When the old hateful feelings come rushing back

Fridays are my sermon prep days. I finalize what I'm going to say, pray over it, get visual stuff together, and get really excited. I love to preach. I love it more than anything. I literally CANNOT WAIT until Sunday morning because I am so fired up about God's word and what it can potentially do in the lives of people listening.

So, this morning I was in full-blown sermon mode, and I noticed it was 12:00.  There is a great coffee shop right around the corner from our church, J's place, so I walked over there to get the most excellent sandwich available- the J's Gouda Melt with a bowl of hot chili.  Can't beat it on a cold day like today.

Anyway, I walked in extremely happy and feeling good, and something happened that changed that in a heartbeat.  

I saw the guy.

He was sitting with his back to me, but I recognized him immediately.

This was a guy that I used to go to church with. This also happens to be the one person I have never truly been able to forgive. This man made my life as a youth minister an absolute living hell. 

In this one instant, all of the hurtful things that he had done to me came rushing back: the three-page list that he had assembled citing everything I had done "wrong" (after going to kids in the youth group and asking, "What don't you like about Dave?") and presenting it to my boss, demanding my firing; the condescending way he had talked about my wife and children, the consistent harping and emails pointing out everything wrong, list after list after list of why I was not fit for ministry, etc).

My pulse quickened. My adrenalin kicked in. I'm sure my face turned red. He hadn't seen me yet. What should I do?

Should I duck out? Should I go over and talk? Should I stay there and pretend I don't see him?

This situation was made exponentially WORSE due to the fact that last Sunday I had laid out an incredibly brilliant sermon on why we have to forgive, what Jesus says about forgiveness, and how Jesus says that if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us.  

Dangit.  I hate it when God calls me to live out my sermons.  I'd rather just preach them.  But here I was. I'm sure this was no accident. This was God's specific appointment for me to see if I was capable of living out what I taught. Not only did He give me the opportunity to live it out, but He placed the person that I would have described as Public Enemy Number One, a man who, in my weaker moments, I described to a friend using the following analogy:

"If I had a gun with two bullets in it, and I was in a room with Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and him, I'd shoot him twice."

Well, I'm not a runner.  I'm a fighter, so there was no way I was just leaving.  Plus, I wanted some chili and a J's Gouda Melt. My gluttony was greater than my aversion to this guy, I suppose.

So I walked up to the counter, right past him. He looked over and I looked over at him. I waved.  He didn't.

I ordered my stuff, and then went and sat down, reading the book that I was reading.  Fortunately I had brought the book so I didn't have to sit there looking like I had nothing to do.

I texted my wife.  Told her about the entire situation.

And then, all of a sudden, I felt the urge to pray.  Not for myself.  For him.

For the first time since I entered the shop, I realized how bad he looked.  He looked awful. I hadn't seen him in about eight years, but it looked like he had aged about twenty. He looked tired. Looked like life had been difficult on him.

So I prayed for him. Nothing dismisses hurt feelings and angry feelings like praying for the one you can't stand.  I prayed for him, for his family, for his job, for everything I could think of. Then, in an incredibly Holy Spirit-led moment, I blurted out, "Lord, forgive me the same way I forgive him."

Wow.  Did I just say that?  Can I take that statement back, please?

See, deep down, I don't want God to forgive me the way I forgive others.  Especially him.  Especially this guy who made my life a living hell. A man to whom I had done nothing, yet who had poured pure hatred on me as long as he could.

However, that one line changed everything.  "God, please forgive me the same way I forgive him."

Lord, please feel towards me the way I feel towards this man.

Lord, please hold my sins against me the way I hold this man's sins against me.

Lord, please show me the same kind of love that I show this man.

Wow.  

In other words, I had to grow up.  Fast.  I had to release this man of his debts, the debts that I was holding onto, the ones that he had incurred against me. I had to do this, because that's what I want God to do for me.  In all honesty, what this man had done to me was nothing compared to what I have done to God.

We didn't speak- he continued to drink his coffee and I continued, from across the shop, to read and eat lunch. Finally he got up and left, not so much looking in my direction.

That's okay.

The Bible doesn't say we have to be friends.  The Bible doesn't even say we even need to be in the same room together. 

The Bible simply says to forgive.  

What that means for me is that this man doesn't owe me anything anymore. He doesn't owe me an apology.  He doesn't need to be hurt.  He doesn't need to experience what I've experienced at his hand. He doesn't owe me a debt. We are even.  Square.  Paid up. Level. The bill is settled. I no longer need to feel vindicated. I no longer need to get even. I no longer hate him.

If I were to see him again, would the fight or flight response kick in again?  Maybe.  I'm human. 

But does that mean he's my enemy?  No. He's not.

Does that mean I wish him ill?  Nope.

Does that mean I will talk bad about him or slander him?  Nope.

None of those things will happen, because I've forgiven him. I hope that I have forgiven him the way God forgives me. It may take awhile.  Maybe one of these days we might be able to be friends.  That will depend more on him than on me. I'm up for anything.

One thing is for sure, though- after I prayed that prayer, I felt free.  That's what forgiveness truly does- it sets you free.  Free from seething anger.  Free from planning bad things for the person. Free from the wound that was incurred. Free from the desire to get even. Free from the sleepless nights where you toss and turn planning your revenge. Free from physical symptoms of stress and anger.

Dear Lord, please forgive me the same way I have forgiven him.  That's a dangerous prayer. But it's a prayer that is pleasing to our Lord and Savior, who has forgiven the unforgivable in us, that we may go and forgive the unforgivable in others.

I wonder how ISIS knew who to kidnap?

Yesterday, I was saddened (but not shocked- it's too common now for me to be shocked) by reports that ISIS had kidnapped ninety Christians and were holding them hostage.  They will most likely kill them, as this is what they have done in the past.

I wonder how ISIS knew who was a Christian?  How did they know they were followers of Christ and not followers of Muhammed?  How did they know they were not atheists, or agnostics, or Hindus?

I wonder, if ISIS were to come to America, if I would be one that they would identify as a Christian. I wonder if you would be as well.

There were no reports of ISIS barging into a church service and kidnapping the believers.  There were no reports that the Christians were at a prayer meeting, or a TobyMac concert, or shopping in a Christian bookstore, or any other ways that most Americans would identify Christians.  So what was it?

Did they have their WWJD bracelets on?  Did they have their "Follow me to Assyrian Christian Church" bumper sticker on their cars?  Did they have Air1 and K-love pre-programmed into their car radios?

There were no reports of any of that.  Even though I don't have information, I can probably make a very educated guess as to how ISIS knew they were Christians.  They asked.  At gunpoint.  And the Christians said yes.

They stood up and were counted.

They would rather be executed in gruesome and humiliating ways than deny their Lord and Savior.

There is a great persecution growing in this world towards Christians.  Christians are now arguably the most persecuted people in the world.  Reports show that 2014 was the worst year in the history of the world for Christian martyrdom, and let's go ahead and say it- most of the persecution came at the hands of Muslims.  Not only fringe radical Muslim groups like ISIS and Boko Haram, but legitimate governments like Saudi Arabia, Iran, Yemen, and Pakistan.  We can forget about stating that the persecution of Christians isn't a part of true Islam.  That would hold water if only fringe radical groups were doing it.  But when established, recognized governments routinely jail and execute Christians for doing nothing more than owning a Bible or attending a worship service, we can deduct that the persecution of Christians is more ingrained in Islam than political correctness wants us to believe.

This growing persecution poses a problem for Christians in America.  It is getting very difficult for the average nominal lukewarm American Christian, which exists in very high numbers, to remain in that spiritual state.  Persecution has a polarizing effect on your spiritual condition.  You do not remain lukewarm in the face of persecution- you either go deeper into your faith or you bail out.

In the coming years, we are going to see a purging of the American church.  We might already be seeing it now. Right now, many church members have serious decisions to make about whether to go to church or whether to sleep in on Sunday morning.  Right now, many church members consider themselves regular if they attend church once a month, let alone engage in the Great Commission, prioritize winning the lost, prioritize prayer and study, and use their spiritual gifts to further the Kingdom.

These folks, the ones in the middle- the lukewarm, the nominal- are right now being faced with a decision.  They cannot remain in their current spiritual state.  Many will take the path of least resistance and walk away from the faith.  Many, however, will be inspired by the example of our Christian brothers and sisters in the Middle East and will stand up and be counted, regardless of the sacrifice or price.  

I guess the question facing all of us right now is- if ISIS were to come to your door, would you be the one they would kidnap and kill?  Would they know that you were a follower of Jesus of Nazareth? In that moment, would you be known as a Christian?

Looking at the ninety Christians that were kidnapped yesterday, looking at the twenty-one Egyptian Christians beheaded last week, looking at the hundreds of thousands of Christians displaced by ISIS, looking at the thousands killed by Boko Haram, looking at Pastor Saaed languishing in an Iranian jail, looking at the bombings of churches in Nigeria and Pakistan, I can think of only one thing, and it is this quote:

"There is a great gulf between the Christianity that wrestles with whether to worship at the cost of imprisonment and death, and the Christianity that wrestles with whether the kids should play soccer on Sunday morning." - John Piper

How to deal with a judgmental person

Everyone in America, it seems, has one fear.  It's not heights, it's not spiders, it's not terrorism.

It's "being judged."

Nothing will upset an American more than the feeling that their behavior or actions or thoughts are being judged by someone else. That is the biggest "sin" anyone in America could commit.  We put up with pornography, violence, divorce, profanity, drug use, materialism . . . .  but don't you dare judge someone.

The problem is that we can't live in this world without making judgements.

When I hear of 21 Christians being beheaded by ISIS, am I supposed to remain neutral and not judge that a heinous act?  Am I not supposed to label that "wrong" and condemn it?

So, it is important to realize that everyone judges.  Everyone judges every day, and if you happen to be the person that is the subject of judgment, before you go off on the person or criticize them or get your dander up or your feathers ruffled, I want you to ask yourself one question:

"Are they judging my sin, or are they judging my ATTITUDE towards that sin?"

Let me explain what I mean.

We all sin.  All of us.  All of us do things that are wrong, that are inconsistent with our beliefs on right or wrong, that we feel ashamed of or regret later.  All of us do those things.  Many times these are accidents, or they are random acts where you lose your head, where you stop thinking rationally and do something really stupid.

I'm not talking about those episodes.  Those are simply episodes of sin in our lives, and while not trivial, they are far different than the second category.

The second category is far, far different.  The second category isn't just sin- it's the CELEBRATION of sin. This is vastly different than the first category.  In the first category, the person goes against what they believe is right.  In the second category, the person sins and actually celebrates it.

For example, this past weekend, Fifty Shades of Grey came out at the movie theater.  Twitter exploded with pictures of people, mostly women, in line to buy their tickets to see this abusive porn show. Facebook lit up with selfies of people proudly proclaiming how excited they were to see this movie. (I must note- I do not judge non-Christian people for celebrating this film. I don't expect Christian behavior from non-Christian people. However, many, if not most, of the people that I saw celebrating this film were Christian people, or at least claimed to have a Christian faith.)

I wrote very strongly against this movie. I got several messages from people telling me not to judge, not to be so judgmental.  After all, they said, everyone sins.

I agree, people.  Everyone sins. But not everyone CELEBRATES their sin.  Not everyone publicly posts their sin and proudly displays it for all the world to see, stating that they are proud of their sin.  Do you see the difference?

So, when you feel "judged," are people truly judging your sin?  Probably not.  They are probably judging your attitude towards sin.  They are probably judging your celebration of sin.  Sins are one thing- celebrating it is another.

If you commit sexual sin, that's one thing.  Moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend and broadcasting to the world your defiance of God's will for sexuality is quite another.

If you slip up and mutter a four-letter-word, that's one thing.  Filling your Twitter and Facebook feed and loudly using profanity at all times of the day is quite another.

If you struggle with alcohol or drug addiction, that's one thing. Posting selfies of yourself at the bar or strung out at a party, proudly proclaiming your sin, is quite another.

If you feel "judged," take a step back and ask yourself what is truly being judged.  Is it your sin?  Or is it your celebration of it?  Most people I know don't judge people according to their sin. Most people know that people make mistakes, that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Most people are very forgiving and will extend grace to you for your sin.

Most people, however, DO judge according to your attitude towards your sin.  Before jumping to conclusions and lashing out at the "judge," simply ask yourself- "Are they judging me because of my sin, or because of my celebration of it?"

If the answer is "they are judging me because of my sin," then you need to find new folks to hang around.  However, if they are judging your celebration of your sin, YOU need to change.  We all sin, but the celebration of sin has no place in the life of a believer in Christ. Instead of jumping down the other person's throat, it is YOU who needs to change.  Stop hiding behind the "Don't Judge" mantra, and start repenting of your sin instead of celebrating it.  You will find yourself being "judged" a lot less.

"What does it profit a man to gain the world, yet lose his soul?"

The guy in the orange jumpsuit continued talking:

"For twelve years I worked for Toyota. All the benefits- especially the 401k- all the money.  My first home was a half-million dollar home.  I lost it in my divorce. I lost it because I was GREEDY. My second house, I built for myself and my new wife. It was foreclosed.

"I would take money out of my 401k- $2500, $5000, whatever- at a time because I was selfish. I am the most selfish person I know. It took me coming here to jail to figure that out. Now, I'm 45 years old and I got nothing.  Nothing. I'm broke. I have no retirement, no home, no job- the people who own my house now got all the stuff. My tables, my chairs, my bed- they have it all now."

I looked at him and said, "Jesus said, "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world-"

He finished the quote, "-and lose your soul! Exactly. That's exactly what I was doing out there.  I had gained the world but I had lost my soul. I used to be a preacher in a church (true story, actually). I used to preach and lead people to the Lord, I used to baptize people, I used to counsel people and heal their marriages. But I started using drugs, then started selling, all because I wanted what this world could give me. And I got it. I gained the whole world, yet in the process I lost my soul."

Tears appeared in his eyes. He was quiet for a minute as he attempted to compose himself. The other inmates were silent too.  I waited and as he composed himself, he continued.

"My wife has decided to stay with me, though. When I get out, we are moving out of here to another state.  I'm getting back into the ministry. But this time I'm just going to love people- I'm just going to help people know they have a purpose.

"I've gained my soul and lost the world. And it's the happiest I've ever been."

I answered, "It would seem that the two are mutually exclusive. The more of the world you get- money, power, position, status, etc- the less you have of your soul.  And vice versa. The less of the world you get, the MORE you have your soul.  True?"

He said, "It certainly seems that way."

Jesus said it Himself, "What does it profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul?" That's a good question. But is He really serious about it? Why can't we have it both ways?

Why can't we be successful, happy, prosperous, popular, wealthy ANDS spiritual? Why are those two mutually exclusive?

I don't think they automatically are.  I have known wealthy people who are completely sold out and committed to Jesus Christ.  I have known poor people who want nothing to do with Him. I don't think that being successful, happy, prosperous, popular and wealthy are an automatic death sentence to a person's faith.  I think it all comes down to what you value most.

Is God your treasure? Is He of supreme value and worth to you?  So much that you would gladly give up all you have if He commanded you to?

Or is God simply third or fourth on the priority list, and your wealth and status of paramount importance?

Those are the questions every Christian must answer.  The inmate in the orange jumpsuit had answered those questions incorrectly.  For him, the money earned by selling drugs and the subsequent lifestyle he was able to live was more important than God and His commands.

The CEO of the large company who refuses raises to his lowest paid workers and instead gives himself fat bonuses has answered those questions incorrectly.

The middle-class worker who lives comfortably but whose entire paycheck goes to make himself even more comfortable instead of giving to those in need, or giving to God's kingdom, has answered those questions incorrectly.

The high school student who loves Jesus but who will belittle and mock unpopular students to maintain her high standing in the social quagmire of high school has answered those questions incorrectly.

What does it profit a CEO to gain the world, yet lose his soul?  What does it profit a middle class man to gain more comfort yet lose his soul?  What does it profit a teenager to gain popularity yet lose her soul?

It all comes down to what you value and what you prioritize.  If you prioritize this world and its rewards, you will lose your soul.  You will deny Jesus and His commands.  You will walk away from your faith.  You will increasingly strive for things that will not matter in a hundred years.  You will gain the world, yet lose your soul.

And as you pass from this life into eternity, will it be worth it?

If I may speak plainly and without political correctness, as you enter hell and spend the rest of your eternity there, will it have been worth it?

To the CEO in hell who allowed greed to dictate his company policies- were the few extra million worth it? Were the twenty or thirty years of luxury worth an eternity in hell?  You gained the world yet lost your soul.  You made yourself wealthy at the expense of others.

To the comfortable middle class man whose sole aim in life was more comfort, so much that you neglected the poor and neglected God's commands of giving, now that you are in hell, was it worth it?  Was the hot tub and the surround-sound system and the new clothes worth an eternity in hell?  You gained the world yet lost your soul.  You made yourself comfortable at the expense of others.

To the high schooler in hell who loved her popularity more than the needs of others, was it worth it?  Was being asked to prom by the right guy and being seen with the right friends for three short years worth an eternity in hell? Was the satisfaction you gained by mocking and belittling and ignoring the uncool and unpopular worth it?  You gained the world yet lost your soul. You stayed popular at the expense of others.

The apostle Paul said, "I consider all of it RUBBISH, that I might know Jesus Christ."

To the CEO- consider your fat bonus RUBBISH in the face of knowing Jesus Christ.

To the middle class worker, consider your comfort RUBBISH in the face of knowing Jesus Christ.

To the popular high schooler, consider your popularity RUBBISH in the face of knowing Jesus Christ.

That is how we keep from losing our souls. We must consider the world, and its rewards and all it offers, rubbish.  Junk. Trash. Something to be flushed down the toilet rather than held onto and pursued. Something worthy only of the trash heap.  Something worthy only of being recycled.

Then, and only then, can we truly embrace Jesus Christ. Only then can we truly value and honor Jesus above all else. He becomes our one desire, our one delight, our one and only treasure.  Anything else that comes our way is icing on the cake.

In 150 years, the only thing that will matter to you is Jesus. Why focus on anything else but Him now?

"The answered prayer wasn't the point. The point was the fellowship with God."

Yesterday was an interesting adventure in fixing a car and prayer.

I do all my own car maintenance- definitely a shade-tree mechanic, but I do enjoy it.  I've saved thousands and thousands of dollars by doing my own car maintenance over the years, and it has allowed me to hold onto cars for much longer than most people feel comfortable doing.

My car just turned 202,000 miles, and one thing I know about Nissan Maximas: the rear brakes are a weakness.  I'll spare the jargon, but suffice to say that after a certain point, you don't know if you will be able to change brake pads due to not being able to get the brake piston back into the caliper.

Well, the metal-on-metal sound my car was making when I slowed down definitely tipped me off that it was time to change them. So, yesterday morning, I jacked up the car, took off the back tires, and started to work.  The first side was easy! Got it done in less than five minutes.  Old brake pads out, new ones in, piece of cake.

The second side, well, that was a challenge.  I took the old pads out, and as I tried to get the piston back in to the caliper, it stuck. It stuck hard.  This is known as "freezing" to mechanics. If it wouldn't go in, there was no way to get the new pads in. If the new pads didn't go in, the car wouldn't be drivable. Brakes only work when ALL the brakes work.

I had a meeting in about thirty minutes. I had to get to work. I was responsible for picking up kids that afternoon. Needless to say, I was in a bind. I tried again to get the piston back in. It wouldn't go. I tried applying more force, and the tool slipped and sliced open my hand. Needless to say, it wasn't going anywhere. It was "frozen."

At that point, I could have taken two different paths. The natural part of me wanted to let loose with some words that would peel paint off the walls- a blue streak of profanity that would rival Ralphie's dad's black cloud still hanging over Lake Michigan in "A Christmas Story." A string of words so foul that all milk within a mile radius would instantly curdle. I've been here before. I've threatened to send every car I own to the junkyard, to beat them with sledgehammers, to burn them with a cutting torch, all the while telling the cars what I thought of their mothers when this kind of stuff happens. Anyone who has worked on cars knows exactly what I'm talking about.

The spiritual part of me wanted to pray. I thought, "What good will that do? A dozen people got murdered in Paris this morning by some Muslim terrorists, and you think God cares about a stupid brake pad problem I'm having?"  But, I did it anyway.  I said, "God, I need you to unstick this piston. I need it to turn two full rotations, and I need it now. To You be the glory."

I put the pliers on the piston. It turned exactly two revolutions and stopped again. I kid you not.

Now, just before that, I had applied enough force to bust the thing in two, and it didn't budge. I had turned the pliers so hard that my hand today is still bruised from the pressure, and the scabbed-over cut on my other hand bears testimony to the amount of force I applied when it slipped and cut my hand open.  After the prayer, I turned it like I was turning a screwdriver.

So what, Dave? Big deal. You changed your brake pads and God helped. So what?  Why write a blog about it?

Here is why: the point isn't the answered prayer. The point was the fellowship with God.

I learned, or re-learned, that I can approach God in the small things as well as the big things. Some things are really no big deal, like a brake caliper. Other things ARE big deals, like dealing with the loss of a loved one or getting bad news from the doctor. The point is- God is with us through the big AND the little.

Many times, I think we fail to approach God because we think it's too trivial for Him to bother.  He's got a whole universe to deal with, terrorists, murder, etc. This is wrong. God cares about you in the trivial as well.  Why?  Because He loves you. It's important to Him because it's important to you. That's what people who love you do- they care about the things that you care about. It may be no big deal on the big grand scheme of things, but if it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal to Him.

The point of prayer isn't getting what we want. The point of prayer is fellowship with God.

That was lesson number one.

Lesson number two was that God can accomplish more with His strength than I can with mine. My strength got me little more than a bruise on my right hand and gash on my left.  His strength was more than enough. What are you doing today in your own strength that might just wind up hurting you?

Lesson number three was that prayer accomplished what profanity didn't. I'm glad my mom wasn't there, because I'd be tasting soap for the next month.

Three lessons- all of them wonderful and beautiful. Be encouraged today by the fellowship you can have with God.  Pray, not for what you want, but so that you can experience the deep friendship and relationship with the God of the universe, who alone is the answer to all our prayers.  God bless.

Men in America describe themselves as . . . .

Angry.

I do a lot of ministry with men, both inside the church and outside the church.  I minister to men in small groups, in church, in prison, on the soccer field, and many other places.  Many men, for some reason, describe themselves as angry.

Why?

Anger is simply an emotion. You would think that there would be equal numbers, therefore, of men who would describe themselves as sad, joyful, happy, angry, and whatever other emotions you can think of.  However, this is not the case.  If you were to ask most men what emotion they feel the most, they would probably say anger.

Are men biologically wired to feel anger more than women?  No.

So why is this so common among men?  The answer is actually very simple.

Men, like women, are created with emotions. Believe it or not, ladies, men feel an equal amount of emotion as you do. We get happy, sad, and depressed.  We grieve, we feel afraid, we feel angry, we feel loving, we feel joyful- the entire range of emotions.  Yes, we have them.

The problem is this- from the time we were young boys, we have been told that expressing emotions is girly. Weak. Spineless.  Boys are routinely mocked for crying. I will admit that when my son gets hurt, I have told him, "Suck it up. Tough it out." I don't want him being made fun of on the playground or among friends.  I don't want him labelled as a wimp or a sissy.  It's rough out there for boys- believe me, I learned that the hard way.

So, from the time we were little, we were told that expressing emotions was weak . . . . except for one.  One emotion was okay.  One emotion that we had was not only okay to express- it was MANLY to express.  What emotion was that?  Anger.

No one called you girly for expressing anger. No one called you a wimp for expressing anger.  Inside every man, there are currents of emotions, like rivers flowing. Grief, joy, love, pain, empathy, anger- all of these are rivers flowing within a man. However, all but one has been stopped up. So, every emotion a man feels (with some exceptions, of course) has only one outlet- anger.

Men, this is why we get angry when we experience loss.  Society has taught us not to grieve, because that's not acceptable. However, the emotion is still there, so it is expressed as anger.

This is why, when I experienced the loss of my son, I expressed it as anger. I snapped at people who tried to be kind. I lost my temper at the smallest things; things that normally wouldn't be a big deal. Why? Because I was grieving. I had experienced loss, and I only had one outlet that I could use and still be a man.  That outlet was anger.

Women, this is why your man may be "mad at the world." This is why he seems to be angry over the slightest things. If he has suffered loss, he might be expressing that as anger.  If he is depressed, he might be expressing that in the form of anger. If he is stressed or worried or anxious, he is probably going to express it as anger.

Men, I understand what society has taught us. I understand not wanting to be seen as weak or vulnerable. I learned the same lessons you did as a kid.  However, I am telling you that anger is not the answer. Anger is not helping our families, it is not helping us, it is not a more healthy expression of emotion, no matter how manly or socially acceptable it feels.

It is far better to simply acknowledge the emotion. It's going to be expressed anyway, so you might as well let it out. If you are grieving, then grieve.  Don't get angry.  If you are depressed, then be depressed. Don't get angry.  There are healthy ways to express these emotions, which we all have, that don't lead to holes punched in drywall, road rage, words that you wish you could take back, striking loved ones, swearing, cursing your friends, and worse.

Women, realize that unless some major work of grace occurs in your man, or your sons, or other men you interact with, they usually have one outlet for emotion, and that is anger. If you are the target of that anger, realize that there might be something deeper going on, Use wisdom to discern whether it is true anger or if that anger is simply the expression of a different emotion. Try to help the men around you learn ways to express emotion in healthy ways that doesn't diminish his masculinity.

Lastly, men, if you have an anger problem, I ask you to allow the Holy Spirit to invade your heart.  The Bible tells us that when the Holy Spirit enters our lives, the results are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  I want you to stop seeing anger as more masculine than love. Anger is natural, but most actions as a result of anger are immature, not masculine. A Godly man feels just as much anger as anyone else, but by the power of God, he is able to exercise self-control so that he doesn't do anything he regrets later on. We need fewer angry men in this world- our families need it, our marriages need it, our workplaces need it, and our churches need it.  We need men who are fully alive in the Spirit of God- demonstrating love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control to greater and greater degrees in life.

Two Types of Prayers I'd Like to See Completely Go Away

We've all experienced it. We've all gathered around a table, or sat in church, or been someplace somewhere where someone is asked to lead in prayer.

Some of us cringe when that happens, including me.

As a pastor, I'm usually the one asked to pray at events- sports dinners, spontaneous gatherings, family events, Sunday mornings, etc.  People have told me that they like my prayers because I keep them short.

I have no problems with long prayers, if they are actually prayers.  However, there are two types of prayers that I would just love to see go away.

1)  The sermon prayer.  Prayers are supposed to be conversations with God.  So, we are to speak to God as if we were actually speaking to Him.  The sermon prayer, however, is not one that is likely addressed to God- it is actually addressed to the people in the room.  You can easily spot a sermon prayer because of the liberal use of the words, "Lord, we know . . . ."  The pastor or prayer leader usually says things like, "Lord, WE KNOW we should be praying more, and Lord WE KNOW that we haven't been nice to each other, and Lord WE KNOW that we aren't tithing like we should be, and Lord WE KNOW that we need to studying Your Word like You would want us to, and Lord WE KNOW yada yada yada."

Sometimes when I hear a sermon prayer, I wonder if God is sitting up in heaven scratching His head, wondering, "Why are you telling Me what you already know?"  For any of you all that have been the victim of a sermon prayer, which is really an address to the people in the room and not Almighty God, my prayers are with you.

2)  The speech prayer.  This is a carefully-rehearsed, written-down, beautifully phrased speech that sounds more like a state of the union speech than a frank conversation with your Heavenly Father.  It starts out with a list of God's titles, "Almighty God, Creator of the Universe, Sustainer of all that is and ever has been and ever will be, Lord of Hosts, Forgiver of our Sins, Savior of the Human Race," and so on and so forth.

Now, I have four children.  I have never had one of them come up to me and say, "O gracious father of mine, who provideth me with all good things, who shelters me with a roof over my head, provides daily nourishment and sustenance, and who leads and guides this family so well, I beseech thee, can I go over to my friend's house?"



Prayer is simply a conversation with God. Don't make it more than that. We should give more thought to our prayers, and see what Scripture tells us.  Scripture in Ecclesiastes tells us that "God is in heaven, and we are on earth, so let your words be few."  God isn't impressed with multiple words and flowery language, nor does He need to know a recap of what you just preached.  Just pray.

Just talk to Him.