We all face tough decisions.
For me, the toughest decision of my life took place on September 15, 2004. I had to decide whether or not to keep my son on life support. I had to choose whether my son continued to live, assisted by life support, or whether to let him go.
Yeah. "Tough decision" might be an understatement.
The doctor had shown us the ultrasound of his heart. "I have bad news," he said. "His heart is dead." I looked at the motionless screen, watching the flow of blood move the wrong direction through his heart, a condition called "backflow."
"We have several options," the doctor continued. "One, we can put him on a heart transplant list . . . "
I didn't hear anything else he said. Prior to our son's birth, we knew he would have heart problems. He was diagnosed at 20 weeks in utero with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which means that his left ventricle didn't develop and never would. We had researched the options, from surgery to a heart transplant. We knew the near impossibility of a heart transplant- infant's hearts are very rarely available for transplant, and he would be on anti-rejection meds for the rest of his life even if the transplant was successful, which was doubtful in his case.
When faced with a decision of this magnitude, what would you do?
Now, most of us, God willing, will never have to decide whether our children live or die. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. However, we all face tough decisions in life. Should I stay in this marriage? Should I take this job? Should I take responsibility for this mistake when I could probably get away with nobody knowing?
Should I call out my friend who is doing some pretty bad things? Should I forgive my ex? Should I take this risk and step out in faith? The list goes on and on, but one thing is for sure- every one of us will someday face an extremely tough decision if we haven't already. There is no avoiding it.
When faced with these tough decisions, I used to ask, "What should I do?" I don't do that anymore.
When the doctor told us the terrible news and was talking about heart transplants, my wife and I looked at each other. We knew we would have to decide then and there what we would do. In one of those moments where the Holy Spirit speaks to you in a distinctive way, He said, "David, who are you?"
I didn't quite know what He meant.
I answered, "That doesn't matter. I need to know what to do. Do we put him on a transplant list, or do we turn off life support and let him die?"
Again, the Holy Spirit said, "David, who are you?"
I felt the need to fill the Holy Spirit in on what was going on. I said, "That doesn't MATTER. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO!"
A third time, the (very patient) Holy Spirit asked, "David, who are you?"
I realized what was going on. The Holy Spirit wasn't going to tell me what to do. That's because I was asking the wrong question. The Holy Spirit was asking me who I was, because the answer to that question would determine what I would do.
I told the Holy Spirit, "My name is David Kibler. I am a Christian man, a minister of the gospel, husband of Rachel, father of Casey, Elsie, and Jacob, and an uncompromising believer in the promises of God."
The Holy Spirit said quietly, "You know who you are. Now you know what you should do."
By reminding me of who I am and what I believe, the Holy Spirit showed me what to do. I am a believer in all the promises of God, including John 14 where Jesus says, "In My Father's house are many rooms, and I go there to prepare a place for you." I believe in heaven, I believe that life doesn't end when our hearts stop beating, and I believe in God's victory over death.
That's who I am. That's what I believe. And that, my friends, led me to know what to do.
I looked at my son. I could barely see him under the mass of wires and tubes and monitors. He had a huge gaping hole in his chest from the surgery, covered by a dressing.
"No," I said to the doctor. "He's been through enough. We're not going to put him on a transplant list." I looked at my wife, who looked right back at me in agreement. "We're going to let him go."
That was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life.
However, I don't regret it.
That's because I made that decision based on who I am. I made that decision according to my identity as a Christian, according to my beliefs, according to the promises of God that I believe and would die for. I am a Christian, and I believe that I am separated from my son for only a period of years, and I will be reunited in heaven with him the day I die.
There are other Christians who would have made a different decision. That's okay. Everyone has to make their own decisions when faced with tough circumstances. However, the question is still the same:
WHO ARE YOU?
Once you know who you are, you will know what it is you should do. Determine your identity, and make your decision based on what that identity is. Are you a Christian? Do what a Christian would do. Are you a believer in God's Word? Make your decision according to God's word. Are you a believer in the promises of God? Make your decision according to the promises of God.
Don't ever ask, "What should I do?" Ask, "Who am I?" Once you determine who you are, then you will know what it is you should do.
For me, the toughest decision of my life took place on September 15, 2004. I had to decide whether or not to keep my son on life support. I had to choose whether my son continued to live, assisted by life support, or whether to let him go.
Yeah. "Tough decision" might be an understatement.
The doctor had shown us the ultrasound of his heart. "I have bad news," he said. "His heart is dead." I looked at the motionless screen, watching the flow of blood move the wrong direction through his heart, a condition called "backflow."
"We have several options," the doctor continued. "One, we can put him on a heart transplant list . . . "
I didn't hear anything else he said. Prior to our son's birth, we knew he would have heart problems. He was diagnosed at 20 weeks in utero with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which means that his left ventricle didn't develop and never would. We had researched the options, from surgery to a heart transplant. We knew the near impossibility of a heart transplant- infant's hearts are very rarely available for transplant, and he would be on anti-rejection meds for the rest of his life even if the transplant was successful, which was doubtful in his case.
When faced with a decision of this magnitude, what would you do?
Now, most of us, God willing, will never have to decide whether our children live or die. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. However, we all face tough decisions in life. Should I stay in this marriage? Should I take this job? Should I take responsibility for this mistake when I could probably get away with nobody knowing?
Should I call out my friend who is doing some pretty bad things? Should I forgive my ex? Should I take this risk and step out in faith? The list goes on and on, but one thing is for sure- every one of us will someday face an extremely tough decision if we haven't already. There is no avoiding it.
When faced with these tough decisions, I used to ask, "What should I do?" I don't do that anymore.
When the doctor told us the terrible news and was talking about heart transplants, my wife and I looked at each other. We knew we would have to decide then and there what we would do. In one of those moments where the Holy Spirit speaks to you in a distinctive way, He said, "David, who are you?"
I didn't quite know what He meant.
I answered, "That doesn't matter. I need to know what to do. Do we put him on a transplant list, or do we turn off life support and let him die?"
Again, the Holy Spirit said, "David, who are you?"
I felt the need to fill the Holy Spirit in on what was going on. I said, "That doesn't MATTER. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO!"
A third time, the (very patient) Holy Spirit asked, "David, who are you?"
I realized what was going on. The Holy Spirit wasn't going to tell me what to do. That's because I was asking the wrong question. The Holy Spirit was asking me who I was, because the answer to that question would determine what I would do.
I told the Holy Spirit, "My name is David Kibler. I am a Christian man, a minister of the gospel, husband of Rachel, father of Casey, Elsie, and Jacob, and an uncompromising believer in the promises of God."
The Holy Spirit said quietly, "You know who you are. Now you know what you should do."
By reminding me of who I am and what I believe, the Holy Spirit showed me what to do. I am a believer in all the promises of God, including John 14 where Jesus says, "In My Father's house are many rooms, and I go there to prepare a place for you." I believe in heaven, I believe that life doesn't end when our hearts stop beating, and I believe in God's victory over death.
That's who I am. That's what I believe. And that, my friends, led me to know what to do.
I looked at my son. I could barely see him under the mass of wires and tubes and monitors. He had a huge gaping hole in his chest from the surgery, covered by a dressing.
"No," I said to the doctor. "He's been through enough. We're not going to put him on a transplant list." I looked at my wife, who looked right back at me in agreement. "We're going to let him go."
That was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life.
However, I don't regret it.
That's because I made that decision based on who I am. I made that decision according to my identity as a Christian, according to my beliefs, according to the promises of God that I believe and would die for. I am a Christian, and I believe that I am separated from my son for only a period of years, and I will be reunited in heaven with him the day I die.
There are other Christians who would have made a different decision. That's okay. Everyone has to make their own decisions when faced with tough circumstances. However, the question is still the same:
WHO ARE YOU?
Once you know who you are, you will know what it is you should do. Determine your identity, and make your decision based on what that identity is. Are you a Christian? Do what a Christian would do. Are you a believer in God's Word? Make your decision according to God's word. Are you a believer in the promises of God? Make your decision according to the promises of God.
Don't ever ask, "What should I do?" Ask, "Who am I?" Once you determine who you are, then you will know what it is you should do.
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