Dear Kid:
I saw your picture on tv today, so I figured I would write you a little bit about my day. It was terrible. One of the worst days of my life.
I got up out of my comfortable Queen-sized bed, out of my warm flannel sheets and complained about having to get up early. I started the shower (I let it run to get warm- at least five gallons of water went down the drain. I heard water is scarce where you are, but this is about me, not you). It took forever to get hot. After my shower, I got out, and I was freezing cold. The gas heat in my house was only set to 66 degrees (heat is so expensive and we hate paying the bills- I'm sure you understand). I was in a bad mood because I didn't want to go to work that day to a job that pays me very well.
I opened up the fridge (yes, we have a fridge- it keeps food from spoiling so we have plenty of it around) and I was so angry that all we had was Skim milk. I swore under my breath as I went to the cupboard to look at my choices of cereal for the day. I only had about five to choose from. I was really mad at my wife for not getting my favorite cereal. See how bad my day already is?
When I left for work, it was even worse. I got into my 255-hp 2002 Nissan Maxima and had to wait a full minute before the heat kicked in. I can't believe I have a car that is 8 years old. See how rough my life is? How old is your car? Probably a lot newer than mine.
I drove to work on paved streets. They are so annoying. There was, incredibly, ONE pothole in the road. I'll bet they don't have potholes in the paved roads where you live. Americans are so lazy. They never fix anything. When I got to work, I walked into the heated building, which was still cold- about 65 degrees. You'd think people would crank up the heat a little in the wintertime, you know? What temperature do you keep your house at? I'll bet it's a lot more comfortable than mine.
I worked in this comfortable building until lunchtime, and then my friend and I went out for lunch. I was pretty hacked off that we went and got Chinese food instead of going to get pizza like I wanted to. As a matter of fact, the all-you-can-eat buffet we went to didn't have a single good thing. I'll bet the restaurants you go to are much better.
My iPhone wasn't getting good reception. In fact, I had two dropped calls that day, and my internet was running slow. It took almost two full minutes for all of my emails to be downloaded to my phone. Who's got THAT kind of time? I called my cell phone company and complained. Do you have 3G at your house? My house is in a dead zone and sometimes I have to walk around to different rooms in my house to get reception. My life is so hard. I hope you are hearing this.
When I got home from work, I turned on my DirectTV. Can you believe it? 300 channels and there was NOTHING on worth watching. Why the heck do I pay the cable bill? My wife came in and started yelling at me. I sat there in my leather chair with my feet on the coffee table in my comfortable clothes in my warm house watching tv and listened. See how hard my life is? My friends' wives don't yell at THEM. Man, what a terrible day I've had.
The kids were loud that night. I guess when all of them are healthy, disease-free, well-fed, and loved, they make a lot of noise. It's so annoying. After dinner, there was a huge stack of dishes that needed to be washed. I complained about it being MY turn to wash the dishes. Know what I had to do? I had to actually walk over to the sink, turn on the running water (which I'm sure you have in your house, right?) and wash these dishes BY HAND. Pain in the rump. Can you believe the inconvenience? Not only that, but the kids didn't eat half of what was on their plates, so I had to carry the plates over to the garbage can and throw it all away. Talk about tough! See why I've had such a bad day?
Then, when it came time to go to bed, I brushed my teeth with more running water with awful tasting toothpaste (what kind of toothpaste do you use? I'm sure it's better than the kind we have here). I had to crawl back into my warm, comfortable Queen sized bed with flannel sheets and think about how awful tomorrow was going to be. See, tomorrow, I'm going Christmas shopping and I'm going to buy about $1000 worth of gifts to people who live just like me. The gifts I get them will probably wind up in a yard sale in a year or two, but hey, you got to get the folks SOMETHING. What did you get for Christmas last year? Are the malls in your town as crowded as the ones here? Do the people in your village spend as much as we do? I hope you get better things for Christmas than I do. Last year I didn't get half of what I was expecting.
Oh well, thanks for listening to my awful day. Please write me back and let me know if you have days like I just had.
Your new pen pal,
Dave
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