Grace and Traffic Tickets

I was a just-married seminary student in Wilmore, KY. I had just left class and was driving home in my white 1993 stick-shift Ford Ranger truck when I came to a stop sign. I tapped the brakes, slowed down to about five mph, and (as is usually the case in small-town Wilmore) seeing no one else on the road, I turned right.

Blue lights in the rear-view mirror. I pulled over.

The cop came up and got my license and registration. He went back to his cruiser, and he didn't seem to be in much of a hurry. Wilmore.

During the long wait time, I had time to think about it. I was a full-time student, just graduated from college, and my wife was a nurse. We weren't exactly one-percenters. We lived in a cheap duplex in a dingy neighborhood, and by all accounts to pay this ticket would mean that we would be eating fish sticks and hot dogs for the next month with Ramen noodles for dessert.

The cop finally came back to my window, handed me my license and registration. He noticed my books and asked, "Are you at the seminary?"

I said, "Yes sir."

He said, "I am too." Hopefully he was quicker turning in his papers and assignments than he was running license plates. "I'm going to show you something called grace," he said. With that, he handed me a warning. No ticket. Just a warning.

Now, anyone but a seminary student (or minister) would be overjoyed at that and wouldn't think twice about it. However, I had a problem with what he said.

What he showed me wasn't grace. At least, it wasn't what God tells us grace is.

In order for that situation to be true Biblical grace, the cop would have had to look at me and say, "Mr Kibler, you disregarded a stop sign. That will be a $75 fine and three points on your license."

I would say, "I don't have $75 and I'm already over my limit on points on my license."

He would say, "Yes, I know that. You can't pay it. So, I found another driver who has never had a ticket, who has never had any points put on his license, and he voluntarily of his own free will paid the fine and took the points on his own license. His bank account will be deducted, his insurance will go up, and the points will be on HIS license for three years."

I would say, "That's insane! Who would do that for me?"

And the cop would look at me and say, "Me."

Simply letting an offender go isn't grace. The law isn't satisfied. A debt has been incurred, and simply letting an offender go won't settle it. Grace is when the very person who has the right to punish chooses not to, and instead take the punishment on himself, satisfying the law and letting the offender go free.

That's true grace. That's the kind of grace Jesus demonstrated when He went to the cross and died for the sins of the world. He took our debts upon Himself, paid them in full, and set us free from the consequences of them. We, in turn, are called to surrender all things under His Lordship.

So the cop was wrong that day. He didn't show me grace. He showed me kindness, but that's a lot different than actual grace.

When we realize all that Christ has done for us, how can we do anything but give our lives to Him in gratitude? True grace cost Jesus everything He had, and that which was expensive for Him cannot be cheap for us.

Do the ordinary extraordinarily well

When I was nineteen years old, I had the amazing opportunity to play on the Bluegrass Bandits soccer team, which was the first step in the plan to build the then-nonexistent MLS (Major League Soccer). They started with regional semipro teams like the Bandits and then built the MLS teams out of those.

Needless to say, it was a high level of competition. I had never played against players like I did in that league. On our team alone we had players from national teams of other countries, lower-level professional players from England, Division One college players, and so on. Based in the smaller city of Lexington, KY (population 300,000) we played teams from much larger cities with a much larger talent pool and much more money- New Orleans, Little Rock, Birmingham, Charlotte, etc.

We were outclassed by most teams. The other teams were deeper, had more big-name talent, and probably had higher-level coaching than we did. Looking at our lineup, we were prepared to lose well over half our games and finish near the bottom of the league.

We won the Regional Championship and finished first in the Mid-South Division.

Looking back on that year, our coach did one thing that brought us to victory. He emphasized fundamentals.

We weren't flashy. We weren't spectacular. We weren't anything great to watch. We had no standout players.

However, we did the ordinary things extraordinarily well.

We did the simple things right. We passed with accuracy. We played good fundamental defense. We rarely committed turnovers. We played as a team. We hit accurate shots on goal.

And it brought about victory night after night after night over vastly superior teams with vastly superior players.

I learned a lesson that year. If you take care of the fundamentals, the rest will take care of itself.

Today I was teaching in my Inside Out Dad class in the Fayette County Detention Center. We were talking about forming character in our children and what we were hoping to pass down to our children as fathers. I told the men that their children could learn any job skill. They could learn any trade. They could learn any job.

But none of that mattered if they didn't have the fundamentals.

I believe the fundamentals are respect, manners, and dedication. I don't care how smart or capable a person is, if they are disrespectful, rude, and flighty/unreliable they are worthless. They are worthless to an employer, worthless in marriage, and worthless as a father.

Parents, a lot of us emphasize developing skills within our kids. We place them in sports. We place them in activities. We take them to baseball tournaments and soccer tournaments and academic team competitions and all other kinds of things to develop their skills and abilities.

But do we spend that amount of time teaching the fundamentals of respect, manners, and dedication?

Unfortunately, the answer is probably "no" for a lot of us.

I'm amazed at the lack of respect and lack of manners that exists in American children today. How rare it is to hear a child say, "Yes sir" and "No ma'am." How rare it is to hear "Please," "thank you," and "You're welcome" from a little person.

How common it is to hear young people backtalk their elders, curse like sailors, call adults by their first names (don't EVEN get me started on THAT one, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR), and use "Yeah" instead of "Yes sir." The kid may be smart. The kid may be a good worker. The kid may have a lot of skills. But who really cares?

I'll take the respectful mannerly kid any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Why?

Because a person who respects others and uses good manners will be able to open doors and connect with people far better than someone who doesn't. An employee who is mannerly and respectful to customers will bring in far more business than a capable but rude one. A man who is respectful to his wife (and vice versa) will have a far happier marriage than one where disrespect and rudeness dominate the relationship.

It's the fundamentals that count, parents. Take care of the fundamentals and the rest of your child's life will work itself out.


Fundamentals:

• Teach your children to do unto others as they would have others do unto them. If they do that, they will have no problems in life.

• Teach your children to always be on the lookout for a chance to use their manners. Insist on "Please," "Thank you," "You're Welcome," especially with people older than them.

• NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER let your child call an adult by his or her first name, even if the adult says it's okay. Have your children refer to ALL adults as "Mr" or "Mrs" or "Coach" or whatever the appropriate title is. Adults, do NOT tell children it is okay to call you by your first name, because it isn't. It is necessary for the child to know that adults are NOT on the same level as they are. It is good for the child to recognize and be respectful of their elders.

• Teach your children to do the fundamental things well. Be on time. Do what you say you're going to do. Smile. Treat others like you want to be treated.

Maybe we put too much emphasis on making good grades instead of being a good person. Maybe we put too much emphasis on future job training instead of future character training. Maybe we put too much emphasis on how much money our children will one day make instead of what kind of people our children will be.

Maybe we need to give attention to the things that don't bring awards but instead bring a good reputation.

If your child has good fundamentals, life will go pretty well for them. They will have little trouble navigating this life, because their fundamentals are good. A child without good fundamentals is like an athlete that can't dribble or catch. If you don't have the fundamentals, it doesn't matter what other abilities you have.

If you DO have the fundamentals, you'll do well. Very well, in fact. Set your kids up for success by teaching them the fundamentals listed above.

Victory, in sports AND in life, is achieved by doing the ordinary things extraordinarily well.