I remember an old mentor of mine telling me that what you criticize in others, you hate about yourself.
That's very true.
How many of us know someone who says that they hate drama, but they are usually the cause of it? How many of us know someone who is always saying how "judgmental" everyone is, and that person is the most judgmental person around? How many of us know someone who says they "hate gossip" as they are gossiping about others?
Yes- the shortcomings we see in others are most often the things we hate about ourselves.
Psychologists call this "projection." We ourselves struggle with a certain fault, but instead of dealing with it ourselves, we simply criticize it in others. Many times, the person we are accusing doesn't have that particular fault. It just happens to be lurking beneath the surface of our personas, and we see the other person's actions through that lens.
Pastors are not immune to this. If you want to know what your preacher is struggling with, look for themes in what he preaches against. If there are common things that he preaches on with regularity, ten bucks says it's a personal struggle for him. The preacher who constantly preaches about sex is most likely struggling with porn or adultery or homosexuality. The preacher who constantly preaches about money is most likely struggling with materialism and consumerism. The preacher who constantly preaches against gossip or drama or anything else is most likely struggling with it himself.
I've learned that what other people attack in me is, many times, a window into their soul. They are showing me what they are personally struggling with.
I remember one time a person accused me of being judgmental. He went on to tell me how all Christians were so judgmental and how all of them were hypocrites and how all of them were such jerks to be around. Hmmm. I wonder if he could hear himself. I wonder if he realized how judgmental he was being as he accused other of being judgmental. See, what he hated about himself he was criticizing in me.
Dishonest people will say that everyone is dishonest.
Cheating people will say that everyone is a cheater.
Untrustworthy people will say that no one is trustworthy.
Racist people will call everyone else a racist.
People who cause drama will always accuse others of starting drama.
It's human nature 101.
So, today, whatever you find fault with in others- take a look at yourself and ask yourself, "Is this person really doing this?"
Or:
Do I see this person as untrustworthy because I myself am untrustworthy and I can't imagine anyone else being different?
Do I see this person as racist because I myself am racist and I can't imagine anyone else being different?
Do I see this person as greedy because I myself am greedy and I can't imagine anyone else being different?
Do I see this person as instigating drama because I myself instigate drama and assume everyone else does too?
What you criticize in others is usually what you hate about yourself. Work on your own faults, and you will be amazed at how quickly other people "change."
That's very true.
How many of us know someone who says that they hate drama, but they are usually the cause of it? How many of us know someone who is always saying how "judgmental" everyone is, and that person is the most judgmental person around? How many of us know someone who says they "hate gossip" as they are gossiping about others?
Yes- the shortcomings we see in others are most often the things we hate about ourselves.
Psychologists call this "projection." We ourselves struggle with a certain fault, but instead of dealing with it ourselves, we simply criticize it in others. Many times, the person we are accusing doesn't have that particular fault. It just happens to be lurking beneath the surface of our personas, and we see the other person's actions through that lens.
Pastors are not immune to this. If you want to know what your preacher is struggling with, look for themes in what he preaches against. If there are common things that he preaches on with regularity, ten bucks says it's a personal struggle for him. The preacher who constantly preaches about sex is most likely struggling with porn or adultery or homosexuality. The preacher who constantly preaches about money is most likely struggling with materialism and consumerism. The preacher who constantly preaches against gossip or drama or anything else is most likely struggling with it himself.
I've learned that what other people attack in me is, many times, a window into their soul. They are showing me what they are personally struggling with.
I remember one time a person accused me of being judgmental. He went on to tell me how all Christians were so judgmental and how all of them were hypocrites and how all of them were such jerks to be around. Hmmm. I wonder if he could hear himself. I wonder if he realized how judgmental he was being as he accused other of being judgmental. See, what he hated about himself he was criticizing in me.
Dishonest people will say that everyone is dishonest.
Cheating people will say that everyone is a cheater.
Untrustworthy people will say that no one is trustworthy.
Racist people will call everyone else a racist.
People who cause drama will always accuse others of starting drama.
It's human nature 101.
So, today, whatever you find fault with in others- take a look at yourself and ask yourself, "Is this person really doing this?"
Or:
Do I see this person as untrustworthy because I myself am untrustworthy and I can't imagine anyone else being different?
Do I see this person as racist because I myself am racist and I can't imagine anyone else being different?
Do I see this person as greedy because I myself am greedy and I can't imagine anyone else being different?
Do I see this person as instigating drama because I myself instigate drama and assume everyone else does too?
What you criticize in others is usually what you hate about yourself. Work on your own faults, and you will be amazed at how quickly other people "change."
