Now that Trump won the Electoral College, here's a quick thought . . .

I walked into the detention center to teach my fatherhood class one Sunday afternoon. The entrance to the jail was right next to the isolation cells, or the "hole" as inmates describe it. Those are the rooms reserved for inmates who are out of control, coming down off a high, and/or in danger to themselves and others. They allow no light: they are concrete rooms with steel doors.

As I walked in, I heard yelling and cursing and pounding coming from one of the cells. Its occupant seemed to be quite unhappy with his situation and was letting the world know it. He was cursing and swearing and threatening everyone on the other side of the door, and was obviously kicking it with all his might. Now, this door was probably four inches of case-hardened steel and wasn't going anywhere. The jailer was standing at the door, trying to talk the guy down.

"Mark, are you done?" the jailer asked patiently.

"H*** no!" shouted the voice on the other side of the door. "Anyone you send in here is gonna get knifed!" How he was going to do that I didn't know, unless this jail had a policy of allowing knives to inmates in the hole. The fact that he didn't have a knife didn't seem to faze him at all, though.

The voice continued, "You send any female guard in here I'll beat her head in! You hear me?"

The jailer answered, "Mark, NOW are you done?"

"F*** no!" shouted the voice. "I know who you are! You sell drugs in here, you blah blah blah blah blah." The guy continued ranting and raving and kicking and fussing and screaming. All the while, the guards on the outside of the cell were waiting patiently.

As I watched this unfold, I realized something. Soon, the guy would run out of energy and he would stop. He would stop beating on the door, he would stop yelling; as his emotion-powered actions used up all his energy, he would cease.

Then he would realize that all his words, actions, beating on the door, threatening everyone, had gotten him exactly nowhere. He was still in the same situation as he was before, and all his antics and threats and ballyhooing and whining and crying and cursing hadn't yielded the results he wanted. He was stuck in an isolation cell and wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

All of that fuss for nothing.

I've been watching the post-election reaction from the losing side. I've seen the riots, the Twitter hashtags, the celebrities trying to sway electors, the cries of racism and sexism and whatever other -ism and -phobia that will garner attention. I've seen the safe spaces on campus, the play-doh and cartoon coloring books offered at universities, the protests outside of state capitals during the electoral college votes. I've seen the emotion and the rhetoric and the insults and the threats and the tantrum being thrown.

And it reminded me so much of that inmate.

All of that post-election stuff amounted to nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The problem with emotional reactions is that emotions quickly drain your energy. They don't last long- kind of like an adrenalin rush that dies as quickly as it starts up. When the energy of the losing side had been used up by their emotions, they, like that inmate, realized that all their actions, all their threats, all their activism, all their tantrums, all their riots amounted to absolutely nothing.

Just like that inmate in the cell.

The reason I even bother to write about this is because I don't want this to be repeated. Ever.

I never want to see a post-election reaction like this ever again. I don't want to see riots, family members separating, friends not speaking to each other, property destroyed, people being called racists and xenophobes and whatever other insult is trendy and cool. For those of you that reacted that way, I have two things to tell you.

1) History shows us that in either four or eight years, there will be a Democrat president. America has only sent the same party to the White House for three terms once since term limits were imposed. That was when Ronald Reagan, a two-term republican, left and his VP, George Bush Sr, was elected. Americans loved Reagan and wanted a Reagan third term. They didn't get it, and Bush only lasted one term. Other than that, Americans have never elected back-to-back presidents from the same party. So, chill out. Republicans had to deal with eight years of Obama and they survived. You'll have to deal with one or two terms of Trump, and you'll survive.

2) When you react this way to a loss, you are giving license to the other side to do that when you win. Your actions upon hearing that Hillary Clinton lost- riots in the streets, destruction of property, calling names, trying to influence electors- do you want those repeated when your person wins? If the right reacts that way in 2020 or 2024, you will have have no grounds to condemn it. If you don't want riots and employees being fired and insults and everything like that coming your way when you win, don't send it out to the other side when you lose.

At any rate, it's all like that inmate in the cell.

My biggest failure as a father

One of my biggest passions is fatherhood. I love being a father. I spend at least three days a week in jails and rehab centers teaching fatherhood courses. People ask me my advice on parenting and fatherhood all the time, and it is a big part of what I do.

Lots of times, this blog will cover parenting/fatherhood topics. I guess they tell you to write what you know, so that's what I do. I spend a great deal of time talking about things I've learned, trying to shape and guide with advice and all that. It would be easy to think, after reading all this, that I'm a perfect dad.

I'm not.

Fatherhood is more error than victory, and there are plenty of mistakes I've made as a dad. However, there is one that stands out more than others.

I'm just going to be gut-level honest with everyone. I would say that in my forty-two years as a human being, this was my worst failure, one that to this day I have trouble forgiving myself for.

In 2004, my wife and I were blessed with our son Jacob. He had a heart defect that was 100% fatal without surgery (it was called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, or HLHS). He was born September 5, and he was going to have major surgery within a few days of his birth.

His temperature kept spiking every time they were going to operate, so his surgery was delayed several times. I was a youth minister at the time, and our son was at Vanderbilt hospital forty minutes away from where we lived. He was born on a Saturday. We stayed with him in the NICU on and off, because we had two little girls as well to care for and tried to keep things as normal for them as possible.

It kills me to write this. Looking back, I wish I would have done things differently.

The next week, when he was eight days old, on Monday, I had been out of the office pretty much the entire time. I went to work. All day. I didn't go to the hospital that day.

My son was in the NICU fighting for his life and I went to the office because I thought that's where I should be.

I didn't think he was going to die. I thought that he would do well with his surgery and we would have him for a good long while. I couldn't see it any other way. So, that day, I went to work thinking that what I was doing that day was so very important.

Jacob died two days later.

He only lived ten days, and I missed one of them. 10% of his life.

See, I thought we would have him for longer. I thought he would live many years. I thought that he would grow up and go to school and play sports and graduate school and get married and have kids and the whole nine yards. When he needed his family- when he needed his dad the most- I wasn't there.

When he needed me the MOST- I wasn't there.

Maybe it was my view of work being so important. Maybe it was a sensitivity to the criticism that so many people have of ministers "not having a real job" and "only working thirty minutes on a Sunday."(yes, we hear that all the time) and feeling like I had to counteract that stereotype. Maybe it was an over-inflated sense of how important I was. Whatever the cause, whatever the reason, it was the wrong one.

Somebody once said that we prefer clocks to hourglasses because a clock just spins around and around, giving the illusion that time is infinite. If we could actually see grains of sand disappearing, showing that our time is limited, we would live much differently. I think that is very true. I know that had I known Jacob was going to die that Wednesday, I would have been in his room the entire day on Monday instead of sitting at a desk in an office forty minutes away.

I know that God has forgiven me, but I just can't seem to forgive myself. What I wouldn't give to have that day back. I would live it much, much differently.

But I can't get that day back. Like a grain of sand in an hourglass, it's gone forever. The only thing I can do is from this point forward, learn the lesson and be intentional about spending these days as well as I possibly can, doing what is important and right, regardless of what everyone else would say.

For all of you parents who haven't gotten it right, you're not alone.

For all of you parents who have made mistakes, maybe MAJOR mistakes, and are struggling to forgive yourselves for them, you're not alone.

For all of you parents who wish you could go back and relive a day or week or month or year of your life and do things differently, you're not alone.

I'm right there with all of you.

Sometimes the weight of that failure is enough to make me want to quit. Many times as I go to teach fatherhood or write about parenthood, I feel like a hypocrite. "Who are you to write about being a father?" I ask myself as the episode of Monday, September 13, 2004 comes flooding back. I know many of you feel the same way. The guilt of past failures has the ability to paralyze any future action that we need to take.

All I can do is point you to the words of Lamentations 3:23-24, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His mercies never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

Because of His love, we are not consumed by our failures. Because of His love, our failures are not final. Because of His love we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and put one foot in front of the other in spite of our past failures. There is hope and peace ahead, thanks to the goodness of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I'm here as a living testimony to that goodness and forgiveness, as I have experienced it personally.

It's difficult to write this blog. I don't really know why I'm writing it right now. Maybe it's because there are folks out there who need it. Maybe it's a lame attempt to assuage guilt within me. Maybe it's the Holy Spirit of God telling me to be authentic and share struggles with the folks who read this. Whatever the reason is, I hope you can find some encouragement today. No one is perfect. No one has it all together. No one has all the answers.

But everyone can have hope and a future. We aren't bound by our past mistakes, thanks to the limitless grace and love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I ask you to do what I am trying my hardest to do- learn how to forgive yourself. Sometimes I think the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. And if any of you figure out how to do it, I'd appreciate you sharing it with me.

God bless all of you.

What a secular college professor taught me about cursing

I was in my sophomore year at Centre College. I had been a Christian for about two years, and needless to say, most of my beliefs and values were still being formed. One thing that was a constant struggle was my mouth.

I was surrounded by guys on the soccer team that couldn't even say they loved their mothers without dropping three or four f-bombs. It probably took the guys twice or three times as long to say something because every other word was a swear word. Our communication probably would have been a lot more efficient if we would have just said what we were trying to say, but like Admiral Kirk said to Spock in Star Trek IV, "That's just the way they talk here. No one pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word."

I was sitting in class one day and a student, while answering a professor's question, dropped a curse word in the middle of his statement. I can't remember which it was, but it was a swear word. The professor stopped him cold. Then he proceeded to tell the student something that I would never forget.

He said, "You should never use profanity. It is the language of the unintelligent." The class was silent. What in the world was he talking about?

The professor continued, "While I do know some intelligent people who swear, I have never known an unintelligent person who doesn't. Profanity is the least common denominator of human communication. It expresses no great ideas, no great thoughts; it puts forth no great hypotheses or visions or dreams. It is the baseline of human utterances driven more by emotion than by thought."

We were pretty shocked. No one had ever heard this about our favorite words. The professor had just referred to us all as unintelligent (at least, using the language of the unintelligent) and had said some things that, while we didn't like them, were difficult to argue with.

He finished, "If your point requires profanity in order to make it, it isn't worth making. If your statement needs profanity for people to listen, it is a weak statement. You students are better than that. Make your points and your statements intelligently; using profanity to make them is a signal that it is an inherently dumb or weak argument."

We all walked out of class a little different that day.

The professor had made no moral arguments against profanity. To my knowledge he was an atheist, as a good many of my professors were. He was not arguing from a position of right or wrong; he was arguing from a standpoint of intelligent versus unintelligent. He wasn't making moral judgments- he was simply calling us to a higher standard of communication and expression.

He made that point several more times that semester- profanity was the language of the unintelligent; while he had known intelligent people who swore, he never knew an unintelligent person who didn't.

I wonder what that professor would say today as profanity has become even more mainstream than it was twenty years ago when I took his class. He would probably say the same thing- he would continue to call us to a higher level of dialogue, using words and sentences that put forth great ideas rather than base-level utterances needing four-letter-words for them to be heard.

This is why I choose not to swear. I agree with my professor. Profanity puts forth no great ideas, no great thoughts, proposes no great solutions to human problems, and operates from the baseline of human emotion rather than from thoughtful, considered, rational dialogue. If I feel that profanity is needed to get a point across, my point isn't worth making. My points should stand on their own without needing a four-letter-word to get it across. This calls me to a higher level of thought, consideration, and self-control, and those things have been very good for me as a person.

Today, I propose that we ascend to a higher level of communication and thought, leaving profanity and cursing behind for richer and more fruitful fields of human endeavor.

Don't Laugh At It

A few days ago I was in Wal-Mart. I had just popped in for some quick groceries and wanted to get out as quickly as possible. I was in a hurry, not in the mood to deal with things- just wanted to get there, get what I needed, and get home as quickly as possible.

Which made my time in the checkout line even that much worse.

In front of me were two young parents with what looked to be about a five-year-old child. She was full of energy, to say the least. Basically she was running around, jumping in the shopping cart, being very loud, and was out of control. When you are stuck in a checkout line, being around a kid like that gets really old really fast.

However, I very quickly realized why she acted that way, because something happened that drove me absolutely nuts.

Her dad, probably realizing that his daughter was annoying the people around her with her constant running around and noise, told her to be still. She looked up at him and shouted, "NO!" Then she smiled and continued doing what she was doing. I began thinking what would have happened if I would have done that to my parents. I certainly wouldn't be here writing this, I can guarantee you THAT.

However, the mom laughed. She looked at her husband and said, "She is so SASSY!" Meanwhile, the kid continued to act like a brat. I made a mental note that if I ever became friends with this couple, I would NEVER invite them over as long as they had that kid with them.

This illustrates a major problem in parenting.

The child was disrespectful to her father. Defiance and disrespect are terrible attributes for any person to have, let alone a child. When the child said, "NO!" defiantly, she should have been corrected right then and there. She should have been told in no uncertain terms that she was in the wrong and should have been punished accordingly.

However, the parents laughed at it and wrote it off as "sassiness."

Parents, don't explain away your children's disrespect as "being cute" or "being sassy."

The truth of the matter is that the world won't find your child's disrespect nearly as cute or funny as you do. Neither will I. Neither will anyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with your child or anyone unfortunate enough to be stuck in a Wal-Mart checkout line behind them.  Employers won't find it funny when your child, being "sassy and cute," disrespects the customers. Teachers won't find it nearly as amusing when your child is a constant disruption in class because someone at home encouraged them to be "sassy and cute."

We have an entire generation growing up without respect for their elders, and I believe mainly it happens because parents laugh and explain away disrespect in this manner. The amount of parents who laugh at their children's disrespect is astonishing to me. Do they know they are encouraging the child to repeat it? Do they know they are setting their child up for failure in life? Do they know that they are raising a brat?

Probably not. In this generation of parents' quest to be their child's best friend, any thought along those lines are out the door. Any thought of future consequences to said "cute" behavior is gone.

Don't laugh at it. Discipline it.

Parents, you are the first people your child learns to respect. If you laugh off disrespect and defiance, if you call it "sassy," if you explain it away as "cute," you will be creating a monster. Resist the urge to laugh it off.

Remember- it is easier to train a child than to fix an adult. It is easier to train a five-year-old to be respectful than it is to discipline a disrespectful teenager. Far too many parents, by laughing at the disrespect of a five-year-old, create a monster that they have trouble dealing with in the teenage years, and then experience the heartbreak of an adult child who has none of the characteristics needed for a successful life.

Don't laugh at it. It isn't sassy. It isn't cute.

It's disrespect.

Work Ethic Begins in the Home: A Tribute to My Father

I was talking a few weeks ago with a friend of mine who is a Human Resources guy for a major business. He was telling me that it is his job to hire new employees for the company, and he was having an extremely difficult time finding people to fill their positions.

He told me that somewhere between 50% and 60% of the applicants were immediately rejected because they couldn't pass a drug test. Of the ones that remained, half of them wouldn't have the qualifications necessary for the job, and of those hired, several of them would quit after they got their first paycheck. Of those who didn't quit, several would be let go because of missing work, being late, or just flat out laziness.

"The jobs are there," he told me. "We just can't find people willing to work."

Ever since I was little, work ethic was drummed into me. Both of my parents are hardworking people. My mom was a stay-at-home mom who worked her rear off trying to manage our home, and my dad has probably never missed a day of work in his life. Work ethic is something that cannot be taught in school or at work- it is taught in the home.

Many times in life, there are defining moments when we learn lessons that stay with us for life. One such event happened the summer of my sophomore year in college.

I was playing semipro soccer for the Bluegrass Bandits (the local semipro team) as well as working first shift in a lumberyard that summer. One particular weekend, we had a grueling road trip. We left Friday for Louisiana, played New Orleans on Saturday, drove to Little Rock, AK, played their team on Sunday, and arrived back in Lexington around 1:30 am Monday morning.

I had to be at work at 7 am. When 6:00 rolled around, I was exhausted. I couldn't get out of bed. I decided to take the day off.

I had parked my truck behind my dad's car, and when he was leaving for work that morning, my truck was still there. So he came into my room and asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was exhausted from the road trip and two soccer games and that I was taking the day off.

Bad move.

For the next ten minutes, the only way I can describe it was a hurricane hit my room. Bill Cosby describes people having a "conniption." I think I saw one that day. My dad BLASTED me. He told me in no uncertain terms that missing work was not an option, that laziness was not a characteristic of successful people, that it didn't matter how tired I was, you suck it up and go to work because missing work was unacceptable. He told me that the people at work were counting on me and that I was letting them down by not going in. He told me to think of the work that I was selfishly putting on them because I was too big a pansy to do what I was supposed to do. That was the basic gist of it.

So I dragged myself out of bed and got to work a few minutes late. It was a rough day, but I survived.

I also learned a life lesson.

You don't miss work. You follow through on what is expected of you. You do your best even when you aren't feeling your best.

All those lessons I learned from my father. And those lessons have paid off in life ever since.

The hardest thing I've ever done in life was planting the church that I now currently pastor. When we launched off into this endeavor, I had a family of five to provide for. I got up at 3 am every morning seven days a week to deliver newspapers- rain, snow, sleet, Thanksgiving morning, Christmas morning, you name it. I substitute taught at East High School. I coached soccer. I pastored a church. This was in 2008 when the Great Recession had hit and no one could find work. I had four jobs. I did that for a year and a half until the church had grown to where I could pastor full-time.

The lesson from my father echoed in my mind. You do your best even when you aren't feeling your best. You go to work because that's what you do. You don't miss work. You do what is expected of you.

All those lessons kept me going during the most physically and emotionally demanding season of my life. Looking back on that endeavor, seeing the blessings my church has brought me and my family and the people of this world, I am so glad I did it. I am so glad my dad and mom instilled in me the concept of work.

What other people might have seen as impossible, I saw as possible because with hard work you can accomplish anything.

I am so glad my dad cared enough about me to speak hard truths when I was tired.

He could have coddled me. He could have been "understanding." He could have let it go. After all, what was one day of missing work?

But he didn't.

I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember my father's passion when talking about work ethic and how important it was. I remember his remarks about laziness being beneath me. I remember his high expectations of his son when it came to the discipline of work.

As I was listening to my friend talk about his frustration with hiring people, I went back to that summer morning of 1994. Sadly, I realized that these people my friend was talking about had probably never had that discussion with their fathers. They had probably never been taught the importance of work. They probably didn't have fathers who held such absolute contempt for laziness.

Those people were always going to struggle in life. People without a work ethic always do.

Today I am thankful for my hardworking dad who demonstrated the importance of work every day of his life. I am thankful that he cared enough to pass that on to me.

Parents, work ethic begins in the home. Bless your children by teaching them the value of work.

A Forgotten Practice in Christian Homes

This past summer, I had the great opportunity to speak to close to 1000 high school students at KCU's Summer in the Son. Great week.

One of the days, in their small group time, I asked the students a simple question, "What is the most radical, dangerous, or uncomfortable thing you've done because of your faith in Christ?"

There were quite a few answers, but the most common one- the OVERWHELMINGLY most common one- was something that bothered me. It bothered me not because it was wrong or awful or sinful. It bothered me because it was, well, anything BUT radical, dangerous, and uncomfortable. At least, by Biblical standards.

The most common answer? "Prayed in front of my youth group."

HUH?

That was the most radical, most dangerous, most out-of-the-box thing that the students had done because of their faith in Christ? Not heading overseas to bring the gospel to unreached people (commanded in Scripture), visiting prisoners in jail (commanded in Scripture), feeding the homeless (commanded in Scripture), sharing faith with a non-believing friend (commanded in Scripture), withstanding persecution, or anything else that the people in the Bible did?

We've gotten to the point where Christian kids really feel challenged talking to God in front of people who believe just like them.

First, that's a sad commentary on churches. However, it's an even sadder commentary on Christian homes. Why do Christian kids feel uncomfortable praying in front of other people? Simple. They've never been challenged to do it. 

This is a forgotten practice in Christian homes.

My childhood growing up was not what I would call a Christian upbringing. We rarely went to church and we certainly didn't read Scripture together or go on mission trips or anything like that. However, there was one thing we did that I will always remember.

We took turns praying before meals. In the home, of course. We didn't pray at meals in public. Just at home.

However, we went in order from youngest to oldest. From the time I could speak, I was expected to pray for the family before meals. Then it was my brother's turn. Then my mom's. Then my dad's. I prayed out loud in front of the family every fourth meal, which was at least five times per week.

Parents, are you teaching your children to pray?

Could my mom and dad prayed better than me and my brother, especially when we were little? Sure. I'm sure they were much more eloquent, much more focused, much better at praying than I was. However, with that being part of what we did, I learned how to do it. I was expected to lead the family in prayer as being a part of my family.

As a result, I never had problems praying in front of people. That's a good thing, because being a minister I'm always asked to pray for meals, banquets, rotary club meetings, funerals, weddings, you name it (people assume I have the "direct line" to God, smh).

Parents, it's time to resurrect the age-old tradition of family prayer. The discomfort our children feel in public prayer probably means that not much prayer is going on in the home. At least, families praying together. Have your children lead the family in prayer. It's okay. It won't kill them. It will teach them the spiritual discipline of prayer, and will teach them the importance of it.

I, for one, cannot believe that high school students would even list "praying in front of my youth group" as something radical and uncomfortable. However, if I grew up in a home where prayer was never emphasized and certainly where I was never expected to lead the family in prayer, I could see how it WOULD be.

Start a new family tradition. Pray together, but let your children lead. Take turns. Tell them that prayer isn't just for the adults. It is for everyone. Just tell them to talk with God. It's okay. God won't smite anyone.

He probably would really enjoy hearing from your child. And He probably would enjoy the fact that your child isn't embarrassed or uncomfortable talking with Him in front of people.

It all starts in the home.

Why are people so angry?

Anger. It seems like it pervades our culture. It is broadcast all over the media- angry people yelling, throwing things at each other, arguing over the slightest thing.

It doesn't take much to get people in America angry these days. Most men I know would describe themselves as "angry." College campuses are full of people getting angry- we now have micro-aggressions and micro-invalidations and micro-assaults and micro-insults . . . .  and a whole LOT of micro-maturity.

Why are people so angry? What causes anger?

The answer is so simple that it will totally take you by surprise.

Two-thousand years ago, James (the brother of Jesus) wrote the following in the Bible:

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but you do not have, so you kill. You covet but you CANNOT GET WHAT YOU WANT, so you quarrel and fight." James 4:1-2

Wait, did James really say what I think he said?

Yes he did. He said we get angry because we don't get what we want.

You show me an angry person and I'll show you someone not getting what they want.

Think about the last time you were angry. I'll tell you mine- it was when I was driving. For those of you readers who don't live in Central Kentucky, we have a place that is as close to hell as you can get on this earth. It's called "Nicholasville Road"- state road 27. It is home to the worst drivers who have ever lived and who ever WILL live. The speed limit on most of the road is 55 mph, but you are lucky to go 35 mph most of the time due to the fact that there is always someone driving twenty miles an hour under the speed limit right in front of you.

I confess to my road rage. Nothing upsets me more than someone going under the speed limit in front of me, forcing me to slow down. I HATE IT!!!! I was ranting and raging about the Chevy Lumina in front of me driving 35-40 mph in front of me and how inconsiderate and how rude and didn't they know that people have places to be and how dare they and get a license and get a life and learn to drive and get out of my way and don't you know you're backing up twenty cars and who taught you to drive and can't you read the signs and yada yada yada . . . .

I wasn't getting what I wanted. I wanted to drive 55-60 mph, and I wasn't getting what I wanted. Therefore I was angry. Could it really be that simple? Could all of our anger really be stemming from us wanting something and not getting it?

Yes.

When you think of it that way, doesn't that sound a little childish?

If I were a betting man, I would imagine that the last time you were angry it was because you didn't get what you wanted. Now, some of that is legitimate. We want to be treated with respect or we want what we've worked for or things like that. Yes, some things are legitimately worth getting angry over.

However, a vast majority of it boils down to simple immaturity- an inability to handle not getting what we want. So we get angry. And because society doesn't really have much of a problem with anger- for men especially- we are encouraged in our immaturity and we continue to do things in anger that we regret doing.

Think of the toll that anger has taken on you. On your family. On your life decisions. How many of us have said things in anger we regret? How many of us have done things in anger that have cost not only us, but our loved ones? How many of us have made serious mistakes because of anger? All of us have.

Let me substitute the words "not getting what we want" for "anger" and restate that last paragraph.

Think of the toil that not getting what we want has taken on you. On your family. On your life decisions. How many of us have said things when we don't get what we want that we regret? How many of us have done things when we don't get what we want that have cost not only us, but our loved ones? How many of us have made serious mistakes because of not getting what we want? All of us have.

Ouch. That paragraph hurts. But it's the truth.

Many men would say, "I'm just an angry person." Makes it sound so dangerous, powerful, in some ways attractive in this culture, doesn't it? Unfortunately, what they are truly saying is, "I'm just a person who loses it when I don't get what I want." Hmmm. Doesn't sound so great, does it? Actually, it sounds quite childish.

Maybe the next chapter in your growth is to be self-aware enough to know that most of the time your anger isn't justified. It's simply a case of you not getting what you want. You have to decide if that thing that you want, that you're not getting, is worth the toll your anger will take on your health, your relationships, your profession, and your family. I think you know the answer.

Have the maturity and gravity to step back from the situation when you get angry. Ask yourself, "I'm getting angry- what is it that I want that I'm not getting? Is it worth it?" Most of the time, the answer is no. Do yourself a favor and let it go. Save your anger for real problems. Be mature enough not to get angry over every little thing that you want that you don't get. That's the difference between an adult and a child.

God bless you- even when you don't get what you want.

A Modern-Day Parable for America 2016

Once upon a time there was a group of builders who had the desire to construct the perfect room. They laid the foundation with expertise, built the walls with precision, and constructed the ceiling down to the last minute detail.

In order to support this vast ceiling, the builders installed four pillars- strong, case-hardened steel pillars. They placed them strategically in the room to ensure that the building would stand the test of time; ensuring the blessing of stability and order for generations to come.

The builders named the first pillar FAMILY.

The builders named the second pillar CHURCH.

The builders named the third pillar EDUCATION.

The builders named the fourth pillar LAW.

Under the strength of these four pillars, the building stood firm as other buildings fell around them. The building weathered earthquakes, storms, trials and tribulations, and the people inside grew and grew. They grew prosperous and productive, and greatly increased in number for many generations.

One day, many years later, a group who had grown up in the building and had enjoyed its protection and strength noticed the first pillar. They decided that this pillar was unnecessary to their lives- after all, it had been put there by previous generations. The previous generations were wrong, they concluded, and therefore what they left behind must be wrong as well.

They rallied their friends and gave speeches about the evil nature of the pillar. They got leaders to criticize it, calling it unnecessary. The politicians capitalized on the angst and said, "It's time for change. This pillar is a relic from a society long since vanished. It is the symbol of the mistakes of our forefathers. They were not enlightened like we are. We know better. It's time for this pillar to come down!" And the crowd cheered.

There were those in the crowd that sensed something was wrong. When they objected, they were jeered and shouted down. They were called bigots. They were mocked and ridiculed as unintelligent bumpkins.

The crowd surrounded the first pillar with sledgehammers and began to knock it down. Because of the strength of the pillar, it took them a long, long time, but eventually they prevailed and the pillar came crashing down. The vast ceiling above them shuddered and shook, but due to the presence of the other three pillars, the ceiling stayed up.

Those in the crowd who had knocked down the pillar cheered. "See," they said, "This pillar was not necessary to our survival. We are better off now without it!" Because there was no immediate consequence, they were encouraged by their success, so they moved on. Meanwhile, the pillar called FAMILY was carted away and thrown into the garbage heap.

Soon after, the crowd noticed the second pillar called CHURCH. "Aha!" they cried. "Another relic left behind by our non-enlightened forefathers. It's time for it to come down as well!" And they began attacking that pillar with their sledgehammers.

Others around them, following their lead, noticed the third and fourth pillars. "Let's knock them down as well!" they shouted. "Our bigoted ignorant forefathers who set them here placed them here to oppress us! It's time for them to go. This is a new era, a new society, and we have no need for the ancient things that characterized previous generations!" And they attacked the pillars CHURCH, EDUCATION, and LAW with religious zeal.

There were those in the building who looked up. As the crowd hit and hammered at the pillars, they saw the vast ceiling shaking and shuddering. They called the crowd to stop. They pointed up to the ceiling and said, "Don't you realize what these pillars are here for? They are here with a purpose! They are providing the very stability and protection that you are living under! If you remove these pillars, you will destroy our very society!"

"Shut up!" the crowd shouted to them. "We have no need for your ancient, bigoted, ignorant ways. These pillars have caused more problems than anything else in our history! They have been the means of oppression and discrimination that the ancients used to keep people down. No more! We got rid of FAMILY and nothing happened. We will now get rid of CHURCH, EDUCATION, and LAW too! We will finally be free!"

They hammered on and on. Finally, the pillars gave way. The entire building came crashing down, destroying the once-prosperous, once-strong society.

It was not conquered from without. It committed suicide from within.

And this, my friends, is what is happening in America today. The pillars of FAMILY, CHURCH, EDUCATION, and LAW are under attack as never before in our history.

FAMILY: We have 41% of our children being born outside of wedlock. We have those trying to redefine the family as God set it up- husband, wife, and children.

CHURCH: We have churches compromising with the world, so that sermons sound more like the front page of the New York Times rather than from the Word of God. We have people sleeping in on Sunday mornings, not prioritizing worship, not prioritizing being part of the body of Christ.

EDUCATION: We have forces trying shove politically-correct agendas on our children rather than a true education. We have a lack of respect for teachers so bad that teachers spend more time disciplining than teaching.

LAW: We have politicians that believe (rightly so) that they are above the law. We have thugs stalking and murdering cops on the street. We have laws applied unevenly to people because of socioeconomic status or education or race.

When these pillars are gone, our society will come crashing down. So, I call all of you to be part of the solution. Be strong in your own family. Keep your marriage strong and your relationship with your children strong. Be involved in your church. Support your local church and be involved in its ministries. Support your local schools. Join the school board. Buy lunch for a cop this week. Thank them for their work.

Do what you can to strengthen these four pillars. Without them, we lose our society- not to a foreign power, but to our own idiocy. 

The statement that created my life's motto

I got a call from a friend about six months ago. He was one of the first guys to go through my Inside/Out Dad class in the Fayette County Detention Center, and we had become friends and continued our friendship after he had been released. He called me and invited me to attend a celebration of his being drug-free for two years. The celebration was to be at a church. That's all I was told.

I told him that I would absolutely be there, so I drove over to Versailles that evening to go to his event. Turns out it wasn't a church service- it was an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting. I'd never been to one of those before, and honestly, I felt a little uncomfortable. Seemed like everyone knew each other except me, and to be quite honest, I was feeling a little bit out of place.

The program began with a completely packed room. For those of you who have never been to an NA meeting, you'd be surprised who was there. There were men, women, black, white, Latino, Asian, and every other ethnicity; there were raggedy t-shirts and three-piece suits; there were people still coming down off a high and those who had been sober for years.

The speaker for the night was the one who really impacted me. He shared how he was fifteen years sober, and if he could do it everyone else could, yada yada yada. I was expecting that. However, he said something I didn't expect. Something that would stay with me the rest of my life and would help me define my life motto/mission statement.

He said, "You guys know what motivated me to get clean? It wasn't money. It wasn't the fact that I had hit rock bottom. It wasn't jail time, it wasn't watching my friends OD and die, it wasn't getting shot at and chased and all that." He paused a long, silent pause and looked around the room. Then he said, "What motivated me to change was the fact that every single person that I encountered, whether it was family or friends or even the pizza guy, was worse off for encountering me."

He went on to say how he had a negative influence on every single person he met. No one left being better off than they were when they met him. That was what motivated him to change.

I walked away from that meeting reflecting on that statement. What about me? Are people better off having encountered me, or, like this guy, were people worse off? I made up my mind right then and there that my life would be the opposite of what he experienced. My life's goal would be for every single person that encountered me would be better off, whether in big or small ways.

I boiled that thought down to two words: BE INFLUENTIAL.

That is my life's motto. Be influential.

Wherever I go, I want to exert positive influence. Whether it is in the Jessamine County jail, the Fayette County jail, the villages of India and Nepal, the soccer fields, my church, my home, my family, the grocery store, a restaurant I happen to be eating in; wherever it is, I want to be a positive influence. I want people to be better off because I showed up. I want waiters to have a better day because I was their customer. I want prisoners to have a little more hope and encouragement because I came and visited. I want the people of my church to have a closer walk with God and a deeper understanding of their faith because I am their pastor. I want my children to have a better chance at success in life and to have more character because I was their father. I want my wife to have a better life, to have been loved more, than she would have if I wasn't her husband.

In other words, I want every environment I am in to be better off because of my positive influence.

Be influential.

Too many people have amazing things to offer in life- to their friends, to their families, to their communities, to their churches- yet never do. They are not influential. They, instead, are influenced. Instead of being the influencers, they are simply influenced. Who knows what our families, our communities, our teams, our churches, our places of business would be like if people stepped up and decided to be positive influences wherever they are?

Be influential.

How about you? Are people better off after having met you? Worked with you? Served you? Done business with you? Or are you like the former addict- a black hole of negativity that sucks the life and joy out of every person you meet? Are people better off having you in their lives?

At the end of my life, I simply want to be able to say that I was influential, that people were better off with me than without me, that this world is a better place because I was here, that I was able to influence my environment by positive interaction. I ask you to do the same.

Be influential. This world needs you.

The Middle Finger

If I wrote a book about my biggest insight into ministry, I would call it "The Middle Finger."

No, I'm not talking about flipping people off. I'm talking about how ministry is done in the church.

See, I realized about three years ago that there are three times of people, basically, in this world (viewed from a Christian perspective). Hold up three fingers- most people will use their forefinger, their middle finger, and their ring finger. Your forefinger represents the hardcore lost. These are people that are outside of a relationship with Jesus. No pretense of a relationship with Jesus. No attendance or desire for attendance in a church.

On the other side is your ring finger. These are your hardcore committed. These are the people who are in relationship with Jesus, people who are being led by the Holy Spirit of God, and who are producing fruit for the Kingdom.

Then, in the middle, you have the middle finger. The lukewarm.

What I found, about three years ago, is that most of what I had been taught was "ministry" was to the middle finger- the lukewarm. What I was told was ministry was basically trying to get lukewarm people to be a little less lukewarm. It was trying to get people who show up once a month to show up twice a month. People who cuss to stop cussing. People who don't care to care a little bit more. People who give a little to give a little more. That's basically what I came to a realization of.

I realized that very little was being done to reach the forefinger- the hardcore lost, and very little was being done to disciple the ring finger- the hardcore committed. Therefore, we had a church, and many churches, that neglect the lost AND the committed and spend all of their time and energy on the one category that Jesus said He would vomit out of His mouth.

If you examine the life of Jesus, He split His time between the forefinger- the prostitutes, tax collectors, the sick, the lepers, and the outcast- and the ring finger- His twelve disciples. Very rarely do we see Him spending any time with the middle finger. As a matter of fact, if Jesus ever sensed that there were middle finger folks in His crowds, He intentionally said things to turn them away. In John 6, at the height of His popularity and when He was drawing the biggest crowds, He told them in order to follow Him they had to eat His flesh and drink His blood (referring to communion). All the middle finger people deserted Him and all that was left was His disciples.

If you are a pastor reading this, do you spend your time as Jesus did? Is half your time devoted to reaching the hardcore lost and the other half devoted to discipling the hardcore committed? If I had to guess, the answer would be no. Don't worry. You're not alone. I want to challenge you to change around your schedule- radically if necessary- to imitate the time management of Jesus.

See, Jesus knew something about the middle finger folks that many pastors don't. He knew that they were lukewarm by choice. There wouldn't be much return for His investment of time and energy in those folks. So, He spent His time where there WERE results- in the hardcore lost and the hardcore committed. So many ministers are burnt out and wondering if they are making any difference at all. If I had to guess, I would wager that burnt-out ministers are the ones spending all their time and efforts into trying to get lukewarm people to be a little less lukewarm, all the while neglecting the lost and the committed.

Pastors, start doing ministry in prison. Start discipling your leaders. Tell the middle finger folks in your church that you love them, but you won't be investing one more minute of your time there. Invite them over to the hardcore committed category. Spend all your time in those two categories like Jesus did.

If you are not a pastor, what category are you in? I invite you, if you are not a Christian, to become one. Move into a relationship with Jesus. However, I challenge you to skip over the middle finger and go straight to the ring finger- become a disciple. If you are a middle finger person, your future doesn't look very bright. Jesus reserved His harshest words for this category, and you would be wise to move from the middle finger to the ring finger.

For you pastors out there who are thinking of quitting, throwing in the towel, chucking it all, I ask you to take a look at your schedule and see who you are really spending your time with. I'll tell you this- since I started investing in the forefinger and the ring finger it most definitely hasn't been easy, but it most definitely has been awesome. I love my prison ministry, I love my time working in the drug rehab house, I love my time with the hardcore lost. They are awesome. I also love my time with the guys I'm discipling. It is energizing and fulfilling. That's how most of my ministry time is spent.

Or, you can keep arguing with the middle finger folks over the color of the carpet, the paint on the walls, and the volume of the music, which is what middle finger folks do. You can keep reading anonymous letters criticizing your ministry, which is what middle finger folks send. You can spend a great deal of time chasing people begging them to get back in church, which is something Jesus never did. You can spend your time organizing craft bazaars, committee meetings, and planning sessions (some of which are necessary, but most aren't) and at the end of the day never make a disciple.

Your time is short. Spend it where the returns are. Reach the lost and disciple the committed. You haven't been called to do anything else. Unfortunately, many ministers are doing everything EXCEPT reaching the lost and discipling the committed. Love the middle finger folks, but don't invest much time and energy there. Jesus didn't. Neither should you.

Why I counsel couples NOT to live together before marriage

As a pastor, I do a lot of weddings. As time has gone on, it's become more and more common, for the couples who approach me to do their wedding, for them to already be living together.

This is true of nonbelievers as well as Christians. The rate is lower for Christian couples (in my experience, I'd say it's about one-third as much as non-Christian couples) but it is becoming more and more common. Some say it's just the way the culture is; I should accept it as normal and just deal with it.

Well, I don't.

I discourage young, unmarried couples from living together before marriage. It's not because I'm old-fashioned or out of touch. It's because couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates than couples that don't. WHAT? Yes. It's true.

You would think the opposite would be true. You would think that people who have had a "test run" of what marriage is going to be like would be more successful. You would think that they have tried it on, swam around in it, and have concluded it's a good partnership while living together, and that marriage would work out better for those folks as opposed to the couples who have just dated and have never shared a bed, a mortgage, and an address.

So, why DO couples who live together divorce at a higher rate, somewhere near double, non-cohabitating couples?

Let's say that for Christmas you get a shirt, a stereo, a phone, and some money.  Nice Christmas. But hold on. Let's back it up just a second. Let's say that instead of getting that stuff on December 25th, you get the shirt in January. You get the stereo in February. You get the phone in May. You get the money in July. Then, on December 24th, your family takes that shirt, stereo, phone, and money and wraps it up in a big box and gives it to you for Christmas!

Would you be excited? Not really.

Why not? Simple: nothing changed as a result of Christmas. You've had the same stuff all year long that you "got" for Christmas. Pretty soon, if this happens year after year, you'd probably stop celebrating Christmas- at least the gift-giving part.

What I hate about couples that live together before marriage is that it completely destroys the purpose of the wedding. Human rituals exist for a reason- there is something denied to you before the ritual that, after the ritual, you now have the privilege to do. Take graduation for example- prior to graduation you are in high school and are not allowed into college. After graduation, you now have the ability to go to college and are not obligated by law to go to high school. In other words, something changed.

In Indian tribes, young boys were not allowed to be a part of the tribal council. Then, they would go through manhood ceremonies, usually something akin to leaving the tribe and surviving for a week or month on their own. When they return, they are now seen as men and allowed the privilege of sitting in the tribal council. That's how human rituals work- prior to the ritual, you are denied something; after the ritual, you are privileged to do what you previously weren't allowed to do.

Marriage is supposed to be that way. Prior to marriage, couples are supposed to remain sexually abstinent, keep separate addresses, and keep that boundary. After the marriage ceremony, the couple is now allowed to do what they previously weren't. They consummate their marriage, move into the same house, combine finances, and raise children till death to they part.

In modern America, however, especially in cohabitation, that part is removed. Nothing changes for the couple. They come home from the honeymoon and they enter the same house they lived in prior to the wedding. They sleep in the same bed, have the same sex, watch the same tv, sit at the same breakfast table, mow the same yard, and walk the same dog. NOTHING CHANGED. It's like the Christmas morning described above. I would imagine it is quite anti-climactic.

Since nothing changes post-wedding, the tendency is to assume that therefore their marriage is nothing but a piece of paper. After all, the only thing that really changed after the wedding was the fact that now they have a piece of paper saying they are married. A piece of paper is easier to walk away from than a commitment that caused major change in your life. That's why co-habitating couples divorce at a higher rate than non-cohabitating couples.

To the couples reading this that are living together without being married- when you get married, what is going to change? What is going to really mark your wedding as something significant? If you, like so many couples, are planning on coming home to the same house, the same bed, the same table, the same family room, the same sex, the same everything- did you really get married? If nothing changed, if you and your significant other are doing the exact same thing after the wedding as before the wedding, how truly significant was your wedding?

Like the old saying goes, "Why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free?"

For me and my wife, when we got married almost twenty years ago, it involved massive change. We moved into our amazing 800-square-foot duplex in the back of a run-down neighborhood. We combined bank accounts. We slept in the same bed together for the first time. We had our own breakfast table for the first time. We went on vacations together for the first time without our parents. We went to work and brought home a paycheck, not for ourselves, but for our new little family for the first time. In other words, lots of things changed, and therefore our marriage was something sacred and set apart.

That is why I counsel couples NOT to live together before marriage. Other than the obvious prohibitions on premarital sex in the Christian faith, I hold marriage sacred. There should be things in married life that were off-limits to you as a single person. All human ceremony and ritual is based on this. If you're able to do everything you want both prior to AND after the ceremony or ritual, you will conclude that the ceremony or ritual is unnecessary.

Keep marriage sacred and set apart. Keep strong boundaries around your heart prior to marriage. Do NOT live together before marriage.

The problems we are having actually shows how good life really is

I was trying to explain America to some foreign friends of mine. I was trying to explain the biggest issue in America, which seems to be whether men and women should use separate bathrooms, and how upset aging rock stars seem to be over it. After trying to explain why this was a national disaster alarm emergency requiring 24/7 news media coverage and shouting matches on social media, it all sounded rather silly. It certainly did to him. He just kind of shook his head indicating that he thought we Americans had lost our collective freaking minds. He is right.

I started thinking about the other "problems" we are having. Atheists suing school boards over Christmas displays. Safe spaces and campus protests over chalk drawings. Micro aggressions (which is where no real insult was delivered, it just SEEMED like one, and therefore the emotionally immature person took offense), triggers, etc. None of these are real problems.

WHAT?
HOW DARE YOU, DAVE?

Yes, none of these are real problems.

These are all "problems" of a comfortable, easy life. These are "problems" that spring up when there is no real threat, no real danger, and no real threat or danger even on the horizon. Jews in concentration camps during the Holocaust had real problems. Christians in Syria facing ISIS have real problems. Christians in Nigeria being threatened with death by Boko Haram have real problems.

People in those societies think we are nuts. They aren't worrying about micro aggressions and chalk drawings. They aren't arguing over whether men or women should use which restroom. They aren't demanding safe spaces where they don't hear anything they don't like. They aren't dividing themselves up over race and class and religion and economic status like we are, shouting each other down as if our lives depended on it. No, they are huddling together for survival.

A brief look at American "problems" shows really how safe and secure our society really is. People being truly threatened could care less about a transgender man clambering for his rights to a bathroom. They'd tell him to shut up and pick up a gun to fight for survival. People whose family members have been crucified by ISIS aren't protesting chalk drawings, trying to get someone to acknowledge their pain. They are huddling together for survival.

Honestly, it shows that we've really gotten soft. Honestly, it shows that we almost have to manufacture things to be outraged over. We have to take the insignificant and blow it up, because nothing of real significance is threatening us. We have more money than anyone on the planet. We have running water. We have electricity. We have cars. We have access to education. We have access to just about anything we want (try walking down the supermarket aisle of a Kroger with someone from Asia and see their jaws drop when they see the 500 different choices of peanut butter you have). We have heat and A/C. We have parks and soccer fields. Our children are so safe that we over schedule their days with activities instead of hunkering them down in a house.

Take a step back, people. Life is so incredibly good that we have to actually manufacture some kind of issue in order for our lives to have some excitement. America's problems are the product of a comfortable, affluent, easy society. People from countries where there are real threats think we are nuts. The truth is- they are right. We ARE nuts to think that bathrooms and chalk drawings are issues worth fighting over. Those aren't issues. Those are products of a complacent, comfortable- and honestly- BORED society.

So, when you read the news and see the arguing and the emotionalism and the hysteria, see it for what it is- a bunch of complacent, safe, comfortable, affluent, secure, bored people trying to find something to be upset about. We really don't have much to be upset about- at least, from the perspective of others in the world with REAL problems.

Perspective always helps.

The Emperor's New Clothes, V 2016

Once upon a time, there were two schemers who hatched a brilliant plan. They went up to the castle where the Emperor lived, and announced that they were the most accomplished tailors in the land. For a sum of $10 million, they would make the most brilliant clothes that anyone had ever seen for the Emperor to wear.

The Emperor was delighted and hired the men at once. They set up shop in a tower of the castle, bringing in spinning wheels, yards and yards of brilliantly colored threads, patterns, etc. The entire castle was in awe of the two scoundrels, whispering about the beautiful clothes that the Emperor would soon be wearing.

Day after day, the two scoundrels went to "work" in the tower. Curious people peeked their heads in to see the men sitting at the spinning wheels. However, to their surprise, they saw no thread on the wheels, no clothes being made. In fact, the two masters seemed to be sitting at the spinning wheels acting like they were making clothes- wheels were spinning, hands were moving, but no clothes were taking shape.

Noticing the looks on the faces of the people, one of the scoundrels said, "These brilliant clothes are in fact magical. They cannot be seen by anyone who is a racist homophobic bigot."

Of course, all of the people watching commented on how beautiful the clothes were, the brilliant shades of red, purple, and yellow, the intricate designs and patterns on the clothes, for no one wanted to be considered a racist homophobic bigot.

The new clothes became the talk of the castle and the surrounding town. Everyone was obsessed with their beauty and intricacy, as all had claimed to have seen them, for no one wanted to be considered a racist homophobic bigot.

Finally, the big day came. The clothes were done, and the emperor was to make a public appearance and walk down the main street of the castle and village to show off his brand new magical clothes. All the people of the kingdom gathered along the road to see the Emperor and his brilliant new clothes.

The two scoundrels carried the "new clothes" down to the Emperor's dressing room, holding their arms out as if carrying heavy garments. The Emperor looked surprised when the scoundrels appeared, but they slyly reminded him, "These are magical, Your Highness. All who are not racist homophobic bigots can see them. Do you see them sir? If not, you are a racist homophobic bigot."

"Ah," said the Emperor. "Of course I see them! They are beautiful! Put them on me right away that I might go and show them to the people."

A few minutes later, the Emperor appeared with his courtiers in tow, walking down the main street of the castle. The crowd erupted in applause as the Emperor, completely naked, walked past them. His courtiers even held their arms as if holding up the train of the garments, for they did not want anyone to consider them racist homophobic bigots.

All the people lining the streets cheered. They made comments about the beauty of the clothes to each other, remarking on the superb craftsmanship of the garments, even though they saw nothing, for no one wanted to be thought of a racist homophobic bigot.

However, as the Emperor passed by, a small child pointed and exclaimed, "Hey! The Emperor has no clothes on!"

The Emperor stopped. The townspeople stopped. The Emperor looked down as the realization hit him- he really had no clothes on. The townspeople realized, as the Emperor did, that they had been duped by the two scoundrels.

As for the two scoundrels, they had run off with their millions. They had managed to fool an entire nation, to get an entire nation to deny their own logic, their own intelligence, their own beliefs, and reality itself, all because of the fear of being called a racist homophobic bigot, which in fact, none of them actually were.

And this, my friends, is the state of America, 2016.

The state of American Elementary Schoolchildren, 2016

I just returned from an overnight field trip with a bunch of 4th graders (over 100 to be exact). Having spent an afternoon, evening, night, and morning with these folks, I have several reflections from that experience, some good and some bad. In no particular order, here they are:

1) American children are heavily medicated. When it came time to go to bed, the camp director brought out a HUGE cardboard box packed to the brim with freezer bags full of medications. Mind you, this was for ONE NIGHT. I doubt very seriously that any of them were antibiotics (you wouldn't have gone on this field trip if you were sick), so I might assume that most of them were ADHD-related drugs. I was astounded. Completely astounded. I don't even think I've seen that many medications in a nursing home. I'm sure that some were medically necessary, but the sheer volume of medications these children are on was very troubling to me. It can't be good for them to take that much medicine. It actually upset me.

2) American children are fascinated with adult men. I was one of three dads that took the trip. If I started talking (it didn't matter what I was talking about- telling a joke, telling a story, asking a question) within ten seconds there were fifteen to twenty kids surrounding me, listening, asking questions, etc. Many times I heard, "Mr. Kibler, Mr Kibler!" I would turn around and say, "Yes?" The child who called my name wouldn't really have anything to say. They would look right and left, trying to think of something to say. What that said to me was that they really didn't have anything important to tell me- they just wanted my attention.

This was true of both boys and girls, but especially the boys. I don't think it was because I'm particularly funny (I'm not) or particularly cool (I'm definitely not). It was simply because I am an adult man. To children who grew up with mothers, female daycare workers, and female teachers, being around a man is certainly a new experience. Men and fathers, the children in our homes and communities are really hungry for your presence in their lives.

3) American children are relatively helpless. I was amazed at what the children were not able to do. Simple tasks that should be easy were foreign and new to them. "Mr Kibler, I lost my socks," one kid told me.

"Well," I said, "this is a small cabin. Did you have them with you in here last night?"
"Yes."
"Have you looked for them around your bed?"
"No."
Then he stopped and looked at me with a pleading in his eyes that said, "It's too hard for me to look for them. Will you just find them for me please?"
I wasn't falling for it. "Well, you'd better look. They are probably right around your bed."
He dropped his shoulders in a dramatic fashion. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"I just can't."
I said, "Well, you better, because I'm not looking for them."

The kid couldn't even look for his own socks, which wound up being under his bed.

I also had to help these ten-year-olds to fold their sleeping bags. Folding a sleeping bag is easy. It's not rocket science. But more than half, probably three-fourths of them, were unable to do it. What's worse, they didn't even try. They waited until someone else did it for them. I saw very clearly that this was the norm in the homes they came from. They were used to adults doing everything for them. They were so incredibly helpless. I felt bad for them. Remember parents, the number one rule of parenting is "Do nothing for your children that they can do for themselves." Allowing the child to struggle and fail before mastering a skill builds self-confidence in them. Overcoming obstacles is the key to success. If you aren't letting your children try and fail and try and fail, you are relegating them to a helpless existence. I certainly saw that on this trip.

4) American children are looking for strong leadership and boundaries. The kids played all day and had a great time canoeing, shooting bow and arrows, doing a ropes course, playing games, going hiking, and roasting marshmallows. They were unusually loud, even for ten-year-olds, and couldn't seem to do anything quietly. I knew we were heading for trouble as it came time to head back to the cabin for lights out. They were already running around and tackling each other and yelling and all that, beating on each other and screaming despite anything that the teachers and/or adults had to say.

I got all the kids in my cabin into the room, and I pulled out my "you-all-are-one-step-from-death" tone of voice that I use when demanding immediate obedience. I gave them the spiel that this was a cabin of 4th graders, not kindergarteners, and that I expected more self-control and more maturity than I was seeing. "The next one that yells or gets too loud," I said in my military voice, "will be doing pushups, wall-sits, and sit-ups until you puke. Then you'll clean it up and do some more. Anyone here think I'm playing? Just test me," I said, glaring at them. Their eyes got wide and their mouths dropped open.

Then, guess what happened? They calmed down. They asked me, in normal inside/calm voices, to tell them some of my funny stories. I told them the (true) story of a guy who went on his first date in college, wound up throwing his pants out the window on the train, and never spoke to the girl again. They thought it was hilarious. They were focused, they were receptive, they were respectful. I told them the story of the blind axe-murderer/ghost that walked with a limp through the campground at night, listening for noisy boys to chop up. THAT got 'em (that's all they talked about the next morning. I even pointed to an old cabin in the woods and told them that was his house).

One other things happened- when I decided not to put up with their immaturity and lack of self-control and called the smackdown on them, THEY HAD MORE FUN. Instead of chaos and hollering and screaming, they talked to one another. They told jokes. They laughed. They interacted with one another. Not one of them- NOT ONE OF THEM- crossed the line I had set. As I turned out the lights and said good night, I reflected that strong boundaries were what these kids were truly craving. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing them to act without self-control. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing immature and stupid behavior to go on. These kids thrived when boundaries were set with very dire consequences when crossed. American kids are hungry for strong leadership and boundaries.

Oh, one other thing- not one of them had to go to therapy because of how mean I was. As a matter of fact, the kids were happier, more respectful, and easier to deal with. Everyone had more fun.

5) American children need to be outdoors. The camp we went to was a 4-H camp. The kids were outside all day, coming in only to eat, then they were back outside. They learned about Kentucky wildlife. They learned about being part of the environment- the REAL environment, not some phony virtual-reality world of computers and video games. They got their shoes and clothes wet in the canoes. They got bitten by bugs. They went on a nighttime hike in only the moonlight. In other words- they LIVED.

I noticed something amazing- when the kids were given outside activities to do, not one of them complained. They loved it. They engaged fully with the things they were doing. No one was talking about movies or youtube videos or video games or anything else. They were outside and they were part of the real world.

I believe that is good for kids. I also believe that they don't get enough of it. Things like 4-H, hiking, canoeing, archery, shooting rifles and shotguns, kayaking, hiking, climbing, exploring- all those are essential parts of childhood, and I believe a great deal of our kids are missing out. Kids need to be outdoors more. They need to be in the world God created, not one that people created. Unfortunately, our kids are more and more absorbed into a world that isn't real- a manufactured, controlled, purchased world that comes to them through a screen. Do we really think this won't have an effect on them?

As we sat there this morning learning about Kentucky wildlife- seeing the skulls of black bears, feeling the skins of foxes and skunks and possums, holding deer antlers and elk antlers- I noticed how fascinated the kids were with them. This was real learning. This was real school. This wasn't going to be on any test. This wasn't going to be measured, evaluated, or graded. It was simply interesting. It was relevant. It was REAL EDUCATION, and guess what? The kids loved it. I reflected back on how much information I learned in school truly was irrelevant, and it made me sad to think that what was going on here was the exception, not the norm.

A true education is exciting. It's not always fun, I get that, but it should definitely be more fun than it has become. These kids loved it. They were learning. They were learning about their environment. They were learning about their home state. They were learning about animals that they shared this world with. It was true education.

6) American children need self-control. One of the most annoying things about chaperoning this group was their lack of self-control. These ten-year-olds, at least many of them, seemed incapable of doing anything without being distracted. Many of them couldn't even walk from one activity to the next (sometimes the distance was less than 100 yards) without veering off the path and having to be brought back. Many of them were incapable of sitting quietly for more than ten seconds. Kids being kids, you say.

Nope. Ten-year-olds demonstrating a lack of self-control. That's exactly what it was. They had been told repeatedly what to do. It was gone in ten seconds. Incapable of sitting still, incapable of walking in a straight line, incapable of following directions, incapable of staying focused. There is a definite need for self-control in America's children today.

Dave, you say, you're being harsh. You can't expect a ten-year-old to demonstrate self-control. You're asking too much.

If a kid can't walk a hundred yards from one station to the next without losing focus and running off, that's not normal. That's a lack of self-control and a lack of focus that should be present at this age. These aren't kindergartners. These are fourth-almost-fifth graders. They need boundaries and they need to be held to a higher standard than what we've been holding them to. Remember parents- we aren't raising children. We are raising ADULTS, and a person (whether child or adult) who cannot demonstrate self-control won't get very far in this world. The kids without self-control were the headaches for all of us adults. They were ANNOYING. Parents, if your child is incapable of controlling himself or herself, your kid is annoying. Fix it, please.


Lots to reflect on. I enjoyed my trip with the kids. The kids were fun- we had no issues of defiance, fighting, talking back, or anything else. Would I do it again? Yes. Parents, take a look at this list of reflections and use them to be the best parent you can be. God bless.

Just because you can't control your emotional reaction to the truth doesn't mean I shouldn't speak it

I read an amazing quote from psychologist Roger Skinner the other day. He said, "Those who cannot control their emotions have no choice but to try and control the actions of others." What a brilliant synopsis of America in 2016.

We live in a nation of emotionally immature people who are increasingly unable to control their emotions. Students at Emory University in Atlanta lined up and protested at the office of the president because someone wrote, "Trump 2016" in sidewalk chalk on the campus. To hear the protestors you would have thought someone had been murdered. However, what was going on here was simple emotional immaturity. They saw something they didn't like. They perceived it as racist or whatever current trendy "ism" is used to justify outrage. They couldn't control their emotional reaction to it, so therefore they had no choice but to try to control the behavior of others- namely, the notorious terrorist who put a name and a date in chalk on a sidewalk.

America is increasingly becoming a nation of victims. It seems that everyone everywhere is persecuted. Everyone everywhere, it seems, is on the receiving end of a systematic structure whose sole purpose is to hurt, to keep down, to discriminate against them. Because of this, people are marching in the streets. People are violently protesting at campaign rallies. People are getting into huge arguments on social media and unfriending people they used to truly like. People are sharply divided, each claiming the other side is actively and systematically discriminating against them- each side clambering for the moral high ground in America by claiming the other side is bigoted, racist, homophobic, or whatever other convenient word is used to try and shut people up.

However, the main problem isn't that everyone is out to get everyone else. The main problem is simply that Americans have no maturity, and because of that, have no ability to control their emotions.

It is now incredibly widely accepted to fly off the handle at every little thing that we hear that we don't like. Measured response, wise response, overlooking an insult, overlooking something that is no big deal- all that is out the window. Emotionalism is what is prized in this society. It would almost seem that the highest ranking person in the social order is the one who has been "discriminated against" the most.

This is a brand new social structure. It used to be that the one with the most popularity was the one with the best looks, or the most money, or the most athletic ability. That has all been replaced by the one who is the biggest victim. Whoever can manage the biggest emotional reaction to an event, a saying, or an encounter is now the new "popular" one. Society, previously, heaped praise and status upon those who had achieved something. Now, it heaps praise and status on the one who has their feelings hurt the most. We have achieved a brand new social order- where the loudest victim is now the most popular one in the room.

However, this can only carry on for a short time before people start to take notice. People who emotionally react to every little thing get very tiresome to be around. Therefore, the professional victim class had to come up with another way to justify their inability to control their emotions in order to stay on top of the social pecking order. They invented a thing called "triggering."

Now the social status of the emotionally immature can be completely solidified and justified, because now their emotional reactions are beyond their control. It is not their fault that they react the way they do. The fault doesn't lie with emotional immaturity. It lies with a "trigger" event that moves the victim into an area where he or she is no longer responsible for his or her actions.

Once "triggered," these people throw off all wisdom, restraint, accountability, and consequences. The explanation given is that whatever "triggered" them- sidewalk chalk, microaggressions, a comment, an insult, a political opinion they disagree with, whatever it is- is so horrible that the person has no option but to lose control and act in ways that, prior to the triggering, would be unacceptable, but now because of the triggering, are completely understandable. People are justifying violence at Trump rallies because they were "triggered" and therefore are above accountability. Professors at colleges are stealing pro-life signs, claiming the slogans "triggered" them and therefore were justified in their actions. Once the blame can be placed on the "trigger," people no longer accept responsibility for their actions, claiming that they are victimized and therefore justified in whatever it is they do.

All of this boils down to Skinner's quote. These emotionally immature people cannot control their emotions, and therefore they have no option but to try to control the actions of others.

However, just because you can't control your emotional reaction to the truth doesn't mean I shouldn't speak it.

And that is the issue here in America. We are at an impasse. We have the right to free speech in this country. We also have an increasingly emotionally immature population who can't handle hearing anything they don't already agree with. So, one of two things must be done.  1) We shut down free speech, or 2) the emotionally immature must learn to control their emotions when they hear speech they disagree with.

Sadly, society seems to be taking option #1. We are prizing emotional comfort over the God-given right of free speech. We are favoring not hurting anyone's feelings over the inherent right to speak our minds. I believe this to be the key struggle of our day here in America in 2016. My suggestion to those who do not like option #1 is this- continue to speak freely. Continue to exercise your right to free speech. People will have emotional reactions to it. So what? Speak it anyway. Do not let those who cannot control their emotions control your behavior. Don't let their inability to handle anything they don't already agree with stop you from speaking freely.

The micro aggression/triggering/fascism stuff, sounding so intellectual and new and brilliant, is simple emotional immaturity.

If hearing something you disagree with throws you into uncontrollable emotional fits, the problem is YOU.

If you feel the need to control the actions or words or beliefs of another person because you don't like what they say, the problem is YOU.

If you claim that something "triggered" you and therefore you can justify any kind of action against someone else, the problem is YOU.

If you feel the need to shut down, shame, insult, ridicule, or silence anything you disagree with, the problem is YOU.

Just because you can't control your emotional reaction to the truth doesn't mean I shouldn't speak it.

Civil Disobedience For Pastors in Light of New Legislation

I saw the national news about the Georgia governor vetoing the religious rights protection bill or whatever it was called. Depending on what news source you read, it was either a triumph of goodwill towards persecuted minorities and the gay/lesbian community or the beginning of open season on churches and pastors.

I'm not freaking out, even though the bill apparently would have provided legal protection for pastors if someone attempted to force them to perform gay weddings or force a church to host one. This is why:

When I worked at Little Caesar's pizza when I was in college, there were some rather interesting guys that made the pizzas. We, like most businesses, had repeat customers, some of whom were very rude and condescending. Well, those folks received "special" treatment.

If a customer was abusive or angry or anything like that, it was no stretch to say that certain things happened to their pizza before it was delivered. I would leave that to your imagination as to the details, but one thing I learned- when you are wanting the services of someone, you'd better be kind to them.

That's why I shook my head when I heard about gay couples suing a wedding cake company. There is no way on EARTH I would have ever eaten a piece of that cake. I saw what the pizza guys did to rude customers' orders. There is no telling what kind of cake you would be getting if you sued the person making it. All I know is that if you were at that wedding and ate a piece of the cake, you need to see your doctor immediately.

In WWII, the German high command forced concentration camp victims to make ammunition for the Wehrmacht (German army). When guards weren't looking, the slave laborers would fill the bullets with sand instead of gunpowder. American GI's can all tell you that the number of duds- unexploded artillery shells, potato mashers (grenades), etc was MUCH higher than normal. The "workers" resisted by sabotaging what they were being forced to do. They didn't just lay down. They resisted. They found a way to fight even under the threat of punishment and death.

The gay/lesbian community would be incredibly foolish to sue a pastor or a church and force them to perform a wedding.  Why? Same reason the German army shouldn't have forced slave laborers to make ammunition for them- you don't threaten people you need. They'll find a way to fight back.

The pastor would show up an hour late, dressed in shorts and a wife-beater t-shirt with Billy Bob teeth instead of a suit.

The pastor would do the service in Spanish, or German, or Pig-Latin.

The flowers would mistakenly be watered with bleach instead of water the night before.

The pastor would lose the marriage license.

The pastor would preach a two-hour sermon, reading from the book of Leviticus about everyone who begat someone else, eventually getting around to something having to do with weddings.

The A/C units would mysteriously stop working, especially if it were a summer wedding. Same with the heating unit for a winter wedding.

The toilets would mysteriously stop up.

The reception tables would all of a sudden be missing screws and brackets.

I could go on.

See, pastors, you don't need to freak out. You're holding all the cards. If they need your services, or intend to force you against your beliefs and against your will to participate, you are still in control. A few "weddings" like I described above would be all it would take to stop the lawsuits and agenda. Get creative. I'm sure you can think of better things than I was able to come up with. Just sabotage it. Make it miserable for the couple. Let them encounter resistance at every turn. Be late. Be sloppy. Be unprofessional. Forget details. Turn off the water to the building. Make significant mistakes on the wedding license, so it will have to be returned and done over again. Postpone the wedding several times. Get the flu the day of the wedding. If, like me, you require marriage counseling sessions before marriage, miss those appointments. Have someone hold a lighter to the smoke detector during the ceremony so the service will have to be interrupted by fire fighters. Send the marriage license to the wrong county in the wrong state so it gets lost.

In other words, make it NOT WORTH THEIR EFFORT TO FORCE YOU TO VIOLATE YOUR CONSCIENCE. Make their experience so miserable, so taxing, so time-consuming, so terrible, that they decide it isn't worth the effort. Make their wedding so awful, so miserable, so cluster-you-know-what that all of their courtroom time, all their plans, all their forcing of agenda will simply not be worth it.

This is the way all people who try to force pastors to violate their conscience and convictions should be treated. There is nothing in the Bible that commands pastors or Christians to roll over and play dead in the face of tyranny, in the face of violating your conscience, in the face of being forced to do something you believe runs contrary to your beliefs.

Some people will say that's not very loving, that pastors should just be loving and kind and treat all people with respect and dignity. That's true. We should be loving and kind and treat all people with respect and dignity. However, that doesn't mean you participate willingly in something you believe to be wrong. There is a time for peace and a time for war, the Bible says. There is a time to compromise and a time to hold fast to your beliefs. If someone declares war on you- on your name, your reputation, on your livelihood, your freedom, your church- it's time to go to war. It's time to fight. It's time to stand up and not be a doormat. The weapons I've described above- nonviolent weapons of sabotage and civil disobedience- are the ones to fight with. War has been declared. So go to war.

When I hear of bills like this being vetoed, I do little more than yawn. Pastors, you are still holding all the cards.

When you feel like complaining . . . .

My wife and I were downstairs early this morning, which is pretty rare. Most of the time one of us is gone to work or meetings in the early mornings, so this was kind of rare.

She was fixing scrambled eggs for our son who has to go to school first. She asked me, while she was fixing breakfast, to make our son a sandwich for his lunch. I went over to the fridge and opened it up. That's when my bad day started.

As soon as I opened the door, stuff started falling. A container of cherry tomatoes, not properly put away, fell out and scattered all over the floor. I happened to step on a few of them. Then more items started spilling out, and it was all I could do to catch them before they hit the ground- jars of jelly, apples, you name it. All spilling out. It would have been pretty funny if I was watching someone else, but I was definitely not amused.

When I finally stopped the avalanche of refrigerator items from falling, I was pretty mad. Someone had just thrown all the stuff in there and I happened to be the one reaping the consequences. It was quite a mess. To make things worse, when I reached in to get the bread and turkey, as I was pulling them out of the fridge, I started another avalanche of stuff.

I lost my cool. I started complaining.

And then it hit me.

I'm complaining about having so much food that it's spilling out of the fridge. Really?

See, what I learned today was that most of what we complain about, if not all, are things that God blesses us with. I began to think about the things I complain about on a daily basis- and there was something in every one of them that was a blessing from God:

1. The over-abundance of food in my house that I complained about this morning- I'm literally complaining about having too much food. Lord, help me change that complaint into thankfulness and amazement that I have more food in my house than many people see in a month.

2. The mess in the family room that drives me nuts- that's the sign of a house full of children. Lord, help me change that complaint into thankfulness and amazement, because there are many in this world who cannot have children or have lost children and would die to have that mess if it meant they actually had children. Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of my children.

3. The traffic on the roads that I complain about- that's the sign that I am wealthy enough to afford a car, insurance, gas, and so is everyone else on the road. Amazing. I also am healthy enough to drive. Lord, help me change that complaint into thankfulness and amazement that I have a standard of living that includes not just one car, but three, and the ability to drive on safe roads.

4. The idiots in government that are running this country- the fact that I can write that without fear of being arrested means I live in a free country. Lord, help me change that complaint into thankfulness and amazement. People in North Korea would die to be able to say the things I am saying/have said about those in power.

5. The never-ending chores of being a homeowner: yard work, mowing, lawn care; fixing/replacing broken appliances, painting, cleaning, etc. Lord, help me turn that complaint into thankfulness that I own my own home (and I love it) and it's more than I could ever deserve.

6. The never-decreasing piles of laundry- that's the sign that my wife, children, and I are healthy and active and all play sports. Lord, help me turn that complaint into thankfulness, because You have given us a healthy home. It's also a sign that we have plenty to wear, and we have more clothes than many people in this world. We have an over-abundance of one of life's essentials. We are so blessed.

I could go on. I think one of the ways you know that you are growing closer to the Lord is that you are able to turn your complaints into praise. Just about everything you complain about is actually a blessing that God has given you.

Do you complain about work? You have the blessing of a job, of income. Turn it into thankfulness.
Do you complain about your spouse? You have the blessing of marriage. Turn it into thankfulness.
Do you complain about the weather? You have the blessing of changing seasons. Be thankful.
Do you complain about anything? I guarantee there is one of God's many blessings right there beside it.

Find the blessing in the complaint, and turn your complaints into thankfulness to God. Honestly, we should have no reason to complain about anything. God is good. We are blessed.

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Philippians 2:14-15

"Well, I guess I'll have to give up my girlfriend . . . "

Last Sunday, I was finishing up my Inside/Out Dad prison ministry. One of the guys asked if he could talk with me after class. He approached me and said, "Just wanted you to know- I had divorce papers that I was going to send to my wife, but because of last week's class I decided not to."

I nodded.

He continued, "You said that you'd sit down and do counseling for anyone in this class. Will you really sit down with me and my wife and help us work things out?"

I said, "Sure. I'm a pastor. I do that all the time. I'd love to sit down with you and your wife and see if there are things I can help with. I really believe in marriage and want to see everyone succeed in it."

Then, in one of those moments where the Holy Spirit guides you, I said, "This past Tuesday night I was watching the UK-Alabama game when I got a message that a friend of mine had died. I had baptized him back in July a few months ago. He went to work, came home, sat down on the couch, massive heart attack, and died."

I continued, "I went to the hospital to visit the family. When I got there, it was mass chaos. The family was grieving, the coroner was trying to get information from his wife who was understandably beside herself with grief, family was there, etc. I sat and listened and counseled with the family for about an hour."

"Then it was time to go home. I walked back to the room, room #6, where my friend's body lay. I went there with his wife and stepdaughter- the women of the family. This was going to be their goodbye. The last words they would say to him. I'll never forget what they said."

I looked at the inmate. I said, "The wife leaned down and said, "Joe, you were so good to me. No one has ever loved me the way you did. Thank you." His stepdaughter said the same thing, "Joe Daddy, you were so good to me. You treated me so well."

The guy looking at me was silent.

I said, "That's what being a man is about. For the women in the family- the ones we are supposed to love and cherish and take care of and provide for- for them to say at the end of our lives, "You were so good to me, no one has ever loved me like you did," is about as good as it gets for a man. Now, let's say it was you laying on the table dead. Would your wife and daughter say that to you?"

He looked at me and said, "Probably not."

I said, "Well, what can you do right now, and continue doing for the rest of your life, so that they actually WOULD say that?"

He looked me in the eye and said with a straight face, "Well, I'd probably have to give up my girlfriend."

It's not easy to render me speechless, but he sure managed to do it. I thought he was joking at first, but he was as serious as he could be. I raised my eyebrows, gave him the two thumbs up signal and said, "Good plan."

After talking a little bit more, I found out that the reason he wanted to sit down with me and his wife wasn't to work on their marriage. He wanted me to tell his wife that she needed to get over his having a girlfriend on the side. That's what he thought I would do for him.

I said, "You're absolutely nuts. I'm not going to tell your wife that you having a girlfriend is okay."

The entire situation is laughable, right?

Who in their right mind would want a minister to say that outright sin is okay? It would never happen, right?

Sadly, that is what Christians do every day. Although we are much more sneaky about it.

How many of us want to be committed to God? If you are a Christian, probably most of us. Now consider this: how many of us want the preacher to preach on tithing? If you are a Christian, probably no one. The Christian is too many times like this inmate- he's got his "marriage" to God but also his sin of selfishness on the side, and he wants the preacher to tell God that his disobedience to the Word of God is okay.

How many of us have our "marriage" to God but also have our porn on the side? Or our adulterous affair on the side? Or our lack of prayer,  lack of study of the Word, lack of passion for the Great Commission, and idolatry on the side? How many of us want to wear the label "Christian" and yet lead lives that look no different than the rest of the non-Christian world?

We are like that guy. We are the inmate who wants both his wife and his girlfriend. Far too often, that describes the Body of Christ.

Well, like marriage, it won't work.

I can't imagine that any bride, on her wedding day, would like to hear the words from her soon-to-be-husband, "In sickness and in health, for better for worse, till death do us part . . . .  wait. How committed do I have to be to you? What if I am 98% committed to you and only commit adultery once a year? Will that be okay? How about 95%? How committed do I have to be to you before you'll get mad?"

The bride would likely look away in disgust and say, "It's either 100% or 0%. If I'm not your one and only, I'm gone."

God is the same way.

People, today we need to stop committing spiritual adultery, which is exactly what we are doing. Like that inmate, let's get rid of our "girlfriend on the side" and commit our way solely to the Lord our God. You know exactly what needs to leave your life. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Get rid of it today. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.