Parents, before you discipline your children, make this one important distinction

Discipline is a touchy subject when it comes to children. Most parents don't know that the word "discipline" comes from the Latin word "disciplus" which means "to teach." When we discipline our children, the purpose isn't to punish. The purpose is to teach.

With that in mind, when our children do something wrong, we need to ask this very important question: was it evil or was it stupidity?

Evil is very different than stupidity. I would define evil as something from the heart- lying, bullying, premeditated scheming, violence towards another person, stealing, etc. Stupidity, while still in need of correction, would be something like playing ball and breaking a window, succumbing to peer pressure in the moment, etc. Those things, while wrong, aren't EVIL. They are things that normal kids do because they are, well, kids. And all kids are stupid.

I was stupid. You were stupid. Stupidity is part of childhood. We do dumb things that we know better than because we are not mature enough to do the right thing. It's a necessary learning phase we all go through.

The problem, however, is when parents don't distinguish between the two. Many parents don't ask "was it evil or was it stupidity?" Many parents treat a child breaking a window playing baseball (because he wasn't smart enough to not hit towards the house) and lying to an adult the exact same way. This is wrong. One was stupid, one was evil.

I grew up in a house where the distinction wasn't made. Right was right and wrong was simply wrong. It was black and white. No distinction. You did the crime, you did the time. Looking back on that, I want to do things differently. There were things that I did that were evil. There were things that I did that were stupid. My parents tended to treat them both the same. That's the way their parents were, and so on and so forth.

However, now that I'm a parent, I see that there is a big difference between the two. I believe that they need to be treated differently because they have different causes. Like I said, stupidity is a natural part of being a child. Of not knowing much about life. Of being immature. It's natural. Evil, however, is not natural. It needs to be rooted out, destroyed, punished, and gotten rid of quickly. They are vastly different things and need to be treated as such.

Many parents make the mistake of treating evil like it was stupidity or vice versa. They treat the fact that their child bullies others as just a natural part of growing up. It's not. It's evil. They also treat stupidity as if it were evil and overreact to everything. Both are wrong.

Parents, we must make the distinction between evil and stupidity. Evil is something that needs to be corrected immediately and punished fairly quickly and severely. If your child lies, bullies, talks back to teachers, steals, etc, you have a major problem. Don't laugh it off as part of a natural part of childhood. It's not.

Also, don't treat stupidity as if it were evil. Don't overreact when your child does something stupid that isn't evil. Be wise enough to distinguish between a mistake and genuine sin.

Now, I will say this- stupidity only happens once. If your child is playing baseball in the backyard and hits a ball toward the house and breaks a window ONCE, it's stupidity. If it happens twice, it's evil and needs to be treated as such. If your child succumbs to peer pressure and takes a drink of something ONCE, it's stupidity. If it happens twice, it's evil. The first time was a learning experience, and if it is true stupidity, the child will learn from it and not do it again. If it happens again, we have a major problem. Stupidity has turned into evil and it must be treated as such.

Far too many parents have failed to make this important distinction and have damaged their relationships with their children. When your child messes up (and they all will), before saying anything or doing anything, ask yourself, "Was this evil or was it stupidity?"

The answer to that question should guide you in how you discipline. Not all infractions are the same. Not all bad things our children do are the same. Be wise enough to know the difference. I have found that I am a far more effective parent when I treat evil as evil and stupidity as stupidity.

Remember, the purpose of discipline is to TEACH. Every wrong thing our children do is an opportunity for you as a parent to teach a valuable lesson about life. Make sure your children are learning the right thing.