeah, good luck with that. There will always be bullies as long as there is an imbalance of power between individuals.
This is a universal law that is true of both people AND nations.
For example, why didn't the Soviet Union nuke us back in the sixties, seventies, and eighties? Was it because they saw Americans as "people," were "tolerant," and "understood" us? Nope. It's because they knew that the second they launched, we would launch and they would be nuked back into the stone age. In other words, there was a balance of power between the two nations, and therefore there was peace.
Bullying will only stop when there is a balance of power between students. So how do we get that?
First, our schools can stop punishing students for standing up to bullies. Yes, I said it. My children come home and tell me that if they are hit, they are not allowed to hit back or defend themselves, or they too will get suspended along with the instigator. What kind of foolishness is that? Punish the victim twice? He gets bullied, and then gets suspended? Bullies know this very well. They know their victims will not fight back because they fear the punishment of the school system.
Our school systems need to let victims of bullying know that it is okay to stand up for themselves, using physical force if necessary. After all, isn't the right to self-defense one of our protected rights in this nation? If someone came up to me in a store and physically threatened me, would I be out of line to defend myself? Why not in a school?
Second, schools can start publicly shaming bullies. Yes, I am calling for public humiliation of bullies. Bullies love to humiliate their victims- that is their bread and butter. It is a very appropriate punishment for them, therefore, to feel the weight of humiliation themselves. Bullies should be made to clean the bathrooms during class changes, where everyone can see them mopping the floor and cleaning toilets. They should be made to clean out garbage cans and wash out dumpsters behind the school at recess time or some other very visible time of the day when everyone can see them. They should be made to serve lunch to students with a sign around their necks saying, "I am a bully. How may I serve you?"
They should be made to do the household chores of their victims- mowing their grass, washing their car, cleaning their windows, dusting their furniture. Yes, they should be made to serve their victims in a very public and embarrassing way. Like I said before, bullies thrive on humiliating and embarrassing their victims. The only way they can know what they are doing to their victims is to experience it for themselves.
This is how we solve the problem of bullying. Unfortunately, the politically correct crowd will say that those things are too harsh, too hard on the child, too damaging to their fragile little personalities. Tough. You don't want those punishments? Don't bully. It's time we allow the bullies to feel the weight of their actions. Stop punishing the victim and start empowering them. Start humiliating the bullies and believe me, they will stop.
Or, we could continue our current policies. Sadly, current policies aren't working and never will.
I got bullied.
I was mocked, ridiculed, harassed, even physically beaten some times. It was done by people older and bigger than me. Honestly, it was a living hell for quite some time. See, bullies do more than just abuse you. They diminish your sense of self-worth. They take away your dignity. They make you feel unsafe and stressed. You worry that the people around you believe all the things that the bullies are saying.
I did all the things that the grownups told me to do. I "ignored" it. I "walked away." I "went and got an adult."
All of those things were interpreted by the bullies as weakness, and like a pack of wild dogs who smelled blood, they moved in for the kill all that much more.
Finally, at age ten, during a particularly vicious episode where I was being called "lard-ass" and laughed at, I finally snapped. I didn't ignore it, I didn't walk away, and I didn't go get an adult. I charged at the head mocker, balling my hand into a fist, and hit him square in the mouth so hard that it knocked a tooth loose and sent him flying back about ten feet. The boys who had been laughing at me stopped and stared, their jaws dropping. I jumped on top of the bully and hit him four times more in the face, hitting his nose so hard that blood flew out of it like a popped balloon.
The eerie silence that followed was very disconcerting. Honestly, I was scared. Not of the bully or the other guys on the street. I was scared of what my parents would say. I was scared that his parents would come over and tell my parents what happened. I had never hit anyone before in my life.
The bully slowly got up. He was crying, holding his nose and his mouth. He limped home and we didn't see him for a few days.
From that point forward, no one so much as said a word to me. I was never bullied again. In other words, in one instant my life went from a living hell to one of acceptance and peace.
My experiences have taught me one thing: the only way to rid our society of bullying is to empower the victim. Sadly, it seems all of our efforts are put in the wrong place.
Our school efforts are aimed at the bullies. Adults knock themselves out trying to get bullies to stop, telling the bullies to see their victims as "people with feelings," to "be tolerant and understand." Yeah, good luck with that. There will always be bullies as long as there is an imbalance of power between individuals.
This is a universal law that is true of both people AND nations.
For example, why didn't the Soviet Union nuke us back in the sixties, seventies, and eighties? Was it because they saw Americans as "people," were "tolerant," and "understood" us? Nope. It's because they knew that the second they launched, we would launch and they would be nuked back into the stone age. In other words, there was a balance of power between the two nations, and therefore there was peace.
Bullying will only stop when there is a balance of power between students. So how do we get that?
First, our schools can stop punishing students for standing up to bullies. Yes, I said it. My children come home and tell me that if they are hit, they are not allowed to hit back or defend themselves, or they too will get suspended along with the instigator. What kind of foolishness is that? Punish the victim twice? He gets bullied, and then gets suspended? Bullies know this very well. They know their victims will not fight back because they fear the punishment of the school system.
Our school systems need to let victims of bullying know that it is okay to stand up for themselves, using physical force if necessary. After all, isn't the right to self-defense one of our protected rights in this nation? If someone came up to me in a store and physically threatened me, would I be out of line to defend myself? Why not in a school?
Second, schools can start publicly shaming bullies. Yes, I am calling for public humiliation of bullies. Bullies love to humiliate their victims- that is their bread and butter. It is a very appropriate punishment for them, therefore, to feel the weight of humiliation themselves. Bullies should be made to clean the bathrooms during class changes, where everyone can see them mopping the floor and cleaning toilets. They should be made to clean out garbage cans and wash out dumpsters behind the school at recess time or some other very visible time of the day when everyone can see them. They should be made to serve lunch to students with a sign around their necks saying, "I am a bully. How may I serve you?"
They should be made to do the household chores of their victims- mowing their grass, washing their car, cleaning their windows, dusting their furniture. Yes, they should be made to serve their victims in a very public and embarrassing way. Like I said before, bullies thrive on humiliating and embarrassing their victims. The only way they can know what they are doing to their victims is to experience it for themselves.
This is how we solve the problem of bullying. Unfortunately, the politically correct crowd will say that those things are too harsh, too hard on the child, too damaging to their fragile little personalities. Tough. You don't want those punishments? Don't bully. It's time we allow the bullies to feel the weight of their actions. Stop punishing the victim and start empowering them. Start humiliating the bullies and believe me, they will stop.
Or, we could continue our current policies. Sadly, current policies aren't working and never will.
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