The problems we are having actually shows how good life really is

I was trying to explain America to some foreign friends of mine. I was trying to explain the biggest issue in America, which seems to be whether men and women should use separate bathrooms, and how upset aging rock stars seem to be over it. After trying to explain why this was a national disaster alarm emergency requiring 24/7 news media coverage and shouting matches on social media, it all sounded rather silly. It certainly did to him. He just kind of shook his head indicating that he thought we Americans had lost our collective freaking minds. He is right.

I started thinking about the other "problems" we are having. Atheists suing school boards over Christmas displays. Safe spaces and campus protests over chalk drawings. Micro aggressions (which is where no real insult was delivered, it just SEEMED like one, and therefore the emotionally immature person took offense), triggers, etc. None of these are real problems.

WHAT?
HOW DARE YOU, DAVE?

Yes, none of these are real problems.

These are all "problems" of a comfortable, easy life. These are "problems" that spring up when there is no real threat, no real danger, and no real threat or danger even on the horizon. Jews in concentration camps during the Holocaust had real problems. Christians in Syria facing ISIS have real problems. Christians in Nigeria being threatened with death by Boko Haram have real problems.

People in those societies think we are nuts. They aren't worrying about micro aggressions and chalk drawings. They aren't arguing over whether men or women should use which restroom. They aren't demanding safe spaces where they don't hear anything they don't like. They aren't dividing themselves up over race and class and religion and economic status like we are, shouting each other down as if our lives depended on it. No, they are huddling together for survival.

A brief look at American "problems" shows really how safe and secure our society really is. People being truly threatened could care less about a transgender man clambering for his rights to a bathroom. They'd tell him to shut up and pick up a gun to fight for survival. People whose family members have been crucified by ISIS aren't protesting chalk drawings, trying to get someone to acknowledge their pain. They are huddling together for survival.

Honestly, it shows that we've really gotten soft. Honestly, it shows that we almost have to manufacture things to be outraged over. We have to take the insignificant and blow it up, because nothing of real significance is threatening us. We have more money than anyone on the planet. We have running water. We have electricity. We have cars. We have access to education. We have access to just about anything we want (try walking down the supermarket aisle of a Kroger with someone from Asia and see their jaws drop when they see the 500 different choices of peanut butter you have). We have heat and A/C. We have parks and soccer fields. Our children are so safe that we over schedule their days with activities instead of hunkering them down in a house.

Take a step back, people. Life is so incredibly good that we have to actually manufacture some kind of issue in order for our lives to have some excitement. America's problems are the product of a comfortable, affluent, easy society. People from countries where there are real threats think we are nuts. The truth is- they are right. We ARE nuts to think that bathrooms and chalk drawings are issues worth fighting over. Those aren't issues. Those are products of a complacent, comfortable- and honestly- BORED society.

So, when you read the news and see the arguing and the emotionalism and the hysteria, see it for what it is- a bunch of complacent, safe, comfortable, affluent, secure, bored people trying to find something to be upset about. We really don't have much to be upset about- at least, from the perspective of others in the world with REAL problems.

Perspective always helps.

The Emperor's New Clothes, V 2016

Once upon a time, there were two schemers who hatched a brilliant plan. They went up to the castle where the Emperor lived, and announced that they were the most accomplished tailors in the land. For a sum of $10 million, they would make the most brilliant clothes that anyone had ever seen for the Emperor to wear.

The Emperor was delighted and hired the men at once. They set up shop in a tower of the castle, bringing in spinning wheels, yards and yards of brilliantly colored threads, patterns, etc. The entire castle was in awe of the two scoundrels, whispering about the beautiful clothes that the Emperor would soon be wearing.

Day after day, the two scoundrels went to "work" in the tower. Curious people peeked their heads in to see the men sitting at the spinning wheels. However, to their surprise, they saw no thread on the wheels, no clothes being made. In fact, the two masters seemed to be sitting at the spinning wheels acting like they were making clothes- wheels were spinning, hands were moving, but no clothes were taking shape.

Noticing the looks on the faces of the people, one of the scoundrels said, "These brilliant clothes are in fact magical. They cannot be seen by anyone who is a racist homophobic bigot."

Of course, all of the people watching commented on how beautiful the clothes were, the brilliant shades of red, purple, and yellow, the intricate designs and patterns on the clothes, for no one wanted to be considered a racist homophobic bigot.

The new clothes became the talk of the castle and the surrounding town. Everyone was obsessed with their beauty and intricacy, as all had claimed to have seen them, for no one wanted to be considered a racist homophobic bigot.

Finally, the big day came. The clothes were done, and the emperor was to make a public appearance and walk down the main street of the castle and village to show off his brand new magical clothes. All the people of the kingdom gathered along the road to see the Emperor and his brilliant new clothes.

The two scoundrels carried the "new clothes" down to the Emperor's dressing room, holding their arms out as if carrying heavy garments. The Emperor looked surprised when the scoundrels appeared, but they slyly reminded him, "These are magical, Your Highness. All who are not racist homophobic bigots can see them. Do you see them sir? If not, you are a racist homophobic bigot."

"Ah," said the Emperor. "Of course I see them! They are beautiful! Put them on me right away that I might go and show them to the people."

A few minutes later, the Emperor appeared with his courtiers in tow, walking down the main street of the castle. The crowd erupted in applause as the Emperor, completely naked, walked past them. His courtiers even held their arms as if holding up the train of the garments, for they did not want anyone to consider them racist homophobic bigots.

All the people lining the streets cheered. They made comments about the beauty of the clothes to each other, remarking on the superb craftsmanship of the garments, even though they saw nothing, for no one wanted to be thought of a racist homophobic bigot.

However, as the Emperor passed by, a small child pointed and exclaimed, "Hey! The Emperor has no clothes on!"

The Emperor stopped. The townspeople stopped. The Emperor looked down as the realization hit him- he really had no clothes on. The townspeople realized, as the Emperor did, that they had been duped by the two scoundrels.

As for the two scoundrels, they had run off with their millions. They had managed to fool an entire nation, to get an entire nation to deny their own logic, their own intelligence, their own beliefs, and reality itself, all because of the fear of being called a racist homophobic bigot, which in fact, none of them actually were.

And this, my friends, is the state of America, 2016.

The state of American Elementary Schoolchildren, 2016

I just returned from an overnight field trip with a bunch of 4th graders (over 100 to be exact). Having spent an afternoon, evening, night, and morning with these folks, I have several reflections from that experience, some good and some bad. In no particular order, here they are:

1) American children are heavily medicated. When it came time to go to bed, the camp director brought out a HUGE cardboard box packed to the brim with freezer bags full of medications. Mind you, this was for ONE NIGHT. I doubt very seriously that any of them were antibiotics (you wouldn't have gone on this field trip if you were sick), so I might assume that most of them were ADHD-related drugs. I was astounded. Completely astounded. I don't even think I've seen that many medications in a nursing home. I'm sure that some were medically necessary, but the sheer volume of medications these children are on was very troubling to me. It can't be good for them to take that much medicine. It actually upset me.

2) American children are fascinated with adult men. I was one of three dads that took the trip. If I started talking (it didn't matter what I was talking about- telling a joke, telling a story, asking a question) within ten seconds there were fifteen to twenty kids surrounding me, listening, asking questions, etc. Many times I heard, "Mr. Kibler, Mr Kibler!" I would turn around and say, "Yes?" The child who called my name wouldn't really have anything to say. They would look right and left, trying to think of something to say. What that said to me was that they really didn't have anything important to tell me- they just wanted my attention.

This was true of both boys and girls, but especially the boys. I don't think it was because I'm particularly funny (I'm not) or particularly cool (I'm definitely not). It was simply because I am an adult man. To children who grew up with mothers, female daycare workers, and female teachers, being around a man is certainly a new experience. Men and fathers, the children in our homes and communities are really hungry for your presence in their lives.

3) American children are relatively helpless. I was amazed at what the children were not able to do. Simple tasks that should be easy were foreign and new to them. "Mr Kibler, I lost my socks," one kid told me.

"Well," I said, "this is a small cabin. Did you have them with you in here last night?"
"Yes."
"Have you looked for them around your bed?"
"No."
Then he stopped and looked at me with a pleading in his eyes that said, "It's too hard for me to look for them. Will you just find them for me please?"
I wasn't falling for it. "Well, you'd better look. They are probably right around your bed."
He dropped his shoulders in a dramatic fashion. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"I just can't."
I said, "Well, you better, because I'm not looking for them."

The kid couldn't even look for his own socks, which wound up being under his bed.

I also had to help these ten-year-olds to fold their sleeping bags. Folding a sleeping bag is easy. It's not rocket science. But more than half, probably three-fourths of them, were unable to do it. What's worse, they didn't even try. They waited until someone else did it for them. I saw very clearly that this was the norm in the homes they came from. They were used to adults doing everything for them. They were so incredibly helpless. I felt bad for them. Remember parents, the number one rule of parenting is "Do nothing for your children that they can do for themselves." Allowing the child to struggle and fail before mastering a skill builds self-confidence in them. Overcoming obstacles is the key to success. If you aren't letting your children try and fail and try and fail, you are relegating them to a helpless existence. I certainly saw that on this trip.

4) American children are looking for strong leadership and boundaries. The kids played all day and had a great time canoeing, shooting bow and arrows, doing a ropes course, playing games, going hiking, and roasting marshmallows. They were unusually loud, even for ten-year-olds, and couldn't seem to do anything quietly. I knew we were heading for trouble as it came time to head back to the cabin for lights out. They were already running around and tackling each other and yelling and all that, beating on each other and screaming despite anything that the teachers and/or adults had to say.

I got all the kids in my cabin into the room, and I pulled out my "you-all-are-one-step-from-death" tone of voice that I use when demanding immediate obedience. I gave them the spiel that this was a cabin of 4th graders, not kindergarteners, and that I expected more self-control and more maturity than I was seeing. "The next one that yells or gets too loud," I said in my military voice, "will be doing pushups, wall-sits, and sit-ups until you puke. Then you'll clean it up and do some more. Anyone here think I'm playing? Just test me," I said, glaring at them. Their eyes got wide and their mouths dropped open.

Then, guess what happened? They calmed down. They asked me, in normal inside/calm voices, to tell them some of my funny stories. I told them the (true) story of a guy who went on his first date in college, wound up throwing his pants out the window on the train, and never spoke to the girl again. They thought it was hilarious. They were focused, they were receptive, they were respectful. I told them the story of the blind axe-murderer/ghost that walked with a limp through the campground at night, listening for noisy boys to chop up. THAT got 'em (that's all they talked about the next morning. I even pointed to an old cabin in the woods and told them that was his house).

One other things happened- when I decided not to put up with their immaturity and lack of self-control and called the smackdown on them, THEY HAD MORE FUN. Instead of chaos and hollering and screaming, they talked to one another. They told jokes. They laughed. They interacted with one another. Not one of them- NOT ONE OF THEM- crossed the line I had set. As I turned out the lights and said good night, I reflected that strong boundaries were what these kids were truly craving. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing them to act without self-control. We are doing our kids no favors by allowing immature and stupid behavior to go on. These kids thrived when boundaries were set with very dire consequences when crossed. American kids are hungry for strong leadership and boundaries.

Oh, one other thing- not one of them had to go to therapy because of how mean I was. As a matter of fact, the kids were happier, more respectful, and easier to deal with. Everyone had more fun.

5) American children need to be outdoors. The camp we went to was a 4-H camp. The kids were outside all day, coming in only to eat, then they were back outside. They learned about Kentucky wildlife. They learned about being part of the environment- the REAL environment, not some phony virtual-reality world of computers and video games. They got their shoes and clothes wet in the canoes. They got bitten by bugs. They went on a nighttime hike in only the moonlight. In other words- they LIVED.

I noticed something amazing- when the kids were given outside activities to do, not one of them complained. They loved it. They engaged fully with the things they were doing. No one was talking about movies or youtube videos or video games or anything else. They were outside and they were part of the real world.

I believe that is good for kids. I also believe that they don't get enough of it. Things like 4-H, hiking, canoeing, archery, shooting rifles and shotguns, kayaking, hiking, climbing, exploring- all those are essential parts of childhood, and I believe a great deal of our kids are missing out. Kids need to be outdoors more. They need to be in the world God created, not one that people created. Unfortunately, our kids are more and more absorbed into a world that isn't real- a manufactured, controlled, purchased world that comes to them through a screen. Do we really think this won't have an effect on them?

As we sat there this morning learning about Kentucky wildlife- seeing the skulls of black bears, feeling the skins of foxes and skunks and possums, holding deer antlers and elk antlers- I noticed how fascinated the kids were with them. This was real learning. This was real school. This wasn't going to be on any test. This wasn't going to be measured, evaluated, or graded. It was simply interesting. It was relevant. It was REAL EDUCATION, and guess what? The kids loved it. I reflected back on how much information I learned in school truly was irrelevant, and it made me sad to think that what was going on here was the exception, not the norm.

A true education is exciting. It's not always fun, I get that, but it should definitely be more fun than it has become. These kids loved it. They were learning. They were learning about their environment. They were learning about their home state. They were learning about animals that they shared this world with. It was true education.

6) American children need self-control. One of the most annoying things about chaperoning this group was their lack of self-control. These ten-year-olds, at least many of them, seemed incapable of doing anything without being distracted. Many of them couldn't even walk from one activity to the next (sometimes the distance was less than 100 yards) without veering off the path and having to be brought back. Many of them were incapable of sitting quietly for more than ten seconds. Kids being kids, you say.

Nope. Ten-year-olds demonstrating a lack of self-control. That's exactly what it was. They had been told repeatedly what to do. It was gone in ten seconds. Incapable of sitting still, incapable of walking in a straight line, incapable of following directions, incapable of staying focused. There is a definite need for self-control in America's children today.

Dave, you say, you're being harsh. You can't expect a ten-year-old to demonstrate self-control. You're asking too much.

If a kid can't walk a hundred yards from one station to the next without losing focus and running off, that's not normal. That's a lack of self-control and a lack of focus that should be present at this age. These aren't kindergartners. These are fourth-almost-fifth graders. They need boundaries and they need to be held to a higher standard than what we've been holding them to. Remember parents- we aren't raising children. We are raising ADULTS, and a person (whether child or adult) who cannot demonstrate self-control won't get very far in this world. The kids without self-control were the headaches for all of us adults. They were ANNOYING. Parents, if your child is incapable of controlling himself or herself, your kid is annoying. Fix it, please.


Lots to reflect on. I enjoyed my trip with the kids. The kids were fun- we had no issues of defiance, fighting, talking back, or anything else. Would I do it again? Yes. Parents, take a look at this list of reflections and use them to be the best parent you can be. God bless.

Just because you can't control your emotional reaction to the truth doesn't mean I shouldn't speak it

I read an amazing quote from psychologist Roger Skinner the other day. He said, "Those who cannot control their emotions have no choice but to try and control the actions of others." What a brilliant synopsis of America in 2016.

We live in a nation of emotionally immature people who are increasingly unable to control their emotions. Students at Emory University in Atlanta lined up and protested at the office of the president because someone wrote, "Trump 2016" in sidewalk chalk on the campus. To hear the protestors you would have thought someone had been murdered. However, what was going on here was simple emotional immaturity. They saw something they didn't like. They perceived it as racist or whatever current trendy "ism" is used to justify outrage. They couldn't control their emotional reaction to it, so therefore they had no choice but to try to control the behavior of others- namely, the notorious terrorist who put a name and a date in chalk on a sidewalk.

America is increasingly becoming a nation of victims. It seems that everyone everywhere is persecuted. Everyone everywhere, it seems, is on the receiving end of a systematic structure whose sole purpose is to hurt, to keep down, to discriminate against them. Because of this, people are marching in the streets. People are violently protesting at campaign rallies. People are getting into huge arguments on social media and unfriending people they used to truly like. People are sharply divided, each claiming the other side is actively and systematically discriminating against them- each side clambering for the moral high ground in America by claiming the other side is bigoted, racist, homophobic, or whatever other convenient word is used to try and shut people up.

However, the main problem isn't that everyone is out to get everyone else. The main problem is simply that Americans have no maturity, and because of that, have no ability to control their emotions.

It is now incredibly widely accepted to fly off the handle at every little thing that we hear that we don't like. Measured response, wise response, overlooking an insult, overlooking something that is no big deal- all that is out the window. Emotionalism is what is prized in this society. It would almost seem that the highest ranking person in the social order is the one who has been "discriminated against" the most.

This is a brand new social structure. It used to be that the one with the most popularity was the one with the best looks, or the most money, or the most athletic ability. That has all been replaced by the one who is the biggest victim. Whoever can manage the biggest emotional reaction to an event, a saying, or an encounter is now the new "popular" one. Society, previously, heaped praise and status upon those who had achieved something. Now, it heaps praise and status on the one who has their feelings hurt the most. We have achieved a brand new social order- where the loudest victim is now the most popular one in the room.

However, this can only carry on for a short time before people start to take notice. People who emotionally react to every little thing get very tiresome to be around. Therefore, the professional victim class had to come up with another way to justify their inability to control their emotions in order to stay on top of the social pecking order. They invented a thing called "triggering."

Now the social status of the emotionally immature can be completely solidified and justified, because now their emotional reactions are beyond their control. It is not their fault that they react the way they do. The fault doesn't lie with emotional immaturity. It lies with a "trigger" event that moves the victim into an area where he or she is no longer responsible for his or her actions.

Once "triggered," these people throw off all wisdom, restraint, accountability, and consequences. The explanation given is that whatever "triggered" them- sidewalk chalk, microaggressions, a comment, an insult, a political opinion they disagree with, whatever it is- is so horrible that the person has no option but to lose control and act in ways that, prior to the triggering, would be unacceptable, but now because of the triggering, are completely understandable. People are justifying violence at Trump rallies because they were "triggered" and therefore are above accountability. Professors at colleges are stealing pro-life signs, claiming the slogans "triggered" them and therefore were justified in their actions. Once the blame can be placed on the "trigger," people no longer accept responsibility for their actions, claiming that they are victimized and therefore justified in whatever it is they do.

All of this boils down to Skinner's quote. These emotionally immature people cannot control their emotions, and therefore they have no option but to try to control the actions of others.

However, just because you can't control your emotional reaction to the truth doesn't mean I shouldn't speak it.

And that is the issue here in America. We are at an impasse. We have the right to free speech in this country. We also have an increasingly emotionally immature population who can't handle hearing anything they don't already agree with. So, one of two things must be done.  1) We shut down free speech, or 2) the emotionally immature must learn to control their emotions when they hear speech they disagree with.

Sadly, society seems to be taking option #1. We are prizing emotional comfort over the God-given right of free speech. We are favoring not hurting anyone's feelings over the inherent right to speak our minds. I believe this to be the key struggle of our day here in America in 2016. My suggestion to those who do not like option #1 is this- continue to speak freely. Continue to exercise your right to free speech. People will have emotional reactions to it. So what? Speak it anyway. Do not let those who cannot control their emotions control your behavior. Don't let their inability to handle anything they don't already agree with stop you from speaking freely.

The micro aggression/triggering/fascism stuff, sounding so intellectual and new and brilliant, is simple emotional immaturity.

If hearing something you disagree with throws you into uncontrollable emotional fits, the problem is YOU.

If you feel the need to control the actions or words or beliefs of another person because you don't like what they say, the problem is YOU.

If you claim that something "triggered" you and therefore you can justify any kind of action against someone else, the problem is YOU.

If you feel the need to shut down, shame, insult, ridicule, or silence anything you disagree with, the problem is YOU.

Just because you can't control your emotional reaction to the truth doesn't mean I shouldn't speak it.