When God Says "No" to Something He Could Easily Have Said "Yes" To

I well remember the morning of September 15th, 2004. It was the day that I heard the words, "His heart is dead. He's not coming back."

Except it wasn't about a seventy-year old man or something like that. The doctor was talking about my ten-day-old son. His open-heart surgery had been a failure. The bypass machine was the only thing keeping him alive.

My son, Jacob Benjamin Kibler, had HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) which meant that his left ventricle didn't develop en utero. The corrective surgery failed, meaning that a heart transplant was our only option. The likelihood of finding an infant's heart was very minuscule.

I looked at this little infant, my third child, which I could barely see under the mass of wires and tubes and monitors, and my wife and I both shook our heads. We weren't going to try to put him through a heart transplant. He'd been through enough in his short ten days. It was time to let him go.

We knew that Jacob had HLHS since his 20-week ultrasound. We knew his chances of survival weren't good. We spent the entire rest of the pregnancy praying that God would heal him. He didn't.

We went through all of the things the Bible said to do. We prayed as a church. We prayed as individuals. We asked God to spare his life. Jesus said, "Where two or three agree in prayer, it will be done." He also said, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can tell this mountain, "Cast yourself into the sea," and it will be done." If God could cast a mountain into the sea, He could heal an infant, couldn't He?

God didn't. Jacob was born on 9/5/04 and died 9/15/04.

We asked God to heal Jacob. God said no.

It was perfectly within His power to heal him. So why didn't He?

Answer: I don't know.

I will never fully understand God. I've come to that conclusion after many, many years of study and reflection and pondering and wrestling. There will just be some things about God that I will never understand. I don't understand why God allowed Jacob to die. I don't know why God allows a lot of the stuff that goes on in this world. However, I've come to peace with that. I no longer have a PROBLEM with that.

One of the reasons why is that God hasn't broken any promises. He never promised to heal Jacob, He never promised to keep everything going well down here on earth. In fact, His word specifically says that "In this world, you will have trouble." Many people act like God is breaking a promise when bad things happen. He's not. He told us we will have trouble. But the second part of that statement is, "But take heart, I have overcome the world."

What sticks out in my mind, however, is the ride home from the hospital. I remember it like it was yesterday, and this is what I wanted to share with you all today.

We had just made the painful decision to remove my son from life support. I was holding him, then placed him on the table where the tech turned the machine off. My wife and I, through tears, walked to our car and drove home.

We had about a twenty-minute ride back to our home from Vanderbilt hospital. All of a sudden, it hit me. After experiencing something like that:
       
          -Did it matter what kind of car I was driving?
          -Did it matter the size of house I was going back to?
          -Did it matter how much money was in my bank account?
          -Did it matter if I had six-pack abs?
          -Did it matter how successful professionally I had been?

None of those things, so important it seemed just a little while ago, were of any comfort or importance at all. In fact, it was like sitting in a room full of $100 bills and realizing they were Monopoly money. Everything you thought was valuable turned out to be worthless pieces of paper. Monopoly money. That's all it is. Everything in the world, everything shouting for your attention, anything this world has- it's Monopoly money. It looks real, but when the test comes, when life comes crashing down, like it does when you as a parent outlive your child, it all falls apart. Monopoly money. That's all it is.

All of the things that this world constantly screamed to me, "THIS IS IMPORTANT!" were shown in one instant for the bullcrap that they were. None of it mattered. Advertisers spend billions per year to convince us of the importance of hairstyle, clothing style, etc. And we buy it. We form our entire lives around them.

When God said, "No" He pulled back the curtain. He destroyed the delusion that I had fallen into like so many Americans have today. He showed me in one instant the stupidity and uselessness and falsehood I and so many had fallen for.

Because in that instant, when you have held your baby son in your arms and watched him die, there was only one thing that was real: the resurrection of Jesus.

That was the only comfort, the only thing that could possibly make sense of this senseless thing. The reality of Jesus' final action on earth was the answer to my son's death. It was the answer to all suffering we will face in this world. It was the only thing, the ONLY THING, that was even real.

My car meant nothing. My fitness meant nothing. My house meant nothing. My bank account meant nothing. All the things that I thought were so very important five hours ago were shown for the shallowness that they were. The resurrection of Jesus and His command to "love one another" were the only things that made sense- they were the only things that were real.

When God says "No" to something He could have perfectly well said "Yes" to, He shows us what is real and what isn't. I vowed to spend the rest of my life telling that truth to as many people as I could. God also showed me the brevity of life. I have been inspired to stop playing it safe- to not fear losing things I will lose anyway. Go for it. It's all Monopoly money anyway. My son only had ten days- we aren't guaranteed anything in this life.

I pray that this is helpful to you. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that the things that scream at you from your tv set are important. They aren't. Some of us learn that the easy way. Some of us learn that the hard way. However you learn it, I will tell you this- when life falls apart and everything you thought was important is shown for the bunk that it is, you can rest in the assurance of the resurrection of Jesus.

That's one thing I know for sure. In fact, that's about the ONLY thing I know for sure.

Christian Sexual Ethic Has Never Failed Any Society That Has Adopted It

Throughout history, we've seen many civilizations come and go.

We've seen the empires of Rome, Byzantia, Persia, Assyria, Babylonia, and the Ottomans. We've seen third-world banana republics and military dictatorships and thriving republics. We've seen them rise and fall, come and go, appear and disappear.

Most civilizations aren't destroyed through invasion. Some are, to be sure. Most aren't. Most societies that fall do so because they rot from within. By the time a conquering army arrives, there is very little left to conquer- kind of like a lumberjack arriving in a forest full of rotted trees that takes a few swings of the axe to topple.

One of the most notable features of societies that fall has been rampant sexuality.

If you look at the last days of the nation of Israel, for example, temple prostitution, adultery, and homosexuality were extremely common. The prophets who warned Israel repeatedly about God's coming judgment talked of these repeatedly. No one listened.

The same is true of the Roman Empire. Before the Goths and the Visigoths and the Vandals raided from the north, Rome committed cultural suicide by adopting hedonism as a national pastime. Orgies, adultery, free sex, and homosexuality were hallmarks of the culture before it fell.

Why is rampant sexuality so prevalent in the last days of a society, empire, or culture?

Simple.

The family unit is the glue that holds a society together. When sex is commonly expressed outside of marriage, society breaks down. This isn't front-page news. We all know that the breakdown of the family is a major cause of most of societal problems. Divorce, single parenthood, children growing up without fathers, etc is highly correlated with poverty, crime, being a victim of crime, and dropping out of school.

In contrast, the Christian sexual ethic of "celibacy in singleness, fidelity in marriage" preps a society for optimal performance. No society that has adopted and practiced this ethic has ever suffered because of it.

If a society has the overwhelming vast majority of children growing up in married-for-life two-parent households; if out-of-wedlock births hover between 5-10% (we will never have 0%, just won't happen), if entire neighborhoods have fathers in homes disciplining their children before the police have to- the society will be strong. Christian sexual ethic leads to strong families and therefore a strong society.

Just as the cell is the fundamental unit of the human body, so is the family to the society. A tiny virus, smaller than the head of a pin, can kill an entire human by taking out the body at the cellular level. In the same way, an entire society can be taken out at the "cellular level" by the breakdown of the family.

When sex is reserved for marriage, marriage becomes more attractive. If men and women have the personal belief that sex should only be expressed in marriage, marriage rates increase. If sex is completely fine outside of marriage, marriage rates decrease and the instability of the society ensues.

Right now in America the concept of Christian sexual ethic has almost completely disappeared. As a pastor, I am astounded when a couple asks me to marry them and they are NOT living together. Even Christian teenagers seem to have lost the moral of "sex in marriage only." It is a very rare person that loses his or her virginity on the wedding night.

As the Christian sexual ethic disappears from America, we see more and more problems associated with the breakdown of the family. We are seeing riots almost weekly- mostly by young men. I would imagine that their fathers are nowhere to be found. I know that in the neighborhood I grew up in, where fathers were in every home, the fathers would have put a stop to that quickly. Without fathers, children who run wild turn into young men who run wild.

We are seeing an epidemic of drug use right now. Without a strong family unit to connect with, men and women are turning to heroin in record numbers. Research has shown that addiction is driven by isolation. One cannot become a full-blown addict until he or she is completely isolated from human connection. The current heroin epidemic is a direct result of the breakdown of the family. Connection is the only cure for addiction. Human connection. The family is the only cure for drug addiction.

We are beginning to see that there really are two Americas. One group is doing very well. One is having a rough time. The determining factors of which America you belong are not skin color, ethnicity, or creed. The factors are these"

           1) Finishing high school/college
           2) Waiting until marriage to have children
           3) Getting a job and keeping that job

That's it. The people who do those three things are doing fairly well in this country. Finishing school is key. Waiting until marriage to have children is a no-brainer- of course we know single parenthood is tough and leads to all kinds of stress (raising children with two-parents is hard enough; single parenthood is even tougher). Getting a job and keeping that job ensures a steady income, as raises and promotions are the norm, not the exception.

The folks who don't do these things- don't finish school, have children before marriage, and move from job to job are having a tough time in this country. Christian sexual ethic primes a person to accomplish all three of these things, therefore ensuring a good life for the person practicing it.

It is time, Christians and non-Christians, to admit that our problems in this country are largely the result of our defiance of Christian sexual ethics. Every society that has adopted Christian sexual ethics has thrived. Every society that has rejected it has rotted from within and fallen. America is no different. If we do not move back to "celibacy in singleness, fidelity in marriage" as the cultural norm, we are finished as a country and as a society.

Some parts of society are already there. You can see the preview of coming attractions in the inner cities where out-of-wedlock birthrates are near 75%. Poverty rates are sky-high, crime is high, incarceration rates are high. As the rest of the country adopts the sexual ethic of the inner city, the poverty rates, incarceration rates, and crime will follow. Soon, there won't be an "inner-city." It will just be the norm in our country.

Christian sexual ethic has never failed any society that has adopted it. It leads to stable two-parent households, present fathers, decreased poverty, decreased crime rates, decreased depression/suicide. It leads to increased performance in school, increased graduation rates, increased wealth, increased sense of community, and increased blessing as the society is strengthened at the cellular level.

I hope we can turn back before it is too late. It is time for churches and Christians to begin talking about the benefits to society that Christian sexual ethics brings.

Grace and Traffic Tickets

I was a just-married seminary student in Wilmore, KY. I had just left class and was driving home in my white 1993 stick-shift Ford Ranger truck when I came to a stop sign. I tapped the brakes, slowed down to about five mph, and (as is usually the case in small-town Wilmore) seeing no one else on the road, I turned right.

Blue lights in the rear-view mirror. I pulled over.

The cop came up and got my license and registration. He went back to his cruiser, and he didn't seem to be in much of a hurry. Wilmore.

During the long wait time, I had time to think about it. I was a full-time student, just graduated from college, and my wife was a nurse. We weren't exactly one-percenters. We lived in a cheap duplex in a dingy neighborhood, and by all accounts to pay this ticket would mean that we would be eating fish sticks and hot dogs for the next month with Ramen noodles for dessert.

The cop finally came back to my window, handed me my license and registration. He noticed my books and asked, "Are you at the seminary?"

I said, "Yes sir."

He said, "I am too." Hopefully he was quicker turning in his papers and assignments than he was running license plates. "I'm going to show you something called grace," he said. With that, he handed me a warning. No ticket. Just a warning.

Now, anyone but a seminary student (or minister) would be overjoyed at that and wouldn't think twice about it. However, I had a problem with what he said.

What he showed me wasn't grace. At least, it wasn't what God tells us grace is.

In order for that situation to be true Biblical grace, the cop would have had to look at me and say, "Mr Kibler, you disregarded a stop sign. That will be a $75 fine and three points on your license."

I would say, "I don't have $75 and I'm already over my limit on points on my license."

He would say, "Yes, I know that. You can't pay it. So, I found another driver who has never had a ticket, who has never had any points put on his license, and he voluntarily of his own free will paid the fine and took the points on his own license. His bank account will be deducted, his insurance will go up, and the points will be on HIS license for three years."

I would say, "That's insane! Who would do that for me?"

And the cop would look at me and say, "Me."

Simply letting an offender go isn't grace. The law isn't satisfied. A debt has been incurred, and simply letting an offender go won't settle it. Grace is when the very person who has the right to punish chooses not to, and instead take the punishment on himself, satisfying the law and letting the offender go free.

That's true grace. That's the kind of grace Jesus demonstrated when He went to the cross and died for the sins of the world. He took our debts upon Himself, paid them in full, and set us free from the consequences of them. We, in turn, are called to surrender all things under His Lordship.

So the cop was wrong that day. He didn't show me grace. He showed me kindness, but that's a lot different than actual grace.

When we realize all that Christ has done for us, how can we do anything but give our lives to Him in gratitude? True grace cost Jesus everything He had, and that which was expensive for Him cannot be cheap for us.

Do the ordinary extraordinarily well

When I was nineteen years old, I had the amazing opportunity to play on the Bluegrass Bandits soccer team, which was the first step in the plan to build the then-nonexistent MLS (Major League Soccer). They started with regional semipro teams like the Bandits and then built the MLS teams out of those.

Needless to say, it was a high level of competition. I had never played against players like I did in that league. On our team alone we had players from national teams of other countries, lower-level professional players from England, Division One college players, and so on. Based in the smaller city of Lexington, KY (population 300,000) we played teams from much larger cities with a much larger talent pool and much more money- New Orleans, Little Rock, Birmingham, Charlotte, etc.

We were outclassed by most teams. The other teams were deeper, had more big-name talent, and probably had higher-level coaching than we did. Looking at our lineup, we were prepared to lose well over half our games and finish near the bottom of the league.

We won the Regional Championship and finished first in the Mid-South Division.

Looking back on that year, our coach did one thing that brought us to victory. He emphasized fundamentals.

We weren't flashy. We weren't spectacular. We weren't anything great to watch. We had no standout players.

However, we did the ordinary things extraordinarily well.

We did the simple things right. We passed with accuracy. We played good fundamental defense. We rarely committed turnovers. We played as a team. We hit accurate shots on goal.

And it brought about victory night after night after night over vastly superior teams with vastly superior players.

I learned a lesson that year. If you take care of the fundamentals, the rest will take care of itself.

Today I was teaching in my Inside Out Dad class in the Fayette County Detention Center. We were talking about forming character in our children and what we were hoping to pass down to our children as fathers. I told the men that their children could learn any job skill. They could learn any trade. They could learn any job.

But none of that mattered if they didn't have the fundamentals.

I believe the fundamentals are respect, manners, and dedication. I don't care how smart or capable a person is, if they are disrespectful, rude, and flighty/unreliable they are worthless. They are worthless to an employer, worthless in marriage, and worthless as a father.

Parents, a lot of us emphasize developing skills within our kids. We place them in sports. We place them in activities. We take them to baseball tournaments and soccer tournaments and academic team competitions and all other kinds of things to develop their skills and abilities.

But do we spend that amount of time teaching the fundamentals of respect, manners, and dedication?

Unfortunately, the answer is probably "no" for a lot of us.

I'm amazed at the lack of respect and lack of manners that exists in American children today. How rare it is to hear a child say, "Yes sir" and "No ma'am." How rare it is to hear "Please," "thank you," and "You're welcome" from a little person.

How common it is to hear young people backtalk their elders, curse like sailors, call adults by their first names (don't EVEN get me started on THAT one, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR), and use "Yeah" instead of "Yes sir." The kid may be smart. The kid may be a good worker. The kid may have a lot of skills. But who really cares?

I'll take the respectful mannerly kid any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Why?

Because a person who respects others and uses good manners will be able to open doors and connect with people far better than someone who doesn't. An employee who is mannerly and respectful to customers will bring in far more business than a capable but rude one. A man who is respectful to his wife (and vice versa) will have a far happier marriage than one where disrespect and rudeness dominate the relationship.

It's the fundamentals that count, parents. Take care of the fundamentals and the rest of your child's life will work itself out.


Fundamentals:

• Teach your children to do unto others as they would have others do unto them. If they do that, they will have no problems in life.

• Teach your children to always be on the lookout for a chance to use their manners. Insist on "Please," "Thank you," "You're Welcome," especially with people older than them.

• NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER let your child call an adult by his or her first name, even if the adult says it's okay. Have your children refer to ALL adults as "Mr" or "Mrs" or "Coach" or whatever the appropriate title is. Adults, do NOT tell children it is okay to call you by your first name, because it isn't. It is necessary for the child to know that adults are NOT on the same level as they are. It is good for the child to recognize and be respectful of their elders.

• Teach your children to do the fundamental things well. Be on time. Do what you say you're going to do. Smile. Treat others like you want to be treated.

Maybe we put too much emphasis on making good grades instead of being a good person. Maybe we put too much emphasis on future job training instead of future character training. Maybe we put too much emphasis on how much money our children will one day make instead of what kind of people our children will be.

Maybe we need to give attention to the things that don't bring awards but instead bring a good reputation.

If your child has good fundamentals, life will go pretty well for them. They will have little trouble navigating this life, because their fundamentals are good. A child without good fundamentals is like an athlete that can't dribble or catch. If you don't have the fundamentals, it doesn't matter what other abilities you have.

If you DO have the fundamentals, you'll do well. Very well, in fact. Set your kids up for success by teaching them the fundamentals listed above.

Victory, in sports AND in life, is achieved by doing the ordinary things extraordinarily well.

Why Can't Christians Date/Marry Non-Christians?

I think Bruno Mars is one of the best current vocalists out there. Incredible range on that guy. I was listening to "Grenade" the other day and it sounded more like a country song than a pop song:

"I would catch a grenade for you/ throw my hand on a blade for you/ 
I'd jump in front of a train for you/ I would do anything for you
I would go through all this pain/ take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you baby/ But you won't do the same"

The song basically tells how dedicated he is to his lady friend, and she doesn't return his level of commitment. This dysfunctional relationship is known as being, "unequally yoked" in Biblical language. Basically what it means that that the two people have differing levels of commitment to each other. When that happens, someone is going to get hurt. Badly.

As I listened to poor Bruno sing the blues about how unequally yoked he is with this woman, I thought of what the Apostle Paul talked about when he told Christians, in the context of relationships and marriage, not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

I've had this question asked to me many times, especially when I was a youth minister- "Can a Christian date a non-Christian?" The answer is a resounding "no." When I would tell young people that (or adults) I would immediately get accusations of being judgmental or something like that. The Christian concept of only dating other Christians isn't judgmental or bigoted. Far from it. God doesn't want you to hate anyone or exclude anyone because of bigotry.

Can a Christian and a non-Christian love each other? Sure.

Can a Christian and a non-Christian communicate and respect each other and all that? Sure.

It's just that any relationship where the people are unequally yoked is going to have major trouble.

Everyone is moving towards something in his or her life. What we prioritize is what we move towards. If you are a Christian, your number one priority is Jesus Christ. As you move towards Him, your life, your values, your goals, your lifestyle, etc all take on the will of Christ as revealed in Scripture.

A person who is not a Christian doesn't share that priority. His or her life is moving in a different direction. Whatever he or she prioritizes is what he or she is moving towards, be it family, career, money, friends, whatever it is. As that person moves towards his or her priorities, the lifestyle, goals, values, etc will take on the aspects of his or her priority.

As the relationship progresses, the two people move apart. He's moving in one direction towards his priorities, and she is moving in a different direction towards hers. That's why marriage experts tell us that most marriages die with a whimper, not an explosion.

For example, let's say a Christian is married to a non-Christian. One of the most common causes of conflict is how to spend money. As the Christian grows in maturity, he feels the need to be faithful to the Christian teaching of tithing and generosity. So, he proposes to his non-Christian wife that they take the first 10% of their money and give it to the church he goes to.

She doesn't share his monetary values. She would rather that 10% go towards paying off debt or saving for college or on a new car. They are unequally yoked in their beliefs, and as anyone who is married knows, conflicts about money are no laughing matter. They are the number one cause of conflict in marriage.

That is just one small example of what being "unequally yoked" in dating/marriage looks like. There are many other issues that will pop up if a Christian marries a non-Christian, such as raising the children in the faith, spending the summer vacation going on a mission trip instead of to the beach, prioritizing church on Sunday instead of sports, etc.

It's not that God wants you to discriminate or hate or be fearful of non-Christians when it comes to dating and marriage. It's just that marriage is difficult enough when the two people HAVE the same beliefs. He doesn't want His people to experience the conflict and pain of a marriage between two people who are unequally yoked.

So you say, Dave, that's marriage. But what about just casual dating?

I don't believe in casual dating.

I tell my children that unless you see yourself marrying this person at some point in the future, they aren't worth dating. If they don't have the characteristics that you would look for in a spouse- faith, honesty, respect for you and respect for themselves, etc then why would you waste your time? Casual dating, with no plans for marriage, will always lead to the inevitable breakup, and why get into something you know will end in a possibly painful way? There is no wisdom in it.

Marriages that last for the long haul involve two people who can communicate at the deepest level possible, who share the common foundation of their most deeply held beliefs. If you are a Christian, you should only marry a person who shares your most deeply held beliefs and who will challenge and encourage you in the things that are of ultimate importance to you. The deep connection between a husband and wife who are equally committed to God is a wonderful one indeed. It is what makes marriage so wonderful by those who have it. The absence of that foundation is what makes marriage so terrible for so many.

If by dating or marrying someone you have to hide or minimize your most deeply held beliefs, you are in for major trouble down the road. Therefore, the Christian who wants to maintain and grow in his or her beliefs will date/marry only those who are walking that same road. The secret to a great marriage is being equally committed, equally yoked, together.

Poor Bruno Mars, if he had any respect for himself, needs to get out of that relationship he's singing about in "Grenade." If two people don't share the same amount of commitment, you will experience all the pain he sings about in that song. The same is true for people who don't share a common faith. 

The Prayerless Christian

I'm not very good at prayer.

I'm decent at some things about the Christian life. I love to read the Bible. I love to preach. I love to counsel, blog, teach, do prison ministry, go on mission trips, encourage orphans, visit hospitals, etc. I really like doing those things.

I just don't pray much.

I wish I did. As a pastor, prayer is of utmost importance. Communication with God is essential not just for my life as a Christian but especially as a pastor. You might even be thinking, "How in the world does the guy lead a church without praying much?"

That's a good question. One I don't really have a good answer to.

However, I'm finding that I'm not the only one with this issue.

Christians are good at all sorts of things. They are good at loving people. Yes, they really are. I've never met a more non-judgmental, caring, kind, giving, loving group of people as Christians. I don't care what the media says about Christians- they are the best people I know. Christians are also great at giving. American Christians, last year alone, spent $5 billion of their own money rescuing orphans from poverty through organizations like Compassion and World Vision, not to mention smaller organizations like our Catalyst Orphanage in India.

Christians are good at going to church. Millions of Christians attend church every week. Many millions more attend conferences to hear good preachers, listen on podcasts, watch preachers on YouTube, etc. Christians are good at sharing their faith and making converts. If they weren't, Christianity wouldn't be the largest religion in the world.

Christians are good at forgiving. Egypt's Coptic Christians, recently the victims of church bombings and murder by ISIS, publicly forgave the murderers and said that they loved them, much to the amazement of the Muslim world. Their culture is one of honor where revenge is almost mandatory, yet the Christians refused to take revenge and instead forgave. Christians are good at that.

However, many Christians just aren't very good at prayer.

I don't think it's because we don't want to talk with God. Far from it. It's just that prayer doesn't fit very well into American culture. In order to truly be consistent at prayer, it takes time. Time and silence. Time and intentional removal of oneself from media, smartphones, video games, computers, iPads, etc. It takes a quiet room with no distractions. It takes time of listening, time of pondering, time of reflection and seeking. That, my friends, doesn't happen much in America.

Our overstimulated brains have been wired for constant input. Silence, reflecting, removal of all stimulation is enough to drive most of us crazy, almost like an addict experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

For me, I can't start to pray without movie lines, songs, etc flooding my brain. I try to focus on God and having a conversation with Him, and all of a sudden a scene from Blazing Saddles or Dumb and Dumber goes through my mind, and then I start singing, "Pour Some Sugar On Me," (can you tell which generation I'm from?) and then I'm taken back to high school and the times I would blast that song from my Jeep, then my mind cuts to everything that I have to do that day, urgent lists of things that MUST be done right now, and then . . . . . .

And then my prayer life ceases.

It's very frustrating, because I love God. I love His word. I love His fellowship and His presence in my life, and I want to be good at prayer. I want to be able to shut it all off and get alone with Him every day. I want all those things.

It's just that developing a real prayer life takes such discipline, such sacrifice, such . . . . .  UNPLUGGING from normal life that many of us simply can't, or won't, do it. It's just too hard. It's like asking an addict to lay down his dope. Our stimulation-addicted brains just can't handle an hour of quiet silence where the God of the Universe speaks to us and we speak to Him.

I've become convinced of one thing- prayerlessness in the life of the Christian is sin.

What?

Yes. I'll say it again. Prayerlessness in the life of a Christian is sin.

In his masterpiece work, A Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster writes: "Prayer is the central avenue God uses to transform us. If we are unwilling to change, we will abandon prayer as a noticeable characteristic of our lives. The closer we come to the heartbeat of God the more we see our need and the more we desire to be conformed to Christ. . . .  Prayer- secret, fervent, believing prayer- lies at the root of all personal godliness." -Foster, p 33

If you don't connect with God personally through prayer, you will have a tough time living out the Christian faith. It's just too hard. Without experiencing the power of God through prayer, you will burn out. Quickly. Take it from me, a guy who continues to struggle with the absence of prayer in my life.

I've also found that sin and prayer are mutually exclusive. The person who prays stops sinning, and the people who sin stop praying. Sin and prayer can't occupy the same space in your life. Either one or the other will win out. To pray is to root sin out of your life. To sin is to root prayer out of your life. You have to decide which one you value and which one you want.

Most of all, prayer is what pleases our Heavenly Father the most. As a father myself, I love it when my children come to me and simply want to talk with me. No agenda, not needing anything- just simply wanting some of my time because they love me and they know that I love them. It is the same with our Heavenly Father. Time is our Heavenly Father's love language.

Maybe one of the reasons there is such spiritual opposition to prayer is that our adversary, the devil, fears a Christian with a close connection with God. Satan is unable to tempt and destroy a person who is in close communion with the Father. Maybe that's why prayerlessness is so prevalent in the church. Maybe that's why we are frustrated and burned out trying to do what Jesus says. Maybe that's why people drop out of church, feel "unsatisfied" with their church experience, or have never really experienced the true power of God.

Today, Christians, is the day to connect with God in prayer. Not to get things, not because you need things, but simply because you love God and He loves you.

The Powerful Gift of a Growing Mom and Dad

The longer I live, the more I realize the importance of mom and dad in the development of faith in their children.

I believe that youth ministry and children's ministry are good things. I was a youth minister for nine years before being demoted to senior minister. I am a big believer in churches investing in their young people with specific programs and ministries dedicated to reaching them.

However, youth and children's ministries are extremely limited in their ability to be effective. That's because youth and children's ministries were never intended to be the sole or even the major conveyor of spiritual truth to children. God set up the mom and dad to be the primary teachers of faith to their children- a job that is woefully neglected by most moms and dads.

Why is this?

I don't think it's because moms and dads are evil. Far from it. Moms and Dads love their kids and want what is best for them. I think it's something else.

I think most moms and dads have taught their kids everything they know about the faith. Which, at the end of the day, really isn't much in most cases. I would imagine that if most church people were honest, there hasn't been a lot of growth in them in awhile. Oh sure, they've picked up a morsel here and a morsel there, but if we were gut-level honest, many if not most parents who come to church every week haven't made significant steps in their faith in a long time.

They are most likely still struggling with the same sins they were several years ago. They probably have similar patterns of prayer, reading the Bible, and other practices of Christians. They probably are serving in the same capacity that they were years ago, if at all. They probably haven't led anyone to the Lord in several years, if at all. In other words, when it boils down to it, Mom and Dad just ain't growing much. Well, let's be honest- Mom and Dad just ain't growing at ALL.

So it's no surprise that their children aren't growing either.

However, what if that weren't the case?

I like to give gifts to my children. I like to give them money. I like to give them sports equipment so they can play their sports. I like to give my children lots of gifts. We give our children gifts all the time, as we should. However . . . .

Parents- are you giving your children the powerful gift of a growing Mom and Dad?

Do your children see you as a different person than they did last year, or two or three years ago? Did they formerly know you as a reactionary person who went off because of the slightest provocation, and now they know you as a person of peace and understanding?

Did they formerly know you as a person who slept in on Sunday morning and now see you as a faithful church member?

Did they formerly know you as a person who never really engaged in the mission of Christ but now see you taking mission trips and serving?

Did they formerly know you as a bitter, unforgiving, mean person who now is full of joy?

Did they formerly see you as a person who obsessed over money who now is very generous?

Did they formerly see you as a person with no control over his or her mouth who now speaks words of kindness and love?

The list goes on, but you get my point.

Have you given them the powerful gift of a growing Mom and Dad?

As a former youth minister, I wish all my former students had had growing Moms and Dads. I wish that they had seen, in their homes, the life change in their parents. I wish that my former students could have grown up in homes where the grace of God was being talked about, shared about, and lived out by growing parents.

I wish that parents would have taken their faith as seriously as they wanted their children to.

Parents, today, give the powerful gift of growing parents to your children. Notice I didn't say "perfect." I said, "growing." I'm not so much concerned with parents being perfect (none of us are) as I am with parents that are simply living with a stagnant, lifeless, out-of-sight-out-of-mind faith. Parents whose faith is lifeless are robbing their children of a precious gift.

However, parents whose faith is life-giving and growing are giving their children a powerful gift. By their example, they are showing the growth process that God expects of all Christians. They aren't just sending their kids to church to learn about it. They are living it out in front of them. That's the way God intended for faith to be passed on. That's the way our children grow.

And that's the way that we ensure the blessings of God- the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control- are passed down to the next generation.