I'm not very good at prayer.

I'm not very good at prayer.

There.  I said it.  Here's a little secret for all you people who attend churches and look up to your pastor- chances are, the guy you call pastor isn't very good at prayer either.  He experiences the same apathy as you do.  He experiences the same doubts- "Is this going to do anything at all?"  He experiences the same frustration over the silence that frequently occurs after a prayer.  Many times, the guy leading the church has a prayer life that resembles that of a whiny 6-year-old ("God, give me this or I won't believe in you anymore," etc).

Many times I feel ashamed about my prayer life.  I read stories of great prayer warriors like Susannah Wesley (who had 17 children and still prayed about 2 hours per day) and Charles Finney (the great revivalist preacher who dedicated hours and hours to prayer, silence, and seeking God) and instead of feeling inspired, I simply throw up my hands.  How could I ever be the kind of people they were?  Most of the time, I'm good if I can remember to say a prayer before mealtime and one at night with the kids.  When I do actually get alone and quiet and plan to pray, a million thoughts and distractions flood my mind.  Songs blast in my head, random stray thoughts take me down paths that don't resemble prayer, and so many things hit that I sometimes simply give up.

Other times, I am able to focus and concentrate, and the magnitude of what needs to be prayed for hits me.  My family, my church, marriages, the persecuted church overseas, finances, new church plants, upcoming future plans, the future of Catalyst, neighbors, etc (just to name a few) flood the prayer time until I feel overwhelmed by it all.  Not to mention the exhortation of the prayer warriors to sit still and listen.  Add to all that the continued need for repentance and confession, and I find myself thinking I could spend all day long on my knees and not even scratch the surface of what needs to be prayed for. 

As I sit and ponder the flood of opposition and overwhelming difficulty in prayer, I wonder if Jesus ever felt this way.  I wonder if the magnitude of the needs on earth, the spiritual corruption of the day, His knowledge of what was at stake ever overwhelmed Him to the point where He could not pray.  I wonder if He ever was frustrated by interruptions in His prayer time.  I wonder if He ever had trouble focusing on prayer with His Heavenly Father. 

Maybe that's why the Bible says to persist in prayer.  I know that I naturally tend towards the things that make sense and/or that I am good at.  I really enjoy reading the Bible.  That makes sense to me.  I can read it, comprehend it, apply it to my life, and love it more and more.  It's right there in front of me.  Prayer isn't like that.  It's random.  It's two-way communication (unlike reading the Word, which is primarily one-way), and I think that scares me.  I guess God knew that we would have problems getting into deep, regular prayer, and that's why He told us to persist.

One thing I do know- the times I DO persist in prayer, blocking out the distractions and not getting overwhelmed by the needs in this world, I am blessed.  I am blessed beyond recognition.  The presence of the Almighty encircles me and fills me like nothing else can.  However, it only happens when I persist in that prayer.