Why all the fuss about sexual harassment?

I became a father in 1999. My daughter Casey was born, and I became the father to a daughter.

Becoming a father changes your life immensely, but to me, becoming a father to a daughter was especially intense. I had never really been around females that much. Growing up, I only had one brother (no sisters) and there were eleven boys on my street. Not much in the way of being around females that much.

That all changed when my daughter was born. We were living in Alabama at the time, and my wife and I worked out at a Gold's Gym in town. I remember vividly one day walking into the gym, carrying my infant daughter on the way to the child care room. A music video was on the TVs, and the music was blasting throughout the gym. The song was, "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang, and the chorus said, "

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

(My first thought when I heard that song was, "I'll bet every high school guy in America wants to date that singer's daughter, because he wouldn't have any problem with her sleeping around. She ain't nothin' but a mammal, anyway." My second thought was, "I hope his daughter is better looking than he is.")

But I digress. Back to the topic.

Sexual harassment doesn't exist in the animal kingdom. 

I hunt deer. One of the things I've learned is that during the mating season, the male buck will pursue the female doe relentlessly. When he finds her, he basically has his way with her. He will physically lock her down, mate with her many times, then stay with her for a few days to fight off other bucks who would compete for "mating rights" with her.

Let's just say there doesn't seem to be much in it for the doe. She carries the unborn deer, gives birth, feeds and nurtures it, and the buck doesn't even call the next day. Shameful.

Why am I saying all this?

Well, I was thoroughly schooled in the secular concept of abiogenesis/evolution. I was taught, as many people are, in no uncertain terms that there is no God, that we are all evolved, that what is right and wrong is not universal but subjective to each individual, and that we are simply mammals. That's it. The notion that we were made in the image of God was mocked and scoffed at. The notion that God has laid down a moral law that cannot be changed or trifled with was scorned. 

So, I ask again, if that's the case, what is the big deal with all the sexual harassment charges these days?

Why do we have a different moral standard than that of a deer?

See, in the animal kingdom, when it comes to male/female relations, there is only one moral law- might makes right. The stronger prey upon the weaker. Might makes right. That's the way of things in the animal kingdom. In the animal kingdom, the greatest "good" that can happen is that you, the stronger, takes advantage of the weaker. That's what the bucks do. That's what ensures that their genes will be passed down to the next generation.

Why are humans different?

Why aren't men like Al Franken, John Conyers, Matt Lauer, Harvey Weinstein, Bill O' Reilly, and others seen as moral? After all, these are powerful men. They were living out the morality of the animal kingdom- using their power and influence to prey upon the weaker. After all, we ain't nothin' but mammals, right?

Yet, these men are being criticized, fired, reputations ruined, facing justice, and are facing a massive backlash because they are being seen as IMMORAL. 

Viewing their actions as immoral must mean that there is a different moral standard expected of humans than that of other animals in the world. But where does this moral standard come from?

Hmmmm. Maybe these sex scandals have awakened Americans to the existence of God. There can be no law without a Lawgiver. Every law that exists has been spoken or written into existence by an intelligent being. Therefore, there must be an intelligence behind the moral standard that sets us apart from the animal kingdom.

We all know that the moral standard that exists in the animal kingdom, that "Might Makes Right" isn't right. We all know that it is wrong for a physically stronger man to have his way with a physically weaker woman against her consent. But, again I ask  . . . .  How? WHY is that wrong? More specifically, why is it right for a deer and wrong for a human? We ain't nothin' but mammals, right?

Without God, without a universal moral law that has been written onto human hearts, it wouldn't be wrong. It would simply be the moral standard that exists in the animal kingdom, and the male who could bed the greatest amount of females, ensuring the maximum amount of descendants, would be seen as the most moral.

The sexual harassment atom bomb that has blown up in Hollywood and Washington DC is truly amazing. If you will notice, no one is arguing from a moral relativism standpoint. No one is saying, "Well, we can't really criticize Matt Lauer, because sexually harassing women was right for him. Quit judging him." I don't hear anyone saying that. I also don't hear anyone making the Bloodhound Gang argument that Harvey Weinstein and the girls he raped/harrassed were simply mammals doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

Nope. None of those arguments are being made right now.

The argument being made is that these actions are wrong. Badly wrong. Totally wrong. Because they most certainly are.

But in order for someone to say they are wrong, they must have an absolute moral standard showing what "right" is. Then, they must question WHERE that moral standard came from.

I was talking with an atheist friend about this. When I asked him this question, he thought for a minute, and said, "Centuries ago, humans got together and decided that men shouldn't do that, I guess."

I said, "That's it? So, people just kinda decided on a whim that they didn't want that happening in their communities, and that's where the standard came from."

He said, "Yeah, I guess."

I said, "So, if those humans had gotten together and decided the OPPOSITE, that it was perfectly fine for Kevin Spacey to sexually assault a teenager, that it was perfectly okay for Bill Clinton to take advantage of an intern in the Oval Office . . . .  if those humans had gotten together and decided that it was okay for a grown man to have his way with your daughter, you would be okay with it? After all, these humans centuries ago could have decided either way, right?"

He just looked at me. He didn't answer.

We all know the answer to that. We know that it wouldn't matter WHAT a tribe of ancient humans came up with- never would it be okay for a grown man to rape a child, even though that goes perfectly with the morality of "might makes right" in the animal kingdom. I would STILL not be okay with it, no matter what the law says. That's because there is a universal moral law written on all our hearts, telling us it is wrong.

That universal moral law wasn't decided upon in a committee and voted into existence. It was spoken into existence by God, the Lawgiver.

The presence of a law demands that there also be a Lawgiver. These sexual harassment suits have once again awakened America to objective moral standards, ones that are inherent to every human being. Without God, that wouldn't exist.

I guess the Bloodhound Gang was wrong. I guess we are more than just mammals. I guess we can't just do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Matt Lauer, Bill O'Reilly, John Conyers, Al Franken, and many others are finding that out the hard way. They are finding out that the law of the animal kingdom doesn't jive with the universal moral law of humans.

I have a wife and two daughters as well as two sons. I want my wife and daughters to be respected by the boys and men around them. I don't want them harassed, disrespected, viewed as objects to satisfy lust, or less than. I want my sons to treat women with respect. That's actually very odd . . . . in the animal kingdom.

A male buck doesn't care how the doe, or his children, are treated.

I believe that people are made in the image of God. I believe there is something sacred, something beautiful, something infinitely valuable in every human. To treat a person without respect is to malign the very God who created him or her. That's just not territory I want to move onto. I think I'll leave that alone.

No one taught me that. No one showed me that. I've known that since the day I was born.

None of that would exist without the universal moral law of God.

Just another way God shows us He is here.

What I Wish Christians (and People In General) Would Stop Doing

There are lots of toxic behaviors out there today. Gossip, drama, revenge, backstabbing, badmouthing, etc have been part of humanity since the beginning. All of those are bad, and I'm sure you can name many others.

However, I want to address one thing that rarely gets talked about, yet is the cause of the biggest frustration for me, one of the biggest discouragers for me, and one that I think needs to disappear if the Church is ever going to be healthy.

Are you ready? Here is is.

It's something I call "hiding."

Hiding looks like this: a person or family comes to your church. They return. You get to know them. You see them around town. You have them over for dinner. They have you over for dinner. You spend time together, praying together, studying the Bible together, your families get to know each other. You become friends.

Then, all of a sudden, they disappear. No phone call. No text.

You send them a message, saying, "Hey, we missed you!" No response.

They are there the next Sunday, but they are gone the next several.

You ask where they've been. You get a vague, "We were busy."

They miss next Sunday. You send a text. No response.

You call. They don't answer.

You may see them again, but most of the time you don't. And you have no idea why. Because they never said a word. They just walked away.

That's what "hiding" is.

There are many reasons for hiding. Sometimes a person is indulging in a sin, something they know is wrong, and they know you don't approve of, so they want to avoid seeing you as much as possible. Almost as if as long as they don't see you, they can still feel good about themselves. I've had church members disappear and "hide" from me when they relapse in addiction or move in with a girlfriend or boyfriend or have marriage trouble. That's kind of like a cancer patient hiding from the doctor, but it happens.

Other times people "hide" because you've done something to upset them but they don't want to tell you, so they hide from you.

Other times people "hide" because they feel guilty about something going on in their lives and they just walk away from anyone who isn't as miserable as they are.

In the mind of the person "hiding" it all makes perfect sense. However, if you are a "hider" and you have done this/are doing this to your church or family, let me tell you what you are actually doing. Let me show you the other side.

As a pastor, I truly care about the people in my church. I believe so strongly in being together in worship. I believe so strongly in relationships and friendships within the body of Christ. I love the people of my church.

When you disappear, don't answer texts, don't call, give vague excuses of where you've been . . . . .  it hurts. Yes. I'm being vulnerable here. It hurts deeply. Why? Because I consider you to be a friend. I'm not just a CEO of a corporation you shop at. I'm your friend. Your brother in Christ. Someone who really likes you.

When you "hide" because of whatever is going on, it hurts. It's a statement of what I mean to you. It's a statement that I was wrong about our friendship and that I was wrong to think that you cared as much about me as I cared about you.

Hiding from each other is what destroys true relationships and friendships in the church.

What happens when I invest myself in someone and they turn around and hide, it makes me very wary of forming other friendships. I wonder if it's worth it to go visit hospitals to pray for people in my church. "Why do this?" I ask myself. "They'll just be gone in a few years, they'll just disappear, I'll never know why, they'll just go."

I wonder if it's worth forming any kind of friendships at all as a pastor. Many pastors told me, when I got into the ministry, not to get close with anyone in my church because of this very thing. One pastor told me that it just wasn't worth the constant heartbreak of meeting people, forming friendships, and them walking away like you meant nothing. I can see how he would feel that way.

Christians, don't hide from each other.

Christians, don't hide from your pastors.

Don't hide physically, emotionally, relationally, or spiritually, because hiding destroys friendships.

The Bible tells us to talk to one another as brothers and sisters. We aren't to walk away and leave another person wondering what is going on. We are to speak the truth in love to each other. We are to value the other person enough that we give them the respect of telling them actually what is going on.

Hiding is simply the most frustrating behavior I see in church members. It discourages friendships, it discourages the next attempt at friendship, and it hurts the other person. Hiding because you don't want to face the other person may make you feel okay in the short term, but it is hurting the other person who truly cares about you. They are wondering what they did wrong. And they are devastated to know that they care more about you than you care about them.

Of all the things that happen in a church, the one thing I wish would go away is hiding. It has caused me more heartache and pain and discouragement than anything else I've experienced in ministry.

Instead, let's treat each other as family. Let us love one another.

Here are some suggestions to consider:

1) If you are going to miss church on a Sunday, tell your pastor in advance. I love it when people inform me they will be out of town or they will be visiting someone else. I don't have to wonder if you are hiding.

2) If you haven't been to church in awhile and your pastor or someone from church sends you a message to ask where you've been, answer it. Be truthful.

3) If you find yourself wanting to hide from your church family because of a sin you are committing, choose your church family over your sin. It's either one or the other, right? Choose your church family, choose your faith, choose God. Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't worth your soul. Your addiction isn't worth your soul. Plus, you might find that your pastor and church friends are the most kind, caring, forgiving, accepting people on the planet. You may find that they actually love you and care about you.

4) If you are leaving the church, sit down with your pastor and tell him. Don't just disappear like so many do. Sit down and give him the respect of communicating with him. It may be uncomfortable, but you're doing the right thing. I would much rather have someone tell me what's going on than them leaving me to guess where they are. Believe it or not, pastors really miss you when you aren't there, and if they don't know why you are missing, it's incredibly frustrating and discouraging.

5) Become someone your pastor and your church can count on. There are many flighty, inconsistent people in churches nowadays. The Bible refers to such people as a "splintered reed that pierces the hand of anyone who leans on it." They look like they are there to help, but the second you count on them, they pierce your heart. Don't be that way. Be someone that can be trusted, that is consistent in attendance and prayer and fellowship. Be someone that can be counted on. People who can be counted on don't hide from one another.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. Maybe it's because no one talks about it. I hear lots of people complaining about church hypocrites. I hear lots of people complaining about judgmental people. I hear lots of people complaining about anger or hatred or gossip.

But I've never heard anyone address the issue of hiding from each other. It's subtle. It's evil. It's a church destroyer. I would suspect that your pastor would say this is the number one thing that drives him crazy as a pastor, yet it seems so subtle that he won't ever mention it. Well, I'm mentioning it. Maybe it's time that pastors and church members begin discussing the toxic issue of hiding and make a vow never to do it again.