I'm a pastor, which is what influences this blog most often.
However, I'm also a dad. I'm a dad who was being driven crazy by my wonderful, amazing seven-year-old son who couldn't seem to get going in the morning.
I was literally going nuts.
My wife works Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and she leaves fairly early, so on those days it is my job to get our three kids ready for school. My older two are good- they take care of themselves. My son, however, can't seem to get out of bed. When he finally gets out of bed, he can't seem to get dressed. When he finally gets dressed, he can't seem to make it downstairs to the breakfast table.
So, what this resulted in was me standing over him constantly saying, "SON! GET OUT OF BED!" "SON, GET DRESSED!" "SON, WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" I was literally losing my mind. My son is such a great kid- kind, caring, athletic, outgoing, polite . . . . but he could care less about being on time to ANYTHING.
He has to be at school by 8 am. We would fly out the door at 7:55, and I would speed through the neighborhood to get him to school before he was tardy. By the end of the experience, I was angry, in a bad mood, and he was completely and totally unfazed by it all.
I also noticed something that bothered me even more: my constant comments about what he should be doing was actually making the situation worse. He was taking less and less initiative. I was training him to wait for me to tell him what to do. This is what happens when parents grab the reins and forget to teach the child to do things on his own.
Things were getting worse.
Well, I decided things had to change. He had to start taking ownership of his morning routine AND getting ready on time.
Solution: I decided to make his current mode of operation cost him.
My son has a group of friends that he plays with every afternoon. It is like clockwork: he comes home, and within three minutes, the doorbell rings and he is out the door to play. We usually have to drag him in by the scruff of his neck when it's dinnertime. He loves to play outside with his friends.
So, a few mornings ago, Sam was doing his usual dawdling morning routine . . . AGAIN, and I was getting angry . . . . AGAIN. However, I looked at him and simply said, "Sam, I'm tired of constantly telling you to hurry up. From now on, if we do not leave the house by 7:45, you will not play with your friends that afternoon."
He looked at me to see if I was serious.
I looked back at him to tell him I was serious.
He said, 'Okay."
The next morning, he set his alarm ten minutes earlier. He ran downstairs, ate breakfast, packed up his lunch, brushed his teeth, got on his coat, and was ready to go . . . . . . at 7:15 am.
He proudly pointed at the clock and said, "Look daddy, 7:15! Now I have time to play!" He scampered off to play with Legos, which, before this new rule, he was doing instead of getting ready.
My son learned that his first priority was to do what NEEDED to be done; afterwards, he could do what he WANTED to do.
I gave him a simple deadline to meet. As long as we were walking out the door by 7:45, he could do anything he wanted. That gave him incentive- to play with the friends, he needs to be on time. It also gave him freedom- he was free to do anything he wanted, budget his own time, do things in any order that he wanted, as long as he was ready to go by 7:45.
Incentive plus freedom = ownership.
Now, my son owns his morning routine. I have not had to tell him to hurry up one time since. He is typically ready before 7:30, and he spends those minutes playing or talking with his sisters. We have left the house every morning by 7:45. I haven't raised my voice once.
Parents, if you are having trouble with your kids, try the formula above. Give your kids real incentive to do what needs to be done, and also give them freedom to figure out the "how" on their own. They will own it for themselves, plus, it will be another step towards the independence they need in adulthood.
Plus, I actually enjoy the mornings now.
However, I'm also a dad. I'm a dad who was being driven crazy by my wonderful, amazing seven-year-old son who couldn't seem to get going in the morning.
I was literally going nuts.
My wife works Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and she leaves fairly early, so on those days it is my job to get our three kids ready for school. My older two are good- they take care of themselves. My son, however, can't seem to get out of bed. When he finally gets out of bed, he can't seem to get dressed. When he finally gets dressed, he can't seem to make it downstairs to the breakfast table.
So, what this resulted in was me standing over him constantly saying, "SON! GET OUT OF BED!" "SON, GET DRESSED!" "SON, WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" I was literally losing my mind. My son is such a great kid- kind, caring, athletic, outgoing, polite . . . . but he could care less about being on time to ANYTHING.
He has to be at school by 8 am. We would fly out the door at 7:55, and I would speed through the neighborhood to get him to school before he was tardy. By the end of the experience, I was angry, in a bad mood, and he was completely and totally unfazed by it all.
I also noticed something that bothered me even more: my constant comments about what he should be doing was actually making the situation worse. He was taking less and less initiative. I was training him to wait for me to tell him what to do. This is what happens when parents grab the reins and forget to teach the child to do things on his own.
Things were getting worse.
Well, I decided things had to change. He had to start taking ownership of his morning routine AND getting ready on time.
Solution: I decided to make his current mode of operation cost him.
My son has a group of friends that he plays with every afternoon. It is like clockwork: he comes home, and within three minutes, the doorbell rings and he is out the door to play. We usually have to drag him in by the scruff of his neck when it's dinnertime. He loves to play outside with his friends.
So, a few mornings ago, Sam was doing his usual dawdling morning routine . . . AGAIN, and I was getting angry . . . . AGAIN. However, I looked at him and simply said, "Sam, I'm tired of constantly telling you to hurry up. From now on, if we do not leave the house by 7:45, you will not play with your friends that afternoon."
He looked at me to see if I was serious.
I looked back at him to tell him I was serious.
He said, 'Okay."
The next morning, he set his alarm ten minutes earlier. He ran downstairs, ate breakfast, packed up his lunch, brushed his teeth, got on his coat, and was ready to go . . . . . . at 7:15 am.
He proudly pointed at the clock and said, "Look daddy, 7:15! Now I have time to play!" He scampered off to play with Legos, which, before this new rule, he was doing instead of getting ready.
My son learned that his first priority was to do what NEEDED to be done; afterwards, he could do what he WANTED to do.
I gave him a simple deadline to meet. As long as we were walking out the door by 7:45, he could do anything he wanted. That gave him incentive- to play with the friends, he needs to be on time. It also gave him freedom- he was free to do anything he wanted, budget his own time, do things in any order that he wanted, as long as he was ready to go by 7:45.
Incentive plus freedom = ownership.
Now, my son owns his morning routine. I have not had to tell him to hurry up one time since. He is typically ready before 7:30, and he spends those minutes playing or talking with his sisters. We have left the house every morning by 7:45. I haven't raised my voice once.
Parents, if you are having trouble with your kids, try the formula above. Give your kids real incentive to do what needs to be done, and also give them freedom to figure out the "how" on their own. They will own it for themselves, plus, it will be another step towards the independence they need in adulthood.
Plus, I actually enjoy the mornings now.
Amazing what will happen when they own up to their responsibilities. And he will be better off in the long run. :)
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