An eighteen-year-old girl leaves her parents' home because she didn't want to obey horrible rules such as being respectful, helping with chores, and a curfew. Yet, she sues her parents to make them fund her education (private high school and college) and other lifestyle-related things.
How did we get here?
This is the result of the parenting style that has risen up over the last twenty years- expect nothing of our children, give them everything, give them participation trophies for accomplishing nothing, never make them contribute to the family or anything else, and basically spoil them. Only an entitled brat would dream of suing her parents for monetary support while rejecting their parental authority.
Inside the mind of this eighteen-year-old girl is a mindset of entitlement. Her mode of operation is "cake and eat it too." She wants the freedom to do what she wants when she wants. Fine. I do too. However, there is a major difference- she wants someone else to pay for it. She wants to force her parents, whose authority she has rejected, to provide money for her. Hmmm. Welcome to the real world, honey.
If you want freedom from parental rules, don't expect anything from them. If you want to be an adult and live without parental boundaries, then get a job and pay for things yourself. This girl wants her parents to enable her- she views her parents as her own personal ATM who will fund her lifestyle but whose authority she rejects.
I contrast this sorry episode in American history with a story I read yesterday in John Piper's magnificent devotional book A Godward Life, pages 297-298- the story of Amy Carmichael:
"Amy Carmichael was born December 16, 1867, in the village of Millisle on the north coast of Ireland. After a lifetime of service in India she died, the beloved Amma, with a family of thousands. She was eighty-three years old. They covered her bed with flowers. The boys sang for an hour and a half. It was January 18, 1952.
She had suffered and she had endured to the end. What kind of home had made this remarkable woman? How do you rear a child in a way that makes her free from self-indulgence, rugged in the face of suffering, and ever-confident in the goodness of a chastising Heavenly Father?
Elizabeth Elliot, in her biography of Amy Carmichael, gives us a glimpse of that remarkable Irish home- "the toughness of Irish Presbyterians, the ruggedness bred by winters on that cold sea, the no-nonsense principles of child rearing."
There was no question in the minds of the Carmichael children as to what was expected of them. Black was black. White was white. Their parents' word could be trusted absolutely, and when it was not obeyed there were consequences. Five kinds of punishment were used: being stood in a corner with one's face to the wall, forbidden to go out and play, slapped, pandied, and (worst of all) given Gregory powder (no idea what Gregory powder was).
A pandy was a stroke with a thin, flat ebony ruler. The child was required to stand still, to hold out his hand at once and not pull it away, to make no fuss, and finally to say politely, "Thank you Mother."
Where did Amy Carmichael learn that the blasts and bufferings of her laborious life were at the hand of a no-nonsense God of holiness and love? Where did she learn to say, "Thank you Father" for the affliction of her hands? Where did she learn to pray like this: "Not relief from pain, not relief from weariness that follows, not anything of that sort at all, is my chief need. Thou, O Lord my God, art my need- Thy courage, Thy patience, Thy fortitude. And very much I need a quickened gratitude for the countless helps given every day."
Elisabeth Elliot is right: "As the sternness of an Irish winter, with its gloom and wetness and icy winds, puts apple cheeks on both old and young, so the sternness of Christian discipline put red blood- spiritual health- into the girl who could not have imagined then the bufferings she would be called on to endure."
What was Amy's own estimation of this awesome, God-like home? Long afterward she wrote, "I don't think there could have been a happier child than I was."
And there you have it. Two contrasting stories- one of a spoiled, entitled brat and one of a disciplined, rugged HAPPY woman. Amy Carmichael's parents were not interested in her short-term comfort or her being "happy." They wanted to build her character- they instilled respect, determination, integrity, and love for God in their daughter and would accept nothing less. A person who has obtained those characteristics is a very happy person.
The secret to happiness, parents, is CHARACTER.
Character is not given. It is not bought. It is only earned through hard discipline, making mistakes, falling down, and getting back up. It is character that this eighteen-year-old girl in the news is lacking. If she had character, either she would accept her parents' discipline or she would leave and earn a living for herself, no matter what it cost her. That's what people of character do.
Parents, our culture is trying to rob our children of character. It tells us to spoil our children, to never let them be unhappy, to never let them go without any luxury, to never allow them to fail or hurt or cry. Our culture tells us that we should prepare the road for the child instead of the child for the road. This culture tells us to criticize the teacher when our children fail, to criticize the coach when our children don't make the team, to blame the boss when the child doesn't get hired or gets fired. When we capitulate to these forces, we raise entitled children that have the potential to sue us for money while rejecting our authority.
I want my children to finish strong like Amy Carmichael did. They won't finish strong if they don't have character. Unfortunately, stories like this news story are going to become more and more frequent as the most entitled generation in history reaches adulthood. We will look back and see adults still behaving like children, blaming everyone but themselves for their problems, depending on someone else to provide for them, and looking for the easy way out.
However, if we challenge the cultural mindset and instill character in our children- character bred out of hard lessons, discipline, and love- we will see remarkable results. We will see our children grow into adults with integrity, determination, and (gasp) happiness. We will be able to be proud of their lifestyle choices and decisions. We will see our grown children taking responsibility for being leaders in this world, persevering in the face of discouragement, and overcoming challenges that life throws at them.
It all starts now.
How did we get here?
This is the result of the parenting style that has risen up over the last twenty years- expect nothing of our children, give them everything, give them participation trophies for accomplishing nothing, never make them contribute to the family or anything else, and basically spoil them. Only an entitled brat would dream of suing her parents for monetary support while rejecting their parental authority.
Inside the mind of this eighteen-year-old girl is a mindset of entitlement. Her mode of operation is "cake and eat it too." She wants the freedom to do what she wants when she wants. Fine. I do too. However, there is a major difference- she wants someone else to pay for it. She wants to force her parents, whose authority she has rejected, to provide money for her. Hmmm. Welcome to the real world, honey.
If you want freedom from parental rules, don't expect anything from them. If you want to be an adult and live without parental boundaries, then get a job and pay for things yourself. This girl wants her parents to enable her- she views her parents as her own personal ATM who will fund her lifestyle but whose authority she rejects.
I contrast this sorry episode in American history with a story I read yesterday in John Piper's magnificent devotional book A Godward Life, pages 297-298- the story of Amy Carmichael:
"Amy Carmichael was born December 16, 1867, in the village of Millisle on the north coast of Ireland. After a lifetime of service in India she died, the beloved Amma, with a family of thousands. She was eighty-three years old. They covered her bed with flowers. The boys sang for an hour and a half. It was January 18, 1952.
She had suffered and she had endured to the end. What kind of home had made this remarkable woman? How do you rear a child in a way that makes her free from self-indulgence, rugged in the face of suffering, and ever-confident in the goodness of a chastising Heavenly Father?
Elizabeth Elliot, in her biography of Amy Carmichael, gives us a glimpse of that remarkable Irish home- "the toughness of Irish Presbyterians, the ruggedness bred by winters on that cold sea, the no-nonsense principles of child rearing."
There was no question in the minds of the Carmichael children as to what was expected of them. Black was black. White was white. Their parents' word could be trusted absolutely, and when it was not obeyed there were consequences. Five kinds of punishment were used: being stood in a corner with one's face to the wall, forbidden to go out and play, slapped, pandied, and (worst of all) given Gregory powder (no idea what Gregory powder was).
A pandy was a stroke with a thin, flat ebony ruler. The child was required to stand still, to hold out his hand at once and not pull it away, to make no fuss, and finally to say politely, "Thank you Mother."
Where did Amy Carmichael learn that the blasts and bufferings of her laborious life were at the hand of a no-nonsense God of holiness and love? Where did she learn to say, "Thank you Father" for the affliction of her hands? Where did she learn to pray like this: "Not relief from pain, not relief from weariness that follows, not anything of that sort at all, is my chief need. Thou, O Lord my God, art my need- Thy courage, Thy patience, Thy fortitude. And very much I need a quickened gratitude for the countless helps given every day."
Elisabeth Elliot is right: "As the sternness of an Irish winter, with its gloom and wetness and icy winds, puts apple cheeks on both old and young, so the sternness of Christian discipline put red blood- spiritual health- into the girl who could not have imagined then the bufferings she would be called on to endure."
What was Amy's own estimation of this awesome, God-like home? Long afterward she wrote, "I don't think there could have been a happier child than I was."
And there you have it. Two contrasting stories- one of a spoiled, entitled brat and one of a disciplined, rugged HAPPY woman. Amy Carmichael's parents were not interested in her short-term comfort or her being "happy." They wanted to build her character- they instilled respect, determination, integrity, and love for God in their daughter and would accept nothing less. A person who has obtained those characteristics is a very happy person.
The secret to happiness, parents, is CHARACTER.
Character is not given. It is not bought. It is only earned through hard discipline, making mistakes, falling down, and getting back up. It is character that this eighteen-year-old girl in the news is lacking. If she had character, either she would accept her parents' discipline or she would leave and earn a living for herself, no matter what it cost her. That's what people of character do.
Parents, our culture is trying to rob our children of character. It tells us to spoil our children, to never let them be unhappy, to never let them go without any luxury, to never allow them to fail or hurt or cry. Our culture tells us that we should prepare the road for the child instead of the child for the road. This culture tells us to criticize the teacher when our children fail, to criticize the coach when our children don't make the team, to blame the boss when the child doesn't get hired or gets fired. When we capitulate to these forces, we raise entitled children that have the potential to sue us for money while rejecting our authority.
I want my children to finish strong like Amy Carmichael did. They won't finish strong if they don't have character. Unfortunately, stories like this news story are going to become more and more frequent as the most entitled generation in history reaches adulthood. We will look back and see adults still behaving like children, blaming everyone but themselves for their problems, depending on someone else to provide for them, and looking for the easy way out.
However, if we challenge the cultural mindset and instill character in our children- character bred out of hard lessons, discipline, and love- we will see remarkable results. We will see our children grow into adults with integrity, determination, and (gasp) happiness. We will be able to be proud of their lifestyle choices and decisions. We will see our grown children taking responsibility for being leaders in this world, persevering in the face of discouragement, and overcoming challenges that life throws at them.
It all starts now.
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