America's moral decline threatens the very existence of a free society

News story after news story says the same thing: Americans believe that our nation is in moral decline. The last study I saw showed the 80% of Americans stated that America is worse off morally now than we were ten years ago.

It's interesting because it's not just one group of people saying that. It's not just conservatives who bemoan the direction of society. It's also liberals saying this. It's a rare thing these days for both liberals and conservatives to agree on something, but one thing is for certain- both say that America is in moral decline.

The problem, however, comes in the next question- what is "moral decline?"

That question would have been easy to answer fifty years ago. There was a common culture and a common understanding of what was right and wrong. It was generally assumed that a person should be honest- that lying, stealing, and cheating were immoral. It was generally assumed that adultery was immoral. It was generally assumed that sex outside of marriage was immoral (even though it happened quite often) and it was generally assumed that physical violence, except for self-defense, was immoral.

**NOTE**(I'm not talking about a return to the "good old days." Those days really didn't exist, other than in our minds. Immorality was around back then too. The difference between that day and today, however, is that at least back then when it happened, people agreed that it was wrong. That doesn't happen as much today.)

It was also generally understood that these morals came from God. These were not inventions of humanity. They were laid down in God's laws (think Ten Commandments) and were generally agreed upon by the majority of society.

That has changed radically.

Since the 1960s, moral relativism has taken root in America. When I was in school in the 80s and 90s, the prevailing thought was that "what is right for you isn't necessarily right for me, and what is wrong for you isn't necessarily wrong for me." How did this occur?

Easy. America moved its understanding of morality away from the absolutes of God.

With the foundation of God's law removed from the mind of society, morals became things that were philosophically appealing to the individual, not things mandated by a higher power with authority over our lives. Morality became personal, not universal. All of a sudden, if an individual found adultery philosophically appealing, regardless of what anything or anybody else said, it suddenly became okay. If violence was philosophically appealing to an individual, it suddenly became moral to commit acts of violence. After all, who are we to tell them they are wrong?

For example, the Antifa movement chants, "Any time, any place, punch a Nazi in the face." Well, is violence immoral? For Antifa, it isn't. It is perfectly moral for them, they believe, to commit acts of violence against "Nazis," which they define as anyone who thinks differently than them. They believe they are taking the moral high ground in acting violently towards them. They have created their own morality, and believe themselves to be on the side of good. Honestly, who are we to tell them they are wrong . . . . .  if we hold to moral relativism and say that what is right for you is not necessarily right for me?

So, in essence, we have no morals. We are left only with things that each individual places value on as "right" and "wrong."

How, then, do 80% of people in America say that we are in moral decline? What morals are declining, and honestly, why do we care?

Think about it- if right and wrong is determined by the individual, how can America be in moral decline? Answer- it can't be. Moral relativism states that right and wrong is up to each individual person, and therefore, no one can be immoral. The term "moral decline" implies that there is an objective standard from which we are moving downward. However, if all the people in a society are simply living out what they believe to be right, there can be no "moral decline."

America can only be in moral decline if morals are actually universal, dictated to us by an authority outside of ourselves, and non-negotiable. 80% of Americans, therefore, believe that there IS an objective moral standard out there, and we are moving downwards from it.

I agree with that assessment.

Churches used to be the conveyor of morals to a community. Fathers and mothers would communicate truths of the Bible to their children- "Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not lie, Do not covet, Honor Father and Mother, Don't use the Lord's Name carelessly, Remember the Sabbath Day, Do not worship idols . . . .  and the number one moral- YOU SHALL HAVE NO GODS BEFORE ME."

As our society has de-emphasized the role of church in a community, and with it the role of Christian morality, our society has suffered. Drug use is epidemic in America right now as people seek escape from life or just find a way to feel good. Divorce is rampant, tearing homes apart and growing entire generations of children raised in broken homes. According to the National Association of Shoplifting Prevention, there are 27 million shoplifters in America, or one out of every eleven people in this nation. Identity theft is the fastest-growing crime in America, ruining its victims for years and stealing away financial security.

Why do we care?

Because our entire way of life depends on it.

John Adams, one of the founders of this nation, upon his vote to ratify the Constitution of the United States, issued this warning- "This Constitution is meant only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for the the governance of any other."

John Adams knew that a free society would HAVE to be a moral society. A society where people had personal privacy, the freedom to move around, assemble, speak, practice religion, question the government, etc would have to be self-governed. A society that was characterized by immorality would necessitate a police state- a state resembling a prison where all behavior was monitored, no freedoms were granted, and the government kept a watchful eye on all activity.

This is why we care about America's moral decline.

I am as shocked and as saddened as you are about hearing about the terrorist bombing in Manchester, England. As of the writing of this blog, there is intelligence showing another terrorist attack is imminent. As disturbing as the bombing was, what truly bothered me were the pictures coming from England showing the English army soldiers patrolling the streets.

Armed patrols of military units decked out in tactical gear, usually only seen in war zones in Afghanistan and Iraq, are now on the streets of Manchester, England. They are walking through streets of a nation not at war, not under occupation, not being threatened by a foreign army. However, they might as well be. That looks more like a police state than a free society.

The only response the government has to morality is to step up policing and take away freedom. It's the only tool it has to counteract it.

We have immoral people committing acts of violence in school. The response is to have metal detectors and police officers in school.

We have immoral people stealing from shopping malls. The response is to have security officers, cameras, and increased surveillance.

We have immoral people threatening terrorist acts against us. The response is more government surveillance of email, social media, text messages, etc.

See, an immoral society, a society which cannot police itself, a society where violence and theft and lying and cheating are rampant, is begging for a police state. When the people cannot police themselves, the government will. As America slips further and further into moral decline, we will see more surveillance, more police, more National Guard, more laws, more rules, and more incarceration. We will lose the very freedoms we cherish due to the increasing immorality of our society.

This is why we care.

This is why parents must step up and teach their children the Biblical morals that were at one time woven into the fabric of our society.

This is why we must take seriously the Biblical mandate to discipline our children.

This is why we must stop believing this false philosophy of moral relativism that says morals are subjective and up to the individual- after all, could the Manchester bomber really be considered immoral or wrong? He was simply doing what he believed to be right. Who are we to judge, right?

This is why we must take seriously our commitment to our local churches. They need to become once again the moral voice in our communities, teaching right from wrong and training parents to teach their children right from wrong.

Our very way of life- our very society- hinges on the level to which we hold to morality. Right now it is in danger. It is up to us to turn it around.

"I had things to do . . . . "

I was in court the other day waiting for the trial of one of the graduates of my prison ministry program. There was a woman at the stand, talking to the judge. I had missed the first part of what was going on, but I quickly got the gist of what was going on.

The woman had been on probation and had missed her court date two weeks prior. Because of that, she had been arrested and put in the detention center for probation violation. There she was now, in an orange jumpsuit, talking to the judge.

The judge said, "Ms _______________, last Friday you were supposed to appear in court to have your supervised probation changed to unsupervised probation, basically meaning you were going to be free. No more checking with probation officer, free to leave the state, etc. I was going to set you free. Can you tell me why you failed to appear in court?"

She replied, "I had things to do."

I blinked several times. Did I just hear correctly? Did she just tell the judge she had "things to do?" I think the judge was as startled as I was. He was probably expecting some kind of excuse or reason, but I doubt he was expecting to hear that.

He took off his glasses, looked down, rubbed the bridge of his nose, and said, "Excuse me, did you say that you had 'things to do?"

She nodded.

He said, "This was a trial to SET YOU FREE. Do you understand that?"

She nodded and said, "I didn't think you'd mind."

The judge just stared at her.

The line from Forrest Gump ran through my head when Forrest went to see Bubba's family and Bubba's mom asked Forrest, "Are you crazy or just plain stupid?" (And of course, Forrest answered, 'Stupid is as stupid does, ma'am.')

Yes. Stupid is as stupid does. And what this lady did was stupid. I guess Forrest WAS correct. Stupid actually IS as stupid does.

The judge said, "The lack of respect shown to this court is upsetting me. You were going to be set free, but now I have no option but to charge you with probation violation as well as contempt of court. You were looking at six years, but were on probation. Now, your sentence of six years in the detention center is back. Good day."

A woman who was about to be set free from her sentence of six years got sent back to the slammer.

I tried to think of something that was so important that she couldn't show up in court- something so important that it was worth missing a judge's hearing to be set free from a sentence of six years in jail. Something so amazing and important and worthwhile and fulfilling and purposeful that it was worth going to jail for six years for.

I couldn't think of a single thing.

I shook my head as I watched this. What in the world was this woman thinking? But then I realized something. I wonder if that is what many people will say when they stand before God on the day of their judgement. God will look at them and say, "I died for you. I died for your sins. You were sentenced to hell because of the sins you committed. I took your sins on Myself and I wanted to set you free, but you didn't even show up. You never honored Me as God. You never acknowledged what I did for you. You couldn't make it to church for worship, just to say thank you. You refused to accomplish My Great Commission to go into all the world and make disciples. I had a purpose for you, gifts and talents I blessed you with and you didn't use them to honor Me or build up My church. There were children who needed adoption, but you never did. There were people who needed you and you weren't there. There were things I wanted you to do with My money (yes, it's mine, not yours) and you spent it on yourself. You went your own selfish way, never acknowledging Me as God. Why?"

I wonder if most people will respond, like the lady did, "I had things to do."

I'm racking my brain trying to come up with something so important, so meaningful, so pressing, so utterly essential to our being that would cause us to miss God's invitation to be set free from an eternity in hell. Something so important and so pressing that would keep us from His church. Something so dadgum essential to life that we would willingly go to hell for eternity for it.

I can't think of a single thing.

Yet, how many of us are missing it? How many of us will have nothing better to say to God than, "Well, I had things to do," when He asks us why we didn't show up? Why we didn't do what He wanted us to do? Why we were so busy that we couldn't make disciples, pass on our faith to our children, why we couldn't prioritize worship on Sunday mornings, why we couldn't stay faithful to Him?

So many of us take the glory of God so lightly. We think of God as so trivial. We think of His justice as no big deal. We think lightly of His sacrifice on the cross. We give a patronizing smile to the eternal consequences of sin and think nothing of it, saying the same thing the woman said to the judge, "I didn't think you'd mind." We think of God as a giant cosmic teddy bear, a large version of Mr Rogers, or a kindly old Captain Kangaroo who just doesn't mind in the slightest what we do because, after all, we have things to do.

People, nothing is worth eternity. It's time for us to take the glory of God seriously. It's time for us to take the sacrifice of Jesus seriously. It's time for us to realize that the justice of God is as real as His grace and the wrath of God is as real as His love. The earthly judge I saw a few days ago wouldn't put up with being held in contempt- do we truly think that our Heavenly Judge will put up with our contempt for His justice?

The woman thought the judge wasn't all that. It was obvious by her actions towards him that she had no respect for him or for his authority. She found out very quickly that she was wrong. Let's not be such fools when it comes to God.

Why I Don't Tell My Kids They Are Good At Things

I know, I know. You're supposed to build the kids up. You're supposed to praise their accomplishments. You're supposed to encourage and compliment and show your kids that they are awesome. After all, Whitney Houston told us all that, "children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way, show them all the beauty they possess inside," right?

I agree with all that, although I hate that song.

So, Dave, why don't you tell your kids that they are good at things?

First of all, my kids ARE good at things. They are good at a lot of things. They are outstanding students who are good at learning, studying, and earning good grades. They are athletes who are good at their respective sports of tennis and soccer. They are good at music.

They are good at a lot of things.

But I never tell them they are good at school. I never tell them they are good at sports. I never tell them they are good at singing, or playing an instrument, or anything else they are good at.

Instead, when I see that they are good at something, I tell them, "You must have worked very hard to be good at that."

I choose to point out the work that got them there rather than where they are.

This does something radical within them: it keeps them from feelings of entitlement and jealousy.

Entitlement is one of the most toxic feelings around. It's everywhere in America right now. We have an entire nation that thinks it is owed something simply for being here. People feel entitled to better jobs, the same possessions as their neighbors, the same standard of living as everyone else, and just about anything else you can name right now. I hear people criticizing wealthy people, who worked all their lives to achieve their fortunes, saying they don't deserve it and "I wonder who they climbed over on the way," and all that.

Entitlement.

Entitlement robs a person of joy. The most miserable people I know are people who feel they are owed something that they don't have. They are depressed, miserable, and are a pain to be around. I don't want that for my children.

I don't tell my kid she is good at tennis. Why? Because if she believes she is good at tennis she will not handle losing very well. If I repeatedly tell her, "You're a good tennis player, you're a good tennis player, you're a good tennis player," and she gets beat a few times, she will have a major problem making sense of what's going on. However, if I tell her, "You certainly have worked hard at tennis and look where that work has gotten you," and she loses a few matches, she'll realize that she simply needs to work harder. She doesn't feel entitled to win a match. She knows she has to work hard to win a match. That's a good life lesson- one that applies in all areas of life.

Human beings tend to repeat behaviors we are rewarded for. Your kids will repeat behaviors that you praise them for. I want my children to be hard workers. Therefore, instead of emphasizing the natural ability or talent my kids have, I choose to reward the work they themselves put in. I want them to achieve success because of superior work ethic, not because of superior talent or ability. They won't have superior ability or talent in all areas. However, they can always have a superior work ethic in EVERYTHING.

Parents, begin complimenting the WORK behind your childrens' successes. Did your kid bring home a good report card? Don't say, "You're so smart." Say, "You must have worked very hard to get those good grades." Did your child perform well athletically? Say, "Look what all your hard work at practice and out in the back yard did for you." Did your child build something or learn a new skill? Say, "You are such a hard worker. Well done!"

I want my children to see the correlation between the work they put in on something and the success they experience. Teach them the right lesson. Don't tell them they are good at things. Tell them how the hard work they put in brought them success.

A person who sees the correlation between work and success will rarely feel jealous of another person. I want my children to see someone who is successful and automatically think, "Wow- that person worked hard to get there," not, "well, look at how easy they have it." I want my children to think, when they see someone who is successful at something, that they can do it too. I don't want my children to linger in resentment and bitterness because they believe life has been unfair to them, that success and work are NOT related, and that somehow they have been robbed of what is owed them.

People are where they are in life more often because of how much work they have done rather than how talented they are. At least in most cases. I want to build that thought process into my children. Every accomplishment they have I want them to learn how it was the work they did that was important, not how "good" they were at it.

By doing that, we can develop children (who will soon be adults) that have learned the correlation between success and hard work. Don't refer to them as "smart," "talented," or "good at ___________."

Refer to them as "hard workers," and watch them, with a clear belief that success and work are linked, go off and earn their own success.

Why I Don't Want My Kids to Be Happy

If you ask parents today what they want for their children, the most common answer will be for them to be "happy."

That makes sense. We love our kids and, well, why not? Why not want them to be happy? Why not make that the focus? What- do you want them to be sad?

I don't want my kids to be sad, but I'm not real concerned with whether they are happy or not. That's not a goal of mine as a parent. Nor should it be for you.

Instead, I want my kids to have character.

Character comes from the Greek word kharakter which meant a "stamping tool." In ancient times, artisans would use a kharakter to etch carvings in stone or wood. This indicated a permanence (hence the saying, "etched in stone" meaning something unchanging and eternal) that was not changed easily or quickly. Character is a permanent etching on our children, meaning they exhibit consistency in belief, action, word, and thought.

Character is who you are when no one is looking. Character is what prompts you to give back money when the cashier has given you too much change. Character is what prompts you to tell the truth even when you could get away with a lie. Character is your undying sense of right and wrong; it is what motivates the employee to go the extra mile, what motivates the spouse to stay faithful through fifty years of marriage, what motivates the child to do his best work at all times.

That is what I want for my children.

A child with character becomes an adult with character. An adult with character will become a worker with character, a spouse with character, and a father/mother with character. This person will never have to worry about finding a job, being second-guessed by his or her spouse, or worry about an action coming back to bite them. A person of character will have, over the long run, doors of opportunity wide open, because a person of character can be trusted and therefore will experience a great life.

That's what I want for my children.

Parents, spend a little less time being concerned with your child's happiness and spend a little more time building their character. I would take a person of character any day of the week over a person of intelligence, a person of ability, or a person of wit. Intelligence, ability, and wit mean nothing without character behind them. If you truly want your child to be happy, spend time building their character, not their happiness.

When they have character, they will be happy. A person who is trusted by all, a person who is known for doing good work, a person who is known for getting the job done, a person who is known to be honest in all circumstances, a person who repeatedly and consistently shows respect to his or her elders . . . .  THAT person will be extremely happy.

My job as a parent isn't to ensure my kids' happiness. If they want to be happy, that's on them. It is up to them to be "happy." It is my job as a parent to build their character so that they have a permanent etching, something unchanging and eternal, about them.

When we raise children of character, they will in turn grow up to be happy. Unfortunately, the reverse is not true. Emphasizing our childrens' happiness will not result in character. Too often, it leads to the exact opposite. Raising up a child with an emphasis on his or her happiness many times leads to a spoiled child who cannot handle life. That is a person of no character. Sadly, that is what is being seen more and more and more in today's world.

The well-intentioned goal of the American parent, for their children to be happy, has backfired. By emphasizing happiness over character, we have unwittingly raised a generation of children who are open to anything and everything that comes along; a generation who will fall prey to anything Hollywood or Facebook or mass media will tell them. By blurring the lines of right and wrong and instead emphasizing "whatever makes you feel good," we have hamstrung our children and robbed them of the very thing we as parents were tasked with giving them- character.

I want my kids to be happy. It's just that I want that happiness to come out of a life of virtue, of consistently making the right decisions, of being rock-solid in their beliefs and not compromising on who they are. I don't want their happiness to come from me. I want it to come from within themselves.

My job is to build character in my kids . . . .  and then let the happiness they experience in life flow from that.

The Ten o' Clock Rule for Marriage

One common experience that I hear from married couples is late-night arguing. It goes something like this:

At night, after the kids go to bed, husband and wife are tired. When couples are tired, things that aren't really a big deal BECOME a big deal: clothes on the floor, a chore that was forgotten, what little Billy did at school today, etc. Either husband or wife mentions this, and a discussion begins. The discussion becomes an argument. That argument goes on and on and on into the night, and by 2 am you aren't even talking about what started the argument- you're just mad.

True? It happens to just about every married couple I know.

Why does this happen?

Simple. Things become worse when you are 1) tired and 2) hungry. Late at night is the WORST time to discuss or solve anything.

That's why I propose a new rule in all households- the beautiful 10:00 rule.

The 10:00 rule simply says this- unless the house is on fire or someone is being murdered downstairs in the family room, it doesn't need to be dealt with tonight. After 10:00 pm, the only things that happen in this house are sleep and sex.

Most things that are "important" and "urgent" at 10:00 pm can be solved the next day, after a good night's sleep and breakfast. I've found that most of what I feel HAS to be discussed and solved at night isn't really even that big a deal at 8 am the next morning.

Seems simple, but you'd be amazed how much conflict, strife, arguing, and total destruction of marriages occurs after 10:00 pm. I would even go as far as to say that most marriages are destroyed after 10:00.

So stop it.

Set an alarm at 10:00. After it goes off, stop talking about it. It's not important. It's not crucial. The things that upset you late at night have more to do with the fact that you are tired and hungry than they do with what actually happened. Husbands and wives, how many of you have argued into the wee hours of the morning, only to wake up and realize how stupid the argument was?

How many of us have said things in those arguments- lost our cool, lost our tempers- that we thoroughly regret? How many of you, had you tackled the problem in the morning after a good night's sleep, would have handled it much differently? How many of the things we argued about at night weren't even issues in the morning?

If most marriages are destroyed after 10:00, then refuse to destroy your marriage.

Nothing but sleep and sex after 10:00. If it's still an issue in the morning, which most of the time it won't be, tackle it then. You'll be amazed at how much better your marriage will be.

After 10:00 pm:

-Don't mention the clothes on the floor. Doesn't matter if it's the third time this week. Resist the temptation to make it an issue.

-Don't discuss problems with the kids. From 10:00 pm on, it's YOUR time as a couple. Resist the temptation to discuss kids.

-Don't discuss finances. It's not the time. Your bank statement and financial situation will be there in the morning. Don't discuss expenditures, debt, budget, etc after 10:00.

Simply enjoy each other. Sleep and sex only. Make the decision that those are the only two things allowed in the house after 10:00. You'll be amazed at how different your marriage will be.

Put it into practice and see what happens. Good night and God bless!

Ten little Christians . . . .

Ten little Christians, standing in a line,
One didn't like the preacher- then there were nine.

Nine little Christians stayed up very late,
One slept in Sunday morning- then there were eight.

Eight little Christians on the road to heaven,
One took the lower road- and then there were seven.

Seven little Christians got in an awful fix,
One didn't like the music- and then there were six.

Six little Christians seemed very much alive,
But one lost his temper- and then there were five.

Five little Christians wishing there were more,
But they quarreled with each other- and then there were four.

Four little Christians cheerful as could be,
Another lost his temper- and then there were three.

Three little Christians knew not what to do,
One joined the party crowd- and then there were two.

Two little Christians, our rhyme is almost done,
Differed with each other- then there was one.

One little Christian,  with courage and fire a-plenty
Preached the gospel, brother- and then there were many.

The most important trait of a parent

I grew up in a school system where 92% and above was an "A." 83% and higher was a "B," and so on and so forth. I thought that was a decently fair grading system (not that anyone asked me), because you could make a few mistakes here and there and still get good grades.

Someone who gets it right 95% of the time is probably a pretty successful person, right? I mean, 95% is a pretty high number for accuracy. I think all of us would like to have that kind of grade on life, wouldn't we?

Nope.

In many aspects of life, 95% is failing. It's a failing grade. So is a 99%. So is a 99.9999%.

What do you call a man who is faithful to his wife 99% of the time? An adulterer.

What do you call a woman who tells the truth 99% of the time? A liar.

What do you call a person who obeys the speed limit 99.95% of the time? A speeder (at least, the cop who pulls you over will think that).

What do you call someone who keeps his promises 90% of the time? Unreliable.

I've come to realize that the most important trait in life is consistency. We could list a bunch of good traits to have, such as honesty, faith, integrity, faithfulness, goodness, self-controlled, etc. Those are all fantastic traits.

However, without consistency, none of those matter. If you aren't consistently honest, if you aren't consistently faithful, if you aren't consistently self-controlled, then those traits are meaningless.

The biggest liar that you know probably tells the truth 75% of the time. That's a "C" on a grading scale. Not stellar, but at least its average. A cheating husband or wife, if you averaged out the days, was probably faithful 90% of the time at least. That's a high "B" in most books. Pretty good, huh?

No.

As I've grown older, the more I realize the value of consistency. Consistency- being the same person, exercising the same values, staying true to your core beliefs day in and day out over the course of a lifetime- is really the only thing that matters. There must be consistency in any person's life if they are to be successful.

This is especially true in parenting. My parents weren't perfect. However, they were consistent. Their values and their rules didn't change with the day, nor did their punishments when I screwed up. If they said I was grounded for two weeks, I was grounded for two weeks. They didn't change it after a day or two (as some parents do). Also, the rules didn't change with my parents' mood. I'm sure there were days when they didn't feel like enforcing the rules. It would have been easier just to let me get away with it. However, they stayed consistent.

What that did for me and my brother was it created security. Consistent parents create secure kids. When kids aren't left guessing as to when mom and dad will show up; if they aren't left guessing as to what will set mom and dad off this time; if they aren't punished one day for something and not the next, kids form a great sense of identity and purpose.

However, when consistency isn't there, it sets the kids up for failure.

I hear quite often about the tough time teachers nowadays have with kids in their classrooms. They spend far too much time being disciplinarians to children who are acting out. However, acting out is only a symptom of the problem. We treat the symptom and don't address the root cause.

I believe the root cause of so many discipline cases in schools is the following formula:

Inconsistency---> Confusion ---> Frustration ---> Acting Out. 

The child receives inconsistent messages at home. Doesn't know what is right or wrong; hasn't developed security of purpose and clarity. Therefore, the child is confused. If you've ever tried to accomplish a task that is confusing, or you don't know what to do, or haven't been given the tools to accomplish it, it quickly leads to frustration. That frustration boils over into acting out.

What we normally do is we punish the child. We send them to detention, put them in time out, etc. All that stops is the acting out. . . . .  for a time. It doesn't address the frustration felt by a confused kid who has had no consistency at home.

Parents, if you are having problems with your children at school; if they are constantly getting in trouble, if they don't respect authority and are causing headaches for teachers, coaches, and yes, even you, stop looking at the behavior. Follow the formula back to the beginning- does your child have consistency?

Is your word good? When you say you'll do something, do you do it? When you tell a child something, can he or she trust that it's the truth? Does he or she sleep in the same bed every night? Same bedtime every night? Do you consistently expect them to do homework, consistently eat meals with them, consistently talk with them?

Give your children the gift of consistency. It is truly what they need. When I look back on my time in my parents' house, I can honestly say that the gift of consistency was the greatest gift my parents gave me. I knew my dad would be home every night. I knew I would sleep in the same bed every night. I knew we would eat together as a family every night. I knew my parents' rules and I knew the punishments that would happen if I broke them. They had very few rules and they enforced them EVERY TIME. Consistency built me into the person I am today.

This world is dying for people who are consistent. Our homes needs consistent parents. Our businesses need consistent employees. Our churches need consistent members. Our spouses need consistent spouses. This world is full of flighty, unreliable, temperamental people who can't be counted on to do what is right. Don't be a person like that. Your children deserve better. So does your spouse, so does your place of employment, so does your church.

Give that gift to this world. Consistency is THE most important trait in life.