Hating Ourselves

We just got done with a series on the Song of Solomon that was absolutely fantastic- the vision put forth for marriage and romance and dating and sex and all that great stuff was like a breath of fresh air . . . . .  for some people.

Other people thought it was very difficult to hear.  Some people didn't like it at all.  I sat down with a guy recently who quite frankly hated it.

He said, "Why would we listen to a guy who had 300 wives and 700 concubines talk about marriage?  This guy was a womanizer and a philanderer!  How can he be telling me how to do this whole marriage thing?"

I said, "The same way that we can listen to a guy who killed Christians and persecuted them, a guy named Paul, tell us about the beauty of grace in the Christian faith.  The same way we can listen to a guy named Peter, who denied Jesus under threat of persecution, write about standing up under persecution in 1 and 2 Peter."

He said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I seriously don't think that Solomon should be teaching anybody about marriage.  He was practically a sex addict."

Then the light bulb went on.  "So, you're really struggling with a sex addiction, aren't you?"

He looked at me with a deer-in-the-headlights look.  Then he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Yeah."

I have found that whatever we criticize in other people is usually what we hate about ourselves.  Whenever I hear a pastor boldly decrying homosexuality over and over and over again, I would bet on the fact that he is seriously struggling with that personally.  Whenever I hear someone say, "No one is honest!  Everyone around me just lies, lies, lies all the time," I know that person struggles with being honest.  Whenever I hear someone constantly saying how judgmental everyone is, I know that person is a very judgmental person.

It's called projection.  We as human beings project the things we don't like about ourselves onto other people.  The guy I sat down with didn't like King Solomon because King Solomon's was doing the same things he was doing.  I constantly see the Christians around me not giving 100% for Jesus because I myself struggle with that daily (and fail more often than succeed).  I criticize materialism in people because I am constantly battling with my heart's desire for more things.

This is how you know what the Holy Spirit is convicting within you.  When you see shortcomings in other people and they really, really bother you, you can be fairly sure that you are actually the one with the problem.   I have noticed that it is the people that cause the most drama that say, "I hate all the drama!" the loudest.  I have noticed that it whenever I call out sin in another person, it is usually the pot calling the kettle black.

Today, take a quiet moment and ask yourself what faults you see in the people around you.  Reflect and ponder about whether that may actually be something wrong with YOU.  Typically that is the case.  Then, stop criticizing the person for what is wrong with you.  Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the strength to overcome in your life the sin that you saw in everyone else.

Parents: Teach your children this one simple lesson . . .

When I was five years old, my parents started to give me an allowance.  My eyes lit up- I could now conquer the world.  I had at my disposal the power to buy off anyone, to have my way, to own all the toys that Thornbury's (yes, Thornbury's in the Fayette Mall, for all of you Lexington folks who remember back that far) had to offer.

My plans for world domination came to a screeching halt when I learned that my parents had one simple rule to govern my massive fifty cents a week allowance.  This one simple rule is one that they enforced over the course of the next thirteen years, and one that I continue to practice today and even make my own children follow.

The rule was the Rule of the Financial Floor.

My parents are extremely fiscally responsible.  They saw the folly of living paycheck to paycheck, and therefore they wisely built margins into their financial outlook.  They forced me to do the same thing. 

Starting at age five, they set a $2 "financial floor" that I was not allowed to go under.  If I wanted a toy that cost $5, I had to have $7 before I could buy it.  At no time and under no circumstance was I ever allowed to have less than $2 in my possession. 

As I got older, the floor increased.  By the time I got to high school, the floor was $200.  I remember very vividly the time that all my friends were going to see a movie (which cost $5 back in those days), and I had $204 in my bank.  Guess what?  I didn't go see the movie. 

I would recommend that all parents teach their children the concept of the financial floor.  They need to know how unwise it is to ever spend your last dollar.  They need to know that wise people build margins into their lifestyles so that they are never caught unaware.  Parents, begin now- it doesn't matter what age your children are. 

I asked my dad why they established $2 for me when we started.  He said, "Your mom and I figured that a good starting point for a floor was one month's income.  You got $.50 per week, so $2 was one month's income.  That's a good starting point."

Parents, your child lives in your house, and therefore lives under your rules.  Whatever your child earns, whether from a job or from allowance, establish the floor at one month's income.  You might even want to establish that for yourself as an example.  Then, periodically check to see if your children are abiding by that rule. 

At a moment's notice, they must be able to produce the amount of one month's income.  This will give them real-life experience, because in life, they will be faced with sudden medical bills, an HVAC unit that goes out, or the sudden need to buy another car when their car dies.  If they have been living by the rule of the financial floor, they will be in a much better position to handle whatever life throws at them.

This isn't a concept that kids will figure out for themselves.  It will take parental teaching to make it happen.  By following this one rule, you will set your children up for success- financial success- later in life.  Do it now.

Is Profanity a sin?

I remember students coming up to me and asking me if it was a sin to cuss.  I said, "Well, what do you think?"

I heard some decent thoughts on it.  One was the fact that we use other words that are not considered profane to describe the exact same things that the profane words describe- female dog, bowel movement, making love, etc.  What makes one word, that describes a female dog, and the actual words "female dog" so different?  Another one was the statement by one of my students that if he were to use German swear words, and no one spoke German (and therefore no one was offended) would it really be cussing?

That, plus the fact that profanity is so common now, so accepted, so  . . . .  NORMAL- is it truly a sin?  Does the use of profanity dishonor God?

I have two thoughts on the subject of profanity, one Biblical and the other not.  I'll start with the non-Biblical one.  Before I start, I have to confess that in my younger years, especially in high school and early college, that I was a profane individual.  There were many points in my life where I doubt I could say a single sentence without throwing in a few words that would make a sailor blush.  In locker rooms, in the fraternity house, on the soccer field, and just in casual conversation with friends, my mouth was something that was less than pure and saintly to say the least.

First, the non-Biblical thought.  I have noticed, as I have gotten older, that wise people truly do have a tight rein on their mouths.  Foolish and impetuous people don't control what they say or when they say it.  I have noticed that words, much more than actions, cause the most problems in this world- in life, in relationships, in schools, at work, and in the home.  People who use wisdom in how they speak give careful thought to the words they say, and they rarely, if ever, engage in gossip, condescension, or use profanity.  Wisdom is the ability to foresee the consequences of their actions, and they wisely see that this kind of language rarely brings about the result that they intend.

I have noticed that while many non-violent people use profanity, profanity is nearly ALWAYS used by aggressive and violent people.  Very few violent criminals use the word, "Darn."  The same is true with self-controlled individuals.  While there are self-controlled individuals that use profanity, nearly ALL non-self-controlled individuals use profanity.  Profanity is the lower standard, while the abstention from profanity is the higher standard.

Second, the Biblical thought.  I believe that profanity is simply an expression of a bigger problem.  Jesus told us that, "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  The mouth is the megaphone of the heart.  It is a great indicator of what is going on inside.  When a person is full of profanity, it shows a darkness within the heart that is troubling.  I know that before my conversion to Christ that my heart was very dark.  I was depressed and angry and purposeless, and my mouth showed that.  My mouth, through profanity, expressed my depression and anger.  It expressed my lack of self-control and my lack of love.  I look at my former use of profanity as the "foaming up of my shame" described in Jude 1:13.  It shouted to the world that things were not right within me.

A heart that is surrendered to Jesus is not full of depression and anger and purposelessness.  It is filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  For which of these is profanity needed to express?  None.

When I became a Christian, the first thing that God changed about me was my mouth.  I was powerfully convicted by the words that came out, and I was given new eyes to see the darkness that was prevalent in my heart . . . .  shown by my words.  I realized that if I was going to live a life according to the Bible, I was going to have live Ephesians 4:29 everyday, "Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up."

This is why I choose to forego the use of profanity in my life.  I always hope for a higher standard- a higher plane of class- than the use of profanity affords.  Whenever I am tempted to use profanity, I realize that there is something wrong in my heart that needs cleansing and grace.  I also never want to be accused or thought of as a man that lacks self-control or is hot-tempered or has no control over the deadliest part of the human body- the mouth.  I am calling all Christians to examine their use of profanity and realize that it has no place in the life of a person who has surrendered his or her life to Jesus and is filled with the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control that the Holy Spirit brings.

The Myth of the Popular Jesus

Jesus is very popular in America.

Most, if not all, Christians think Jesus was a great guy.  So do most non-Christians.  Even many atheists, while denying His divinity, will agree that He was an amazing teacher, a great moral man, and did a lot of good while He was here.

To be sure, Jesus was and is an amazing man.  He is my personal hero.  He embodies everything I want to be, and if I can live my life 1/100th of what He did, I will consider my life well-lived.

The problem is- Jesus wasn't popular.

In the gospel of John, chapter 7, Jesus says this, "The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that what it does is evil."

Jesus was not just talking about His words.  His entire life was a testimony to the evil of this world- the hypocrisy of the religious leaders, the sexual immorality that was so prevalent, the lack of forgiveness, the selfish materialism that ran rampant in the culture, the political corruption, the lack of concern for the poor, and the denial of God in everyday life.  The world could not stand Jesus because He was a mirror- when the people of the world saw Him and His life, it showed how evil and selfish they truly were.

Evil and selfish people don't like it when they see themselves for who they truly are.

Just as people who are facing bankruptcy hate the sight of a bank statement (because it is a reminder of their true position), this world hated the life Jesus led.  The life Jesus led was a constant reminder of the depth of their sin and disbelief.  He was a burr under the saddle, a pebble in the shoe, a grain of sand in the eyes to a world that wished it could just live however it wanted, anytime, anyplace.

That's why they killed Him.  That's what the world does to people it hates.

The point is that if Jesus is popular today in America, it's because people don't know who Jesus is.  The Jesus that is popular in America today is a Jesus that falls in line with what America values.  However, just as Jesus refused to fall in line with the cultural values of His day, the true Biblical Jesus doesn't fall in line with the cultural values of this day either.  He continues to command that we surrender our lives to Him.  He continues to teach that all of our resources- our homes, our cars, our money, our possessions- are really His and therefore He determines how they are to be used.  He continues to teach that you can't serve both God and money.  He continues to teach that we care for the poor and invite the blind, the sick, the crippled, and the lame into our homes with no expectation of repayment.  He continues to command that we go into all the world, baptizing in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, teaching everyone to obey everything He commands. 

But the kicker is that He continues to teach that He is the only way to the Father.

I wonder if America really would like this Jesus.  Looking at the list above, I really don't think that Jesus would be very popular here, because the things listed above certainly don't seem very popular in our culture today.

Jesus' testimony and life were powerful enough, and annoying and dangerous enough, to get Him killed.  Jesus said that His followers could expect the same treatment.  Christians, if our values and actions are being applauded by those that don't know Jesus, we probably aren't living as Jesus did. 

Popularity is achieved by not offending people, by having a message that everyone likes, and by telling people what they want to hear.  Jesus fulfilled none of those requirements.  He offended people daily.  His message was rejected by most.  He refused to tell people what they wanted to hear- instead, He told the truth. 

The myth of the popular Jesus needs to be exposed for what it is.  A myth.  Christians like me have to realize that Jesus was not popular, nor were His actions and beliefs popular.  Therefore, mine won't be either.  I have to realize that what I teach and preach, if I am being Biblical, will leave more people upset than happy.  I have to realize that stands I take will be increasingly out of step with what is politically correct and easy.  I have to realize that this world will hate me, just as it hated my hero.

That's tough.  Like everyone, I want to be liked.  I want to be approved of.  I don't like to cause conflict.  I'll bet Jesus, in His human nature, was that way too.  However, He subordinated those to the will of His Father and to the truth.  If you are a Christian, you have to as well.  Whatever you do, don't buy into the myth of the popular Jesus anymore.  Discover the Biblical Jesus and follow Him.

5 Hard Financial Truths

1.  It all boils down to how much you spend.  The number one determiner of your financial situation is not how much you make.  It is how much you spend.  You will always be able to spend more than you make.  Instead of lamenting your lack of income, get a hold on your spending.  There are people who make less than $30,000 per year that are in better financial shape than other who make over $100,000 per year. 

2.  Your spending habits are a great indicator of the condition of your heart.  This doesn't mean your physical condition- this means the spiritual condition of your heart.  Where you devote your two most precious resources- your time and your money- reveal what is most important to you.  Many Christian people would be astounded to find out that they are actually idolaters, because the trail of money and their spending habits would lead to something other than God as their number one priority.

3.  Whoever you owe owns you.  The Bible tells us that the borrower is slave to the lender.  Never before in human history have we seen such voluntary slavery, with credit card and student loan debt skyrocketing.  Until you are debt-free, you are a slave to whoever you owe money to.  You will go to work for 40 hours a week just to hand over the fruits of your labor to someone else.  You don't get to enjoy what you have earned.  The person or bank who holds your debt gets to enjoy what you have worked for.  Sounds like slavery to me.

4.  It's not your money- it never has been.  Nothing in this world belongs to us.  We use it for a short time, then we die, and someone else uses it for a while, then they die, and someone else uses it, and so on and so forth.  We don't own anything.  The question isn't, "What will I do with my money?"  The question is, "What will I do with God's money?"

The major financial question facing the Christian isn't, "How much of my money do I give to God?"  It is "How much of God's money do I get to keep for myself?"  When you make this mindset shift, you begin to understand how far we have drifted from what God wants us to do with the resources He's given us. 

5.  What you need and what you want are two completely different things.   My grandmother had a framed picture with the motto from the 20's- "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without."  That was the statement of what has been called the Greatest Generation.  I doubt very seriously that motto would be very popular today.  The concept of "doing without" is so reprehensible in this culture, because we have confused "wants" with "needs."  We can scarcely differentiate between the two.  The wise person realizes that wants and needs are different.  He or she prioritizes needs, takes care of them, and only then takes care of the "wants."  The fool only sees what he wants, and then expects someone else to take care of his needs.

All pastors should say THIS to their churches about the election . . .

Jesus' most unpopular marketing strategy

I was reading in John 6 the other day- this was a time where Jesus was getting very popular.  He had many followers and was bringing them in by the truckload.  He was so popular that the people were about to make Him the king by force.

Then He looked at the crowd and said, "Bite me."

Well, He actually said this- "“I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man (literally, 'Bite me') and drink his blood, you have no life in you." (John 6:53).  The Bible then says that this statement caused many, if not most, of the crowd to desert Him.

Why would Jesus do such a terrible thing?  Why would He turn what could have been thousands of potential believers away from the Kingdom of God?  Didn't their souls matter to Him?  Didn't He love them?  I'll bet His disciples weren't very happy with this turn of events.  There had been a large number of them and now there were only twelve left.

I imagine that if a pastor preached his church from thousands down to twelve, especially with just one statement, that he wouldn't be senior pastor very long.  

The reason I write this is that Catalyst is going through a period of growth right now.  We are seeing more people at church than we ever have at this time of year, something that church growth gurus refer to as "momentum."  As a church, we constantly think about preaching the gospel to INCREASE the church.

But I've never thought of a strategy that would make 95% of the people LEAVE the church.

Jesus did.  This was not a slip up or a gaffe.  He knew exactly what He was doing when He said these words.  He knew exactly what would happen when He said them, and He chose it anyway.  There must have been a good reason for it, something that Jesus knew was necessary.  It might even be necessary in American churches today.

 Apparently, Jesus wasn't very impressed with people who followed Him but didn't want to know Him.  

This is the meaning behind the, "You must eat my flesh and drink my blood," statement.   Jesus is teaching that unless you allow Me to invade your life; unless you allow Me to come into your very being and live My life through you, you really are lost.  Jesus was saying to His followers that there was a major difference between casual and committed.  He also implied that He didn't even see the need for the casual to stick around.  It was better if they just left and didn't maintain the illusion of being true committed believers.

Someone once asked me, "If Paul or Peter or even Jesus visited your town, would your church be the one they would choose to go and worship at?  Would your church be the one where they would recognize the teachings and practices that they taught 2000 years ago?  Or would they walk into your church and see something so different, so incongruent, and so worldly that they wouldn't even recognize it as Biblical Christianity?"

With Jesus, intimacy is the goal.  With American Christianity, numbers are the goal.  With one statement, Jesus destroyed the false idol of success that exists in modern American Christianity.  It shows what Jesus values, and the reason we have a problem with it is that it exposes the fact that we value something completely different. 

 

Throwing mud on the Mona Lisa

In the church that I pastor, we've been going through a series called "What's Love Got To Do With It?"- a study on the Song of Solomon.  It's a no-holds-barred series on love, sex, dating, romance, marriage, conflict, and just about anything else that goes on between a man and a woman.

After church on Sunday, a woman came up to me and said, "I just want you to know that while you were speaking, I had two thoughts that hit me simultaneously.  One, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.  Second, how angry I am that this is the first time I've ever heard this stuff."

That's what happens when you see the plan of God for the first time.  You are struck by the beauty and wonder of it all, and then you look around at the world we live in and realize how ugly it is by comparison.

You realize that we've thrown mud on the Mona Lisa.

God has given us this beautiful thing called sex to be enjoyed in a beautiful thing called marriage.  There is supposed to be a beautiful attraction between man and woman, symbolizing Christ and His church, with all the romance and passion that that two people could possibly muster.  The beauty of God-honoring sex is a work of art more priceless and valuable than the Sistine Chapel or the Mona Lisa.

And we throw mud on it, removing the beauty and romance and blessing from it.  We splash it over tv and advertising to sell products.  We rip it out of the context of holy marriage and throw it around in the backseat of a car or in a hotel room under and alias.  We log on to porn sites and watch people throw mud on the Mona Lisa that sex is supposed to be, degrading it down to a $1.99 paint-by-numbers kit that a two-year-old could follow.

When you get hold of what God desires for each of us to have, as shown in the Song of Solomon, it doesn't make you feel self-righteous towards people who don't have that.  It makes you weep.  It makes you weep to see what people COULD have if they only followed the vision God put forth for us- how much better, and fulfilling, and holy, and wonderful, and passionate .  . .  and LASTING it could be. 

One of the challenges for Christians is to take the amazing gift of sex that God has given to us and restore it to its honored place as a work of art.  We don't put the Mona Lisa on the refrigerator door- we don't treat it as common or throw it around like it is worth nothing.  We place it on the wall in a museum and guard it carefully, because it is something that is beyond value.  We cherish it, celebrate, and stand amazed at the astounding work of art that it is.

So should be our attitude towards sex.  It should not be thrown around and degraded as something common- it should be held up and honored among all people as something that is beyond value.  A gift from God that is to be held in reverence and enjoyed in the context He designed it to be enjoyed in.  It will take Christians- people with the Holy Spirit of God within them- to lift the gift of sex out of the mud that our culture has thrown on it and show it to be valuable once more.

It starts at home.  Single Christians need to be patient and wait for marriage.  Engaged and dating Christians must practice the words from the Song of Solomon, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."  Married Christians must fight off the temptation to find sexual pleasure in something other than their spouse.  When the world sees Christians cherishing the gift of sex, like a priceless work of art, maybe it will follow suit.

Far too many Christians are like a gigantic government welfare state

I read an article today that said that 9 out of 10 Scottish people receive more from their government than they pay in taxes- an average of L14,000 per household.  That's roughly the equivalent of $22,000 in American terms.

The fundamental law of economics is that whenever you send out more than you bring in, you will go bankrupt.  It's unavoidable, whether its a government or a family income . . . . . . .  or your Christian walk.

How many Christians today are spiritually bankrupt, because they have given out more than they have taken in?

If you plan on serving as Christ served, you need to have the power that Christ had.  If we plan on doing the "greater things" that Jesus referred to in John 14- greater things that Jesus Himself did- we will be sending out an awful lot of love, forgiveness, time, energy, and caring.

Without anything coming in, and with all that going out, we will run up a huge spiritual deficit.  Kind of like a bloated government that spends $1.1 trillion more than it brings in each year.  Eventually, bankruptcy occurs.

When a government goes bankrupt, it ceases all services, lays off workers, shuts down agencies, and basically self-implodes. 

The same identical thing happens when a Christian goes spiritually bankrupt.  He or she cuts out all giving to Christian missions and to churches.  He or she withdraws from the church, from Bible studies, from Christian fellowship.  He or she stops serving in ministry areas.  The dynamic faith that once existed basically self-implodes.

The key point is this:  those Christians who want to truly live out the calling of Jesus had better get serious about being constantly filled with the Holy Spirit.

Jesus withdrew to lonely places and prayed.  He knew that He would be performing miracles, teaching the people, dealing with criticism, serving the poor, loving, forgiving, and confronting.  All of that is time-consuming and energy-draining, even for the Son of God.

He knew that whatever He sent out in the form of love would need to be replaced by the Holy Spirit, or He would go spiritually bankrupt.

We too need this.  As we strive to live out our faith in this world, we need to also strive to get alone with God and be replenished by the power of His love and grace.  We need time immersed in His word.  We need time of silence and stillness.  We need prayer and petition to our Heavenly Father.  Without this, we won't last long.

The government of Scotland, like the government of Greece, will go bankrupt if nothing changes.  It will implode and become worthless.  The same thing will happen to you if you continue to try to live out the teachings of Jesus without first being filled with the power of Jesus.

This week, make sure you have just as much love, grace, forgiveness, and strength coming IN from God as you send out to other people. 

Asking our young people, "Why?"

I was taking my daughter to tennis practice yesterday when she announced to me that she had taken a career aptitude test.  She informed me that the results showed that she was a prime candidate to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, pulling in more than $500,000/year.  I immediately began making plans for a vacation house in Florida paid for by my high-powered CEO daughter.

I told her that I was happy to hear that, because she is a very dedicated, intelligent, diligent, hard-working young woman.  She is a much better student than I ever was and has all the tools to be a success in this world.

I asked her if that was the job she would like to have one day.  She said with excitement, "Yes!"

I said, "Why?"  She looked at me funny.  "Why?" she repeated, with the kind of tone that signified to me that she believed she was talking to an idiot.

"Yes," I said.  "Why?"

She said, "Well, umm, uhh, I mean, making a lot of money is a good thing!"

"It is?"  I said.  "Why?"

"What do you mean, WHY?" she said.

I said, "Casey, one of the things that adults never asked me as a kid was, 'Why?'  No one ever made me think about the choices I made for life.  No one ever asked me to think about things from a Biblical point of view.  Not one person- NOT ONE PERSON- ever asked me what God wanted me to do with my life.  No one forced me to think outside the box of what this culture says is successful.  No one ever asked me, 'Why?"

It was true.  They told me to stay in school.  Why?  So I could go to college.  Why?  So I could get a good job.  Why?  So I could make a lot of money.  Why?  So I could buy a lot of stuff. 

That's the vision.  That's the default mode of what our culture has planned for our young people.  And if we never ask them the question, "Why?" they will follow it hook, line, and sinker.

Stop to think about how un-Christian that line of thought is.  We follow a risen Savior who tells us in Luke 12:15 that our lives do not consist in the abundance of our possessions, yet the ultimate goal of far too many Christian young people is a life that leads exactly to that.

I am pro-education.  I went to college and to seminary for a Master's degree.  However, I believe the purpose of an education is to prepare you to serve God more efficiently in the world, not to prepare you to have a job that enables you to live a life that contradicts the very words of Jesus Himself.

I asked my daughter, "You will be a success in whatever you do.  You're a much better student than I ever was, and your work ethic will guarantee you success in whatever field you choose to work in.  I'm very proud of you."

She said, "Thanks, Daddy."

I said, "The question I want to ask you is this, "How will this world be better because you were in it?  What kind of career or study path can you take so that the gifts and talents God gave you can be used in a way that glorifies Him and leaves this world better than it was when you arrived?"

We have to start asking our young people these questions.  We have to get them thinking about more than what this world envisions for them.  Most importantly, we have to ask our young people, "Why?"  Most of us will go to school, get a job, work, live, and die without anyone ever asking us why we did what we did . . . . or why we DIDN'T do the very things that God designed and intended us for. 

Maybe that question isn't just for young people.  Maybe that question is for all of us right now.

The most annoying thing ever

For those of you who don't know it, I referee high school soccer.  I love it. 

Last night, I was on the sideline over near the stands with a loud pack of parents behind me.  I realized that the most annoying thing in the world as a referee who understands the game is the constant talk of parents who don't.

They thought every time their players were breathed on by the other team that it was a foul.  It was constant.  They knew just enough about the game to be dangerous, and they had no objectivity whatsoever.  The viewed the game through the lens that their team was perfect, that the other team was the enemy, and every move was interpreted through that lens.

The sheer idiocy of the comments amazed even me- and I've been around this game for 35 years.  The lack of their being able to live in reality, to see the game as it truly was, made me think that it was a bunch of kindergarteners (with no disrespect to kindergarteners intended) rather than adults.

Then I realized that this is how God must feel when I approach His Holy Scriptures with my preconceived bias, with my mind already made up, with my theology in place and my doctrine already determined.  He must think it is incredibly annoying when we agree with certain parts of Scripture, disagree with other parts, live out certain parts, fail to live out other parts- simply because we see the Scripture through the same lens that those parents were viewing the game.

And it must be as annoying to God as it was for me as a referee.

One of the constant struggles for me as a Christian is to read the Bible for what it truly is- God's word.  His word must be supreme over my preconceived notions.  His word must be supreme over my theology or beliefs or agenda.  I must approach His word as a student, not as a teacher, because a teachable spirit and arrogance are mutually exclusive. 

I believe Francis Chan said it best:  We must approach Scripture as if we lived on a desert island all alone for our entire lives, with only the Bible to read- never having been to church, never having heard another Christian talk, never having heard a political debate over a Biblical issue.  Would we believe what we believe if all we had was the Bible? 

Those parents behind me missed a great game, simply because they couldn't see past their predetermined bias of how they thought the game should go.  I wonder how many Christians will miss a great and amazing God because of their predetermined bias of how they thought God should be, or act, or do. 

Three phrases that will destroy a marriage

When Rachel and I got married, we decided that there were three phrases that we would treat like a fruitcake at Christmastime or a mad skunk that wandered into our kitchen.  We would wage war against them, kick them out, guard against them, and never utter them as long as we live.

These three phrases signify death to any relationship, especially one between man and woman.  They are toxic, life-threatening, and if used repeatedly, will guarantee death of anything trying to grow into a happy marital bond.  If you ban these three phrases from your life, and especially from your home, you will be much, much happier.

The phrases?

1) "You always . . . . "  As in, "You always forget to take out the trash, or "You always interrupt me," or "You always ignore me."  The reason this phrase is so toxic is that it is simply a lie.  No one ALWAYS does anything.  It also takes the focus off of what is being discussed in the now and brings up things that have happened in the past.  It is a phrase designed to hurt, not help, the situation.  If you are in the habit of starting off sentence with "You always . . . " you are most likely causing the relationship to go downhill quickly.

2)  "You never . . . . " The exact opposite of the first phrase is this second phrase, and it is equally toxic and untrue.  Phrases like, "You never listen to me," or "You never care what I have to say," are rarely, if ever, found in a happy home.  Again, it takes the focus off the present and brings up the past- something that always causes the situation to deteriorate.

3)  "This is just like the time when . . . . "  Again, anything following this phrase is a lie.  No situation is ever exactly the same, and once again, this is a phrase that is designed to hurt the other by bringing up the past instead of focusing on the present.

People who constantly use these phrases are people who want to WIN an argument, not RESOLVE it.  The best marriages are ones where no one seeks to win.  In marriage, or in any relationship, winning always means losing.  If you win an argument, you have lost the heart of your spouse.  Instead, healthy couples strive to resolve, not win.  Quality spouses never want to one-up their significant other.  They take no pleasure in winning.  They take pleasure in resolving issues and loving their spouse in the process.  Only immature people press for the "win" in a relationship- they only care about themselves and being right.  Mature people think about the relationship first; immature people think about themselves first, and will use phrases that will allow them to win by hurting the other person or beating them into submission.

I suggest that you write all three of the phrases listed above down on a piece of paper and post it on the refrigerator door.  Circle them and put a line through them, indicating that these phrases will no longer be allowed in the home.  For some of you, this will cause you to make major shifts in how you talk to people.  Fantastic.  Now you'll stop destroying every relationship you've ever been in.

Instead, start practicing James 1:19- "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."  Try it and see.  You'll be amazed at what God will do in your home.

Some people remind me of a bird hitting a window

I was reading in my living room yesterday when I heard this tremendous SMACK!  I looked up, went to the window, and saw a poor dazed bird flopping around on the ground.  He had flown at full speed into my window and had come close to knocking himself out.

I watched and waited (I wanted to see if he would get up soon, because if not, our cat would be along shortly to finish him off).  He regained his composure and flew off.  I went back to reading.  Literally, about ten minutes later I heard the exact same SMACK and I knew that the bird had returned.  The immortal words of Winston Churchill went through my mind, "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

In teaching the Song of Solomon to my church, I realize that many of us are exactly like that bird when it comes to dating, courtship, and marriage.  Our choice of man or woman leads us to heartbreak and pain, like that bird hitting the window.  We pick ourselves up, then run right out and go after the same kind of person, ending in heartbreak and pain . . . .  again and again and again.

I wonder how long it will take for us to realize that the same actions lead to the same consequences, time and time again.

We have seen the consequences of following what the media, Hollywood, and recording artists says we should do when it comes to dating and marriage.  Why do we listen to Hollywood stars, who have all been married a dozen times, about what is attractive?  Why do we listen to music artists, most of whose personal lives are in shambles, about what to look for in a man or woman?  We are like that bird, hitting the window again and again and again, thinking that this time that window won't be there.

I see people get together, date, move in together, and break up.  Six months later, it's a new girl or new guy, with the same results.  Each time there is a breakup, they look like that bird on the ground after hitting the window, dazed and confused.  Then they get up and do the exact same thing with the same results.  Then, after a series of heartbreaks, they conclude that women or men are awful, that love is never to be found, and that marriage is an ancient institution that is just not fit for our society anymore.  They blame the institution instead of their lack of following the example given by God of how this thing called love is supposed to work.

I wonder when we as a culture will wake up and begin to do things as the Bible portrays in the Song of Solomon.  I wonder when we will start being attracted to what Solomon and his beloved were attracted to.  I wonder when we will start dating the way they did.  I wonder when we as a society will celebrate a man and woman who do things as the Bible says instead of trying to tear them down and mock them, as is so often the case.

That bird didn't come back after the second time.  I think he finally learned the lesson.  I'm not sure if we ever will.