All over the news is the the story of the unstable North Korean dictator, Kim Jung Un, who is the son of the unstable Kim Jung Il. He's threatening nuclear war with the United States and just about everyone else. The question is- why, and what does this have to do with parents in America?
A little history: North Korea is a fourth or fifth-world country. They are poor, desolate, and isolated from the rest of the world. North Korean jet pilots average nine hours of flight time per year because they can't afford fuel for their planes. The people of North Korea are viciously repressed and are starving.
Kim Jung Un grew up watching his father govern. His father, every few years or so, would threaten the world. He would launch a missile, conduct military exercises, threaten to nuke someone, and then the United Nations or a country like America would swoop in and promise them all kinds of concessions- food, fuel, trade benefits, etc- for them to back down.
Basically, what this did was reinforce the actions of a bully. Instead of gaining peace, all we did was encourage the bad behavior by rewarding him. That's the way humans learn. We repeat behaviors that we are rewarded for and extinguish behaviors that we are punished for. Basic human nature 101.
Kim Jung Un, because of what we have rewarded in the North Korean dictatorship, is doing just that. He has astutely learned that military threats and bravado equal money, fuel, and gifts from other countries. Why would he ever stop doing this? He has watched this process his entire life. He has learned his lesson well.
American parents- are you creating a Kim Jung Un in your house?
When your children throw fits, do you give them things to quiet them down? Guess what- they are learning their lesson VERY well. A tantrum= I get what I want. Parents, when your child performs poorly in school, do you blame the school? Your child is learning the lesson very well. Poor performance in school= mom blaming the school, and I'm off the hook. Parents, do you swoop in to defend your child every time he or she behaves badly in public? You are creating another Kim Jung Un.
It's simply human nature. You may be, in an attempt to keep the peace, actually making things worse by rewarding the very thing you want to stop. Remember, humans ALWAYS repeat behaviors they are rewarded for. What are you rewarding?
When your child behaves badly, make no excuses for him. Do not reward him. Do not take the easy road in trading a moment's peace for a lifetime of terrible character.
Your actions in dealing with your child's bad behavior will shape his or her character for the rest of his or her life. Sit back and ask yourself, "What am I teaching my child about this behavior?" Believe me, your children are watching to see what lesson will be taught whenever they misbehave.
Do not be like the nations that swooped in and rewarded North Korea's saber-rattling and warmongering. That's the reason we are being threatened with nuclear war right now- North Korea, like a badly-behaved child, learned the lesson we taught them VERY well. By consistently rewarding their behavior, they have now come to expect the rewards. They have associated saber-rattling with good things. They have learned, through our rewarding, that they can extort money from the world by threatening war.
So have your children. They have learned that they can "extort" things from you, the parent, by behaving badly. The child in the grocery store throwing the tantrum has learned that the tantrum will extort a sucker or candy bar from the parent. The teenager who is a disrespectful pain in the butt to every adult he or she speaks to has learned that there are absolutely no consequences for disrespect- in fact, they have learned that they are actually empowered when they are disrespectful. They have learned that they can walk all over adults and no one will ever say anything. In fact, when they try to walk over all the adults in the classroom or in the school, and they get punished for it, their little mommies and daddies will swoop in, cuss out the principal, call a special session of the school board, demand an apology to their "perfect little angel," and sue the school for harming their child's tender little personality. All the while, the kid is encouraged to disrespect, because they are in fact being rewarded for it.
Parents, today, take a look at what you are actually rewarding. Are you rewarding laziness by doing your kids' chores for them? Are you rewarding disrespect? Are your children feeling any consequences whatsoever for their behavior? Believe me, they are learning the lessons you are teaching. The problem is- you might be teaching the wrong lessons.
Kim Jong Un learned his lessons from the world very well. Now we have to deal with the consequences of what we taught him.
Parents, stop teaching the wrong lessons to your kids before the world has to deal with the consequences of what YOU taught them.
A little history: North Korea is a fourth or fifth-world country. They are poor, desolate, and isolated from the rest of the world. North Korean jet pilots average nine hours of flight time per year because they can't afford fuel for their planes. The people of North Korea are viciously repressed and are starving.
Kim Jung Un grew up watching his father govern. His father, every few years or so, would threaten the world. He would launch a missile, conduct military exercises, threaten to nuke someone, and then the United Nations or a country like America would swoop in and promise them all kinds of concessions- food, fuel, trade benefits, etc- for them to back down.
Basically, what this did was reinforce the actions of a bully. Instead of gaining peace, all we did was encourage the bad behavior by rewarding him. That's the way humans learn. We repeat behaviors that we are rewarded for and extinguish behaviors that we are punished for. Basic human nature 101.
Kim Jung Un, because of what we have rewarded in the North Korean dictatorship, is doing just that. He has astutely learned that military threats and bravado equal money, fuel, and gifts from other countries. Why would he ever stop doing this? He has watched this process his entire life. He has learned his lesson well.
American parents- are you creating a Kim Jung Un in your house?
When your children throw fits, do you give them things to quiet them down? Guess what- they are learning their lesson VERY well. A tantrum= I get what I want. Parents, when your child performs poorly in school, do you blame the school? Your child is learning the lesson very well. Poor performance in school= mom blaming the school, and I'm off the hook. Parents, do you swoop in to defend your child every time he or she behaves badly in public? You are creating another Kim Jung Un.
It's simply human nature. You may be, in an attempt to keep the peace, actually making things worse by rewarding the very thing you want to stop. Remember, humans ALWAYS repeat behaviors they are rewarded for. What are you rewarding?
When your child behaves badly, make no excuses for him. Do not reward him. Do not take the easy road in trading a moment's peace for a lifetime of terrible character.
Your actions in dealing with your child's bad behavior will shape his or her character for the rest of his or her life. Sit back and ask yourself, "What am I teaching my child about this behavior?" Believe me, your children are watching to see what lesson will be taught whenever they misbehave.
Do not be like the nations that swooped in and rewarded North Korea's saber-rattling and warmongering. That's the reason we are being threatened with nuclear war right now- North Korea, like a badly-behaved child, learned the lesson we taught them VERY well. By consistently rewarding their behavior, they have now come to expect the rewards. They have associated saber-rattling with good things. They have learned, through our rewarding, that they can extort money from the world by threatening war.
So have your children. They have learned that they can "extort" things from you, the parent, by behaving badly. The child in the grocery store throwing the tantrum has learned that the tantrum will extort a sucker or candy bar from the parent. The teenager who is a disrespectful pain in the butt to every adult he or she speaks to has learned that there are absolutely no consequences for disrespect- in fact, they have learned that they are actually empowered when they are disrespectful. They have learned that they can walk all over adults and no one will ever say anything. In fact, when they try to walk over all the adults in the classroom or in the school, and they get punished for it, their little mommies and daddies will swoop in, cuss out the principal, call a special session of the school board, demand an apology to their "perfect little angel," and sue the school for harming their child's tender little personality. All the while, the kid is encouraged to disrespect, because they are in fact being rewarded for it.
Parents, today, take a look at what you are actually rewarding. Are you rewarding laziness by doing your kids' chores for them? Are you rewarding disrespect? Are your children feeling any consequences whatsoever for their behavior? Believe me, they are learning the lessons you are teaching. The problem is- you might be teaching the wrong lessons.
Kim Jong Un learned his lessons from the world very well. Now we have to deal with the consequences of what we taught him.
Parents, stop teaching the wrong lessons to your kids before the world has to deal with the consequences of what YOU taught them.
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