I think Bruno Mars is one of the best current vocalists out there. Incredible range on that guy. I was listening to "Grenade" the other day and it sounded more like a country song than a pop song:
"I would catch a grenade for you/ throw my hand on a blade for you/
I'd jump in front of a train for you/ I would do anything for you
I would go through all this pain/ take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you baby/ But you won't do the same"
The song basically tells how dedicated he is to his lady friend, and she doesn't return his level of commitment. This dysfunctional relationship is known as being, "unequally yoked" in Biblical language. Basically what it means that that the two people have differing levels of commitment to each other. When that happens, someone is going to get hurt. Badly.
As I listened to poor Bruno sing the blues about how unequally yoked he is with this woman, I thought of what the Apostle Paul talked about when he told Christians, in the context of relationships and marriage, not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
I've had this question asked to me many times, especially when I was a youth minister- "Can a Christian date a non-Christian?" The answer is a resounding "no." When I would tell young people that (or adults) I would immediately get accusations of being judgmental or something like that. The Christian concept of only dating other Christians isn't judgmental or bigoted. Far from it. God doesn't want you to hate anyone or exclude anyone because of bigotry.
Can a Christian and a non-Christian love each other? Sure.
Can a Christian and a non-Christian communicate and respect each other and all that? Sure.
It's just that any relationship where the people are unequally yoked is going to have major trouble.
Everyone is moving towards something in his or her life. What we prioritize is what we move towards. If you are a Christian, your number one priority is Jesus Christ. As you move towards Him, your life, your values, your goals, your lifestyle, etc all take on the will of Christ as revealed in Scripture.
A person who is not a Christian doesn't share that priority. His or her life is moving in a different direction. Whatever he or she prioritizes is what he or she is moving towards, be it family, career, money, friends, whatever it is. As that person moves towards his or her priorities, the lifestyle, goals, values, etc will take on the aspects of his or her priority.
As the relationship progresses, the two people move apart. He's moving in one direction towards his priorities, and she is moving in a different direction towards hers. That's why marriage experts tell us that most marriages die with a whimper, not an explosion.
For example, let's say a Christian is married to a non-Christian. One of the most common causes of conflict is how to spend money. As the Christian grows in maturity, he feels the need to be faithful to the Christian teaching of tithing and generosity. So, he proposes to his non-Christian wife that they take the first 10% of their money and give it to the church he goes to.
She doesn't share his monetary values. She would rather that 10% go towards paying off debt or saving for college or on a new car. They are unequally yoked in their beliefs, and as anyone who is married knows, conflicts about money are no laughing matter. They are the number one cause of conflict in marriage.
That is just one small example of what being "unequally yoked" in dating/marriage looks like. There are many other issues that will pop up if a Christian marries a non-Christian, such as raising the children in the faith, spending the summer vacation going on a mission trip instead of to the beach, prioritizing church on Sunday instead of sports, etc.
It's not that God wants you to discriminate or hate or be fearful of non-Christians when it comes to dating and marriage. It's just that marriage is difficult enough when the two people HAVE the same beliefs. He doesn't want His people to experience the conflict and pain of a marriage between two people who are unequally yoked.
So you say, Dave, that's marriage. But what about just casual dating?
I don't believe in casual dating.
I tell my children that unless you see yourself marrying this person at some point in the future, they aren't worth dating. If they don't have the characteristics that you would look for in a spouse- faith, honesty, respect for you and respect for themselves, etc then why would you waste your time? Casual dating, with no plans for marriage, will always lead to the inevitable breakup, and why get into something you know will end in a possibly painful way? There is no wisdom in it.
Marriages that last for the long haul involve two people who can communicate at the deepest level possible, who share the common foundation of their most deeply held beliefs. If you are a Christian, you should only marry a person who shares your most deeply held beliefs and who will challenge and encourage you in the things that are of ultimate importance to you. The deep connection between a husband and wife who are equally committed to God is a wonderful one indeed. It is what makes marriage so wonderful by those who have it. The absence of that foundation is what makes marriage so terrible for so many.
If by dating or marrying someone you have to hide or minimize your most deeply held beliefs, you are in for major trouble down the road. Therefore, the Christian who wants to maintain and grow in his or her beliefs will date/marry only those who are walking that same road. The secret to a great marriage is being equally committed, equally yoked, together.
Poor Bruno Mars, if he had any respect for himself, needs to get out of that relationship he's singing about in "Grenade." If two people don't share the same amount of commitment, you will experience all the pain he sings about in that song. The same is true for people who don't share a common faith.
"I would catch a grenade for you/ throw my hand on a blade for you/
I'd jump in front of a train for you/ I would do anything for you
I would go through all this pain/ take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you baby/ But you won't do the same"
The song basically tells how dedicated he is to his lady friend, and she doesn't return his level of commitment. This dysfunctional relationship is known as being, "unequally yoked" in Biblical language. Basically what it means that that the two people have differing levels of commitment to each other. When that happens, someone is going to get hurt. Badly.
As I listened to poor Bruno sing the blues about how unequally yoked he is with this woman, I thought of what the Apostle Paul talked about when he told Christians, in the context of relationships and marriage, not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
I've had this question asked to me many times, especially when I was a youth minister- "Can a Christian date a non-Christian?" The answer is a resounding "no." When I would tell young people that (or adults) I would immediately get accusations of being judgmental or something like that. The Christian concept of only dating other Christians isn't judgmental or bigoted. Far from it. God doesn't want you to hate anyone or exclude anyone because of bigotry.
Can a Christian and a non-Christian love each other? Sure.
Can a Christian and a non-Christian communicate and respect each other and all that? Sure.
It's just that any relationship where the people are unequally yoked is going to have major trouble.
Everyone is moving towards something in his or her life. What we prioritize is what we move towards. If you are a Christian, your number one priority is Jesus Christ. As you move towards Him, your life, your values, your goals, your lifestyle, etc all take on the will of Christ as revealed in Scripture.
A person who is not a Christian doesn't share that priority. His or her life is moving in a different direction. Whatever he or she prioritizes is what he or she is moving towards, be it family, career, money, friends, whatever it is. As that person moves towards his or her priorities, the lifestyle, goals, values, etc will take on the aspects of his or her priority.
As the relationship progresses, the two people move apart. He's moving in one direction towards his priorities, and she is moving in a different direction towards hers. That's why marriage experts tell us that most marriages die with a whimper, not an explosion.
For example, let's say a Christian is married to a non-Christian. One of the most common causes of conflict is how to spend money. As the Christian grows in maturity, he feels the need to be faithful to the Christian teaching of tithing and generosity. So, he proposes to his non-Christian wife that they take the first 10% of their money and give it to the church he goes to.
She doesn't share his monetary values. She would rather that 10% go towards paying off debt or saving for college or on a new car. They are unequally yoked in their beliefs, and as anyone who is married knows, conflicts about money are no laughing matter. They are the number one cause of conflict in marriage.
That is just one small example of what being "unequally yoked" in dating/marriage looks like. There are many other issues that will pop up if a Christian marries a non-Christian, such as raising the children in the faith, spending the summer vacation going on a mission trip instead of to the beach, prioritizing church on Sunday instead of sports, etc.
It's not that God wants you to discriminate or hate or be fearful of non-Christians when it comes to dating and marriage. It's just that marriage is difficult enough when the two people HAVE the same beliefs. He doesn't want His people to experience the conflict and pain of a marriage between two people who are unequally yoked.
So you say, Dave, that's marriage. But what about just casual dating?
I don't believe in casual dating.
I tell my children that unless you see yourself marrying this person at some point in the future, they aren't worth dating. If they don't have the characteristics that you would look for in a spouse- faith, honesty, respect for you and respect for themselves, etc then why would you waste your time? Casual dating, with no plans for marriage, will always lead to the inevitable breakup, and why get into something you know will end in a possibly painful way? There is no wisdom in it.
Marriages that last for the long haul involve two people who can communicate at the deepest level possible, who share the common foundation of their most deeply held beliefs. If you are a Christian, you should only marry a person who shares your most deeply held beliefs and who will challenge and encourage you in the things that are of ultimate importance to you. The deep connection between a husband and wife who are equally committed to God is a wonderful one indeed. It is what makes marriage so wonderful by those who have it. The absence of that foundation is what makes marriage so terrible for so many.
If by dating or marrying someone you have to hide or minimize your most deeply held beliefs, you are in for major trouble down the road. Therefore, the Christian who wants to maintain and grow in his or her beliefs will date/marry only those who are walking that same road. The secret to a great marriage is being equally committed, equally yoked, together.
Poor Bruno Mars, if he had any respect for himself, needs to get out of that relationship he's singing about in "Grenade." If two people don't share the same amount of commitment, you will experience all the pain he sings about in that song. The same is true for people who don't share a common faith.
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